i'm not coming out until this is all over.
sitting in my childhood bedroom. i feel like i'm here but not. my eyes keep doing that "glazed over" thing. where i can stare for minutes and not notice it or feel the pain of the dryness.
i just went to see factory girl by myself.
i guess i'm independent in that sense.
i always wish i were a waif when i see those films.
and i keep thinking to myself that cutting my hair short would make a world of difference.
the past two days i've slipped in and out of depression.
i can't tell if it's a mental thing, or just my fear of it.
it runs in the family. maybe i fool myself into thinking i am.
but it sure doesn't feel that way when even the sunshine hitting my face doesn't make me smile.
i'm excited for new films. the zodiac killer. across the universe. TLOW. something to look forward to.
when ovbiously the weather continues to let me down.
midterms are next week. and either i'm distracting myself or i'm not cut out for college.
i'm positive it's the former.
since i feel like this is where i belong.
maybe fast forward a few years.
i think i'm stuck in a gear. not a rut or speed bump. gears aren't changing.
oh. and travis got into university of oregon. i can't decide what i am.
excited.
jealous.
alone.
stuck.
i'm deciding.
i'm excited on the outside. and stuck in the inside.
that'll do for now.