A Little Help With The Agony Chapter 1
Title: A Little Help With The Agony Chapter 1
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Pairing: Yunjae (For now)
Length: Chapters
Rating: R
Author: Undertheblu
Warnings: Eating Disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), Drug Abuse, Sex, Adult Language
Summary: Yunho and Jaejoong have to keep their relationship a secret for the sake of the band’s reputation, but Jaejoong’s been starting to feel like Yunho is only been using him. Together, Yunho’s apathy and the pressure of fame have ruined Jaejoong’s self-esteem and led him to developed an eating disorder. Questioning whether he even wants to be a part of the famous singing group anymore, Jaejoong starts to spin out of control, dangerously close to dragging the others down with him.
A/N: If you liked my other fic you’ll love this one, full of abusing my characters :P Hope you enjoy
Jaejoong sighed into his pillow as he woke, snuggling his face against the rough fabric, regretting it instantly. Hotel pillows were always scratchy, even famous singers couldn’t escape that. He turned his face away, reaching to touch Yunho’s warm body only to touch the cold bed sheet. He sighed again, wondering why exactly he had thought Yunho would be there beside him. Yunho never stayed the whole night, he always left Jaejoong alone after they were done having sex. Yunho didn’t ever want to be caught coming out of Jaejoong’s room in the morning.
Jaejoong rolled back onto his stomach before rolling right back onto his back, he just couldn’t stand the rough pillow case. Usually he put on his own personal pillow cases when they arrived at a new hotel, but they had gotten there late and then.. well he was preoccupied with Yunho’s needs. He stood up, the cold air hitting his naked body as he strode over toward his bag. Jaejoong dug through the bag searching for the pillow cases, intending to go right back to bed once he could. He was shocked he was able to sleep with the other ones, he smiled to himself at that thought, of course he was able to sleep, Yunho had worked him over so hard he drifted of as soon as they were done.
“Jae, breakfast!” Came a call from the other room.
He glanced back at his bed woefully, he really had been looking forward to going back to sleep. With another sigh he pulled on some clothes and exited his lonely room. In the kitchenette Junsu’s ‘breakfast’ was the usual poptarts, Jaejoong couldn’t believe how Junsu could eat those all the time, one pack of them was like a full meal and Su could eat the whole box in one sitting.
“Good morning,” Jae said, sitting down beside Changmin at the table, “Poptarts again, Su?”
“Always,” Junsu grinned, “One or two?”
“None. I’ll eat something else.”
“Not like we have anything else.” Changmin mumbled, “We never have any real food.”
That really was the truth of it, being on the road all the time they had a hard time getting fresh fruit and vegetables.
“How’d everyone sleep?” Yunho asked. Jaejoong glanced over at Yunho, smirking slightly at how little sleep Yunho had gotten that night, “We’re going to have to get going soon.”
“Already?” Junsu whined.
“We’ve got to go to practice early so they can set up.”
“But it’s so early!” He sighed, stuffing a poptart into his frowning mouth.
“We’ve got to make sure we give our fans what they’ve come to expect from us: excellence.” Yunho answered, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
Jaejoong hadn’t been listening to any of the conversation, he’d been watching Junsu pile the food into his mouth. Of course Jae would never eat that himself but it did look wonderful. Any type of food looked wonderful, well, anything fattening anyway. That’s how it went.
“Jae?”
“What?” Jaejoong replied, looking up quickly.
“Eat quick so we can get going.”
As the others wandered out of the kitchen Jaejoong stood up, reaching for an apple and a banana. His breakfast would be indeed quick.
Tohoshinki was at the moment on a short tour with Super Junior and 2ne1. Today was the last rehearsal before a large concert, it was bound to be a hectic day.
“Again!” Cried the choreographer to the man running the music, “Toward the middle of the rap.”
The loud music began again and so they began dancing again.
“Jaejoong, catch up.”
Jae was having a hard time keeping in time with the others, he kept getting dizzy and was afraid he’d fall. Yunho kept looking over his shoulder at him, Jaejoong couldn’t tell if he was looking back in concern or in annoyance.
“Stop the music. Jae, what’s wrong?” Their choreographer asked.
“I’m fine.” Jaejoong breathed heavily, his chest heaving up and down, “I’m sorry I just forgot.”
“The show’s tomorrow, Jae.” Yoochun sighed.
“It’s fine, I know it.” He felt his face burning red in embarrassment.
“How about we take a break.” Yunho suggested, making Jae feel worse.
“Alright, I need to work with the girls anyway.” Their choreographer nodded.
They each wandered in different directions, Yoochun following after Jaejoong, “Hey, you alright?”
“Just tired,” He sighed, rubbing his eyes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt the entire practice.”
Yoochun shrugged as he followed Jaejoong out the door to be outside, “Yunho just wanted to make sure you’re ok, since when did you start smoking again?” He asked seeing Jaejoong pull out a pack.
It was Jae’s turn to shrug, “Since I started needing it again.”
