See You Again
Title: See You Again
Pairing: Nico Hulkenberg/Paul Di Resta
Rating: PG
Length: 6683w
Summary: Being back at Force India reminds Nico of what he missed - who he missed. Nico decides to visit his old team mate at his first race in his new series. Seeing his old 2012 partner reminds him of what they shared together during their time as team mates and how he wants to rekindle that relationship despite the fact he'll only see him for the weekend, but he's too scared to admit he misses what they had.
(download fanmix here)
Nico watched as the other car was rolled back into its place. Swinging his legs back and forth the heels of his feet bounced against the cabinet, the noise a constant amongst the murmurings and engine noises that vibrated around the paddock. He watched as the driver of the car pushed himself out slowly, his orange, white, black and green race overalls emerging from the cockpit the driver was hidden in. Nico smiled, his chest filling with joy as he sipped from the water bottle sitting in his hands. Slowly, the owner of the sister car pulled off his helmet, then his balaclava. Nico's chest deflated as he watched the dark fluffy hair of his team mate reflect against the strong lights in the garage. His feet stopped swinging back and forth and Nico placed his water bottle next to him.
Sitting on his little couch in the driver room Nico waited for Will or Sandra to pull him from his solitude and meet with some press who asked the same old questions "Do you think your car is suited to this track?" "Do you have high hopes for the team this weekend?" "How are the tyres affecting your team?" Just the thought of having to be happy and cheerful around the media made him feel so... not happy. Scrolling through twitter on his phone Nico sighed, half of the people he followed wouldn't even be up at this time; the majority of his time line was spammed by Force India, reminding him of the session he just finished.
Biting down on his lip Nico rocked his head back, his unruly blond locks splaying against the light material covering the hard couch. Closing his eyes he remembered the joy he felt earlier, the hope that ran through his body as he watched his team mate. Only it was the wrong one.
Last year was an okay year, although he enjoyed working with Esteban, it just wasn't right. No other team mate felt right until he joined Force India in 2011 as their test driver. Last year was bearable, he'd see him walking around the paddock, his tall stature and nonchalant face roaming around. But no matter how bearable it was, it wasn't nice hearing or seeing that he had had a tough race, Nico just wanted to hug him, to tell him the next race would be fine, to support him in his decisions to bash the team. But he couldn't.
There was something about Paul. Something that Nico couldn't put his finger on, something that made him that perfect team mate. He had no idea, all he knew was that he missed it. He missed Paul.
* * *
The sun slowly began setting on the horizon, the pink sky keeping the world alight as the day dawned to an end. Tapping his thumb on the steering wheel Nico followed the road, the quiet dance music vibrating around his black Mercedes. Glancing at the time a small burst of joy ran through his body as he realised he'd be at his destination soon. Stifling a yawn Nico ran his hand through his hair briefly, questioning whether this was a good idea.
Reaching the hotel Nico parked in a spare spot, the majority of the places taken by Mercedes, BMWs and Audis. Turning the engine off Nico sat back in his seat, his chest rising and falling as he battled with himself. With a large sigh Nico grabbed his backpack that sat in the passenger seat and opened the car door, careful not to hit the blue car next to him. Spinning his keys around his finger Nico flicked them into his hoodie pocket and opened the boot of the car. The click of his suitcase hitting the ground echoed around the car park. A small sigh emerged from Nico before he bit down on his bottom lip and made his way into the hotel.
Nodding at drivers he recognised Nico felt his chest tighten, he was here now and he couldn't back out. Burying his spare hand in his pocket Nico wheeled his case behind him as he approached the front desk. The large light oak desk wrapping around the two people that stood behind it bewildered Nico slightly, they'd refurbished since the last time he'd stayed here. Avoiding small talk Nico quickly got his key card and headed towards the elevator.
Clicking the smooth metal button Nico watched the ring around it glow orange, reminding him of the car he used to share with Paul. Just the thought of seeing him drive, watching him in his element, it brought butterflies to Nico's stomach. A small smile grew on his face just as the elevator doors opened. Pulling his case behind him Nico stood in the corner of the empty lift, after pressing the button to his floor.
