am i your anything?
I feel like I went from the top of a mountain to the bottom of the ocean. I had like friends who cared about me. Or I thought they did. But magically one day I annoyed them and now they hate me. But it's sweet, because it's normal for me not to have any friends. I have one friend now. Actually two, I forgot about the black girl. Kelli is probably the only reason I'm sane at the moment. She keeps me grounded. Even though she gets annoyed with me sometimes and it makes me hate life.... I love her to death. And just so you know, I don't care that nobody is reading this. She says she loves me, and I believe her. And that scares me, because it's never happened that way for me before. Usually, people tell me they love me and I assume they just mean I'm gonna fuck you over eventually. Will you believe in me tonight? Hopefully. Sean hates me because I'm an asshole. Sweet. He initiated most of the fights I believe. Megan hates me because Kelli doesn't. Cool. Bobby hates me cause Megan does. He wants to kick my ass. Pretty cool if you ask me. Abbi never liked me, which means she used me, a lot. I love being used. It makes me feel awesome. Keith is my friend, but he's in lots of trouble and can't play. So when Kelli is with other people... I'm alone. Utterly. And. Completely. Cause I'm not allowed to be around these people who hate me. And I don't want to be around drugs or alcohol. My only other friend that lived here moved to California, and my cousins live in Virginia. I have Kelli, and that's enough. It just sucks when she's gone. She said she's quitting drugs, except for one more acid trip, and I honestly hope she is serious. She promised me. I don't know what I would do to myself if that promise gets broken. I will be sadder than fuck. And fuck is sad. This isn't suppose to be a sad entry, this is just an entry of feelings att he time, and the time is not happy for me because I'm alone in my house with a headache. Actually my step dad and my sick mom are upstairs. And my sister that hates me. So basically I'm unwanted here. And unwanted everywhere except by Kelli. And Josh. I love him. My dad makes me hate being alive all the time. That's all I have to say about that. I don't really have any more things for nobody to read about. Keith if you read this I love you, get out of trouble soon. I miss you. Kelli. I miss you even though I saw you today, I love you. Megan and Sean... I miss you even though you hate me. God. I don't really think you like me very much. Anybody who reads this whole thing, you're probably really attractive and have lots of friends. I wish I was a morningstar.
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