Feel the lights are fading within me

[bufudynes]

Who; Akihiko and Mitsuru
What; After Mitsuru died she's come back
Where; Her room
When; June 19th
Rating; PG-13 for talk of violence and death and probably language
Status; Closed; Incomplete

Comments

[tobestronger]

Midnight had marked Akihiko's return to...himself. He'd been dazed for a few moments, his memories of the last few days hazy at best. And then he remembered. That haunting voice, that...that video. His heart threatened to pound out of his chest. Mitsuru was...no...she couldn't be. And if she was, she'd be back. She'd...she'd be cold, but she'd be back.

He'd never wished for her to know that pain, and his death had come at the hands of sickness. He didn't even want to think what that would mean for her. She'd have more nightmares to be sure, but they'd make it through them. They always did. They were a team. The best. She'd be fine.

She was always fine. She'd be fine even if she wasn't fine. He'd go to her room and wait for her. That way she didn't have to be alone when she came back. They'd sit, and he wouldn't force her to talk about it, but he'd hold her, and pet her hair, and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

After an hour of waiting, he decided to tidy a bit of her room up. It didn't need it, but it would keep his mind off her not being here. She'd be here. You came back after dying. He knew that. He had, so Mitsuru would too.

The hours stretched on, and still there was no sign of Mitsuru. She'd be back. You came back. You always came back. She wasn't gone. Even Shinji from her world was here and he was dead. She'd be fine. It was always fine. But the hours stretched on and still there was no sign of her. The house awoke slowly, but he never left his vigil. What if she came back and he wasn't there for her? It just wouldn't do to have her be alone after that.

He didn't know how long it had been, didn't care, but he jumped at the sound of the turning doorknob, looking to the door as it slowly swung open. And there she was.

He ran to her as fast as he could, throwing his arms around her. "Mitsuru! You're here! I was...I was worried, I thought...I...it doesn't matter what I was thinking, you're here."

[bufudynes]

"Akihiko...?" Her voice was hoarse and she sounded numb when she spoke. Numb was a good description of how she felt, everything seemed to feel as if it were shutting down on her already. Still, through the numbness, she could feel him; she didn't move when he put his arms around her, but she also didn't react. She did wonder how long he'd been here in her room, or how long it had been at all.

Had he stayed here the entire time she was gone...? It worried her to think about him sitting in here like this while she was dead and gone away from him. A part of her wanted to be angry at the others for not taking him out, but they probably had their hands full with their own transformations and problems. Perhaps it hadn't even been that long, she had no way of knowing. Still, anymore than a few hours in the room of someone who had died was ...not good. She knew that far too well herself.

"How...how long has it been?"

[tobestronger]

He shook his head. If he were honest, he really didn't know how much time had passed since his memories had returned. It had been a long time, but he couldn't put a definitive amount on it's passage. "I don't know." His voice was shaking, hollow. "But it's okay. You're here now. I knew you'd be back."

[bufudynes]

He didn't know? "Akihiko..." He didn't sound alright and somewhere deep inside of her, hidden partially by the numbness, she was very worried about him. He never had reacted well to losing people, and she could certainly understand why.

"I'm alright." It was all she could manage to say. They were words she'd said enough, lied about enough, that they were almost automatic. Even when she wasn't fine, they came out, in the hopes that saying them would actually make her fine. It never worked that way.

[tobestronger]

As soon as she started speaking, he was shaking his head. She was doing it, just like he knew she would. "No...no, you're not alright. You can't be alright. Not after that. Not after everything else."

[bufudynes]

Everything else; that could mean so many things. This place had thrown so much at them that at times she wondered how any of them still functioned. How were any of them alright? Was she...? No. She wasn't. Not at all. He was right; she was far from alright, but...he didn't seem alright either. She didn't know what to do and a part of her still wanted to just give up, to just curl up and forget all of this place.

"Akihiko...you don't seem alright either..."

[tobestronger]

His voice trembling, his hands doing the same, he just wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He didn't have any intention of letting her go. "I'm okay. You're here. You came back." He wasn't okay. Not at all. All he'd been able to do the entire time was wait. He couldn't save her from the murdering bitch. All he'd been able to do was watch.

Again.

[bufudynes]

She let herself relax slightly, it seemed like the longer she was here with him, the more the numbness worse off; she wasn't certain if she actually wanted it to wear off.

"You are not okay, Akihiko..." She started walking towards the bed, putting her arms around him so that she could guide him there. As she walked so began to notice that she was trembling too.

[tobestronger]

He swallowed, not wanting his tears to fall. It was the last thing she needed at that moment, and he wasn't going to put her through that. Sure, he'd had to watch, and the thought made bile rise in his throat, but it couldn't possibly compare to having to live it, and live with it as he was pretty sure she was right now.

He allowed himself to be guided as long as it didn't mean he had to let go of her. "I-I'm okay."

[bufudynes]

She sat down on the bed, making him do the same, and sighed. "What happened...while I was...gone?" It was clear something had happened, though she wasn't certain what. Whatever it was, Akihiko was clearly not okay. Had it simply been her death that had caused this?

[tobestronger]

"I-I wans't...me. I was someone else, at least in my mind, but...I remembered, when I woke up...and...I came up here to wait for you."

He took her hands in his. "I remember what coming back was like. It's not fun to do it alone."

[bufudynes]

She nodded slowly, she could remember being someone else as well. "I...remember that as well. I was mute. When she attacked me...I tried to scream." But no sound had come out. "I was helpless." And that was terrifying above everything else.

"I'm sorry you were alone, Akihiko..."

[tobestronger]

He shook his head gently, still not letting go of her. "I knew you'd come back." People always came back. It wasn't something to worry about. It was inevitable in this place.

But for all their coming back, it never changed the memories. That's what worried him the most.

[bufudynes]

She looked at him with a concerned expression. "You should not have stayed in my room alone..." It had obviously not helped his mental state and she found herself growing a bit more concerned for him. At least thinking about him made it where she didn't have to think about herself and her own memories.

[tobestronger]

He was shaking his head even as she started talking. He knew what she was going to say. She was saying he'd made a bad decision again, but he knew that wasn't the case. Someone had to be here for her when she returned. It made perfect sense it be him, her boyfriend. Besides, there hadn't been anything else he was able to do.

"No. I couldn't stop it from happening. The least I could do was be here when you came back."

[bufudynes]

She put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him, trying to meet his eyes. "Akihiko, this was not your fault. You realize that, correct?" He had to know that, he had to realize it wasn't his fault. There was nothing he could have done about it, he hadn't been himself anymore than she had.