[Secret Santa] Operation L'Amour-(2/6)
A Secret Santa Fic for satirical_dream . Hope you like it!
Alfred and Arthur are both quite in love with one another, but they're stuck dancing around each other and can't seem to get together. Arthur makes a deal with Francis in an attempt to get help with the problem, but when Alfred sees them together, he becomes jealous.
This chapter: A PowerPoint presentation and Super Spies
The original prompt was: 1)America and England have been dancing around each other for a while, both can't seem to ask each other out. England then starts to spend too much time hanging out with France (when in reality, he's trying to get help from him) and America gets jealous.
*Not required, but I would love it if they somehow include Prussia/Canada <3
Chapter 2
“Now, our first step on the path to love, must come from the inside,” Francis began. Arthur sat miserably alone at a small round table. The Frenchman had hijacked a small conference room in the hotel they were staying at, and was currently pacing back and forth in front of him. He reminded Arthur of a military captain laying out his plans.
“What the hell do you mean by ‘come from the inside’,” Arthur asked in annoyance. Francis turned to him and smirked. He went to his briefcase and pulled out laptop.
“Oh dear God. There’s a PowerPoint?” Arthur groaned miserably.
“Of course. This is very important business,” Francis replied as he began to prepare the conference room’s projector.
“You don’t put this much effort into our regular meetings.”
“Non, but I would if they would let me deal with true problems. The world would be greatly improved if there wasn’t so much sexual tension at every conference, don’t you think?”
Arthur chose not to respond, largely because it seemed rather true, and he didn’t want to let Francis know that he was right.
“There now, it is ready!” Arthur’s eyes slid to the screen and he felt his exasperation growing. The background was a muddle of hearts and in the center of the slide the words ‘OPERATION L’AMOUR’ were printed in twirly script with the subtitle ‘A Very Special Relationship’.
“Why do I ever speak with you?” Arthur asked.
“Because you are in desperate need of help,” Francis replied before turning back to the screen, “Now, as you can see I have titled our venture ‘Operation L’amour’, and we shall refer to it as that from now on.”
“I’m going to call it ‘That horribly stupid thing that I agreed to do with you’,” Arthur told him. Francis continued his presentation. The next slide was plain pink and contained a list.
“Five steps to love,” Francis read, “Number one, understanding the self. Number two, Overcoming inner difficulties. Number three, Understanding the target. Number four, wooing the target. Number five, the confession.”
Arthur banged his forehead against the table.
“Now this is usually a three step program. Understanding the target, wooing the target, and confession or conquest, depending on the situation. However, you are an emotional mess worthy of Roderick’s couch, so we’ll be starting with a few extra steps.”
Francis clicked the presentation onward and another slide appeared. It was titled ‘Understanding the Self. What are my problems with this relationship?’
“Why the hell did you write it first person? You’re not the one you’re talking about!” Arthur complained. He wasn’t in the mood to receive advice in the flowery, self-affirming language that was Francis trying to sound like a self-help book.
“I thought it gave it more emotional power. You don’t like it?” he paused for a moment but continued before Arthur could answer, “Never mind, I don’t care what you think.” He began to read the rest of the slide. It said “Colony, Personality Clash, I don’t know how to be happy.”
“What do you mean I don’t know how to be happy? How could a person not know how to be happy? What, do you think I like being miserable?” Arthur shouted indignantly.
“Oui, Anglettere, I do. But that is covered on another slide. Non, first we must address your difficulties with your attraction to a former colony.” He flipped to a new slide again and read, “Colony. Some part of me still sees him as a child. I feel as though I am betraying that child.”
“This is insane. I don’t feel as though I am betraying him. That doesn’t make any sense!”
“It makes perfect sense. You referred to him as an ‘innocent child’ yesterday. You think of the little boy you once knew, and you feel badly for being attracted to what he has become. You cannot deny it.”
“Well fine then, even if it is true, which it’s not, what help is writing it on a slide. You haven’t given me any decent advice!”'
“This section,” Francis said in annoyance, “Is the ‘Understanding the self’ section, not the ‘Overcoming inner difficulties’ section. That part comes next. You must understand yourself first. Now read it aloud and accept it into your heart.”
“No, this is inane.”
“Read it, or I am going to walk out of here and tell Alfred that you’re lusting after him myself.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Arthur hissed.
“Not only would I dare, but I would enjoy every minute of it.”
Arthur studied him quickly before deciding that, yes, Francis most certainly would dare. Gritting his teeth he read off the slide, “Some part of me still sees him as a child.”
“Good! Now breathe in, breathe out, and accept it.”
Arthur breathed in, he breathed out, and maybe just a little he accepted it, but he wasn’t going to admit this to Francis. He read the next line, “I feel as though I am betraying that child.”
