tell me
im in a kind of a funky mood
its like...well..im not 'depressed'..im just kind of existing
there's so much going on right now
and i cant really do anyting about anything, which makes it all build up
and i NEED to do something about at least one thing
well, okay..there arent many things, but theres a lot of what there is
i'll start with lexie:
still no word from her
i called her parent's line b/c apparently both her phone and her cell phone have been shut off
i got the answering machine and couldnt think of what to say.
so i said nothing
i need to talk to her
every time i think about it all..it makes me cry
especially because there REALLY isnt anything i can do rather than call or write
and i've done both
she lives like..what? more than 1,000 miles away
it takes 12 hours to get to her house
i dont have the money to fly, and i dont have the time to drive
and even if i did somehow do that..i'd be flying to KY and just..being there
nobody would know i was going
i'd have nowhere to go
nothing to do
not to mention i'd be totally screwed
but i miss her so much
and im not afraid to say that i love her
best friends for 8 years
i dont know what happened
and i dont know why both of her phones were shut off
unless she did something
but i can't even imagine what would warrant that
aside from getting pregnant or something
but why would her phones get shut off even for that?
esp. after she said she wasnt going to have sex with chris
ok..enough about that
next comes umm...south boys?
i dont think so really
not much to say about them
mike and i r talkin again....???i guess. he IMed me
i've been talking to filandro and steve mostly
those boys up in there have more drama than my girl friends do
really::::
jake is a man-whore. olivia(frosh) likes him. he got down and dirty with some chick, and still expects olivia to want him-even though he just wants to use her.
filandro liked olivia...along with every other freshman. but he gave them all up except for one now.
he used to like sherri.
and jake liked sherri.
but sherri likes calhoun, and apparently calhoun likes her too.
once again, freshman.
so, being that jake, filandro, AND calhoun are all into freshman now, mike is pissed. he sees it as being wrong b/c of the age difference. well, no. he said it'd be more acceptable next year, he just doesnt like freshman.
so its a mess...and yet i have nothing to do with it.
next on the list is mj.
the more time i spend with him, the more i like him.
i cant help it.
i dont know if he's flirting.
if it was almost any other guy, hell yes he would be.
but i cant tell with him....i dont know if its just how he is.
he has a g/f.
has for 2 years.
so why would he like me?
why would he flirt with me?
i dont think he would.
chris says mj likes me and is flirting with me b/c of it, despite his g/f(who he's going to see at stupid harvard next weekend)
and jamie is completely convinced that he likes me.
me? i wish.
but even if he did, who's to say that liking me(and mind you, we havent known each other for a month) would matter more than his g/f?
jami said i'm great and blah blah blah, but even if i was a great match for him and he did like me, would he realize that andjust break up with her?
and what would that for for me and missy?
or me and his family?
im sure they love her-she seems so ideal.
Harvard(early action)..really religious(they're all jewish)..pretty(even though everyone who has seen a picture said that they look related).....and thats all i got b/c i dont know her.
but if he likes her, then she must be great, right?
he's such a dork
and i love that
he's the same kind of funny as i am
we hit if off so quickly
we get along so well
we're both smart
we just fit.
yea, he's jewish and im catholic, but would that matter? i dont know
so what r my bad qualities about this?
im not jewish.
umm, i probably wouldnt get into harvard...although i AM smart and could get into an amazing school anyway. but i havent been a school freak where i HAVE to get A+s or anything. i dont spend that much time on my work b/c i rely on my intellectual abilities. so whatever.
but..im not gorgeous, but i've been called hot, beautiful, cute, sexy, etc.
yea, not everything thinks that-i dont think it.
but its been thought, which must count for something
we've spent 3 times together extra
2 days at his house, and today i spent my lunch period with him in the library b/c he wanted me to study with him or whatever.
ya know, he asks me to come over for chem help and whatnot.
which i do, i'm glad to..i love it.
BUT missy told me that he's extremely smart and is applying to harvard and MIT
so yea...smart!
does he really need my help then?
maybe not.
but im glad to be of service.
VERY glad.
and then he's going to study in israel for two months
what happens then?
maybe i wont like him by then
maybe i will
maybe something will be going on
maybe it'll have been killed
i dont know
but that brings me to shane
i have a small crush on shane in my history class
which i've probably mentioned before
but whatever
he's extremely attractive
but maybe he has a g/f too
i dont see why not
but i think i heard him one time say he did
but then again, maybe i didnt hear anything
its confusing b/c its like..okay, say i get 'involved' with shane
what about mj?
im confusing
THEN there is patrick
pat..whatever. i dont like the nickname pat really
so i'll prob. call him patrick
small crush on him too
he's really cute
he has that like..dark/mysterious thing going on for him
even though he really isnt mysterious at all and we talk all the time and we're "homies"..but no really, we're friends
he has really cute dimples
and he's tall
actually..shane is really tall
he's kind of built like a football player
that tall, broad shouldered look
like he could just run into someone
but its kind of in a clumsy way if u think about it
not like..loafish, just..kind of sometimes he looks like he wears his body on, rather than being in it all the time
but he is really cute
and he doesnt look that way with his body all the time
especially when he walks straight or stands up straight...then he's tall and cute
i like that overpowering feeling where i know he wont be overpowering
ya know?
but yea..reall y cute. and funny...nice too
but back to patrick
i dont know, we joke around all the time on physics and orchestra
we're just like that i guess
but its more sarcastic bewteen us than it is with me and shane or me and josh
with josh and me its like..physicality and making fun of each other in a way or joking around in general
with patrick its being sarcastic and rhetorical in a way
and with shane its a lot of one-liners and smiling and faces..and making fun of kuzmov or whatever someone else said
so i dont know
a nice combination would be good
but josh is kind of a combo of the two
okay, im tired.
