Waking up somewhen else.
Title: Waking up somewhen else.
Rating: NC-17.
Pairing: Zayn Malik/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Word-count: 7,200
Summary: Zayn can't control when he time-travels but he's gotten used to showing up at unpredictable points in his own life. Sometimes it's random and sometimes he's exactly when he's supposed to be.
Author's notes: This fic would simply not exist without the never-ending patience of my poor beleaguered betas flimsy and clarinetkate. They disagreed about basically everything but sometimes that's exactly what I needed.
Zayn snaps his eyes open and for a split second, his half-asleep brain thinks he's looking at a mirror, his own face hovering over him, but then the angle is wrong, and the hair, and...oh fuck, he thinks, the hair.
The other Zayn in front of him still has longer, ridiculously styled hair. Zayn sits up quickly--too quickly, a little dizzy--and reaches out without thinking. He gets a fist-full of the other Zayn's quiff but pulls a little too hard. The other Zayn makes a pained face and says, "Oi, let go!"
Zayn draws his hand back quickly and apologizes to his double. “Sorry, just, you startled me. I haven’t seen us looking like this in a long while.” Zayn reaches up to his own head: buzzed short, like he had always joked he would do until he'd finally asked Lou to do it backstage during a blisteringly hot tour in the southern United States. She'd tried to talk him out of it, but acquiesced when they agreed she could shave in tracks and patterns, get crazy with it. It's been short for nearly three years now.
Three years. So the Zayn of the now-mussed hair must be much younger, then. He looks dressed up, like he's just coming back from an appearance. He also looks incredibly confused and a little frightened.
"I-- I was about to call the security guys. Like, who the fuck is this guy passed out in my room...but then I saw your face," younger-Zayn rambles while scuttling backwards out of reach. "You look like...I mean. You're me."
"Yeah, of course I am." Zayn shrugs with a smile. His younger self seems oddly wary still.
"How did you get in here?" The other Zayn hesitates, seems to reconsider the question. "Or, I guess, where did you come from?"
"Dunno. The usual, I guess. Went to sleep in my own bed, and woke up here on your floor," Zayn answers nonchalantly. He's just glad that he had enough energy at bedtime to throw on some jogging bottoms and a T-shirt before falling asleep. He only needed to accidentally time-travel naked once before realizing that sleeping in the nude isn't all that awesome.
Zayn looks around, assessing their surroundings. Hotel room. Could be anywhere on the planet. Sunlight is streaming in from the window. It's maybe mid-afternoon. "Where are we, exactly?"
"Toronto."
Shit, that explains why he’s so surprised, thinks Zayn. "What year?" he asks to be sure.
"What do you mean, what year? 2012."
"Right." So yes, this is it then; this is the first time, linearly, that they meet. Zayn has to bite back a smile. He’s been waiting for this.
Younger-Zayn, younger-than-he's-seen-himself Zayn, looks curiously at him and asks carefully, "What year are you...from?"
"Your future. 2016."
"Oh." He takes a second to process this information. "So the world doesn't come to an end in December, I take it."
Zayn smiles (at himself--it never gets less weird). "Did you really think it was going to?"
"No, just thought I'd make sure. Got loads of things planned." Younger-Zayn smiles back, carefully. "What the fuck, mate, this is unreal. Like, I should be worried that I’m going mad right now, but I'm not?"
Zayn tries to remember how this went, for him. He tries to remember how it felt to not know that this was something that happens to them, happens all the bloody time. What it was like to be normal still. Well, as normal as an internationally famous pop star could be, even without skipping through time. "Yeah, I didn't panic either. When I was you. I mean, when I was at this point in time. I think we just always unconsciously knew that this was going to happen, because it already has."
Younger-Zayn's eyes widen slightly. Zayn remembers with sympathy the wild thoughts that were buzzing through his head then, slowly understanding that this wasn't the first time, not really, that this moment had happened, and that it will happen again and again and again. The younger becomes the older, and repeat. It's a bit of a jolt to the brain, Zayn remembers thinking, trying to comprehend all at once that time-travel exists, and beyond that, that time isn't necessarily linear for everyone.
Younger-Zayn finds his voice again, however, and gamely asks just what Zayn himself had asked back then: "So, why are you here?"
It isn't hard for Zayn to remember what his older-Zayn had said in reply. The words are branded on his brain, changed his life. Now it’s his turn to say them. "To tell you to call Liam and get him over here so we can snog."
"What?!" younger-Zayn squawks. He’s gone bug-eyed in an instant, colour rising in his cheeks.
Zayn grins affectionately. "Don't sound so shocked. I’m you, remember. I know you've fancied him for ages." He watches his younger self bite his lip, then drop his gaze. It’s almost comical for Zayn to see himself behaving so shyly. It’s not that he wasn’t basically a confident person back then--being “the shy, mysterious one” was just a role he played--but it was always just different with Liam. Apparently Zayn has always needed paranormal interference when it came to his feelings for his bandmate. "This is how it finally happens,” Zayn tries to reassure his younger self. “I promise you, it works."
"What does?" Younger-Zayn looks up again, grinning sheepishly but filled with curiosity.
"I can't tell you about what happens in the future or whatever, but--” Zayn pauses, thinks about Liam in the future, his present, asleep in their bed. “Yeah. He likes me. You. Us."
"Both of us?"
"Both or just one. It's twice as fun with both of us, though.” Zayn shrugs, grinning at flashes of memories--all three of them together, sweaty and intertwined. “Too bad we can never plan for it."
Younger-Zayn just skips right over the best part of that revelation, still stuck on the holy-shit-time-travel aspect. "So you'll be back, then?"
"Yeah, and you'll start to come forward soon, too. You won’t know when it’s going to happen and I’m not going to tell you. But I can say that it starts out feeling like you're dreaming, because we only travel when we're asleep, but then you'll remember today and know that it's real. I'm real."
Not being able to predict when it’s going to happen is the hardest part. Sometimes, yeah, it’s been a lot of fun--but Zayn worries loads about what could happen. Miraculously, he’s never disappeared while sleeping around others or in a moving vehicle. He’d had nightmares for months about blinking out while on a jet crossing the Atlantic and reappearing into empty space 30,000 feet over the sea.
They’ve been especially lucky not to have been caught out by the other lads. He’s also managed never to appear to himself on nights when they’ve shared hotel rooms, except once, when he was sort of seen by a sleepwalking Louis early on. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Harry or Niall or Louis or even his family enough to let them in on this secret--it’s just that he’s been to the future and he hasn’t told them there, so he hasn’t done it yet. He’s sure the right moment will come.
There have also been some close calls with the public over the years, being seen out in places while that-time’s Zayn was on stage or doing an interview. The internet is full of conspiracies about a secret twin brother kept hidden by their management team. They even made the front page of The Sun one day, a big bold headline screaming “TWO ZAYNS, ONE DIRECTION,” but he was eventually written off as a decoy, a look-alike. Zayn snickers a little at the memory--they didn’t realize how right they were.
His younger self is still staring at Zayn, utterly perplexed, looking as though he’s still trying to work things out. "Why--"
Zayn interrupts himself. "Still don't know why it happens, so don't bother asking.” He doesn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that he doesn’t really understand it himself, always popping in and out at random. Zayn’s been working on several theories (most of which he’s stolen from films), but it’s hard to find logic when there’s no clear reason for most visits. Sometimes he just wakes up somewhen else and doesn’t even interact with his other self; it could be in the dead of night when everyone is asleep, or the middle of the day when nobody is home, out to brunch or in Japan or whathaveyou. He just lies around or watches crap telly until he pops back home.
But what he does know is that he’s always there for what are clearly significant moments. Zayn has shown up even when it’s incredibly inconvenient for his other self (or his other, older or younger, has appeared when it’s inconvenient for him). He always travels back to revisit old memories and while he goes forward just as often, it seems to never be for the interesting stuff. He occasionally thinks that maybe there are important things he’s supposed to be doing or clues he should be looking for when he’s there alone, not with himself or Liam, but it all just seems fairly normal. This is incredibly aggravating for Zayn, although he’s unsure of how it would change things if he did see something particularly life-altering.
Zayn wonders if whatever is causing this to happen to him is also keeping him from being spoiled on his own life.
There has to be an important reason, though--for travelling, for when he visits, for all of it. And maybe this is why, Zayn thinks, because he’s found himself on a pre-destined mission to hook his younger self up with their best friend.
As far as major moments in his life go, it’s pretty significant.
Zayn sighs and smiles reassuringly at his younger self. “I'm sure we'll figure out why and let ourselves know eventually."
"Oh." Zayn can almost see his double's brain ticking along, suddenly remembering the point of their conversation. "So, Liam and me?" He doesn’t even try to hide the hopeful edge to his voice.
"And me and you."
"Me and you," his younger self repeats, not a question, just an acknowledgement. His eyes widen a second later, realizing the possibilities involved. “Oh! Me and you?”