He breathed in, he breathed out, and he thought about Alfred. He thought of the little child he had held in his arms, had washed and dressed, taught to read and write, and snuggled with on dark night. His thoughts were interrupted by a vision of grown Alfred, strong and bright and handsome. He thought of his golden laugh and broad shoulders, the way it felt to receive one of his over exuberant hugs. He became painfully aware of his own attraction and he admitted to himself that maybe he felt a little guilty.
“You feel better already, do you not? Acceptance is the most important step Angleterre, and you are taking it,” Francis told him as he flicked to the next slide. It read:
Personality Clash
-He is loud, brash, easygoing, and blunt
-I am quiet, brooding, uptight, deceitful, and generally unpleasant.
-Also, he’s more handsome than me
“There is nothing you can do to make me read that,” Arthur said flatly. Francis’s eyes moved from the slide to the Englishman’s face and back, as though he was trying to decide whether he ought to threaten him again. He seemed to reach the conclusion that this slide wasn’t worth the effort.
“Fine, but you must say the next one,” Francis agreed, and he clicked the presentation onward.
Arthur began to read, “I don’t know how to be happy. I have spent many years alone. I take pride in my brooding.” He paused and considered what he had just said, “Take pride in my brooding?!”
“So you admit it?”
“No! This is all complete bollocks! How could a person take pride in brooding?”
“You like it. You think it makes you cool and impenetrable. It makes you feel like no one can touch you, because you’re deep and angry enough already; it makes you feel safe.”
“Do you just sit and make character studies of people in your spare time?”
“Non, in my spare time I make love to beautiful people. I make character studies of people during meetings. Besides, I have known you for far longer than I ever could have wanted, so understanding you is not so hard.”
Arthur glared at him and sunk petulantly down in his seat. “What’s next then, Frog?”
“We are done for today,” Francis announced. “I have made you a list of these ideas that you must come to terms with. You shall reflect on them, and we will meet here again at the same time tomorrow. If you are still in denial after a night of deep reflection than I am not sure I can help you. If, however, you have accepted your inner demons, than tomorrow we work to over come them.”
OoOoO
Secret Agent Jones crawled on his stomach through the ventilation shaft of the Secret Headquarters. He had lost contact with his transatlantic partner, Arthur Kirkland the Royal Spy, and was desperate to find him. Who knew what kind of trouble he could be in?
At last he reached a vent and he was able to peer down into a large room. He saw his partner tied to a chair. He was talking to someone. His large eyebrows were lowered in displeasure. He didn’t seem to like whomever it was that he was talking with.
Secret Agent Jones could hear an obnoxious French accent floating up into the ventilation. He couldn’t make out the words, but it was most certainly Frenchy. A man with curly blond hair stepped into view and leaned down to speak in Arthur’s face. Arthur smirked and looked away.
Secret Agent Jones frowned. Perhaps Kirkland wasn’t as displeased as he had initially thought. If he didn’t know any better he would think that they were enjoying one another’s company. It was almost as though-
“Arthur and Francis seem to be getting on a little better today than usual,” Matthew commented in a dreamy tone.
Alfred glanced up at him and noticed his brother wasn’t quite looking at the two old empires. His eyes were just slightly to the left, at Francis’s other side where Gilbert was sitting. The ex-nation winked and Matthew smiled and waved back stupidly.
“You and Prussia seem to be getting along better than usual too,” Alfred said grinning at his brother. Matthew’s face turned bright red and he stuttered.
“It’s nothing. I- well- I- we just had a good lunch together yesterday. He’s not so obnoxious as he might come off sometimes. It thought he might be more like you but he’s not.”
Ignoring Matthew’s ability to weave passive insults into any conversation, Alfred turned his attention back to Arthur and Francis. Arthur was mainly focused on Ludwig, who was currently addressing the assembly, but he seemed to be half listening to Francis. The Frenchman was pointing to various nations around the room and leaning in towards Arthur to make some sort of comments. Arthur did not seem annoyed by this, on the contrary he seemed rather amused.
“Why do you think he decided not to sit next to me?” Alfred asked Matthew. He got no response and glanced towards his brother only to see that he was drawing little hearts in his notebook. Subconsciously moving his arm to cover his own margin doodles (which involved men in suits talking into their wristwatches) he repeated his question more loudly.
“Oh!” Matthew said when his attention was finally caught, “I don’t know. He didn’t sit next to you yesterday either. He’s probably still annoyed about whatever it was you said to him on Monday.”
“You think that’s all?” Alfred asked urgently.
“What else do you think it would be?”
“I dunno. Maybe he’s not avoiding me, but is trying to be with someone else instead.”
“Francis?” Matthew asked in surprise. Finally looking at Alfred instead of Gilbert, “I doubt that.”
“Yeah, it was dumb. Never mind,” Alfred said, forcing himself to laugh out loud. He spent the rest of the meeting watching Arthur anyway.
