(no subject)
I'm inlove with someone. For the first time in my entire life. I never believed in "love at first sight" but since the moment i laid these eyes, of mine, on him there was something, and im not saying it was love but it grew into something more than just feelings. It became almost physical. The way he made my heart feel like it dropped to the bottom of my torso. The way he somehow sucked all the air out of my lungs. How i never felt an urge to touch anyone like i do with him. Just a touch of his hand or his cheek to make sure he's real. He makes me not care about my life and want only to be a part of his in some way. All i want from him is to really LOOK at me, not my shape, not my eyes, not my clothes or hair but to really look and see ME. And it hurts me more than any pain I've ever known.
Then i saw him for the first time in months. I dunno if it was just the fire we had going or just him, but in my eyes he was glowing. More beautiful than I remembered and just as shy.
Even though he sat next to me I felt the wall go up, more prominent than last time. I felt farther away from him than ever before. I couldn't explain it, so i left the firepit and gazed at him from afar and despite my head being above water I felt like i was drowning. When he announced he was leaving my heart sank, colliding with every body party inside me causing me physical pain.
Once everybody left Susan kept me company and I told her everything. How even though he looked in my eyes i flet like he never saw me. How the very thought of him sucked the air out of my lungs, how badly i just wanted to touch him to feel him (in a nonsexual way) and be a part of him somehow. See if his skin was as warm as i remembered or if he would shy away. I felt miscerable and i didn't know why, i wanted to be nothing more than a part of his life somehow, i knew i wasn't making sense and i knew i wasn't crazy b/c crazy ppl don't think that they are behaving in a crazy manner. I did. But i couldn't figure out why i wanted nothing more than to be around him. I couldn't breathe when i thought about him or when he was around, but the little air i got in his presence tasted sweeter and i don't know why. Then she said to me:
"Dude I'm just glad your finaly feeling what I've felt so many times before."
"what do you mean?"
"Your inlove, and its about time."
I couldn't sleep, i can't eat, i can't even muster energy to move. I fell in love and Im miscerable for it, b/c I tell myself everyday I can't have him. Despite thoughts that theres some crazy small chance he'd ever return the feelings. Im inlove with him and I can't tell him b/c I'm afraid I'll loose him completely. Im not brave enough to take that chance nor strong enough to suffer the loss.
"Anywhere you go let me go to
Love me, thats all I ask of you"
- "All i ask of you"/ The Phantom of the Opera
Then i saw him for the first time in months. I dunno if it was just the fire we had going or just him, but in my eyes he was glowing. More beautiful than I remembered and just as shy.
Even though he sat next to me I felt the wall go up, more prominent than last time. I felt farther away from him than ever before. I couldn't explain it, so i left the firepit and gazed at him from afar and despite my head being above water I felt like i was drowning. When he announced he was leaving my heart sank, colliding with every body party inside me causing me physical pain.
Once everybody left Susan kept me company and I told her everything. How even though he looked in my eyes i flet like he never saw me. How the very thought of him sucked the air out of my lungs, how badly i just wanted to touch him to feel him (in a nonsexual way) and be a part of him somehow. See if his skin was as warm as i remembered or if he would shy away. I felt miscerable and i didn't know why, i wanted to be nothing more than a part of his life somehow, i knew i wasn't making sense and i knew i wasn't crazy b/c crazy ppl don't think that they are behaving in a crazy manner. I did. But i couldn't figure out why i wanted nothing more than to be around him. I couldn't breathe when i thought about him or when he was around, but the little air i got in his presence tasted sweeter and i don't know why. Then she said to me:
"Dude I'm just glad your finaly feeling what I've felt so many times before."
"what do you mean?"
"Your inlove, and its about time."
I couldn't sleep, i can't eat, i can't even muster energy to move. I fell in love and Im miscerable for it, b/c I tell myself everyday I can't have him. Despite thoughts that theres some crazy small chance he'd ever return the feelings. Im inlove with him and I can't tell him b/c I'm afraid I'll loose him completely. Im not brave enough to take that chance nor strong enough to suffer the loss.
"Anywhere you go let me go to
Love me, thats all I ask of you"
- "All i ask of you"/ The Phantom of the Opera