(no subject)
i am so afraid that taking anti depressants will dull my senses that i would rather live on the edge of suicide than swallow.
thankfully i am not on the edge of suicide, but i feel this daily teetering on the brink of some sort of maladaptive behavior. it has run so far away that all i can do is watch and know that if something were to go wrong i could never get there in time to preform any sort of preventative measures.
she really fucking killed me. she continues to do so, i am sure, without even knowing. i don't really cry about it a lot, but lack of sleep and being hung over right now has given me the license to think about it. i have intelligently resigned myself to alcohol and pill popping.
i do actually feel like i am slowly moving forward. i have 2 jobs now, which hopefully helps me pay off credit card debt and allows me to start saving money for my road trip in august (back to the great north west) and then to save for my eventual move. i could also just save a ton and do a little traveling before i move - in fla someone has offered me a place to stay, or to live (my choice) and fla was never in the picture for me so a small part of me wants to just run with it and move there for like a year for no reason other than the fact it was offered. i have a offer to go and visit Austin, TX preferably (on my part) during SXSW which of course is too late for 2010 so next year? in june i also have to go to this wedding... i am not a formal events kinda gal, but she was my best friend for such a long time thru most of hs - i wud still call her my best friends but not because we are best friends now, but once you have earned that title time doesn't erase it, fist fights or betrayal perhaps. so i am rather unexcited about that but i get 3 or so days in Grand Forks which i haven't been to in a really fuckin long time.
fuck... how do you do formal with a shaved head and lip piercings? you don't. duh. apparently my lip piercings got their own identifiable name... snake bites. obviously i am probably way too old to have them if i got them before they were named. i learned this a couple years ago when some little kid was like "i like your snake bites" and i was so fucking confused - i had no idea what he was talking about. oddly enough when thinking it over later i first concluded he was talking about my tongue which has two holes in it as well... as if he could have clearly seen it. sometimes...
i agree with this statement 100%
thankfully i am not on the edge of suicide, but i feel this daily teetering on the brink of some sort of maladaptive behavior. it has run so far away that all i can do is watch and know that if something were to go wrong i could never get there in time to preform any sort of preventative measures.
she really fucking killed me. she continues to do so, i am sure, without even knowing. i don't really cry about it a lot, but lack of sleep and being hung over right now has given me the license to think about it. i have intelligently resigned myself to alcohol and pill popping.
i do actually feel like i am slowly moving forward. i have 2 jobs now, which hopefully helps me pay off credit card debt and allows me to start saving money for my road trip in august (back to the great north west) and then to save for my eventual move. i could also just save a ton and do a little traveling before i move - in fla someone has offered me a place to stay, or to live (my choice) and fla was never in the picture for me so a small part of me wants to just run with it and move there for like a year for no reason other than the fact it was offered. i have a offer to go and visit Austin, TX preferably (on my part) during SXSW which of course is too late for 2010 so next year? in june i also have to go to this wedding... i am not a formal events kinda gal, but she was my best friend for such a long time thru most of hs - i wud still call her my best friends but not because we are best friends now, but once you have earned that title time doesn't erase it, fist fights or betrayal perhaps. so i am rather unexcited about that but i get 3 or so days in Grand Forks which i haven't been to in a really fuckin long time.
fuck... how do you do formal with a shaved head and lip piercings? you don't. duh. apparently my lip piercings got their own identifiable name... snake bites. obviously i am probably way too old to have them if i got them before they were named. i learned this a couple years ago when some little kid was like "i like your snake bites" and i was so fucking confused - i had no idea what he was talking about. oddly enough when thinking it over later i first concluded he was talking about my tongue which has two holes in it as well... as if he could have clearly seen it. sometimes...
i agree with this statement 100%