Alfred and Arthur are both quite in love with one another, but they're stuck dancing around each other and can't seem to get together. Arthur makes a deal with Francis in an attempt to get help with the problem, but when Alfred sees them together, he becomes jealous.
This chapter: A PowerPoint presentation and Super Spies
The original prompt was: 1)America and England have been dancing around each other for a while, both can't seem to ask each other out. England then starts to spend too much time hanging out with France (when in reality, he's trying to get help from him) and America gets jealous.
*Not required, but I would love it if they somehow include Prussia/Canada <3
Chapter 2
“Now, our first step on the path to love, must come from the inside,” Francis began. Arthur sat miserably alone at a small round table. The Frenchman had hijacked a small conference room in the hotel they were staying at, and was currently pacing back and forth in front of him. He reminded Arthur of a military captain laying out his plans.
“What the hell do you mean by ‘come from the inside’,” Arthur asked in annoyance. Francis turned to him and smirked. He went to his briefcase and pulled out laptop.
“Oh dear God. There’s a PowerPoint?” Arthur groaned miserably.
“Of course. This is very important business,” Francis replied as he began to prepare the conference room’s projector.
“You don’t put this much effort into our regular meetings.”
“Non, but I would if they would let me deal with true problems. The world would be greatly improved if there wasn’t so much sexual tension at every conference, don’t you think?”
Arthur chose not to respond, largely because it seemed rather true, and he didn’t want to let Francis know that he was right.
“There now, it is ready!” Arthur’s eyes slid to the screen and he felt his exasperation growing. The background was a muddle of hearts and in the center of the slide the words ‘OPERATION L’AMOUR’ were printed in twirly script with the subtitle ‘A Very Special Relationship’.
“Why do I ever speak with you?” Arthur asked.
“Because you are in desperate need of help,” Francis replied before turning back to the screen, “Now, as you can see I have titled our venture ‘Operation L’amour’, and we shall refer to it as that from now on.”
“I’m going to call it ‘That horribly stupid thing that I agreed to do with you’,” Arthur told him. Francis continued his presentation. The next slide was plain pink and contained a list.
“Five steps to love,” Francis read, “Number one, understanding the self. Number two, Overcoming inner difficulties. Number three, Understanding the target. Number four, wooing the target. Number five, the confession.”
Arthur banged his forehead against the table.
“Now this is usually a three step program. Understanding the target, wooing the target, and confession or conquest, depending on the situation. However, you are an emotional mess worthy of Roderick’s couch, so we’ll be starting with a few extra steps.”
Francis clicked the presentation onward and another slide appeared. It was titled ‘Understanding the Self. What are my problems with this relationship?’
“Why the hell did you write it first person? You’re not the one you’re talking about!” Arthur complained. He wasn’t in the mood to receive advice in the flowery, self-affirming language that was Francis trying to sound like a self-help book.
“I thought it gave it more emotional power. You don’t like it?” he paused for a moment but continued before Arthur could answer, “Never mind, I don’t care what you think.” He began to read the rest of the slide. It said “Colony, Personality Clash, I don’t know how to be happy.”
“What do you mean I don’t know how to be happy? How could a person not know how to be happy? What, do you think I like being miserable?” Arthur shouted indignantly.
“Oui, Anglettere, I do. But that is covered on another slide. Non, first we must address your difficulties with your attraction to a former colony.” He flipped to a new slide again and read, “Colony. Some part of me still sees him as a child. I feel as though I am betraying that child.”
“This is insane. I don’t feel as though I am betraying him. That doesn’t make any sense!”
“It makes perfect sense. You referred to him as an ‘innocent child’ yesterday. You think of the little boy you once knew, and you feel badly for being attracted to what he has become. You cannot deny it.”
“Well fine then, even if it is true, which it’s not, what help is writing it on a slide. You haven’t given me any decent advice!”'
“This section,” Francis said in annoyance, “Is the ‘Understanding the self’ section, not the ‘Overcoming inner difficulties’ section. That part comes next. You must understand yourself first. Now read it aloud and accept it into your heart.”
“No, this is inane.”
“Read it, or I am going to walk out of here and tell Alfred that you’re lusting after him myself.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Arthur hissed.
“Not only would I dare, but I would enjoy every minute of it.”
Arthur studied him quickly before deciding that, yes, Francis most certainly would dare. Gritting his teeth he read off the slide, “Some part of me still sees him as a child.”
“Good! Now breathe in, breathe out, and accept it.”
Arthur breathed in, he breathed out, and maybe just a little he accepted it, but he wasn’t going to admit this to Francis. He read the next line, “I feel as though I am betraying that child.”