Yoochun frowned, “You sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah, you want one?” Jaejoong asked, offering a cigarette to his friend.
Yoochun sighed, looked to the right then to the left and accepted, “Wouldn’t want you to smoke alone.”
Jaejoong chuckled, lighting his own cigarette, “It’s not drinking, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Shh.”
The stood in silence for a short while before Jaejoong spoke, blowing out a whiff of smoke through his pink lips, “Chun, this tour is taking way too much out of me.”
“No kidding, you’re wasting away, Jae.”
“I’m always so tired, and I just don’t...I don’t know.”
“What-“
Yoochun didn’t get a chance to ask because the door behind them opened, they both chucked their cigarettes hastily, not quick enough though.
“Hey, guys we’re- Oh come on!” Yunho cried exasperatedly, “You two know better than this! The fans don’t like the image of any of us smoking.”
“Yeah wouldn’t want to do anything the fans wouldn’t like,” Jaejoong mumbled, slipping past Yunho back into the building, “even if they’ll never see it.”
“No wonder you can’t keep up with the dance, smoking’s going to-“
“Okay, okay. I get it.”
Jaejoong hated when Yunho scolded them.
“Jesus, don’t you care at all what the fans think of us?” Yunho mumbled as they walked back towards the stage.
“Not as much as you.”
“Yeah and that’s sort of a problem, Jae.” Yunho growled, grabbing Jaejoong’s arm, “You need to start caring.”
Jaejoong’s lips parted like he was going to speak but then he thought against it. Yunho didn’t understand.
“Fuck,” Yunho hissed into Jaejoong’s neck as he pushed against him, his eyes squeezed shut. Jaejoong gasped as Yunho’s grip tightened on his arms, feeling Yunho come inside him. He could feel Yunho’s heart pounding in his bare chest, beating as fast as his own. Yunho’s head fell down into the crook of Jae’s neck.
“That...was different..” He panted, “What...what were you...doing differently?”
Jaejoong chuckled, “You mean the tongue thing?”
“Yeah.” Yunho grinned, “Yeah I liked that.”
“Thought you would,” Jaejoong smiled, letting his arms that had been holding on tightly to Yunho’s back drop to his sides, “Mmm,” He hummed, letting his head fall back on the pillow. His eyes snapped open when he felt Yunho’s weight lift from him, “Yunho.” He sighed, frowning.
“Jae, you know we can’t just lie here.”
“You never just lie with me,” Jaejoong pouted, rolling onto his stomach, allowing Yunho to admire his ass.
“You’re getting pretty thin, Jae. Those ribs are sticking out.”
Jaejoong immediately pulled the covers over his naked form, suddenly feeling self-consious, “Please come lay down. Just for a little bit?”
“There isn’t time, Jae. The concert’s in a few hours. We need to get ready.” Yunho answered, already putting his clothes back on. Jaejoong frowned, positive Yunho’s heart beat hadn’t even stabilized yet, “You ready for tonight?”
“Yeah.” Jaejoong nodded, sitting up on his elbows.
“You’ll be fine,” Yunho smiled down at him, his smile made Jaejoong’s face brighten up. He loved knowing that smile was for him, that special smile. Yunho leaned over and planted a kiss on Jaejoong’s forehead before leaving the room.
When Jaejoong was alone in the room he stood up to look at himself in the floor length mirror. He turned and twisted to see every angle. He sighed as he let his hands run down his neck, skipping lunch hadn’t really done anything. Everything he saw was wrong, as always. It really wasn’t a wonder he couldn’t get Yunho to stick around after sex.
The crowd bounced in their seats, their cries and screams could be heard perfectly from backstage. Backstage Junsu and Jaejoong were going through the dance moves while the others did push ups. Super Junior’s last song pumped all around, at the moment Jaejoong couldn’t stand it. His head was killing him and his hands were shaking, he just wanted to go home. Going through an entire concert was not what he wanted to do. He was so tired, so tired.
“Everybody! Drink a lot of water, stay hydrated!”
“Junsu, here don’t forget the ear piece.”
“Don’t forget the chords on stage left.”
The many members of Super Junior piled off the stage, drowning out most of the words of command Tohoshinki was suppose to be hearing. As the lights dimmed and they were pushed onto the stage, Jaejoong felt his heart pounding in his ears, all the other sounds slipped away. He couldn’t even hear the fans screaming, which was strange, he should be able to hear something, at least the music. He saw the others begin to dance, their mouths moving but there was no sound. N Nothing but the blood in his ears. And as the lights got brighter, Jae’s vision got darker.
At the moment Yunho glanced over his shoulder, he saw Jaejoong’s eyes roll back in his head and watched him fall to the floor. His eyes widened, his muscles tightened and the adrenaline he had been feeling turned into panic as he dove to the floor beside Jaejoong. The crowd’s screams of glee turned into screams of horror as they realized something had gone terribly wrong.
A/N: The next chapter’s going to have more to it I promise. I hope you enjoyed the beginning. Thanks for reading!