One of These Nights || Accidental Video || Memory
[The feed opens up to Bobby sitting in a wheelchair, trying to rescue a picture from the fireplace. He'd originally thrown it in, because he didn't want a reminder of what had been lost, but before it was consumed he realized without it...
There'd be nothing left at all.
Nothing but memories in a mind that-- well let's just face facts-- he's getting old. His memory isn't what it used to be. And the last thing he wanted to do was forget. No. There are somethings that no matter how painful, you hold on to for dear life. It's those things that keep you alive even when you think all hope is lost.
That scene is fades away and is replaced by Bobby still in the chair, no one else is around. The boys are probably off on a hunt, he pulls the same picture from earlier out usually when no one is around, he'd rather not get caught having his little emotional moments. Which in truth are far from little and last much longer than a moment. He can't let the others see him during those times. When he's vulnerable and...at his lowest. He's supposed to be the solid one. The one they can count on, but sometimes? He feels anything but...
The charred edges of the picture are curled and brittle, they crumble a little more every time he touches it. Yet somehow they end in a perfect dark halo around everyone's heads. Dean, Sam...Castiel.
Ellen...and Jo. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs softly through this nose. Or at least a sigh is what he intended, but instead he hears a short quiet sob in his ears and he half wonders if it's really him who made it. Of course it is, he's the only one here. He made sure of that.
If only.. So many what ifs.. a constant string of then file though his head every time he looks at that damn picture. What if...
He hadn't been hurt?
The screen flashes with another memory. This time Bobby possessed by the demon Meg and he's stabbed and hurt, left paralyzed and confined to that damned chair.
He hadn't let Jo and Ellen go along. (Like he could have stopped them? Those two once their minds were set were like trying to stop a flood with a paper cup.)
The previous scene is replaced by his 'family' drinking together before the last night they'd all be together. The very same night they took that same picture he was looking at earlier.
What if.... what if ... what if...
What fucking difference would it make? They're gone and he couldn't help, but feel like he's partly to blame for that.
Back to Bobby sitting in his wheelchair bottle of cheap whiskey on the desk, and a half filled glass sitting next to it. He runs his thumb over the faces in the image. His heart lurches in his chest, every time that happens? He almost prays it'll take its last beat. That his heart would just stop and he wouldn't have to hurt this much anymore. Every time he pulls that picture out he feels tired. And old, but he realizes he can't leave those two boys alone to do this on their own.
Regardless of how he might feel about things personally, they need him. God help those idjits, but they need him and they've already paid so much. They've lost their mother, their father. Hell they've lost each other in turn. They've lost Ellen, and Jo. It's during these lonely moments that Bobby wonders if maybe, maybe it isn't him. He reaches over and downs the whiskey in one drink.
It's these moments that Bobby feels like everything he touches turns to ash. Like he's tainted in some way and it's all HIS fault.
One last time he slides the pad of his thumb over the image before he tucks it away again, deep in the back of his desk drawer then pours himself a healthy serving of whiskey. Just in time it seems, Bobby barely looks up when Dean walks in, he just takes a long drink from his glass and casually wipes the tears from his eyes. Everything about his posture and body language is just shouting that today? Today is NOT a good day and hopefully the kid won't press him.
What are the chances of that though? They know each other well enough to know when there's something wrong. And Dean is every bit as stubborn and hard headed as Bobby himself is. Without a word he pours the younger man a glass and pushes it across the desk at him. Hopefully that will be enough to keep him quiet, at least for the time being. Bottoms up Dean. Might as well drink up if you plan on sticking around, because right now? Bobby ain't saying shit.
Then the video fades out and the screen goes dark.]
There'd be nothing left at all.
Nothing but memories in a mind that-- well let's just face facts-- he's getting old. His memory isn't what it used to be. And the last thing he wanted to do was forget. No. There are somethings that no matter how painful, you hold on to for dear life. It's those things that keep you alive even when you think all hope is lost.
That scene is fades away and is replaced by Bobby still in the chair, no one else is around. The boys are probably off on a hunt, he pulls the same picture from earlier out usually when no one is around, he'd rather not get caught having his little emotional moments. Which in truth are far from little and last much longer than a moment. He can't let the others see him during those times. When he's vulnerable and...at his lowest. He's supposed to be the solid one. The one they can count on, but sometimes? He feels anything but...
The charred edges of the picture are curled and brittle, they crumble a little more every time he touches it. Yet somehow they end in a perfect dark halo around everyone's heads. Dean, Sam...Castiel.
Ellen...and Jo. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs softly through this nose. Or at least a sigh is what he intended, but instead he hears a short quiet sob in his ears and he half wonders if it's really him who made it. Of course it is, he's the only one here. He made sure of that.
If only.. So many what ifs.. a constant string of then file though his head every time he looks at that damn picture. What if...
He hadn't been hurt?
The screen flashes with another memory. This time Bobby possessed by the demon Meg and he's stabbed and hurt, left paralyzed and confined to that damned chair.
He hadn't let Jo and Ellen go along. (Like he could have stopped them? Those two once their minds were set were like trying to stop a flood with a paper cup.)
The previous scene is replaced by his 'family' drinking together before the last night they'd all be together. The very same night they took that same picture he was looking at earlier.
What if.... what if ... what if...
What fucking difference would it make? They're gone and he couldn't help, but feel like he's partly to blame for that.
Back to Bobby sitting in his wheelchair bottle of cheap whiskey on the desk, and a half filled glass sitting next to it. He runs his thumb over the faces in the image. His heart lurches in his chest, every time that happens? He almost prays it'll take its last beat. That his heart would just stop and he wouldn't have to hurt this much anymore. Every time he pulls that picture out he feels tired. And old, but he realizes he can't leave those two boys alone to do this on their own.
Regardless of how he might feel about things personally, they need him. God help those idjits, but they need him and they've already paid so much. They've lost their mother, their father. Hell they've lost each other in turn. They've lost Ellen, and Jo. It's during these lonely moments that Bobby wonders if maybe, maybe it isn't him. He reaches over and downs the whiskey in one drink.
It's these moments that Bobby feels like everything he touches turns to ash. Like he's tainted in some way and it's all HIS fault.
One last time he slides the pad of his thumb over the image before he tucks it away again, deep in the back of his desk drawer then pours himself a healthy serving of whiskey. Just in time it seems, Bobby barely looks up when Dean walks in, he just takes a long drink from his glass and casually wipes the tears from his eyes. Everything about his posture and body language is just shouting that today? Today is NOT a good day and hopefully the kid won't press him.
What are the chances of that though? They know each other well enough to know when there's something wrong. And Dean is every bit as stubborn and hard headed as Bobby himself is. Without a word he pours the younger man a glass and pushes it across the desk at him. Hopefully that will be enough to keep him quiet, at least for the time being. Bottoms up Dean. Might as well drink up if you plan on sticking around, because right now? Bobby ain't saying shit.
Then the video fades out and the screen goes dark.]