Falling onto the soft bed Nico felt the air from under the duvet fight its way out from underneath and into the open. Another yawn escaped from his mouth, alerting him that he needed to sleep. Pulling his phone from his jeans pocket he opened a new message, finding the little Scottish flag placed next to Paul's name to add to the recipient of his message.
Hi, I just arrived in the hotel - I don't know if you've had dinner but I'm hungry!
Sending the message Nico laughed to himself at how pathetic he was, it was 9pm, Paul had probably eaten already.
Closing his eyes briefly Nico was abruptly disturbed by the ping of his phone, stretching out he tapped around the cold, soft duvet before finding his phone. With a smile Nico looked at Paul's quick reply:
Glad you made it! I've already had dinner, but breakfast tomorrow? 7AM?
Nico's stomach flipped, the smile on his face continuous as he read the message over and over. Sitting up Nico replied with a simple "Sounds good!" and jumped off the bed. Flicking his shoes across the room Nico still had the smile on his face; discarding his clothing on the end of the bed he then rummaged through his bag, finding his phone charger and plugging it in. Nico crawled into the empty double bed, stretching his long body out and yawned once again. Sleep took over and his heavy eyelids started closing. A smile still apparent on his face.
* * *
The familiar ring from his phone woke Nico, stirring he stretched his long body out before reaching over to the fully charged phone and turning the annoying ring off. Pulling the charger out of the phone Nico rolled over, holding his phone above his head. With a grumble Nico looked at the time, the numbers reading 6:30 made him push his head further into the pillow before throwing his phone in the spare space on his bed.
Rolling out of bed Nico padded towards the bathroom, rubbing his hand over his tired face. Flinging his underwear off he stepped under the warm jets of water; the warm water cascaded down his body, allowing his body to wake up. Closing his eyes Nico let the water stream over his face; his mind ran free. A smile grew on Nico's face as he remembered that he'd be seeing Paul in less than half an hour, a giddy feeling grew in his stomach whilst he washed the shampoo out of his hair.
Nico tapped his foot against the carpeted floor of the elevator, his excitement nearly exploding from his veins whilst he smiled like a fool to a team mechanic dressed in Audi gear. Taking a deep breath Nico attempting to stay calm and make less of a fool out of himself. The number of people in the lift grew as the majority of team members and journalists made their way to breakfast or the track, either way Nico was now standing in the corner of the lift, squished next to a petite attractive woman. Looking at his watch he noted that he was just over 5 minute early, placing his hand back down on the side his hand brushed the woman next to him, "Sorry," Nico muttered looking at the woman who smiled back a smile that could only be described as flirtatious. The elevator rung announcing it was on the ground floor, the passengers filtered out and Nico let out a sigh of relief before stumbling out of the elevator and crossing the lobby towards the restaurant.
Scanning the open restaurant Nico searched for the Scot he wished to see. The morning sun shone through the large arched windows, shining against the white table clothes and pristine cutlery that sat on tables. Squinting Nico searched again, trying to find the brunet waiting at a table. "Nico!" called a familiar accent, the volume perfect so it wouldn't disturb the other guests too much. Snapping his head towards the call Nico saw the Scot sitting at a table, his hand half raised in the air in order to catch Nico's attention. Smiling Nico felt his stomach twist as he raised a hand and waved at Paul; his heart beating fast whilst he made his way towards his former team mate.
"Guten morgen," Nico smiled pulling a chair out and sitting opposite Paul on the small round table.
"Good morning," Paul laughed at the German before sipping at his cup of coffee sat in front of him. Paul watched as Nico observed his surroundings, his hands running over the handles of the cutlery that lay in front of him and his fingers caressing the napkin that sit delicately on the china plate.
"How long have you been down here," Paul was interrupted by the German accent across from him.
"About 5 minutes, got here before the rush," Paul replied. "Shall we get some food?" Paul asked resting his hands on the arms of the chair, ready to push himself up. Nico nodded and stood up, walking towards the breakfast buffet that lay on the other side of the room.