going to bed
bye
its like...well..im not 'depressed'..im just kind of existing
there's so much going on right now
and i cant really do anyting about anything, which makes it all build up
and i NEED to do something about at least one thing
well, okay..there arent many things, but theres a lot of what there is
i'll start with lexie:
still no word from her
i called her parent's line b/c apparently both her phone and her cell phone have been shut off
i got the answering machine and couldnt think of what to say.
so i said nothing
i need to talk to her
every time i think about it all..it makes me cry
especially because there REALLY isnt anything i can do rather than call or write
and i've done both
she lives like..what? more than 1,000 miles away
it takes 12 hours to get to her house
i dont have the money to fly, and i dont have the time to drive
and even if i did somehow do that..i'd be flying to KY and just..being there
nobody would know i was going
i'd have nowhere to go
nothing to do
not to mention i'd be totally screwed
but i miss her so much
and im not afraid to say that i love her
best friends for 8 years
i dont know what happened
and i dont know why both of her phones were shut off
unless she did something
but i can't even imagine what would warrant that
aside from getting pregnant or something
but why would her phones get shut off even for that?
esp. after she said she wasnt going to have sex with chris
ok..enough about that
next comes umm...south boys?
i dont think so really
not much to say about them
mike and i r talkin again....???i guess. he IMed me
i've been talking to filandro and steve mostly
those boys up in there have more drama than my girl friends do
really::::
jake is a man-whore. olivia(frosh) likes him. he got down and dirty with some chick, and still expects olivia to want him-even though he just wants to use her.
filandro liked olivia...along with every other freshman. but he gave them all up except for one now.
he used to like sherri.
and jake liked sherri.
but sherri likes calhoun, and apparently calhoun likes her too.
once again, freshman.
so, being that jake, filandro, AND calhoun are all into freshman now, mike is pissed. he sees it as being wrong b/c of the age difference. well, no. he said it'd be more acceptable next year, he just doesnt like freshman.
so its a mess...and yet i have nothing to do with it.
next on the list is mj.
the more time i spend with him, the more i like him.
i cant help it.
i dont know if he's flirting.
if it was almost any other guy, hell yes he would be.
but i cant tell with him....i dont know if its just how he is.
he has a g/f.
has for 2 years.
so why would he like me?
why would he flirt with me?
i dont think he would.
chris says mj likes me and is flirting with me b/c of it, despite his g/f(who he's going to see at stupid harvard next weekend)
and jamie is completely convinced that he likes me.
me? i wish.
but even if he did, who's to say that liking me(and mind you, we havent known each other for a month) would matter more than his g/f?
jami said i'm great and blah blah blah, but even if i was a great match for him and he did like me, would he realize that andjust break up with her?
and what would that for for me and missy?
or me and his family?
im sure they love her-she seems so ideal.
Harvard(early action)..really religious(they're all jewish)..pretty(even though everyone who has seen a picture said that they look related).....and thats all i got b/c i dont know her.
but if he likes her, then she must be great, right?
he's such a dork
and i love that
he's the same kind of funny as i am
we hit if off so quickly
we get along so well
we're both smart
we just fit.
yea, he's jewish and im catholic, but would that matter? i dont know
so what r my bad qualities about this?
im not jewish.
umm, i probably wouldnt get into harvard...although i AM smart and could get into an amazing school anyway. but i havent been a school freak where i HAVE to get A+s or anything. i dont spend that much time on my work b/c i rely on my intellectual abilities. so whatever.
but..im not gorgeous, but i've been called hot, beautiful, cute, sexy, etc.
yea, not everything thinks that-i dont think it.
but its been thought, which must count for something
we've spent 3 times together extra
2 days at his house, and today i spent my lunch period with him in the library b/c he wanted me to study with him or whatever.
ya know, he asks me to come over for chem help and whatnot.
which i do, i'm glad to..i love it.
BUT missy told me that he's extremely smart and is applying to harvard and MIT
so yea...smart!
does he really need my help then?
maybe not.
but im glad to be of service.
VERY glad.
and then he's going to study in israel for two months
what happens then?
maybe i wont like him by then
maybe i will
maybe something will be going on
maybe it'll have been killed
i dont know
but that brings me to shane
i have a small crush on shane in my history class
which i've probably mentioned before
but whatever
he's extremely attractive
but maybe he has a g/f too
i dont see why not
but i think i heard him one time say he did
but then again, maybe i didnt hear anything
its confusing b/c its like..okay, say i get 'involved' with shane
what about mj?
im confusing
THEN there is patrick
pat..whatever. i dont like the nickname pat really
so i'll prob. call him patrick
small crush on him too
he's really cute
he has that like..dark/mysterious thing going on for him
even though he really isnt mysterious at all and we talk all the time and we're "homies"..but no really, we're friends
he has really cute dimples
and he's tall
actually..shane is really tall
he's kind of built like a football player
that tall, broad shouldered look
like he could just run into someone
but its kind of in a clumsy way if u think about it
not like..loafish, just..kind of sometimes he looks like he wears his body on, rather than being in it all the time
but he is really cute
and he doesnt look that way with his body all the time
especially when he walks straight or stands up straight...then he's tall and cute
i like that overpowering feeling where i know he wont be overpowering
ya know?
but yea..reall y cute. and funny...nice too
but back to patrick
i dont know, we joke around all the time on physics and orchestra
we're just like that i guess
but its more sarcastic bewteen us than it is with me and shane or me and josh
with josh and me its like..physicality and making fun of each other in a way or joking around in general
with patrick its being sarcastic and rhetorical in a way
and with shane its a lot of one-liners and smiling and faces..and making fun of kuzmov or whatever someone else said
so i dont know
a nice combination would be good
but josh is kind of a combo of the two
okay, im tired.
going to bed
bye