Zayn leans in slowly, excited to be on the other side of this now. "Me and you and Liam." He pushes a careful hand through the hair he'd messed up earlier, trying to sort it out again. Younger-Zayn’s eyes flutter closed at the touch. He'd always been curious, but only idly so, wondering what it was like on the receiving end of his kisses. Lots of people think about it, but nobody else gets to actually try it out. He remembers his brain ticking over quickly to "oh, alright then" the moment his older-Zayn had cupped his jaw just-so. And thus Zayn doesn't hesitate, knows this is how it goes, how it always goes. He kisses his younger self, gently at first, just a soft brush of dry lips. But, like he'd reacted three years before, he feels younger-Zayn's lips slowly part and the kiss cautiously returned. His double gives an inch and Zayn takes a mile, pulling at the younger Zayn’s waist, pressing their bodies closer together--they’re perfect copies, except for the hair. He feels his younger self give in completely, fingers flexing on the back of his neck, and the kiss deepens quickly and fiercely.
There's nothing quite like kissing yourself, knowing precisely which tilt of the head is best, how much tongue, how hard to bite when it starts to get more intense, and when to stop to catch your breath. "Call Liam,” Zayn mumbles against his other’s mouth. “Get him over here."
Younger-Zayn looks thoroughly dazed as he pulls away. "Yeah. Okay."
It only takes Liam a few minutes to make his way from his room down the hall. Zayn’s spent the brief interim alternating between kissing his younger self and assuring him how much Liam likes him. He knows that younger-Zayn still isn’t quite convinced on the Liam front, but from the way his younger self responds hungrily to the delicious contact, Zayn isn’t worried about how this will carry out.
They only break apart when Liam knocks, and Zayn perches himself on the edge of the bed, just out of sight from the entryway. Younger-Zayn takes a moment to compose himself before walking over to answer the door, but he’s still flushed and trying to hold back a grin as he turns the knob and greets Liam. Liam eyes him curiously and strolls into the room.
Zayn remembers this moment from his first time, not knowing how to explain to Liam on the phone who else was in the room, just letting Liam in and allowing him to see for himself. Now Zayn is the surprise. Their eyes lock as soon as Liam spots him. After a few seconds, younger-Zayn clears his throat and says a little too unceremoniously, "Liam, meet me, from the future. Zayn, I guess you already know Liam."
Predictably Liam reacts first with furrowed eyebrows, eyes cutting between Zayn and younger-Zayn, jaw slightly dropped. Then he remembers his manners and takes a deep breath before coming out with an uncertain, polite "Hullo."
Zayn stands up, crosses the room in a few short strides, and sticks out a hand to shake. Liam takes it, squeezing gently. "Nice to see you again, Liam."
"Um." Liam's expression is priceless, completely baffled. "You...too?"
"He was just here when we got back from that interview,” younger-Zayn interjects. “I couldn't believe it myself, at first. But, honestly, he's really me."
Zayn drops back down on the bed, leans back on his elbows to watch himself and Liam. They have a silent conversation, all gestures and meaningful glances. Zayn ignores this exchange and just keeps talking, partly to himself, answering unasked questions. "Yeah. Fell asleep in my own bed, and here I am. I don't usually stay for too long, though. Liam, you'll hardly even know I was gone. I'll be back before you wake up."
Liam stops making eyebrows at younger-Zayn for a moment and turns to look at Zayn with a thoroughly startled countenance. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, you're still asleep, like, for me? It’s probably about three in the morning now. You're a cuddler, though, so I'm always surprised you don't wake up when I pop out."
A blush creeps up Liam's cheeks. "You mean to say-- um. We sleep together? Like, in the same bed?"
"Not every night," Zayn grins wolfishly. "Sometimes we don't make it to a bed."
"Right." Liam turns to younger-Zayn, who Zayn knows from memory is practically vibrating with nervous energy, hoping for a little clarification. "What the hell is he saying?"
Younger-Zayn looks up almost shyly at Liam through his dark eyelashes. God, I was coy, Zayn thinks. Where did that come from? Watching himself flirt is exquisite. "He's saying that, in the future, we're more than just mates."
"Ah." Liam turns back to Zayn, folding his arms across his chest, muscles nicely defined under his soft T-shirt. He looks as though he has something else he wants to ask but can’t quite find the words.
Zayn can't stop looking at him, revelling in the slight physical differences between this Liam and the Liam he’s used to, thinking idly He should wear his hair like that again. He openly drags his gaze slowly up and down Liam's body, and when he meets Liam's eyes this time, he leers a little and winks. He isn’t usually this cheeky but that’s how his older-Zayn had been, and it had been extremely successful, so he figures it’s important to the process that he follows the saucy example.
Liam's trying very hard not to look interested, but Zayn knows otherwise from experience. He stretches his long legs out across the duvet and prods at Liam’s thigh with his foot. Finally Liam lets a small smile slip and asks nervously: "How far in the future before that happens, exactly?"
"About 30 seconds from now, give or take." Zayn grins meaningfully up at his younger self, who looks every bit as caught off guard as Zayn was when it was him. Younger-Zayn looks back at him inquisitively, eyebrows raised, waiting for Zayn to elaborate.
This is it.
"Kiss him now, Zayn."
It’s a suggestion, not an order, but younger-Zayn takes it as such and Zayn watches with delight as he immediately jumps into action, crowding into Liam's space on blind faith. It's wickedly fun to watch from the outside, a thousand times better than any homemade sex tape.
Liam doesn't jump back or pull away, doesn’t have a chance. All of Liam’s attention now falls on the younger Zayn, suddenly standing so much closer to him than usual, pressing up against him. Liam opens his mouth to speak, but younger-Zayn is too swift. He grabs Liam's face with both hands and kisses him hard, all in, swallowing whatever remark Liam might've tried to make. Liam's hands flail at his side for a moment before grabbing onto younger-Zayn's waist, fingers digging in, and then he’s finally returning the kiss.
Zayn remembers this first kiss as though it was yesterday, as though the past three years have gone by in an instant. How many wanks in the shower he'd spent thinking about trying it. How terrified he'd been about being rejected, punched in the teeth, ruining the band and ruining their careers. How it had taken the reassurance of himself--from the motherfucking future--to get him to take the leap of faith.
How dizzy kissing Liam for the first time had made him feel, almost drunk. And how pleasantly surprised he’d been with what happened next.
Zayn lets out a low moan in anticipation, palming his stiffening cock.
It's this unexpected filthy sound that causes the two younger boys to break apart and stare at him, as though they'd forgotten he was in the room. Zayn stares back, grinning and still shamelessly touching himself, getting harder by the second. He pats the empty space on the bed beside him with his free hand. It’s an unmistakable invitation. He isn't worried about how they'll react. This is why he’s here; they just need him to coax it out of them.
Younger-Zayn grabs at Liam's hand, gives it a squeeze, and toes off his shoes. He crawls up the bed next to Zayn and allows himself to be pulled in for a kiss. It's less intense than the first one, even with Liam gaping at them. Zayn imagines that he can taste Liam on the lips of his younger self, and he can't help but smile into the kiss. He wishes he could tell them both about everything that will happen in the coming years--how Liam is the love of Zayn's life--but knows he has to hold back. He didn't know their future going into it either, of course, and the surprise was worth it.
A few moments later Zayn turns back to Liam, who is still hovering uncertainly at the end of the bed. "I've been looking forward to doing this again for three years." He leans back against the pillows, dragging his younger self down with him. "Your future you always tells me that you’ll be so jealous if I get to come back and do this for the very first time, for a second time. I can't wait to wake you up and tell you all about it."
"You make it sound like I don't have a choice," Liam says. His eyes keep flitting back and forth between the Zayns, like he doesn’t know how to process it all.
"You always have a choice. It just so happens that you always make the right one."
Liam smiles, nerves slowly melting away, his eyes crinkling in the corners. He inches closer. "Sounds like something I'd do."
Younger-Zayn pushes his face into Zayn's neck, presses a kiss there, and mumbles "I love time-travel." It's the cue Zayn has been waiting for. He pushes his younger self onto his back and straddles him, kissing him properly now, pressing him into the mattress. Younger-Zayn grabs at Zayn’s thighs, sliding his hands up, gripping just below the swell of Zayn’s arse. Zayn nips a little at younger-Zayn’s lower lip, sucking on it gently, before pulling back, teasing, and younger-Zayn follows him hungrily, back arching.
Liam is still standing over them, but Zayn knows it's only a matter of time before he makes up his mind to join in. He doesn't feel the need to wait because he knows that it'll happen.
Zayn isn't shy about exploring the contours of his younger body, fingers hunting for exposed skin where younger-Zayn’s button-down has come untucked. He doesn't ask for permission--it's technically his body, after all--and just lets his hands roam freely, licking into his double's mouth, rutting against his hip. Younger-Zayn is getting hard, too, and moans against Zayn's shoulder.
They feel the mattress dip under Liam's weight when he sits down. "Can I...can I kiss you both?" Liam asks softly, like he doesn’t want to interrupt. "What are the rules?" He sounds much younger than Zayn remembers, but that's all up to perspective, he supposes. He certainly doesn't look young. Zayn loves this era of Liam, his hair short and combed sideways, the hours put in at the gym finally starting to show, his broadening chest and shoulders causing everyone else to sit up and take notice of what Zayn had been seeing for over a year. He wants to get Liam naked immediately, but he needs to be patient for the sake of not derailing their progress.
Zayn sits up, still straddling the waist of his younger self, and smiles encouragingly at Liam before leaning towards him to close the gap. "No rules," he whispers. "Absolutely none."
