don't you wonder sometimes about sound and vision.
i know it has been a while. and i could list all the reasons why it has taken me so long to writer here. but that could be boring. so i will summarize for you.
basically, sophomore year is kicking my ass. i have now realized that it's impossible for someone like me (one with street smarts, not book smarts) to slide by without trying hard. i got it all out of my system first semester and am now trying to pull myself out of the hug i dug. granted, will have a D on my transcript (for history) and a 2.98 GPA for a while... at least i know that i am trying harder this time around.
also, i acquired my dream job as a barista at Aroma's European coffee house in the Old Market at the beginning of last semester. since then, most of my time has been spent there with friends and working. lately it has been more about work than about friends. pulling 40 hour weeks, which i don't intend to continue for long, since it is adding to my unnecessary stress level.
since the beginning of winter my luck has been terrible. i don't know if this is because of my horrible karma catching up to me, if i'm living my life in the wrong way, or if i'm just an idiot.
this bad luck string began during finals week, when i decided to help out a friend - being his assistant photographer for a project he needed to completed. his apartment was located in the downtown area, 15th and Jones. i made the ridiculous decision to leave my MacBook in my backpack in my friend Kathleen's car while we were shooting upstairs. we stayed there from about 11 pm - 3 am. stumbled out a little tipsy and noticed that her passenger side window had been knocked out and my book bag gone.
i was devastated. crumbled to the ground and screamed, sobbed - anything that could match my emotions of anger, guilt, and sense of loss and violation.
now, i know this seems selfish to be crying over a stolen laptop. but the reason this was so devastating was because this was the FIRST thing in my early adulthood that i had paid for on my own. everything else has been handed to me by my parents, but this - this computer that was supposed to help me jump start my photography career was ripped out of my hands.
luckily, with the help of insurance and student discounts, i was able to get a new computer for about half the price i originally paid for it.
i learned a lot of lessons form this occurrence. 1) don't leave valuable shit in a car, no mater where i am parked. 2) don't put such an emphasis on material things. 3) get back good karma.
since that happened, car trouble, phone trouble and other difficulties have surrounded me and my family. fun stuff, huh.
i am not usually one to make new years resolutions simply because i lack self control and can never keep my word to myself. but obviously i need to change things in my life. i'm going to try to start doing hot yoga, eating healthy, doing better in school, and return to the basics of myself.
the last portion is mostly due in part to the break up of travis and i. we were going one year strong with our relationship when we hit a bump that i thought couldn't be repaired. we agreed to be friends, but it brought up a lot of issues that not only we have, but that i have. i have changed significantly from the summer. i don't know if it is because of the new friends i've surrounded myself with or because of my recent realization that i'm becoming an adult and i need to get my shit together and become an independent person.
i'm going to start putting an emphasis back onto writing, painting, and photography. those are the things that i have forgotten about lately and i think that they are the things that can help me get back to me.
because of this loss of a sense of self lately, i've felt like i've been a zombie. or like i'm putting on a happy face so that no one will worry about me.
also lately i've had an intense fear of losing my family members. my dad is traveling every other week for the next three months. this wouldn't bother me before. but in november he turned 60, and now i feel like at any moment i will lose him. in either a car accident or plane crash or stroke or heart attack. just the thought of my father being gone brings me to tears.
i finally talked to my mom about these fears yesterday. while that eased my mind for a while, i still feel like that burden is weighing on me.
i wish i could talk to friends and family about everything that's going on with me but i always fear that i'm only weighing them down with my problems, or that i'm making a big deal about nothing.
but why is it that every so often i feel like i've become a completely different person? and why does it take something painful to happen for me to realize it?
basically, sophomore year is kicking my ass. i have now realized that it's impossible for someone like me (one with street smarts, not book smarts) to slide by without trying hard. i got it all out of my system first semester and am now trying to pull myself out of the hug i dug. granted, will have a D on my transcript (for history) and a 2.98 GPA for a while... at least i know that i am trying harder this time around.
also, i acquired my dream job as a barista at Aroma's European coffee house in the Old Market at the beginning of last semester. since then, most of my time has been spent there with friends and working. lately it has been more about work than about friends. pulling 40 hour weeks, which i don't intend to continue for long, since it is adding to my unnecessary stress level.
since the beginning of winter my luck has been terrible. i don't know if this is because of my horrible karma catching up to me, if i'm living my life in the wrong way, or if i'm just an idiot.
this bad luck string began during finals week, when i decided to help out a friend - being his assistant photographer for a project he needed to completed. his apartment was located in the downtown area, 15th and Jones. i made the ridiculous decision to leave my MacBook in my backpack in my friend Kathleen's car while we were shooting upstairs. we stayed there from about 11 pm - 3 am. stumbled out a little tipsy and noticed that her passenger side window had been knocked out and my book bag gone.
i was devastated. crumbled to the ground and screamed, sobbed - anything that could match my emotions of anger, guilt, and sense of loss and violation.
now, i know this seems selfish to be crying over a stolen laptop. but the reason this was so devastating was because this was the FIRST thing in my early adulthood that i had paid for on my own. everything else has been handed to me by my parents, but this - this computer that was supposed to help me jump start my photography career was ripped out of my hands.
luckily, with the help of insurance and student discounts, i was able to get a new computer for about half the price i originally paid for it.
i learned a lot of lessons form this occurrence. 1) don't leave valuable shit in a car, no mater where i am parked. 2) don't put such an emphasis on material things. 3) get back good karma.
since that happened, car trouble, phone trouble and other difficulties have surrounded me and my family. fun stuff, huh.
i am not usually one to make new years resolutions simply because i lack self control and can never keep my word to myself. but obviously i need to change things in my life. i'm going to try to start doing hot yoga, eating healthy, doing better in school, and return to the basics of myself.
the last portion is mostly due in part to the break up of travis and i. we were going one year strong with our relationship when we hit a bump that i thought couldn't be repaired. we agreed to be friends, but it brought up a lot of issues that not only we have, but that i have. i have changed significantly from the summer. i don't know if it is because of the new friends i've surrounded myself with or because of my recent realization that i'm becoming an adult and i need to get my shit together and become an independent person.
i'm going to start putting an emphasis back onto writing, painting, and photography. those are the things that i have forgotten about lately and i think that they are the things that can help me get back to me.
because of this loss of a sense of self lately, i've felt like i've been a zombie. or like i'm putting on a happy face so that no one will worry about me.
also lately i've had an intense fear of losing my family members. my dad is traveling every other week for the next three months. this wouldn't bother me before. but in november he turned 60, and now i feel like at any moment i will lose him. in either a car accident or plane crash or stroke or heart attack. just the thought of my father being gone brings me to tears.
i finally talked to my mom about these fears yesterday. while that eased my mind for a while, i still feel like that burden is weighing on me.
i wish i could talk to friends and family about everything that's going on with me but i always fear that i'm only weighing them down with my problems, or that i'm making a big deal about nothing.
but why is it that every so often i feel like i've become a completely different person? and why does it take something painful to happen for me to realize it?