Paul watched as Nico placed the various meats on his plate as the made their way down the table. One thing Paul always remembered about Nico, he wasn't fussy over food. Reaching the end of the table Paul grabbed a fresh bread roll, the warm bread sitting in the palm of his hand before he placed it on the edge of his plate. Making his way back over towards his seat Paul nodded to the multiple team members and journalists who said hello. He watched the tall German walk in front of him, his white shirt fitted against his body, stretching over his muscles with every stride he took.
Sitting down Paul looked at Nico, his plate full of food. Biting the inside of his lip Paul grabbed his coffee mug and took a sip. "So I guess the weight limit isn't affecting you?" Paul asked.
"Nope," Nico grinned before placing a piece of food in his mouth. A waiter arrived and poured some coffee into Nico's empty mug; with a thanks and a smile Nico continued eating the food sat in front of him. Placing his knife and fork down on the side of the plate Paul cleared his throat, taking a small sip of the orange juice that sat in the tall glass next to his plate. "How's everyone at Force India?" Paul questioned, his voice sombre. Nico stopped chewing as he stared at the Scot in front of him.
"They're good..." Nico said after swallowing his half chewed mouthful, taking a large gulp of the fresh orange juice Nico took a deep breath and continued, "Some of them miss you, and we compare your stuff from last year more than we use Adrian's," he laughed. Opening his mouth to say more Nico promptly closed it once again, stopping his foolish words from ruining his day. "I.. er, so, ready for today?" Nico spoke changing the topic of conversation.
"I guess." Paul replied taking a long gulp from his glass.
Nico threw his napkin on the empty plate, letting out a yawn and resting back in his seat. Smiling over at the Scot he ran his hands through his hair before checking the time, "When are you going to the track?" he asked examining the time.
"Should be going in a minute," Paul replied looking at his own watch that sat on his wrist.
"Gut," Nico smiled pushing himself up, "You driving?" he chuckled leaving Paul still sat at the table.
Paul quickly pushed himself off, grabbed his back pack and followed the German out of the dining area. "Look speedy, you're not the one racing this weekend," Paul laughed tapping Nico's back as he caught up; with a small laugh Nico shook his head.
Sitting in the passenger seat Nico watched Paul, his eyes focused on the road in front of him. The way his hands glided over the steering wheel, as if it were the easiest thing to do. To Nico driving was easy, but the way Paul did it, it was different. Rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans Nico altered where his eyes were looking, staring out the window and watching his home country pass by.
Reaching the track Paul and Nico got out of the car, the silence between the two comfortable. Before even reaching the Mercedes motor home, Nico was pulled away by someone from PR. Paul watched as Nico was taken away, before he reached the motor home and greeted the team that were there. Observing the room Paul spotted Gary and his wife and sat down opposite them.
"Morning," Gary chirped, his lips upturned in a smile before he drunk from the espresso cup that sat on the coffee table between them.
"Good morning, you alright?" Paul asked. Gary and his wife nodded.
"Where's Nico?" Gary asked, searching around the room for the German.
"He got pulled away by someone from PR," Paul replied laughing regretfully.
"Guten Morgen," Came the familiar accent before Paul felt his weight shift beside him on the small couch. Paul looked over at Nico who had just thrown himself onto the seat next to him, a grin on his face. Biting down on the inside of his lip Paul watched as the German conversed with the Brit, his mind not paying any attention as to what they were saying, but to how Nico moved, his hands, his lips, the way his eyes lit up when he spoke about certain things; the way his lips contorted went he spoke about things that went wrong or could've been better. Paul missed that, he missed that a lot in team meetings in 2013.
Nico spoke to Gary in front of him, a driver he rarely had conversations with but knew well enough. However, during the conversation Nico couldn't help but notice the way Paul was looking at him. To any random person it would look like he's just really engaged in the topic of conversation, but Nico knew Paul. It was something different, it was a look that was often shared between the pair in 2012, but when Nico left, it stopped.