For Zayn, this isn’t their first kiss, so he doesn’t treat it like one. Zayn kisses Liam like he has every day in the years since this moment. It's warm and comfortable but still laced with need. He doesn't hesitate, doesn't hold back, prompting Liam to open up as well. He may be a little different from the Zayn that this Liam knows, but he’s not a stranger.
It's so easy, so familiar, but at the same time, this Liam isn’t his Liam. Nothing is quite like that.
When he pulls away, Liam tries to follow, but Zayn smiles and puts a hand to Liam's chest. "His turn again." Zayn gestures towards the younger Zayn, still lying beneath him on the bed, eyes dark with envy, biting his lower lip. Liam leans down to kiss younger-Zayn, while Zayn rubs the back of Liam's neck, egging him on. It’s all going the way it should. The way it has before.
"Liam," he begins casually, as though he were asking for him to pass him the ketchup. "I bet you didn't realize that I, that Zayn, we've had a massive crush on you for ages. We even thought you were fit back when you were still straightening your hair." He reaches down with the hand not on Liam's neck to press his palm against the younger Zayn's cock, feels it jump at the attention. "We've wanted you for so long." Liam groans a delightfully enticing sound in reply, but doesn't pull away from younger-Zayn, deepens the kiss instead.
Zayn's been between the two boys many times, but it's always been easy; everyone knew the score. He's back to square one here and has to remember everything he's said and done before that made this go so smoothly. Or rather, he has to remember what was said to him. Fuck, he thinks. This is all so backwards.
He lets his hand drop from Liam’s neck to trail down the boy’s spine until he finds the hem of Liam’s shirt, tucks his fingers underneath, and gets his hands on skin. He brushes up his back before leaning over and reaching around to the front, grazing a nipple, then down over his stupidly perfect hard stomach. Liam takes the hint at last and sits up, pulling off his T-shirt in one swift and practiced motion. Zayn watches his younger self's face as he trails his gaze over Liam's tight abs. Younger-Zayn glances up at him then and they share a smile, and it's like they can actually share thoughts in that moment. A mutual exchange of wantwantwant of Liam, of each other, of everything.
Younger-Zayn looks back at Liam, and they too share a silent conversation. Suddenly Zayn has both boys pulling at his clothes but as soon as his shirt hits the floor, everything halts. Younger-Zayn sits up straighter, eyes wide, taking stock.
"When did you get all of these?" Younger-Zayn touches, reverently, a piece inked along Zayn's ribcage. Liam crawls around, kneels behind him, and admires a large tattoo sweeping between his shoulder blades.
"I can't seem to stop getting them. You know how addictive it is." He looks down and grabs at Zayn's wrist. No microphone yet. If he remembers well enough, it's still about a week until the Vegas leg of this tour. "I can't tell you which, but I, uh, have a feeling you'll be getting another one very soon."
Younger-Zayn starts to scrutinize him even more closely, not taking the hint when Zayn presses a thumb to his pulse point, too busy getting up on his knees to see every angle of Zayn's body he can. "Which one?"
"Nope, can't tell. That's still for you to decide."
Liam is still tracing the lines of the piece on his back and Zayn smiles. Liam was--will be, Zayn corrects himself--with him when he gets that one. It's like he knows, even though that's quite impossible. "Is this everything? Do you have any others?" Liam asks softly, his hands ghosting down to the waistband of Zayn's jogging bottoms.
"Liam Payne, are you asking me if I have a tattoo on my arse?"
Liam sputters for a second before answering with another question. "Well, do you?"
Zayn swivels at the waist and wraps his arms around Liam, pulling him into another deep kiss, grabbing at Liam's arse. He drags his teeth along Liam's lower lip as he pulls away. "You're welcome to check." Zayn snaps his own waistband playfully, aiming to reveal a little more flesh. Younger-Zayn gets there first, swiftly pulling down Zayn's joggers; he isn’t wearing pants underneath. All eyes are on Zayn's hard cock as it bobs up against his stomach and Liam sucks in a soft gasp.
The subject of tattoos seemingly forgotten, younger-Zayn moves forward and wraps a spit-slick hand around the cock that mirrors his own. He pulls a few long strokes before remarking "Feels the same but the angle's all wrong."
"Feels pretty right to me." Zayn grins, still kneeling on the bed with his jogging bottoms shoved down around his thighs. His legs shake slightly, shivering from the way his younger self is touching him. He grabs Liam's shoulder to brace himself from falling forward and Liam instantly wraps a supporting arm around him, all solid strength, but his eyes are glued to the action going on in front of him. Zayn reaches his free hand out to his younger double's face and rubs the pad of his thumb over younger-Zayn's lower lip. "There's something else you might want to try, though. Something we can't do alone."
Younger-Zayn looks up brightly. "You're a fucking genius, you are."
Zayn looks to Liam, wants to keep him involved at every step. "What do you reckon? Should he suck me off?"
Liam appears to consider this for a moment, his cheeks a rosy pink, eyes flicking to where younger-Zayn’s stiff cock is tenting his chinos. "I think we should all take turns.” Younger-Zayn groans a little. Zayn can only blink in surprise at Liam's sensible and yet incredibly hot suggestion. How could he have forgotten that? "I also think there should be a lot more nudity happening over there," Liam adds thoughtfully. “It's only fair."
Somehow younger-Zayn is still fully dressed in his preppy, albeit now-rumpled, interview clothes. An absolute travesty, Zayn thinks, and knows full well that all the jokes about his vanity are true. He’s looked in enough mirrors to see that he’s fit, but he’s slept with enough versions of himself to know for a fact that he looks especially good when he’s naked. The next minute is filled with three pairs of scrambling hands struggling with what seems like a million buttons on younger-Zayn’s shirt, but they manage to not pop any off in their zeal. They make rather quick work of it, with younger-Zayn’s and Liam's trousers both coming off soon after.
Zayn trades off sloppy kisses with the younger boys and gets a hand down Liam's pants and around his cock while the other two are busy kissing each other, squeezing on the way down and twisting on the return. He knows what Liam likes--years of experience in the matter--and has Liam's hips jerking forward in no time. He goes slowly, though, because younger-Zayn needs to be the one who gets Liam off the first time. It’s all in the script.
They only break their kiss, lips swollen and wet, when Zayn starts nudging at them, encouraging them both to lie down.
"No," his younger self protests, pulling Zayn in close and pressing kisses along his collarbone. He doesn't remember sounding so earnest. "You first. You got us here."
Hard and leaking, Zayn flashes back to the delicious memory of going down on himself the first time. Zayn had experimented some before this moment--his older self’s was not the first dick he’d sucked--but none of those other lads had ever really mattered to him, not like this. Zayn remembers how he’d been shaking slightly, especially nervous with Liam watching, but knowing he could have that power over his older self had been worth it. And now he gets to experience it in reverse.
Zayn would be lying if he said he hasn’t been looking forward to this moment for three years. Heart beating fast, he lies back against the pillows and watches his younger self settle in between his thighs. The need to watch fizzles out when younger-Zayn licks a long stripe up the underside of his cock, and--“Oh, fuck,” Zayn moans. His eyes slip shut, fingers grasping desperately at the crisp white hotel linens. He feels younger-Zayn mouthing at the head, sucking gently, warm and wet, easing it in past his lips. He remembers being worried about taking in too much too fast, not wanting to gag, so Zayn is likewise careful not to let his hips snap up.
Lying down on his side, Liam curls in close, and Zayn lifts his head for a moment to check on him, make sure he’s still okay with this. Liam is positively rapt with attention, his eyes never straying from where younger-Zayn's slick lips meet Zayn's cock. Partially to avoid the temptation of grabbing the back of his younger self’s head, Zayn slips a hand down the front of Liam’s pants, but he’s just touching him lightly, teasing a little. He can’t concentrate long enough to do anything else.
"I've wanted you too," Liam murmurs, a confession that makes Zayn’s heart clench, even hearing it for the second time. Liam’s fingers absently trace the lines of black ink on Zayn’s stomach, but Zayn gets the impression that he’s talking mostly to the younger double. "From the start, really. I knew you went in for lads as well, but I just didn't think you'd ever..." Younger-Zayn opens his eyes, looks back at Liam, and beams at him from around Zayn's dick. His teeth drag a little but it feels too good for Zayn to complain. Zayn's smiling too, besides, due to both the top-marks blowjob and the sweet things Liam is saying to them both for the first and umpteenth time.
Zayn allows the tender moment between the boys to pass comfortably before he wraps an arm around Liam’s gorgeous shoulders, pulling him in for a half-hug and kissing the top of his head quickly. Taking advantage of this brief distraction, Zayn then pushes himself up on his elbows, scooting backwards to sit up against the headboard. Younger-Zayn follows his movements gamely, stretching out along the duvet, only pausing to glance up for a moment before returning to bobbing on Zayn’s cock.
Zayn bites back a moan as he feels younger-Zayn’s hot tongue curling around the head, and wishes he could just lay back and enjoy this instead of worrying about keeping up with how it had all happened before. Younger-Zayn is taking him in deeper now, getting bold, twisting and stroking what he can’t fit.
Zayn smiles appreciatively down at his double and smooths back younger-Zayn’s now totally mussed hair before he tries to regain focus, turns slightly and pulls at Liam to get him up on his knees. "Budge up. I want to taste you."