He breathed in, he breathed out, and he thought about Alfred. He thought of the little child he had held in his arms, had washed and dressed, taught to read and write, and snuggled with on dark night. His thoughts were interrupted by a vision of grown Alfred, strong and bright and handsome. He thought of his golden laugh and broad shoulders, the way it felt to receive one of his over exuberant hugs. He became painfully aware of his own attraction and he admitted to himself that maybe he felt a little guilty.
“You feel better already, do you not? Acceptance is the most important step Angleterre, and you are taking it,” Francis told him as he flicked to the next slide. It read:
Personality Clash
-He is loud, brash, easygoing, and blunt
-I am quiet, brooding, uptight, deceitful, and generally unpleasant.
-Also, he’s more handsome than me
“There is nothing you can do to make me read that,” Arthur said flatly. Francis’s eyes moved from the slide to the Englishman’s face and back, as though he was trying to decide whether he ought to threaten him again. He seemed to reach the conclusion that this slide wasn’t worth the effort.
“Fine, but you must say the next one,” Francis agreed, and he clicked the presentation onward.
Arthur began to read, “I don’t know how to be happy. I have spent many years alone. I take pride in my brooding.” He paused and considered what he had just said, “Take pride in my brooding?!”
“So you admit it?”
“No! This is all complete bollocks! How could a person take pride in brooding?”
“You like it. You think it makes you cool and impenetrable. It makes you feel like no one can touch you, because you’re deep and angry enough already; it makes you feel safe.”
“Do you just sit and make character studies of people in your spare time?”
“Non, in my spare time I make love to beautiful people. I make character studies of people during meetings. Besides, I have known you for far longer than I ever could have wanted, so understanding you is not so hard.”
Arthur glared at him and sunk petulantly down in his seat. “What’s next then, Frog?”
“We are done for today,” Francis announced. “I have made you a list of these ideas that you must come to terms with. You shall reflect on them, and we will meet here again at the same time tomorrow. If you are still in denial after a night of deep reflection than I am not sure I can help you. If, however, you have accepted your inner demons, than tomorrow we work to over come them.”
OoOoO
Secret Agent Jones crawled on his stomach through the ventilation shaft of the Secret Headquarters. He had lost contact with his transatlantic partner, Arthur Kirkland the Royal Spy, and was desperate to find him. Who knew what kind of trouble he could be in?
At last he reached a vent and he was able to peer down into a large room. He saw his partner tied to a chair. He was talking to someone. His large eyebrows were lowered in displeasure. He didn’t seem to like whomever it was that he was talking with.
Secret Agent Jones could hear an obnoxious French accent floating up into the ventilation. He couldn’t make out the words, but it was most certainly Frenchy. A man with curly blond hair stepped into view and leaned down to speak in Arthur’s face. Arthur smirked and looked away.
Secret Agent Jones frowned. Perhaps Kirkland wasn’t as displeased as he had initially thought. If he didn’t know any better he would think that they were enjoying one another’s company. It was almost as though-
“Arthur and Francis seem to be getting on a little better today than usual,” Matthew commented in a dreamy tone.
Alfred glanced up at him and noticed his brother wasn’t quite looking at the two old empires. His eyes were just slightly to the left, at Francis’s other side where Gilbert was sitting. The ex-nation winked and Matthew smiled and waved back stupidly.
“You and Prussia seem to be getting along better than usual too,” Alfred said grinning at his brother. Matthew’s face turned bright red and he stuttered.
“It’s nothing. I- well- I- we just had a good lunch together yesterday. He’s not so obnoxious as he might come off sometimes. It thought he might be more like you but he’s not.”
Ignoring Matthew’s ability to weave passive insults into any conversation, Alfred turned his attention back to Arthur and Francis. Arthur was mainly focused on Ludwig, who was currently addressing the assembly, but he seemed to be half listening to Francis. The Frenchman was pointing to various nations around the room and leaning in towards Arthur to make some sort of comments. Arthur did not seem annoyed by this, on the contrary he seemed rather amused.
“Why do you think he decided not to sit next to me?” Alfred asked Matthew. He got no response and glanced towards his brother only to see that he was drawing little hearts in his notebook. Subconsciously moving his arm to cover his own margin doodles (which involved men in suits talking into their wristwatches) he repeated his question more loudly.
“Oh!” Matthew said when his attention was finally caught, “I don’t know. He didn’t sit next to you yesterday either. He’s probably still annoyed about whatever it was you said to him on Monday.”
“You think that’s all?” Alfred asked urgently.
“What else do you think it would be?”
“I dunno. Maybe he’s not avoiding me, but is trying to be with someone else instead.”
“Francis?” Matthew asked in surprise. Finally looking at Alfred instead of Gilbert, “I doubt that.”
“Yeah, it was dumb. Never mind,” Alfred said, forcing himself to laugh out loud. He spent the rest of the meeting watching Arthur anyway.