(no subject)
I've never experienced that thing of not being able to be frinds with someone because you have such strong feelings for them that everytime they are around you physically hurt, knowing nothing will ever become of those feelings. I don't want to not be his friend. I think he's wonderful and fun and intelligent and... that's the problem. That list goes on and on and moves into much more initimate things as well. But...everytime we are together I feel like a knife is being driven through my chest. Everytime his picture pops up on my phone to signal that he's calling, I suck in and hold my breath, trying to drive the thoughts from my brain that tell me he's calling to take me back. Pathetic. But not something that can be denied. I don't know what to do...break one part of my heart to heal another...or continue on and hope that time will do the mending for me....Has anyone else ever experienced this?
And since we're already in debbiedowner mode haha. I know I joke a lot about not eating and how real actors throw up their food and blah blah blah but...sometimes I think it's a actual problem. Not that I'm going all mary-kate or anything but...sometimes...I'm not sure what i see in the mirror is the truth. Anytime I eat I feel guilty...sometimes so much that my entire day is ruined because I ate some cookies or goldfish or...anything. I hate it. And not all the time, not even a lot of the time, but occasionally just to alleviate the guilt I throw it up. Is that normal?! Maybe it is. Maybe we're made to feel this way and it's just something everyone has to deal with. If it is though, that SUCKS. Ok...I'm through here.
Despite all this, I swear I'm in a good mood, and I hope you all have a fantastic thursday!!!
And since we're already in debbiedowner mode haha. I know I joke a lot about not eating and how real actors throw up their food and blah blah blah but...sometimes I think it's a actual problem. Not that I'm going all mary-kate or anything but...sometimes...I'm not sure what i see in the mirror is the truth. Anytime I eat I feel guilty...sometimes so much that my entire day is ruined because I ate some cookies or goldfish or...anything. I hate it. And not all the time, not even a lot of the time, but occasionally just to alleviate the guilt I throw it up. Is that normal?! Maybe it is. Maybe we're made to feel this way and it's just something everyone has to deal with. If it is though, that SUCKS. Ok...I'm through here.
Despite all this, I swear I'm in a good mood, and I hope you all have a fantastic thursday!!!