"You don't have to," Liam says unselfishly, pressing his nose against Zayn’s throat. It’s a noble-enough response, but Zayn watches with dazed interest as Liam touches himself anyway. Liam’s cock is straining against his pants, which are spotted damp with pre-come.
"I know, but I really bloody want to, if you'll let--christ, Zayn!" Zayn yelps and bites down on his lip as his younger self does something especially spectacular with his tongue, breathing hard through his nose. He struggles to stay on task. "Let either of us, that is." He nudges younger-Zayn with his thigh, hopes that he takes the hint. "He's--oh, fuck--we’re very good."
Liam huffs out a little laugh. "I don't want to choose between you, though." He leans in and kisses Zayn, just a short press of lips. It’s incredibly sweet, and Zayn feels himself melting, focused on the warm heat pooling in his belly, eyes slipping shut again.
Zayn’s close, too close. I can’t come, he remembers, half-mad. It’s not how it’s supposed to be. Unwilling to push his younger self away, Zayn searches desperately for the right words. How did he--his older Zayn--how did he get out of this?
Zayn leans his forehead against Liam’s and between gritted teeth, he whispers "You don’t have to choose, Li. You already love us both."
Liam blinks in surprise, a hand frozen on his own cock, which he’d been wanking slowly. “Oh." He blushes to the roots of his hair, but he doesn’t pull away. “Zayn...I...”
Younger-Zayn pulls off with a sound almost too obscene for such a tender moment, gaping up at Liam, and effectively bringing Zayn back from the edge. "I love you too," younger-Zayn admits, not directed at either boy in particular. He sounds every bit as astonished to hear himself say it as Zayn remembers, but he doesn’t take the words back. Instead, younger-Zayn and Liam just stare each other for a long moment, grinning madly, long enough for Zayn to start feeling like he's intruding on his own memories.
When younger-Zayn crawls up between them and presses Liam into the mattress, kissing him senseless, Zayn knows that they've found each other, that he's played his role.
All at once, Zayn is flooded with a longing for his own Liam. He isn’t jealous of the boys, he just wants who he has back at home, sleeping soundly. Was that how his older-Zayn had felt in that moment?
Was that why he didn't stay?
Zayn barely even blinks but it feels like waking up from a dream where he’s falling, his stomach swooping. The hotel room has disappeared and he's back in his own bed, in his own home, in his own time. Liam is sleep-warm and snoring softly beside him. Zayn sucks in a shaky breath and lets it out again before he really feels like he's home.
Home, where he’s meant to be.
Seconds later, Zayn rolls over with a wicked grin and nudges Liam. "Li, wake up."
"Hrmm," Liam grunts. "Sleeping."
"Come on, wake up,” Zayn insists. “I've just traveled."
Liam’s eyes crack open at that, peering at Zayn through the darkness. "When to?" Liam’s voice is rough with sleep but Zayn knows his interest is piqued.
"Our first night." Zayn wiggles his eyebrows, presses in closer until he knows that Liam can feel that he’s still naked and hard, clothes abandoned in 2012.
"Bastard." Liam reaches out and grabs at Zayn’s arse, pulling him in for a cuddle. “You just up and left us there again, didn’t you? Without a word. Zayn was--you were gutted.”
“I know. I didn’t plan on it,” Zayn mumbles into Liam’s neck. “I just missed you, this you. I suppose it brought me back.” He mouths up past Liam’s birthmark, along his jaw, until he reaches Liam’s lips and can kiss him properly.
It’s a slow and lazy start, still coaxing Liam awake. But as Liam stirs to life, he gets more enthusiastic, thumbs pressing into Zayn’s jaw as he takes control of the kiss. Zayn sighs as Liam licks eagerly into his mouth. He even tastes like home.
Kicking at the sheets and duvet, Zayn swings his legs around until he’s got Liam pinned under him, hips moving, seeking friction. Not getting to come from younger-Zayn’s brilliant blowjob has him all wound up and he’s almost painfully hard as a result. Liam’s got an arm wound around Zayn’s waist, fingers splayed along the base of his spine, but it isn’t enough contact. It only takes a few minutes of sloppy kisses and Zayn grinding slowly down before Liam’s fully hard as well and grabbing at Zayn’s arse.
Zayn kisses along Liam’s collar-bone, sucking in a love-bite, when Liam’s spit-slick fingers are suddenly teasing at his tight hole. He whimpers softly in assent and hisses a little when he feels Liam press in the first digit. The burn is a little too much, though--spit not slippery enough to do the trick--and he rolls them both over until the top drawer of their bedside table is within Liam’s reach.
The slide of fingers is much more pleasurable with Liam generously lubed up, and he goes straight for two, knowing Zayn can take it. Zayn is breathing hard, afraid to touch his own cock lest he come just from this, squirming with pleasure with Liam’s fingers--three now--working inside him, stretching him open.
“I’m good, Li,” Zayn chokes out. He can’t handle the wait any longer. “Come on.”
“Okay,” Liam nods, eyes bright. “Okay.”
Liam fumbles in the drawer once more, finding a condom and rolling it on, ducking down to exchange another kiss before flipping Zayn over onto his stomach, positioning himself between Zayn’s legs. He has them spread obscenely, waiting impatiently but Liam pushes in slowly, and oh god, yes, Zayn thinks. Worth the wait. It only takes them a moment to adjust to one another, and soon Liam’s hips start snapping faster, thrusting deeper into Zayn. Zayn is up on his knees, pressing back, helping to guide the rhythm.
It’s exhausting work though; it’s the middle of the night and there’s not enough friction on his dick at this angle. Thighs shaking, Zayn sinks slowly into the mattress and Liam follows, pressing himself flush against Zayn’s back, kissing along his spine and the back of his neck with a tenderness that gives Zayn gooseflesh. Liam slows the pace, not pulling out as much with each thrust, hips swivelling slightly and the angle is perfect. Zayn’s cock drags against the mattress, over-sensitive, but it’s more pleasant than painful.
Braced low on his elbows, Liam reaches up to lace his fingers with Zayn’s, panting softly into Zayn’s ear. “I’m close, I’m--oh, oh fuck,” Liam curses, speeding up again and keening softly.
Liam peels away and Zayn shivers a bit, the sweat on his back cooling from the loss of Liam’s body heat, but he doesn’t dwell on the lost contact for long. He can’t, not from the way Liam is driving into him, gulping in air at the last moment. Liam’s fingers grasp at Zayn’s hips for balance, digging in, leaving bruises he’ll apologize so sweetly for later. Zayn can feel Liam shudder and release inside of him, feels Liam press in tight and go still, so still, while the aftershocks course through.
Zayn hardly has a moment to blink while Liam is pulling out and tossing the condom in the general vicinity of the bin before he’s back in Zayn’s space again, flipping Zayn over and getting his hands on Zayn’s cock. Zayn’s brain shorts out for a second, doesn’t realize he’s the one moaning so shamelessly, in such dire need of Liam’s touch.
It only takes a few quick practiced snaps of Liam’s wrist and finally, finally, Zayn’s coming undone. Dazzling white lights dance behind Zayn’s eyelids as he stripes his stomach and chest, blood rushing in his ears. He exhales but the breath comes out shaky, like he’d been holding it for ages.
Zayn pulls Liam down into a loose hug, not caring about the sticky mess. It’s about all that he can manage, his energy completely sapped. He cards his fingers through Liam’s short hair as they share lazy kisses, and Zayn feels like he’d just float clean away if it weren’t for Liam’s comfortable, familiar weight pressing him into the mattress.
It’s not long before the lateness of the hour catches up to them, and Liam lifts his head to kiss Zayn goodnight for the second time that evening, but despite this weightless feeling, Zayn can’t help but sigh against Liam’s mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks quietly, a worried edge to his voice despite already sounding near sleep.
“Nothing,” Zayn tries, eyes slipping shut, but Liam would know that’s not true. “I just...is it weird that I miss him a little, when we aren’t together?”
“Who? Your other you?”
“Yeah.” Zayn scratches blunt nails against the back of Liam’s neck. “All of them.”
“It’s not weird. I miss you when we’re apart, too.” Liam cuddles in closer, stifling a yawn.
“I miss you, too.” Zayn whispers into the darkness. He can feel Liam’s breath warm on his neck, and he’ll have pins and needles in his arm when he wakes up tomorrow, or--oh, god, it’s half-four--later this morning, but he’s not worried about it. He’d never push Liam away.
“I’m not going anywhere, though,” Liam adds sleepily, and Zayn wonders for a moment if he had spoken out loud. “And you always come home to me.”
Liam’s got a point. Missing him was exactly what he’d needed to come back, and it makes Zayn wonder if he’s had the power to control his comings and goings all along. Maybe missing Liam is his ruby slippers. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence.
Zayn likes travelling well enough, and he loves fooling around with himself and other Liams throughout time, but nothing can compare to being here with his Liam. He misses his other selves when he’s not with them, sure. It‘s well past narcissistic but he loves them almost as much as he does Liam.
But Zayn feels right in every other respect, no matter when he ends up. He’s anchored to Liam, tethered to this timeline.
This is his home.
One Liam and one Zayn, that’s all he really needs.
