When is enough? Chapter 6
Title: When is enough? Chapter 6
Rating: R
Pairing: Yunjae, Jaechun
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Length: Chaptered
Author: Undertheblu
Warnings: Eating Disorders, Sex, Adult Language, Abuse
Summary: Yunho is the new roommate of Yoochun and Jaejoong, he quickly falls for Jaejoong but learns there is already some romance between his two friends. He also learns a few dark secrets of Jaejoong’s that are serious and perhaps deadly. With Jaejoong’s issues and promiscuity, is it worth it for Yunho to try to create a relationship with him? Or will Jaejoong’s bad habits do the deciding?
Jaejoong saw the bathroom door open in the corner of his eye, hearing Heechul’s familiar snicker.
“Well look who it is!” Heechul sang, “Jaejoong, in here throwing up breakfast or lunch?”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened back at him in the mirror, he turned his head and looked over at Heechul’s grinning face, “What?”
“Heard you’ve got another nasty secret,” Heechul sauntered over to Jaejoong, coming too close for Jaejoong’s comfort, “I mean come on, aren’t you damaged enough already?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jaejoong replied, turning to exit the bathroom when Heechul pushed him against the wall.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, you slut. Everyone knows the way you vomit up dinner so you can be thinner.”
“Get out of my way.”
“No, I wanna talk about it. Yesung said you had to go to the hospital, that is so gross. For fuck’s sake why are you so fucked up? Mommy leaving you made you feel inadequate? Is that it?”
“Get the fuck away from me.” Jaejoong hissed pushing Heechul out of his face.
“Whatever, go ahead and run, everyone already knows how disgusting you are,” Heechul laughed as Jaejoong hurried out of the bathroom.
His skin was burning as he rushed down the hall, bumping into Mr. Shim, “S-Sorry,” Jaejoong mumbled, his head spinning with the information that his secret was out. He pushed past people in the hall, racing to the doors to free himself from the walls of the school.
His heart was still pounding in his ears as he stepped off the train, the voices of the people bustling by bounced off the tunnel walls but he didn’t hear any of it. His feet carried him up the stairs and out of the subway and into the rain. The dark blue-gray clouds loomed overhead like a giant quilt, the rain coming down like curtain over the city.
He opened the door to his father’s home, letting his bag fall to the floor in the hall as he climbed up the stairs. He knew he should alert someone that he had arrived, but he wasn’t thinking about that at the moment. He climbed to the top of the stairs and dragged his feet down the hall. His first intention was to go straight to the bathroom, but he felt too empty as it was, so he just walked down the hall to his father’s room. He shuffled across the big space, threw open the closet door and let himself sink down inside it.
He used to hide out in that closet when he was little, when he heard yelling and screaming from his parents. He didn’t remember much of that, but he did remember how safe he felt in the dark closet. He wrapped his arms around his legs and leaned his head against the wall, trying to think about anything else. A strange yet familiar smell made him open his eyes and look around, he smelt a faint whiff of perfume.
He sat up and pawed through the clothes in the closet, searching for the smell again, desperately pushing back his father’s suits. There behind the designer suits with the perfectly pressed creases, was a yellow sweater, a woman’s sweater.
Hours later the closet door opened, spilling in light from the other room, waking Jaejoong from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up from the floor, his body stiff.
“And what brought on this visit?” Mr. Kim asked.
“I didn’t want to be in school, what is this?” He asked holding up the yellow sweater. The many times they had moved in his life, he had never seen anything of his mother’s before.
His father’s gaze darkened and he grabbed the top and turned away, “Getting a little old to be running home, when things don’t go your way at school, Jae.”
Jaejoong scrambled up from the floor and followed his father, “Why do you still have it? It’s Mom’s isn’t it?”
Mr. Kim sighed, “Jaejoong, I’m not discussing this.”
“Why? Why don’t I know anything about her?”
“Because she’s not part of your life, she left, Jaejoong. Why should you care?”
“B-Because I do!”
“The school called by the way,” His father mentioned, ignoring Jaejoong’s words, “Why did you leave?”
Jaejoong looked down and shrugged.
“Well, since you didn’t come here to talk, was there something else you wanted from Daddy?” He asked, reaching to touch the back of Jaejoong’s neck. Jae didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure why he had come home, maybe because years of moving had taught him to runaway. His father grabbed Jaejoong’s chin so he could look him in the eye, “You actually caught me at a bad time, little Jae. I have a visitor.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re welcome to stay here, Jaejoong. But I have a guest to attend to.” He said, throwing the sweater in the trash as he exited the room. Jaejoong followed, looking over his shoulder at the last piece of his mother he’d seen in years. Don’t get sentimental now, you don’t even know her. Don’t try to make her part of your life, she isn’t and never will be.
He was about to say something to his father but when he caught a glimpse of the guest he stopped. It was a young man not very much older than him with striking features. Seeing the stranger sent Jaejoong’s head spinning, he looked at his father for some kind of answer in his face.
