today
today i gave kirstie the letter.
it was like two pages long. she gave me a letter back saying,
really,only one thing, and it was half a page.
i don't know why that makes me so mad but it does.
alot of things make me mad.
i think sometimes that i need to go back to the stupid therapist.
but then i remember what a waste of money it is.
i feel so helpless all the time.
i feel like i'm loosing all the friends i thought cared about me, andwho i thought that i cared about.
i hardly ever see taryn anymore.
i forgave cari but our friendship just doesnt exist.
lauren and i are really good friends now, and annalise has remained a constant.
i dont like to think of kirstie as my friend anymore.
and jackie, well, she isnt aloud to speak to anyone but richard.
so thats that.
and no i dont think my life is just a downward spiral...
i just think it could be better.
i feel so alone.
but even if i did have a boyfriend, it wouldnt be what i would want it to be anyways.
i cant be who i want to be.
my life wil never be how i need it so badly to be.