Also posted at A03. Comment or kudos there, if you'd like!
Rating: NC-17.
Pairing: Zayn Malik/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Word-count: 7,200
Summary: Zayn can't control when he time-travels but he's gotten used to showing up at unpredictable points in his own life. Sometimes it's random and sometimes he's exactly when he's supposed to be.
Author's notes: This fic would simply not exist without the never-ending patience of my poor beleaguered betas flimsy and clarinetkate. They disagreed about basically everything but sometimes that's exactly what I needed.
Zayn snaps his eyes open and for a split second, his half-asleep brain thinks he's looking at a mirror, his own face hovering over him, but then the angle is wrong, and the hair, and...oh fuck, he thinks, the hair.
The other Zayn in front of him still has longer, ridiculously styled hair. Zayn sits up quickly--too quickly, a little dizzy--and reaches out without thinking. He gets a fist-full of the other Zayn's quiff but pulls a little too hard. The other Zayn makes a pained face and says, "Oi, let go!"
Zayn draws his hand back quickly and apologizes to his double. “Sorry, just, you startled me. I haven’t seen us looking like this in a long while.” Zayn reaches up to his own head: buzzed short, like he had always joked he would do until he'd finally asked Lou to do it backstage during a blisteringly hot tour in the southern United States. She'd tried to talk him out of it, but acquiesced when they agreed she could shave in tracks and patterns, get crazy with it. It's been short for nearly three years now.
Three years. So the Zayn of the now-mussed hair must be much younger, then. He looks dressed up, like he's just coming back from an appearance. He also looks incredibly confused and a little frightened.
"I-- I was about to call the security guys. Like, who the fuck is this guy passed out in my room...but then I saw your face," younger-Zayn rambles while scuttling backwards out of reach. "You look like...I mean. You're me."
"Yeah, of course I am." Zayn shrugs with a smile. His younger self seems oddly wary still.
"How did you get in here?" The other Zayn hesitates, seems to reconsider the question. "Or, I guess, where did you come from?"
"Dunno. The usual, I guess. Went to sleep in my own bed, and woke up here on your floor," Zayn answers nonchalantly. He's just glad that he had enough energy at bedtime to throw on some jogging bottoms and a T-shirt before falling asleep. He only needed to accidentally time-travel naked once before realizing that sleeping in the nude isn't all that awesome.
Zayn looks around, assessing their surroundings. Hotel room. Could be anywhere on the planet. Sunlight is streaming in from the window. It's maybe mid-afternoon. "Where are we, exactly?"
"Toronto."
Shit, that explains why he’s so surprised, thinks Zayn. "What year?" he asks to be sure.
"What do you mean, what year? 2012."
"Right." So yes, this is it then; this is the first time, linearly, that they meet. Zayn has to bite back a smile. He’s been waiting for this.
Younger-Zayn, younger-than-he's-seen-himself Zayn, looks curiously at him and asks carefully, "What year are you...from?"
"Your future. 2016."
"Oh." He takes a second to process this information. "So the world doesn't come to an end in December, I take it."
Zayn smiles (at himself--it never gets less weird). "Did you really think it was going to?"
"No, just thought I'd make sure. Got loads of things planned." Younger-Zayn smiles back, carefully. "What the fuck, mate, this is unreal. Like, I should be worried that I’m going mad right now, but I'm not?"
Zayn tries to remember how this went, for him. He tries to remember how it felt to not know that this was something that happens to them, happens all the bloody time. What it was like to be normal still. Well, as normal as an internationally famous pop star could be, even without skipping through time. "Yeah, I didn't panic either. When I was you. I mean, when I was at this point in time. I think we just always unconsciously knew that this was going to happen, because it already has."
Younger-Zayn's eyes widen slightly. Zayn remembers with sympathy the wild thoughts that were buzzing through his head then, slowly understanding that this wasn't the first time, not really, that this moment had happened, and that it will happen again and again and again. The younger becomes the older, and repeat. It's a bit of a jolt to the brain, Zayn remembers thinking, trying to comprehend all at once that time-travel exists, and beyond that, that time isn't necessarily linear for everyone.
Younger-Zayn finds his voice again, however, and gamely asks just what Zayn himself had asked back then: "So, why are you here?"
It isn't hard for Zayn to remember what his older-Zayn had said in reply. The words are branded on his brain, changed his life. Now it’s his turn to say them. "To tell you to call Liam and get him over here so we can snog."
"What?!" younger-Zayn squawks. He’s gone bug-eyed in an instant, colour rising in his cheeks.
Zayn grins affectionately. "Don't sound so shocked. I’m you, remember. I know you've fancied him for ages." He watches his younger self bite his lip, then drop his gaze. It’s almost comical for Zayn to see himself behaving so shyly. It’s not that he wasn’t basically a confident person back then--being “the shy, mysterious one” was just a role he played--but it was always just different with Liam. Apparently Zayn has always needed paranormal interference when it came to his feelings for his bandmate. "This is how it finally happens,” Zayn tries to reassure his younger self. “I promise you, it works."
"What does?" Younger-Zayn looks up again, grinning sheepishly but filled with curiosity.
"I can't tell you about what happens in the future or whatever, but--” Zayn pauses, thinks about Liam in the future, his present, asleep in their bed. “Yeah. He likes me. You. Us."
"Both of us?"
"Both or just one. It's twice as fun with both of us, though.” Zayn shrugs, grinning at flashes of memories--all three of them together, sweaty and intertwined. “Too bad we can never plan for it."
Younger-Zayn just skips right over the best part of that revelation, still stuck on the holy-shit-time-travel aspect. "So you'll be back, then?"
"Yeah, and you'll start to come forward soon, too. You won’t know when it’s going to happen and I’m not going to tell you. But I can say that it starts out feeling like you're dreaming, because we only travel when we're asleep, but then you'll remember today and know that it's real. I'm real."
Not being able to predict when it’s going to happen is the hardest part. Sometimes, yeah, it’s been a lot of fun--but Zayn worries loads about what could happen. Miraculously, he’s never disappeared while sleeping around others or in a moving vehicle. He’d had nightmares for months about blinking out while on a jet crossing the Atlantic and reappearing into empty space 30,000 feet over the sea.
They’ve been especially lucky not to have been caught out by the other lads. He’s also managed never to appear to himself on nights when they’ve shared hotel rooms, except once, when he was sort of seen by a sleepwalking Louis early on. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Harry or Niall or Louis or even his family enough to let them in on this secret--it’s just that he’s been to the future and he hasn’t told them there, so he hasn’t done it yet. He’s sure the right moment will come.
There have also been some close calls with the public over the years, being seen out in places while that-time’s Zayn was on stage or doing an interview. The internet is full of conspiracies about a secret twin brother kept hidden by their management team. They even made the front page of The Sun one day, a big bold headline screaming “TWO ZAYNS, ONE DIRECTION,” but he was eventually written off as a decoy, a look-alike. Zayn snickers a little at the memory--they didn’t realize how right they were.
His younger self is still staring at Zayn, utterly perplexed, looking as though he’s still trying to work things out. "Why--"
Zayn interrupts himself. "Still don't know why it happens, so don't bother asking.” He doesn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that he doesn’t really understand it himself, always popping in and out at random. Zayn’s been working on several theories (most of which he’s stolen from films), but it’s hard to find logic when there’s no clear reason for most visits. Sometimes he just wakes up somewhen else and doesn’t even interact with his other self; it could be in the dead of night when everyone is asleep, or the middle of the day when nobody is home, out to brunch or in Japan or whathaveyou. He just lies around or watches crap telly until he pops back home.
But what he does know is that he’s always there for what are clearly significant moments. Zayn has shown up even when it’s incredibly inconvenient for his other self (or his other, older or younger, has appeared when it’s inconvenient for him). He always travels back to revisit old memories and while he goes forward just as often, it seems to never be for the interesting stuff. He occasionally thinks that maybe there are important things he’s supposed to be doing or clues he should be looking for when he’s there alone, not with himself or Liam, but it all just seems fairly normal. This is incredibly aggravating for Zayn, although he’s unsure of how it would change things if he did see something particularly life-altering.
Zayn wonders if whatever is causing this to happen to him is also keeping him from being spoiled on his own life.
There has to be an important reason, though--for travelling, for when he visits, for all of it. And maybe this is why, Zayn thinks, because he’s found himself on a pre-destined mission to hook his younger self up with their best friend.
As far as major moments in his life go, it’s pretty significant.
Zayn sighs and smiles reassuringly at his younger self. “I'm sure we'll figure out why and let ourselves know eventually."
"Oh." Zayn can almost see his double's brain ticking along, suddenly remembering the point of their conversation. "So, Liam and me?" He doesn’t even try to hide the hopeful edge to his voice.
"And me and you."
"Me and you," his younger self repeats, not a question, just an acknowledgement. His eyes widen a second later, realizing the possibilities involved. “Oh! Me and you?”