* * *
Paul sat in his car, his hands flexing around the wheel; he could feel the rumble of engines around him as a few cars sped down the pit lane. His engineer said a few words before Paul left the garage, on his way to set the fastest time he could. Paul knew this track like the back of his hand, he still even held the track record from 2010, but for some reason he just couldn't feel it. The car wasn't as fast, he couldn't seem to get that extra edge he always found in his cars from early on in his career. Focusing on the racing line and catching that apex was his main goal, abuse the track limits and hope for a few tenths here and there.
Sitting in the garage once again Paul grabbed the water bottle from his trainer and took small sips, waiting for his car to be sorted before he could go out to set another time. He knew he was in the drop zone, but he wanted to try one more time. To beat the rest of his team mates and show that he could still master DTM like his successful years beforehand.
Paul remembered the tough qualifying sessions against Nico, they'd push each other to the limits; neither wanted to be beaten by the other. Moreover, he remembered the tough times. The times Nico would do amazing and Paul didn't get into the top 10 or vice versa, and their private moments after before team debrief. It felt like he could feel Nico's arms around him and his breath on his skin. Shaking himself out of the haze, he drove his car out of the garage in hope to set a decent time.
Entering the final corner Paul put his foot down, bringing all the speed he could to get a decent lap. As he made his way down the start/finish straight he watched at the grandstands flashed by, the mix of colours from flags and banners running through is peripheral vision before he prepared himself for the first corner.
Watching the chequered flag wave Paul pushed hard on the throttle, trying to push what he could out of his struggling Mercedes. Paul let out a deep sigh, his dash board showing that he hadn't improved, punching his wheel slightly Paul continued to cruise round the circuit. Reaching the pit lane Paul slowed down before pulling his car into the garage.
He stepped out of his car, his eyes full of disappointment as a few of his mechanics gave him some sympathetic slaps on the back. Paul left the garage and made his way down to the pit lane to park fermé, looking into the garages as he passed Paul remembered his success from 2010. If he were still in a successful car he'd be preparing for Q2, waiting to set even faster times and eventually getting pole. But that was not to be. Paul was soon interrupted by Verena Wriedt who wanted to interview the former World Champion.
* * *
Sitting in his own personal drivers room Paul ran his hands over his short hair and down his face; a large sigh escaping the Scot as his thoughts from the day seemed to flood into his mind. A tap at the door disrupted Paul, a grunt in reply allowed whoever was behind the door to come in. Paul looked over and in all honesty, he didn't want to see the person standing at the door.
The click of the door echoed behind Nico as he stepped into the small-ish room and stared at the Scot that sat opposite him. Nico lifted his hand up and ran it through his scruffy blond hair; biting down on his lip he waited for Paul to speak.
"I... um, sorry?" Nico broke the silence.
"What for?" Paul mumbled a reply; he started at the wall, his eyes not moving from the white wall and avoiding Nico.
"Your performance, I mean, it wasn't good,"
"Save it Nico," Paul shifted in his seat, "I knew I'd be shit, it's obvious, I've got all these young guns around me, how do you expect me to spend 3 years of my life hoping to become champion in F1 and then automatically perform well in DTM, it doesn't work like that," his rant continued, the German stood on the other side of the room slightly taken aback at the Scots random surge of anger.
"Sorry," Nico whispered crossing the room and sitting himself down next to Paul.
The pair sat there in silence for a long while. Nico rested his hand between himself and Paul, sliding it down the sofa and touching Paul's leg. He saw Paul react slightly, his head cocking to the side as he watched Nico slid his hand over his small knee.
"Paul mate!" came the English accent bursting in, Nico ripped his hand from Paul's knee and quickly rummaged for his phone, "Oh sorry," Gary's voice was calmer as he noticed the pair sitting there, the silence obvious to the Brit.
"Did you want something?" Paul asked as he stood up, searching for his discarded Mercedes jumper.
"I... yeah," Gary shook his head trying to figure out what he was here for. "Autosport want us for some British driver thing they're writing," he watched as Paul shoved on the Mercedes jumper.
"Yeah, I'll come now," Paul smiled at the fellow German, "You know where you're going Nico, I'll see you later," he waved.
