gotta get this out of my system
This is something that I really need to get out of my system & I desperately need some advice on what i should do. This is something personal; I usually don't do this but I really need some help..
I'll start from the beginning so you'll be able to understand fully..
Two years ago i began dating this boy (well call him Bob lol) so Bob was a great person; we we're best friends way before we began dating & i just grew into loving all of his quirky qualities. He was a computer nerd, who loved skateboarding & very very shy, especially when we began dating. I helped him gain a positive self-esteem & our relationship kept growing as we did. Soon, we started fighting just like every other couple did but would always make it work in the end.
Finally, everything seemed like it was going to be okay (this was around summer) - we started fighting less & we dealt with problems head on. When he had family/friend issues i was always there - saving him more than once & vise-versa. We seemed like the perfect couple, communicating & just being there for one another. He was the perfect boyfriend; he would make me laugh, smile, my heart flutter & was super-sweet/caring all the time.
Our final grade of high school began & everything got rocky again. But still love kept us together.
I noticed him drifting away around Decemeber when he broke up with me & told me that he thinks he has feelings for his best friend (who is a girl btw lol) So this broke my heart, i always felt that there was something more to them than friendship but i just tried to deny it as much as possible. For weeks i cried constantly, feeling not good enough while i saw them walking around school laughing & talking. Finally, after weeks of my ignoring his calls, I answer & he begins telling me that it was a false alarm & really REALLY needs me back. But I knew deep down inside that i couldn't go back, atleast not yet. So a couple weeks later we finally got back together as long as he promised to tell me if/whenever he talked to her.
This is when everything started going really down hill.
He began lying about talking to her, made me lose myself as well as some really great guy friends b/c he felt insecure around them (even though now i know this was a mistake since he never did the same for me) & began hanging out with a really, stuck-up, snobby, shitty guy who treats & talks about girls as if they were animals.
Finally, he got his car & a fake ID & began going out more to bars & clubs downtown. Again, he didn't care how it would make me feel, as long as he was having a great time.
My friends tried pointing out his mistakes but he kept promising him that everything was gonna change.
Should have known he was lying.
Soon enough he "forgot", more like just didn't tell me, where & what he was doing. I was finding out about parties & all these girls who he's been flirting with. Girls would come up to me asking me if we we're still dating b/c he would tell everyone that he had no girlfriend. I would see pictures of him with girls drinking, on sofas with blankets on them, & hugging all these older girls I have never seen before.
So again we took a break.
A couple weeks later, he called me apologizing saying that he misses/loves me & swears he was going to change. Again, the idiot i am, i took him back b/c i missed him & everything we used to have.
Within a couple days my world began to crash. My mom had surgery & someone very close to me passed away. When I tried calling him for support, I would get none. He would tell me that either he couldn't talke b/c he was hanging out with that snobby guy or make up another excuse.
I regained my strength myself & tried to put more effort into our relationship.
We tried to make plans with one another, but would constantly cancel b/c he wanted to do something with that snobby guy. The snobby guy changed him so drastically, it actually makes me sick. He became cocky, obsessed with himself, changing our life plans that we had with one another, less caring about how things were affecting me, & just in general, never acted like he loved me anymore.
So one night I was talking to my best friend & got the courage to call Bob & end everything.
I told him that I hated the new person that he's become & that I could never love a person who is self-obsessed, snobby, & cocky. He responded, "You're giving up on me." This broke my heart but i knew that I couldn't keep falling for his games. He's hurt me more than once, I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I told him that I will always be there for him & that I will always love the person he was - that person was amazing.
So he didn't call me, he wouldn't answer my msging so i decided to leave the country for a week or so.
When I came back I realized that he has been trying to get a hold of me so finally i picked up my phone to talk to him to see if he truly has changed.
I mean if you care about someone enough, there's always room for change?
We talked & i told him i still cared about him but I got none of the same responses from him although he kept asking me questions about my life; whether i was seeing someone else, what i've been doing, things like that. At one point he broke down saying that he didn't want this break up anymore but quickly changed the subject (this was really the only sweet thing he said). Also, I realized that the was he was talking was like that snobby guy; even with the same accent & word choices, it really disgusted me. So i told him, you didn't care about me while we we're dating & now you want to know what i've been doing? He started fighting with me so i just hung up the phone. This was two days ago.
Now I've been wondering whether I'm just waiting around for a lost cause. I also wonder whether he's just fighting with me, trying to play the game b/c I hurt him when we broke up & now he's trying to make me suffer. But really all I wanted was for him to call me the next day & fight for me; tell me he loves me & the world just wouldn't work if we weren't together - I thought that he was going to do this, clearly I was wrong.
I do still love him & miss him, but I know that I can't do it anymore.
I also found out while i was gone he was talking/hanging out with many other girls. Partying, clubbing, drinking & just being the guy that i hated.
I feel that I just made a mistake, like i could have did something to prevent all this, like i should have been there to help change his ways.
I just need to know if it's possible for love to be strong enough to keep people together (he says it's not possible, he still "loves" me but just wants friendship b/c love is not enough for him) I need to know whether or not I should just move on with my life, seems like he has & whether or not it's possible for people to acutally change their ways & go back to the person they were.