Zayn leans in slowly, excited to be on the other side of this now. "Me and you and Liam." He pushes a careful hand through the hair he'd messed up earlier, trying to sort it out again. Younger-Zayn’s eyes flutter closed at the touch. He'd always been curious, but only idly so, wondering what it was like on the receiving end of his kisses. Lots of people think about it, but nobody else gets to actually try it out. He remembers his brain ticking over quickly to "oh, alright then" the moment his older-Zayn had cupped his jaw just-so. And thus Zayn doesn't hesitate, knows this is how it goes, how it always goes. He kisses his younger self, gently at first, just a soft brush of dry lips. But, like he'd reacted three years before, he feels younger-Zayn's lips slowly part and the kiss cautiously returned. His double gives an inch and Zayn takes a mile, pulling at the younger Zayn’s waist, pressing their bodies closer together--they’re perfect copies, except for the hair. He feels his younger self give in completely, fingers flexing on the back of his neck, and the kiss deepens quickly and fiercely.
There's nothing quite like kissing yourself, knowing precisely which tilt of the head is best, how much tongue, how hard to bite when it starts to get more intense, and when to stop to catch your breath. "Call Liam,” Zayn mumbles against his other’s mouth. “Get him over here."
Younger-Zayn looks thoroughly dazed as he pulls away. "Yeah. Okay."
It only takes Liam a few minutes to make his way from his room down the hall. Zayn’s spent the brief interim alternating between kissing his younger self and assuring him how much Liam likes him. He knows that younger-Zayn still isn’t quite convinced on the Liam front, but from the way his younger self responds hungrily to the delicious contact, Zayn isn’t worried about how this will carry out.
They only break apart when Liam knocks, and Zayn perches himself on the edge of the bed, just out of sight from the entryway. Younger-Zayn takes a moment to compose himself before walking over to answer the door, but he’s still flushed and trying to hold back a grin as he turns the knob and greets Liam. Liam eyes him curiously and strolls into the room.
Zayn remembers this moment from his first time, not knowing how to explain to Liam on the phone who else was in the room, just letting Liam in and allowing him to see for himself. Now Zayn is the surprise. Their eyes lock as soon as Liam spots him. After a few seconds, younger-Zayn clears his throat and says a little too unceremoniously, "Liam, meet me, from the future. Zayn, I guess you already know Liam."
Predictably Liam reacts first with furrowed eyebrows, eyes cutting between Zayn and younger-Zayn, jaw slightly dropped. Then he remembers his manners and takes a deep breath before coming out with an uncertain, polite "Hullo."
Zayn stands up, crosses the room in a few short strides, and sticks out a hand to shake. Liam takes it, squeezing gently. "Nice to see you again, Liam."
"Um." Liam's expression is priceless, completely baffled. "You...too?"
"He was just here when we got back from that interview,” younger-Zayn interjects. “I couldn't believe it myself, at first. But, honestly, he's really me."
Zayn drops back down on the bed, leans back on his elbows to watch himself and Liam. They have a silent conversation, all gestures and meaningful glances. Zayn ignores this exchange and just keeps talking, partly to himself, answering unasked questions. "Yeah. Fell asleep in my own bed, and here I am. I don't usually stay for too long, though. Liam, you'll hardly even know I was gone. I'll be back before you wake up."
Liam stops making eyebrows at younger-Zayn for a moment and turns to look at Zayn with a thoroughly startled countenance. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, you're still asleep, like, for me? It’s probably about three in the morning now. You're a cuddler, though, so I'm always surprised you don't wake up when I pop out."
A blush creeps up Liam's cheeks. "You mean to say-- um. We sleep together? Like, in the same bed?"
"Not every night," Zayn grins wolfishly. "Sometimes we don't make it to a bed."
"Right." Liam turns to younger-Zayn, who Zayn knows from memory is practically vibrating with nervous energy, hoping for a little clarification. "What the hell is he saying?"
Younger-Zayn looks up almost shyly at Liam through his dark eyelashes. God, I was coy, Zayn thinks. Where did that come from? Watching himself flirt is exquisite. "He's saying that, in the future, we're more than just mates."
"Ah." Liam turns back to Zayn, folding his arms across his chest, muscles nicely defined under his soft T-shirt. He looks as though he has something else he wants to ask but can’t quite find the words.
Zayn can't stop looking at him, revelling in the slight physical differences between this Liam and the Liam he’s used to, thinking idly He should wear his hair like that again. He openly drags his gaze slowly up and down Liam's body, and when he meets Liam's eyes this time, he leers a little and winks. He isn’t usually this cheeky but that’s how his older-Zayn had been, and it had been extremely successful, so he figures it’s important to the process that he follows the saucy example.
Liam's trying very hard not to look interested, but Zayn knows otherwise from experience. He stretches his long legs out across the duvet and prods at Liam’s thigh with his foot. Finally Liam lets a small smile slip and asks nervously: "How far in the future before that happens, exactly?"
"About 30 seconds from now, give or take." Zayn grins meaningfully up at his younger self, who looks every bit as caught off guard as Zayn was when it was him. Younger-Zayn looks back at him inquisitively, eyebrows raised, waiting for Zayn to elaborate.
This is it.
"Kiss him now, Zayn."
It’s a suggestion, not an order, but younger-Zayn takes it as such and Zayn watches with delight as he immediately jumps into action, crowding into Liam's space on blind faith. It's wickedly fun to watch from the outside, a thousand times better than any homemade sex tape.
Liam doesn't jump back or pull away, doesn’t have a chance. All of Liam’s attention now falls on the younger Zayn, suddenly standing so much closer to him than usual, pressing up against him. Liam opens his mouth to speak, but younger-Zayn is too swift. He grabs Liam's face with both hands and kisses him hard, all in, swallowing whatever remark Liam might've tried to make. Liam's hands flail at his side for a moment before grabbing onto younger-Zayn's waist, fingers digging in, and then he’s finally returning the kiss.
Zayn remembers this first kiss as though it was yesterday, as though the past three years have gone by in an instant. How many wanks in the shower he'd spent thinking about trying it. How terrified he'd been about being rejected, punched in the teeth, ruining the band and ruining their careers. How it had taken the reassurance of himself--from the motherfucking future--to get him to take the leap of faith.
How dizzy kissing Liam for the first time had made him feel, almost drunk. And how pleasantly surprised he’d been with what happened next.
Zayn lets out a low moan in anticipation, palming his stiffening cock.
It's this unexpected filthy sound that causes the two younger boys to break apart and stare at him, as though they'd forgotten he was in the room. Zayn stares back, grinning and still shamelessly touching himself, getting harder by the second. He pats the empty space on the bed beside him with his free hand. It’s an unmistakable invitation. He isn't worried about how they'll react. This is why he’s here; they just need him to coax it out of them.
Younger-Zayn grabs at Liam's hand, gives it a squeeze, and toes off his shoes. He crawls up the bed next to Zayn and allows himself to be pulled in for a kiss. It's less intense than the first one, even with Liam gaping at them. Zayn imagines that he can taste Liam on the lips of his younger self, and he can't help but smile into the kiss. He wishes he could tell them both about everything that will happen in the coming years--how Liam is the love of Zayn's life--but knows he has to hold back. He didn't know their future going into it either, of course, and the surprise was worth it.
A few moments later Zayn turns back to Liam, who is still hovering uncertainly at the end of the bed. "I've been looking forward to doing this again for three years." He leans back against the pillows, dragging his younger self down with him. "Your future you always tells me that you’ll be so jealous if I get to come back and do this for the very first time, for a second time. I can't wait to wake you up and tell you all about it."
"You make it sound like I don't have a choice," Liam says. His eyes keep flitting back and forth between the Zayns, like he doesn’t know how to process it all.
"You always have a choice. It just so happens that you always make the right one."
Liam smiles, nerves slowly melting away, his eyes crinkling in the corners. He inches closer. "Sounds like something I'd do."
Younger-Zayn pushes his face into Zayn's neck, presses a kiss there, and mumbles "I love time-travel." It's the cue Zayn has been waiting for. He pushes his younger self onto his back and straddles him, kissing him properly now, pressing him into the mattress. Younger-Zayn grabs at Zayn’s thighs, sliding his hands up, gripping just below the swell of Zayn’s arse. Zayn nips a little at younger-Zayn’s lower lip, sucking on it gently, before pulling back, teasing, and younger-Zayn follows him hungrily, back arching.
Liam is still standing over them, but Zayn knows it's only a matter of time before he makes up his mind to join in. He doesn't feel the need to wait because he knows that it'll happen.
Zayn isn't shy about exploring the contours of his younger body, fingers hunting for exposed skin where younger-Zayn’s button-down has come untucked. He doesn't ask for permission--it's technically his body, after all--and just lets his hands roam freely, licking into his double's mouth, rutting against his hip. Younger-Zayn is getting hard, too, and moans against Zayn's shoulder.
They feel the mattress dip under Liam's weight when he sits down. "Can I...can I kiss you both?" Liam asks softly, like he doesn’t want to interrupt. "What are the rules?" He sounds much younger than Zayn remembers, but that's all up to perspective, he supposes. He certainly doesn't look young. Zayn loves this era of Liam, his hair short and combed sideways, the hours put in at the gym finally starting to show, his broadening chest and shoulders causing everyone else to sit up and take notice of what Zayn had been seeing for over a year. He wants to get Liam naked immediately, but he needs to be patient for the sake of not derailing their progress.
Zayn sits up, still straddling the waist of his younger self, and smiles encouragingly at Liam before leaning towards him to close the gap. "No rules," he whispers. "Absolutely none."