"Auf Wiedersehen," Nico smiled with a wave before he watched the two Brits disappear around the corner.
Letting out a deep breath Nico leant back into the sofa, dropped his head back and sighed. He missed Paul too much and it was slowly taking control of him, maybe coming to the race wasn't a good idea.
* * *
Making his way back into his room Paul noticed that Nico was missing, the tall German not hard to miss around the Mercedes hospitality; especially with the throng of press surrounding the two German Nico's, but one was missing. Paul let out a deep sigh before entering his room and throwing himself onto the sofa. Staring up at the ceiling Paul didn't know what to do any more, his performance has never been affected by someone this bad before, it wasn't like him. Lifting his watch he looked at the time, waiting until it was reasonable for him to go back to the hotel.
Soon enough Paul decided to join his mechanics and engineers in the garage, going through some details, hoping that his performance tomorrow would be better - it was a long shot, but points would be good not just for the team but for him, he desperately needed that reassurance that he still had what he takes to be successful in DTM. He'd seen many F1 drivers go to DTM and underperform, he didn't want to be added to the list.
* * *
Shoving his clothes in his suitcase Nico rummaged around for all his belongings and packed them away. It was a bad mistake to see him, very bad. Out of sheer politeness Nico grabbed the duvet and flipped it in the air letting it slowly float down and make the bed look less scruffy, making the room look somewhat presentable despite that fact the bedding will be discarded and washed later. With a quick look around Nico made sure he hadn't forgotten anything before leaving.
Nico stood at the front desk, taping his key card against the surface as he waited to be seen to.
"Leaving so soon Mr. Hulkenberg?" came a nice feminine voice, looking up Nico was greeted by pure perfection, her eyes glistening against the bright room, her hair deep brown, long and wavy... and her breasts, it was like she was born to turn a gay man straight - not like she knew he was gay. Shaking his head Nico smiled and handed the key card to the woman and merely nodded. Quickly paying whatever fee he was meant to pay Nico grabbed his things and turned to leave.
"Nico?" came the all too familiar voice. Nico froze, he didn't want to bump into him. Looking at his watch he would have thought he'd still be at the track.
"Paul," Nico smiled as he turned and faced the Scot.
"You're leaving? I thought you were staying until tomorrow night?" Paul asked gesturing towards Nico's bags, a look of sadness slowly growing on his face.
"I... Yes," Nico replied looking at his bags and up to Paul, "I have some things that need to be done," Nico lied. He didn't want to be here. He knew he'd do something stupid.
"Oh, well..." Paul looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'll see you another time then?"
"Yeah, sure," Nico smiled grasping the strap of his back pack, his eyes searching Paul's face, Paul's lips looked so inviting; all Nico wanted to do was grab him and kiss him, but he couldn't. "Good luck tomorrow, Paul," this time Nico didn't smile, he merely just turned and left the hotel.
"Bye," Paul whispered before turning and heading up to his hotel room.
* * *
Wrapping his fingers around the steering wheel Paul waited for his mechanic to finish strapping him in. A tug of the belt and a tap on Paul's helmet let him know that it was time to race. He watched as the people started dispersing off the grid, the smiles on their faces as they rushed to take their seats in hospitality to watch the first race of the DTM season. Anticipation ran through Paul's body, usually he was pumped for a race, he was ready to take on everything, however now he was not. Closing his eyes for a second Paul took a deep breath, a surge of pain running through him. He knew he missed him, but he was probably the other side of Germany or in a different country right now. Nico was the last thing he wanted on his mind, he knew he couldn't see him every weekend, unlike 2012 when they practically lived out of each other's pockets 20 races of the year. Shaking his head he looked for a signal to start the warm up lap, trying to rid everything from his mind, only wanting to focus on the race.
The chequered flag waved, indicating that the gruelling race was over. Crossing the line Paul bowed his head slightly disappointment running through his body before he continued to concentrate on his surroundings and made his way round the track for the final time this week - it was somewhat a relief knowing that he wouldn't have to race for another two weeks. He hoped that this performance was just a one off thing, that it will soon turn around.