“Taemin, this is my son, Jaejoong.”
“Nice to meet you,” Taemin smiled, offering out his hand.
Jaejoong frowned, reaching out to shake the stranger’s hand. He knew exactly why this young man was here, he just didn’t understand why. An overwhelming feeling of inadequacy flooded over him.
“You’re welcome to stay, Jae, but you should probably go back to school.” His father mentioned, an obvious order to leave. Jaejoong felt his eyes widen and he wanted to shake his head and scream no. He wanted to kick and scream and fight to stay where he was. He wasn’t needed, he was being replaced. This was something he shouldn’t care about but he did.
Memories from when he was little flashed into his mind, thoughts of how he never ever threw tantrums, he always stayed quiet, stayed good. And how being good got him nowhere, she still left him. He shook the thought from his brain and tried to form some sort of sentence, “D-Dad..”
The look on his father’s face made him stop, so instead he just grabbed his bag and left, to find another closet to hide in.
Both Yunho and Yoochun stood as soon as Jaejoong opened the door, “Jae.” They said in unison.
Jaejoong wanted them to hold him in their arms, but he wouldn’t know which one to go to and he didn’t want to appear upset, even though they both already knew.
“Have you already had dinner?” He asked, trying to sound normal as he ran a hand through his damp hair. His clothes and hair were soaked from the rain he had walked home in, “I can make something.”
Yunho looked wide eyed at Yoochun, shocked at Jaejoong’s nonchalant answer, “Jae.”
Jaejoong peeled off his white shirt as he walked toward his room, ignoring the looks the other two were giving him, “Is there anything you’d like?”
“Jaejoong! Stop acting like nothing’s happened.” Yunho called.
Jaejoong reentered the common area, pulling a gray sweater over his head. It was much too big for his little frame but he preferred it that way, made him feel safe, “I’m fine. It’s no big deal, it’s not like my reputation was dazzling.”
“God, stop hiding how you feel!” Yoochun yelled, grabbing Jaejoong’s arm.
Tell them. Tell them how it feels. How not even Daddy wants you anymore. The way they were staring at him made him uncomfortable, “I’m fine, chill out. I want to make food, what do you want?”
“I want you to talk! I want you to express your feelings!” He said, grabbing Jaejoong’s face between his hands, “I want you to be ok.”
Jaejoong frowned, avoiding Yoochun’s piercing gaze. Yoochun had a way of making him feel so guilty. Ever since Yoochun had found out about his secret, he had been treating him differently, treating him like a bad child.
“I don’t want to talk.” Jaejoong answered flatly.
Yoochun sighed angrily, “Fine,” He stormed off, slamming his door behind him, unable to stand Jaejoong’s fake indifference.
Jaejoong ignored Yunho’s frown and went into the kitchen, “So, is there anything you want to eat?”
“Jaejoong.”
“Seriously I’m fine!” Jaejoong said, a little louder than he had intended.
Yunho walked over to Jaejoong, “You’re fine with everyone talking about the way you throw up?”
Jaejoong winced, frowning at Yunho’s harsh tone, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”
“You’re not pissed Yesung told?” Yunho asked, “Real nice guy you’re with.”
Jaejoong smirked, “Jealous, Yun?”
“No,” Yunho replied quickly, “I just don’t know why you’d want to be with someone like that. Someone you can’t even trust.”
Jaejoong shrugged, one eyebrow raised, “Yeah well, maybe if certain other people didn’t always shoot me down..” He smiled, touching Yunho’s arm.
Yunho chuckled as Jaejoong’s hand dragged to his chest, “Well maybe if you put in some real effort to get better, there might be a chance.”
Jaejoong sighed, “That’s all you guys ever talk about now.”
“Well it’s important, Jae.” Yunho answered, Jaejoong’s hand sliding down his chest to his stomach, “We want you to be better, we want you to be happy.”
“I can think of something that would make us both happy,” Jaejoong grinned, hands slipping into Yunho’s pants. Yunho didn’t stop him, but he knew he wouldn’t.
“Jae.”
“Mhm?” Jaejoong purred, smiling as he reached up on his toes to let his breath graze Yunho’s lips. Jaejoong’s warm breath on Yunho’s skin made his stomach burn. The sound of Yoochun’s door opening broke the moment. Yunho grabbed Jae’s hand and pushed him away. Jaejoong’s disappointment was beyond obvious on his face, his eyes dropped to the floor and his lips were tight. Yunho sighed, wanting to apologize, apologize to Jaejoong and Yoochun. He was being a terrible friend.
Jaejoong turned away, trying not to burst into tears. There had just been too much to deal with today. Too much rejection and he didn’t know how much more he could take. How much longer he could stand everything his life was becoming.
A/N: I’m sorry I’m such a lazy writer. I had a rough week, I lost my cat of eight years abruptly to cancer, it was a big shock so it’s been rough. I really hope everyone’s doing well and I hope you enjoyed the reading. All comments, suggestions, thoughts are welcome and I hope everyone has a wonderful week :]