For Zayn, this isn’t their first kiss, so he doesn’t treat it like one. Zayn kisses Liam like he has every day in the years since this moment. It's warm and comfortable but still laced with need. He doesn't hesitate, doesn't hold back, prompting Liam to open up as well. He may be a little different from the Zayn that this Liam knows, but he’s not a stranger.
It's so easy, so familiar, but at the same time, this Liam isn’t his Liam. Nothing is quite like that.
When he pulls away, Liam tries to follow, but Zayn smiles and puts a hand to Liam's chest. "His turn again." Zayn gestures towards the younger Zayn, still lying beneath him on the bed, eyes dark with envy, biting his lower lip. Liam leans down to kiss younger-Zayn, while Zayn rubs the back of Liam's neck, egging him on. It’s all going the way it should. The way it has before.
"Liam," he begins casually, as though he were asking for him to pass him the ketchup. "I bet you didn't realize that I, that Zayn, we've had a massive crush on you for ages. We even thought you were fit back when you were still straightening your hair." He reaches down with the hand not on Liam's neck to press his palm against the younger Zayn's cock, feels it jump at the attention. "We've wanted you for so long." Liam groans a delightfully enticing sound in reply, but doesn't pull away from younger-Zayn, deepens the kiss instead.
Zayn's been between the two boys many times, but it's always been easy; everyone knew the score. He's back to square one here and has to remember everything he's said and done before that made this go so smoothly. Or rather, he has to remember what was said to him. Fuck, he thinks. This is all so backwards.
He lets his hand drop from Liam’s neck to trail down the boy’s spine until he finds the hem of Liam’s shirt, tucks his fingers underneath, and gets his hands on skin. He brushes up his back before leaning over and reaching around to the front, grazing a nipple, then down over his stupidly perfect hard stomach. Liam takes the hint at last and sits up, pulling off his T-shirt in one swift and practiced motion. Zayn watches his younger self's face as he trails his gaze over Liam's tight abs. Younger-Zayn glances up at him then and they share a smile, and it's like they can actually share thoughts in that moment. A mutual exchange of wantwantwant of Liam, of each other, of everything.
Younger-Zayn looks back at Liam, and they too share a silent conversation. Suddenly Zayn has both boys pulling at his clothes but as soon as his shirt hits the floor, everything halts. Younger-Zayn sits up straighter, eyes wide, taking stock.
"When did you get all of these?" Younger-Zayn touches, reverently, a piece inked along Zayn's ribcage. Liam crawls around, kneels behind him, and admires a large tattoo sweeping between his shoulder blades.
"I can't seem to stop getting them. You know how addictive it is." He looks down and grabs at Zayn's wrist. No microphone yet. If he remembers well enough, it's still about a week until the Vegas leg of this tour. "I can't tell you which, but I, uh, have a feeling you'll be getting another one very soon."
Younger-Zayn starts to scrutinize him even more closely, not taking the hint when Zayn presses a thumb to his pulse point, too busy getting up on his knees to see every angle of Zayn's body he can. "Which one?"
"Nope, can't tell. That's still for you to decide."
Liam is still tracing the lines of the piece on his back and Zayn smiles. Liam was--will be, Zayn corrects himself--with him when he gets that one. It's like he knows, even though that's quite impossible. "Is this everything? Do you have any others?" Liam asks softly, his hands ghosting down to the waistband of Zayn's jogging bottoms.
"Liam Payne, are you asking me if I have a tattoo on my arse?"
Liam sputters for a second before answering with another question. "Well, do you?"
Zayn swivels at the waist and wraps his arms around Liam, pulling him into another deep kiss, grabbing at Liam's arse. He drags his teeth along Liam's lower lip as he pulls away. "You're welcome to check." Zayn snaps his own waistband playfully, aiming to reveal a little more flesh. Younger-Zayn gets there first, swiftly pulling down Zayn's joggers; he isn’t wearing pants underneath. All eyes are on Zayn's hard cock as it bobs up against his stomach and Liam sucks in a soft gasp.
The subject of tattoos seemingly forgotten, younger-Zayn moves forward and wraps a spit-slick hand around the cock that mirrors his own. He pulls a few long strokes before remarking "Feels the same but the angle's all wrong."
"Feels pretty right to me." Zayn grins, still kneeling on the bed with his jogging bottoms shoved down around his thighs. His legs shake slightly, shivering from the way his younger self is touching him. He grabs Liam's shoulder to brace himself from falling forward and Liam instantly wraps a supporting arm around him, all solid strength, but his eyes are glued to the action going on in front of him. Zayn reaches his free hand out to his younger double's face and rubs the pad of his thumb over younger-Zayn's lower lip. "There's something else you might want to try, though. Something we can't do alone."
Younger-Zayn looks up brightly. "You're a fucking genius, you are."
Zayn looks to Liam, wants to keep him involved at every step. "What do you reckon? Should he suck me off?"
Liam appears to consider this for a moment, his cheeks a rosy pink, eyes flicking to where younger-Zayn’s stiff cock is tenting his chinos. "I think we should all take turns.” Younger-Zayn groans a little. Zayn can only blink in surprise at Liam's sensible and yet incredibly hot suggestion. How could he have forgotten that? "I also think there should be a lot more nudity happening over there," Liam adds thoughtfully. “It's only fair."
Somehow younger-Zayn is still fully dressed in his preppy, albeit now-rumpled, interview clothes. An absolute travesty, Zayn thinks, and knows full well that all the jokes about his vanity are true. He’s looked in enough mirrors to see that he’s fit, but he’s slept with enough versions of himself to know for a fact that he looks especially good when he’s naked. The next minute is filled with three pairs of scrambling hands struggling with what seems like a million buttons on younger-Zayn’s shirt, but they manage to not pop any off in their zeal. They make rather quick work of it, with younger-Zayn’s and Liam's trousers both coming off soon after.
Zayn trades off sloppy kisses with the younger boys and gets a hand down Liam's pants and around his cock while the other two are busy kissing each other, squeezing on the way down and twisting on the return. He knows what Liam likes--years of experience in the matter--and has Liam's hips jerking forward in no time. He goes slowly, though, because younger-Zayn needs to be the one who gets Liam off the first time. It’s all in the script.
They only break their kiss, lips swollen and wet, when Zayn starts nudging at them, encouraging them both to lie down.
"No," his younger self protests, pulling Zayn in close and pressing kisses along his collarbone. He doesn't remember sounding so earnest. "You first. You got us here."
Hard and leaking, Zayn flashes back to the delicious memory of going down on himself the first time. Zayn had experimented some before this moment--his older self’s was not the first dick he’d sucked--but none of those other lads had ever really mattered to him, not like this. Zayn remembers how he’d been shaking slightly, especially nervous with Liam watching, but knowing he could have that power over his older self had been worth it. And now he gets to experience it in reverse.
Zayn would be lying if he said he hasn’t been looking forward to this moment for three years. Heart beating fast, he lies back against the pillows and watches his younger self settle in between his thighs. The need to watch fizzles out when younger-Zayn licks a long stripe up the underside of his cock, and--“Oh, fuck,” Zayn moans. His eyes slip shut, fingers grasping desperately at the crisp white hotel linens. He feels younger-Zayn mouthing at the head, sucking gently, warm and wet, easing it in past his lips. He remembers being worried about taking in too much too fast, not wanting to gag, so Zayn is likewise careful not to let his hips snap up.
Lying down on his side, Liam curls in close, and Zayn lifts his head for a moment to check on him, make sure he’s still okay with this. Liam is positively rapt with attention, his eyes never straying from where younger-Zayn's slick lips meet Zayn's cock. Partially to avoid the temptation of grabbing the back of his younger self’s head, Zayn slips a hand down the front of Liam’s pants, but he’s just touching him lightly, teasing a little. He can’t concentrate long enough to do anything else.
"I've wanted you too," Liam murmurs, a confession that makes Zayn’s heart clench, even hearing it for the second time. Liam’s fingers absently trace the lines of black ink on Zayn’s stomach, but Zayn gets the impression that he’s talking mostly to the younger double. "From the start, really. I knew you went in for lads as well, but I just didn't think you'd ever..." Younger-Zayn opens his eyes, looks back at Liam, and beams at him from around Zayn's dick. His teeth drag a little but it feels too good for Zayn to complain. Zayn's smiling too, besides, due to both the top-marks blowjob and the sweet things Liam is saying to them both for the first and umpteenth time.
Zayn allows the tender moment between the boys to pass comfortably before he wraps an arm around Liam’s gorgeous shoulders, pulling him in for a half-hug and kissing the top of his head quickly. Taking advantage of this brief distraction, Zayn then pushes himself up on his elbows, scooting backwards to sit up against the headboard. Younger-Zayn follows his movements gamely, stretching out along the duvet, only pausing to glance up for a moment before returning to bobbing on Zayn’s cock.
Zayn bites back a moan as he feels younger-Zayn’s hot tongue curling around the head, and wishes he could just lay back and enjoy this instead of worrying about keeping up with how it had all happened before. Younger-Zayn is taking him in deeper now, getting bold, twisting and stroking what he can’t fit.
Zayn smiles appreciatively down at his double and smooths back younger-Zayn’s now totally mussed hair before he tries to regain focus, turns slightly and pulls at Liam to get him up on his knees. "Budge up. I want to taste you."