Paul spoke to numerous amounts of German magazines and newspapers, he was wanted by everyone, "Former Champ messes up Comeback" he could see the headlines, journalists waiting to dig their teeth into him and ask about his past DTM career, his F1 career and his comeback. He couldn't wait to go back to the hotel.
* * *
Paul lay against the cream duvet, his head resting against the soft feather pillows that were stacked up behind his head; he stared at his phone, knowing that with a few touches he'd be waiting to hear his voice. Biting down on his lip he caught the dry skin with his teeth, the slight pain shooting through his body as he teeth ripped the dry skin off his lips. "Fuck it." Paul said to himself, his hand reached for his phone and found Nico's number.
Paul chewed on the inside of his lip, the nerves racking through his body as he listened to the rings and waited for Nico to pick up. He debated with himself, wondering whether to hang up or wait to hear the German's voice. Just has he was about to pull the phone away and hang up Paul was greeted with the soft voice speaking.
"Paul?" Nico's voice was full of concern as the Scot struggled to speak.
"Um... Hi," Paul replied,
"Did I forget something or?" Nico asked, the confusion prominent in his voice.
"I.. no..." Paul hesitated, "I was wondering where you were?"
"I'm in Frankfurt Paul, I spoke to you yesterday, you knew I was going?" Nico replied, it was clear that his confusion was high by the way the pitch of his voice waved as he spoke.
"I yeah, I knew that..." Paul bit down on his lip, "OK, what I meant Nico, is that..." his lungs filled with air and he could hear his heart beating in his ears, his mouth grew dry before letting a gust of air leave his body, "I want to see you." He rushed out, clenching his eyes, hoping that Nico wanted the same.
"But... I thought you -"
"Shut it Nico, can I see you or not?" Paul asked, Nico's chuckle running through the phone and sending a constant smile on Paul's face.
"Yes you can, I'll text you where I am, Ja?"
"Sure," Paul smiled, relief running through his body before saying goodbye and packing all his things.
Looking at his watch he knew that there would still be some personnel roaming about, probably a few team mates and journalists looming in the lobby too. Clicking the button for the lift he waited, hoping that he wouldn't bump into anyone and if he did then they wouldn't ask why he was leaving so early.
Surprisingly the lobby was pretty much empty, a few people milling about, but luckily people who would have no interest in Paul. He made his way over to the lobby desk to sign out, a questioning look from the employee as they wondered why he was leaving so early, well late, but didn't bother asking. With a small smile Paul grabbed his suit case and left the hotel, his head low making sure he avoided anyone who wanted to question him and his journey.
Paul placed his bags in the boot of his car, the silent car park allowing him to be only in his thoughts, his sole presence comforting him considering everyone's eyes have been on him this weekend, and will be until he gets back on the podium. Shutting the boot of his car Paul swung his car keys round in his hand before sitting in the driver's seat, comfort beneath him as he rested into the seat.
His hands gripped the steering wheel as he drove down the autobahn; it was as if he were chasing the sun as it started to set at the end of the road, the sky was a deep purple as it pushed the sun away waiting to turn jet black and let the stars shine above. Paul tapped his thumb against the steering wheel, his phone alerting him of a message. It was Nico telling him to meet him at the bar when he arrived. Paul shrugged, maybe a drink - or two - would do him some good.
Parking in the nearest free space next to the hotel Paul sat in silence for a while, his body slumped in the seat and the engine still bubbling as he decided what to do. Shutting off the engine he left his back pack in the passenger seat and made his way towards the hotel. A woozy feeling ran through his body, his stomach knotting up with each step closer towards the hotel. With one final deep breath he hopped up the steps and entered the hotel.
Nico sat at the bar, his eyes watching as he slid his empty whisky glass from on hand to the other, the puddle of water creating lines down the deep wooden bar top. His breathing was heavy before he asked the bartender for a refill and the proceeded to gulp the contents of the strong alcohol down, a slight burn down his throat as he slowly felt his inhibitions leave his body. Nico was never the one to get drunk, nor was he one to drink whisky, but with the strong Scottish presence soon to arrive he felt like he needed it, to help him in a way he wasn't to sure.