Thank you everyone who took the time to read this, I really appreciate it! If you have any comments on any of this, any advice or stories feel free to comment. Thank you guys again for reading this. ♥
I'll start from the beginning so you'll be able to understand fully..
Two years ago i began dating this boy (well call him Bob lol) so Bob was a great person; we we're best friends way before we began dating & i just grew into loving all of his quirky qualities. He was a computer nerd, who loved skateboarding & very very shy, especially when we began dating. I helped him gain a positive self-esteem & our relationship kept growing as we did. Soon, we started fighting just like every other couple did but would always make it work in the end.
Finally, everything seemed like it was going to be okay (this was around summer) - we started fighting less & we dealt with problems head on. When he had family/friend issues i was always there - saving him more than once & vise-versa. We seemed like the perfect couple, communicating & just being there for one another. He was the perfect boyfriend; he would make me laugh, smile, my heart flutter & was super-sweet/caring all the time.
Our final grade of high school began & everything got rocky again. But still love kept us together.
I noticed him drifting away around Decemeber when he broke up with me & told me that he thinks he has feelings for his best friend (who is a girl btw lol) So this broke my heart, i always felt that there was something more to them than friendship but i just tried to deny it as much as possible. For weeks i cried constantly, feeling not good enough while i saw them walking around school laughing & talking. Finally, after weeks of my ignoring his calls, I answer & he begins telling me that it was a false alarm & really REALLY needs me back. But I knew deep down inside that i couldn't go back, atleast not yet. So a couple weeks later we finally got back together as long as he promised to tell me if/whenever he talked to her.
This is when everything started going really down hill.
He began lying about talking to her, made me lose myself as well as some really great guy friends b/c he felt insecure around them (even though now i know this was a mistake since he never did the same for me) & began hanging out with a really, stuck-up, snobby, shitty guy who treats & talks about girls as if they were animals.
Finally, he got his car & a fake ID & began going out more to bars & clubs downtown. Again, he didn't care how it would make me feel, as long as he was having a great time.
My friends tried pointing out his mistakes but he kept promising him that everything was gonna change.
Should have known he was lying.
Soon enough he "forgot", more like just didn't tell me, where & what he was doing. I was finding out about parties & all these girls who he's been flirting with. Girls would come up to me asking me if we we're still dating b/c he would tell everyone that he had no girlfriend. I would see pictures of him with girls drinking, on sofas with blankets on them, & hugging all these older girls I have never seen before.
So again we took a break.
A couple weeks later, he called me apologizing saying that he misses/loves me & swears he was going to change. Again, the idiot i am, i took him back b/c i missed him & everything we used to have.
Within a couple days my world began to crash. My mom had surgery & someone very close to me passed away. When I tried calling him for support, I would get none. He would tell me that either he couldn't talke b/c he was hanging out with that snobby guy or make up another excuse.
I regained my strength myself & tried to put more effort into our relationship.
We tried to make plans with one another, but would constantly cancel b/c he wanted to do something with that snobby guy. The snobby guy changed him so drastically, it actually makes me sick. He became cocky, obsessed with himself, changing our life plans that we had with one another, less caring about how things were affecting me, & just in general, never acted like he loved me anymore.
So one night I was talking to my best friend & got the courage to call Bob & end everything.
I told him that I hated the new person that he's become & that I could never love a person who is self-obsessed, snobby, & cocky. He responded, "You're giving up on me." This broke my heart but i knew that I couldn't keep falling for his games. He's hurt me more than once, I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I told him that I will always be there for him & that I will always love the person he was - that person was amazing.
So he didn't call me, he wouldn't answer my msging so i decided to leave the country for a week or so.
When I came back I realized that he has been trying to get a hold of me so finally i picked up my phone to talk to him to see if he truly has changed.
I mean if you care about someone enough, there's always room for change?
We talked & i told him i still cared about him but I got none of the same responses from him although he kept asking me questions about my life; whether i was seeing someone else, what i've been doing, things like that. At one point he broke down saying that he didn't want this break up anymore but quickly changed the subject (this was really the only sweet thing he said). Also, I realized that the was he was talking was like that snobby guy; even with the same accent & word choices, it really disgusted me. So i told him, you didn't care about me while we we're dating & now you want to know what i've been doing? He started fighting with me so i just hung up the phone. This was two days ago.
Now I've been wondering whether I'm just waiting around for a lost cause. I also wonder whether he's just fighting with me, trying to play the game b/c I hurt him when we broke up & now he's trying to make me suffer. But really all I wanted was for him to call me the next day & fight for me; tell me he loves me & the world just wouldn't work if we weren't together - I thought that he was going to do this, clearly I was wrong.
I do still love him & miss him, but I know that I can't do it anymore.
I also found out while i was gone he was talking/hanging out with many other girls. Partying, clubbing, drinking & just being the guy that i hated.
I feel that I just made a mistake, like i could have did something to prevent all this, like i should have been there to help change his ways.
I just need to know if it's possible for love to be strong enough to keep people together (he says it's not possible, he still "loves" me but just wants friendship b/c love is not enough for him) I need to know whether or not I should just move on with my life, seems like he has & whether or not it's possible for people to acutally change their ways & go back to the person they were.
Thank you everyone who took the time to read this, I really appreciate it! If you have any comments on any of this, any advice or stories feel free to comment. Thank you guys again for reading this. ♥