"You don't have to," Liam says unselfishly, pressing his nose against Zayn’s throat. It’s a noble-enough response, but Zayn watches with dazed interest as Liam touches himself anyway. Liam’s cock is straining against his pants, which are spotted damp with pre-come.
"I know, but I really bloody want to, if you'll let--christ, Zayn!" Zayn yelps and bites down on his lip as his younger self does something especially spectacular with his tongue, breathing hard through his nose. He struggles to stay on task. "Let either of us, that is." He nudges younger-Zayn with his thigh, hopes that he takes the hint. "He's--oh, fuck--we’re very good."
Liam huffs out a little laugh. "I don't want to choose between you, though." He leans in and kisses Zayn, just a short press of lips. It’s incredibly sweet, and Zayn feels himself melting, focused on the warm heat pooling in his belly, eyes slipping shut again.
Zayn’s close, too close. I can’t come, he remembers, half-mad. It’s not how it’s supposed to be. Unwilling to push his younger self away, Zayn searches desperately for the right words. How did he--his older Zayn--how did he get out of this?
Zayn leans his forehead against Liam’s and between gritted teeth, he whispers "You don’t have to choose, Li. You already love us both."
Liam blinks in surprise, a hand frozen on his own cock, which he’d been wanking slowly. “Oh." He blushes to the roots of his hair, but he doesn’t pull away. “Zayn...I...”
Younger-Zayn pulls off with a sound almost too obscene for such a tender moment, gaping up at Liam, and effectively bringing Zayn back from the edge. "I love you too," younger-Zayn admits, not directed at either boy in particular. He sounds every bit as astonished to hear himself say it as Zayn remembers, but he doesn’t take the words back. Instead, younger-Zayn and Liam just stare each other for a long moment, grinning madly, long enough for Zayn to start feeling like he's intruding on his own memories.
When younger-Zayn crawls up between them and presses Liam into the mattress, kissing him senseless, Zayn knows that they've found each other, that he's played his role.
All at once, Zayn is flooded with a longing for his own Liam. He isn’t jealous of the boys, he just wants who he has back at home, sleeping soundly. Was that how his older-Zayn had felt in that moment?
Was that why he didn't stay?
Zayn barely even blinks but it feels like waking up from a dream where he’s falling, his stomach swooping. The hotel room has disappeared and he's back in his own bed, in his own home, in his own time. Liam is sleep-warm and snoring softly beside him. Zayn sucks in a shaky breath and lets it out again before he really feels like he's home.
Home, where he’s meant to be.
Seconds later, Zayn rolls over with a wicked grin and nudges Liam. "Li, wake up."
"Hrmm," Liam grunts. "Sleeping."
"Come on, wake up,” Zayn insists. “I've just traveled."
Liam’s eyes crack open at that, peering at Zayn through the darkness. "When to?" Liam’s voice is rough with sleep but Zayn knows his interest is piqued.
"Our first night." Zayn wiggles his eyebrows, presses in closer until he knows that Liam can feel that he’s still naked and hard, clothes abandoned in 2012.
"Bastard." Liam reaches out and grabs at Zayn’s arse, pulling him in for a cuddle. “You just up and left us there again, didn’t you? Without a word. Zayn was--you were gutted.”
“I know. I didn’t plan on it,” Zayn mumbles into Liam’s neck. “I just missed you, this you. I suppose it brought me back.” He mouths up past Liam’s birthmark, along his jaw, until he reaches Liam’s lips and can kiss him properly.
It’s a slow and lazy start, still coaxing Liam awake. But as Liam stirs to life, he gets more enthusiastic, thumbs pressing into Zayn’s jaw as he takes control of the kiss. Zayn sighs as Liam licks eagerly into his mouth. He even tastes like home.
Kicking at the sheets and duvet, Zayn swings his legs around until he’s got Liam pinned under him, hips moving, seeking friction. Not getting to come from younger-Zayn’s brilliant blowjob has him all wound up and he’s almost painfully hard as a result. Liam’s got an arm wound around Zayn’s waist, fingers splayed along the base of his spine, but it isn’t enough contact. It only takes a few minutes of sloppy kisses and Zayn grinding slowly down before Liam’s fully hard as well and grabbing at Zayn’s arse.
Zayn kisses along Liam’s collar-bone, sucking in a love-bite, when Liam’s spit-slick fingers are suddenly teasing at his tight hole. He whimpers softly in assent and hisses a little when he feels Liam press in the first digit. The burn is a little too much, though--spit not slippery enough to do the trick--and he rolls them both over until the top drawer of their bedside table is within Liam’s reach.
The slide of fingers is much more pleasurable with Liam generously lubed up, and he goes straight for two, knowing Zayn can take it. Zayn is breathing hard, afraid to touch his own cock lest he come just from this, squirming with pleasure with Liam’s fingers--three now--working inside him, stretching him open.
“I’m good, Li,” Zayn chokes out. He can’t handle the wait any longer. “Come on.”
“Okay,” Liam nods, eyes bright. “Okay.”
Liam fumbles in the drawer once more, finding a condom and rolling it on, ducking down to exchange another kiss before flipping Zayn over onto his stomach, positioning himself between Zayn’s legs. He has them spread obscenely, waiting impatiently but Liam pushes in slowly, and oh god, yes, Zayn thinks. Worth the wait. It only takes them a moment to adjust to one another, and soon Liam’s hips start snapping faster, thrusting deeper into Zayn. Zayn is up on his knees, pressing back, helping to guide the rhythm.
It’s exhausting work though; it’s the middle of the night and there’s not enough friction on his dick at this angle. Thighs shaking, Zayn sinks slowly into the mattress and Liam follows, pressing himself flush against Zayn’s back, kissing along his spine and the back of his neck with a tenderness that gives Zayn gooseflesh. Liam slows the pace, not pulling out as much with each thrust, hips swivelling slightly and the angle is perfect. Zayn’s cock drags against the mattress, over-sensitive, but it’s more pleasant than painful.
Braced low on his elbows, Liam reaches up to lace his fingers with Zayn’s, panting softly into Zayn’s ear. “I’m close, I’m--oh, oh fuck,” Liam curses, speeding up again and keening softly.
Liam peels away and Zayn shivers a bit, the sweat on his back cooling from the loss of Liam’s body heat, but he doesn’t dwell on the lost contact for long. He can’t, not from the way Liam is driving into him, gulping in air at the last moment. Liam’s fingers grasp at Zayn’s hips for balance, digging in, leaving bruises he’ll apologize so sweetly for later. Zayn can feel Liam shudder and release inside of him, feels Liam press in tight and go still, so still, while the aftershocks course through.
Zayn hardly has a moment to blink while Liam is pulling out and tossing the condom in the general vicinity of the bin before he’s back in Zayn’s space again, flipping Zayn over and getting his hands on Zayn’s cock. Zayn’s brain shorts out for a second, doesn’t realize he’s the one moaning so shamelessly, in such dire need of Liam’s touch.
It only takes a few quick practiced snaps of Liam’s wrist and finally, finally, Zayn’s coming undone. Dazzling white lights dance behind Zayn’s eyelids as he stripes his stomach and chest, blood rushing in his ears. He exhales but the breath comes out shaky, like he’d been holding it for ages.
Zayn pulls Liam down into a loose hug, not caring about the sticky mess. It’s about all that he can manage, his energy completely sapped. He cards his fingers through Liam’s short hair as they share lazy kisses, and Zayn feels like he’d just float clean away if it weren’t for Liam’s comfortable, familiar weight pressing him into the mattress.
It’s not long before the lateness of the hour catches up to them, and Liam lifts his head to kiss Zayn goodnight for the second time that evening, but despite this weightless feeling, Zayn can’t help but sigh against Liam’s mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks quietly, a worried edge to his voice despite already sounding near sleep.
“Nothing,” Zayn tries, eyes slipping shut, but Liam would know that’s not true. “I just...is it weird that I miss him a little, when we aren’t together?”
“Who? Your other you?”
“Yeah.” Zayn scratches blunt nails against the back of Liam’s neck. “All of them.”
“It’s not weird. I miss you when we’re apart, too.” Liam cuddles in closer, stifling a yawn.
“I miss you, too.” Zayn whispers into the darkness. He can feel Liam’s breath warm on his neck, and he’ll have pins and needles in his arm when he wakes up tomorrow, or--oh, god, it’s half-four--later this morning, but he’s not worried about it. He’d never push Liam away.
“I’m not going anywhere, though,” Liam adds sleepily, and Zayn wonders for a moment if he had spoken out loud. “And you always come home to me.”
Liam’s got a point. Missing him was exactly what he’d needed to come back, and it makes Zayn wonder if he’s had the power to control his comings and goings all along. Maybe missing Liam is his ruby slippers. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence.
Zayn likes travelling well enough, and he loves fooling around with himself and other Liams throughout time, but nothing can compare to being here with his Liam. He misses his other selves when he’s not with them, sure. It‘s well past narcissistic but he loves them almost as much as he does Liam.
But Zayn feels right in every other respect, no matter when he ends up. He’s anchored to Liam, tethered to this timeline.
This is his home.
One Liam and one Zayn, that’s all he really needs.
Also posted at A03. Comment or kudos there, if you'd like!