"Whisky?" Nico's body froze, he was unprepared, he didn't know what to say. He left Hockenheim to get away from Paul, to sort his feelings out, and now they all came rushing back. The giddy feeling grew in his body once again, a slight smile growing on his face before he replied.
"I've got to replace you somehow, and why not with something else Scottish?" Nico's lips were curled into a thin smile as he looked up at the Scot who towered him slightly. His heart pounded against his chest as he took in the slight stubble resting on Paul's jaws, his brown eyes staring at Nico as the flicked around his face. Without a word to Nico, Paul took the chair next to him and nodded at the bartender gesturing at Nico's empty glass and asking for another.
The pair sat in silence as the stared at the golden brown liquid sitting at the bottom of the glass.
"So..." Nico drew out, twisting the glass round in his hand, watching a new puddle of water grow on the bar, "You came here for?" his head twisted and he looked at the Scot, his head bowed before he brought the glass up and took a sip. Nico's eyes wandered over Paul's hand as it grasped the glass, his long fingers wrapping around the glass and tipping it, allowing the liquid to sooth his body slightly.
"I just needed a friend," Paul let out a breath and bit down on his bottom lip,
"What about Gary or Gerry?" Nico asked taking a sip of his own drink, Paul merely let out an airy laugh before lifting his head and looking over at Nico, stopping for a moment to admire Nico's blue eyes.
"A friend," Paul whispered, his voice soft and secure to Nico's ears. Nico merely nodded.
The pair spoke about anything but racing, it was hard considering their whole lives revolved around racing, but they did it. Nico observed the drinks cabinet, his eyes flicking over each and every bottle of alcohol, the odd names, different colours and no doubt, different usages. A slight tickle on his hand disrupted his observations, looking down he noticed Paul had edged his hand further over, his little finger running over Nico's as it sat flat on the side. Paul suddenly stopped and pulled his arm into his lap, bowing his head as he noticed Nico look over at Paul. Shaking his head Nico laughed, picking up his drink he downed the rest of the burning liquid and smacked the glass down on the table, the sound vibrating down the bar top and breaking the serene environment around the pair.
"Do you wanna go up to my room?" Nico asked in a whisper; Paul's head snapped up and looked at Nico, his eyes wide full of surprise and worry, nodding slightly Paul followed Nico's actions and poured the rest of the contents of his glass down his throat, scrunching his face up slightly at the burning sensation that ran through his body. Nico muttered some German words to the bartender before slipping off the bar stool and making his way out of the bar, Paul followed suit.
Waiting for the dot to turn green Nico tapped his foot, his impatience growing as he wanted to get into his room. The deep breaths of Paul coming from behind him brushed against the back of his neck, the proximity of the pair too close to even explain in public. Flinging the door open Nico threw the key card to the floor and shut the door behind Paul.
Their breathing was heavy as the pair stared at each other, their eyes full of lust as the slowly edges towards each other. Nico took the first step, slowly lifting his hand and caressing Paul's stubble that rested on his jaw, his eye lids dropping as he stared at Paul's lips before running his tongue over his own, taming himself from what he wanted to do. Feeling Paul's finger tips run around his waist Nico shuffled closer.
Pressing his lips to Paul's he felt Paul stumble back slightly before gripping onto Nico's shirt and pulling the German into his chest, the pair both stumbling backwards into the wall. Their breathing staggered as they both fought against each other. Paul brought his hands up and ran them threw Nico's scruffy blond hair, gripping at the ends and pushing Nico closer - if it were even possible. A small bite on Paul's bottom lip from Nico caused Paul to let out a deep breath and moan. Nico grinned beneath the kiss, a slight chuckle escaping him as he undone the two buttons on Paul's polo shirt that he'd left done up. "I've been wanting this all weekend." Nico whispered as he pulled Paul's shirt over his head before crashing his lips on Paul's once again.
* * *
The sun shone through the cream curtains, the open window sending a soft breeze around the room as the pair slept peacefully. As the dim light illuminated the room Paul stirred in his sleep, the thin cover wrapped around his waist; opening his eyes he groaned softly, his head throbbing as he let out a long puff of hair. Rolling round on his back he noticed another body in his peripheral vision, rubbing his eyes Paul turned his head to see the blond asleep next to him. Letting another long puff of air Paul pushed himself up slowly, mentally thanking himself that he'd put underwear back on last night, and avoided any discomfort from the awful hangover his was currently suffering.
"Guten Morgen," the German whispered, Paul felt Nico shuffle around on the bed, his arm flinging out and caressing Paul's back. Paul's body stiffened under Nico's touch, his eyes clenching shut stopping himself from doing something stupid. He didn't want to hurt Nico, but maybe he had to.
"Paul?" Nico whispered, shuffling over the ruffled bed sheets and running his hand softly over Paul's covered shoulder as he sat himself up, instantly Paul's shoulder shoved Nico's hand off him and pushing his own body off the bed and collected his clothes. "I'm sorry," Nico whispered, "It's been a year, I understand,"
"No, Nico, you don't." His voice was full of grit, "You don't understand." He spat,
"What do you mean?" Nico said grabbing his shirt from the end of the bed and shoving it on, his eyes upon Paul's back, watching his body close in on itself.
"This." He said turning around and gesturing to everything around him, "It can't happen any more." a sigh escaping his mouth. Paul looked up at Nico with his eyes full of rage compared to Nico's light eyes filled with compassion.
Nico pushed himself off the bed and stepped towards the Scot, their matching height making it easy for him to read his face. Paul's jaw was tight and his skin grew red, his breathing heavy as he avoided Nico's stare.
"What?" Nico whispered, his voice broken and his body slumped,
"I can't do this any more Nico, it's not like 2012, it will never be and I need to move on," he said as he started changing into his clothes,
"But..." Nico slumped onto the bed, his eyes staring up at Paul in disbelief.
Nico watched as Paul collected the rest of his belongings that were scattered around the room. "Wait!" he shouted, Paul's body jumping slightly in shock at the anger coming from the German, "This was all your idea! I left Saturday because I wanted to get away, to stop what I felt for you and you come back... and you use me because your car's shit?" Paul didn't answer, his body was stiff as he searched around silently for his car keys. "Answer me!" the surge of anger running through Nico's body as he shouted at the Scot.
"Yes." Paul whispered as he stood up and faced the German, "Yes, I used you, I'm sorry," Paul's voice was nonchalant, his eyes lifeless as he stared at the German, "But Nico, you can't have everything, it leaves at one point or another, even when you're not expecting it..." Paul dropped his head, "You left me Nico, you left Force India, and now look at us," Paul spoke, his voice sincere as he pushed his hands into his pockets.
"I'll see you again, wont I?" Nico merely asked, he was too weak to put up a fight, even for the one he loved. Paul merely nodded, turned his back and left the hotel room.
Pairing: Nico Hulkenberg/Paul Di Resta
Rating: PG
Length: 6683w
Summary: Being back at Force India reminds Nico of what he missed - who he missed. Nico decides to visit his old team mate at his first race in his new series. Seeing his old 2012 partner reminds him of what they shared together during their time as team mates and how he wants to rekindle that relationship despite the fact he'll only see him for the weekend, but he's too scared to admit he misses what they had.
(download fanmix here)
Nico watched as the other car was rolled back into its place. Swinging his legs back and forth the heels of his feet bounced against the cabinet, the noise a constant amongst the murmurings and engine noises that vibrated around the paddock. He watched as the driver of the car pushed himself out slowly, his orange, white, black and green race overalls emerging from the cockpit the driver was hidden in. Nico smiled, his chest filling with joy as he sipped from the water bottle sitting in his hands. Slowly, the owner of the sister car pulled off his helmet, then his balaclava. Nico's chest deflated as he watched the dark fluffy hair of his team mate reflect against the strong lights in the garage. His feet stopped swinging back and forth and Nico placed his water bottle next to him.
Sitting on his little couch in the driver room Nico waited for Will or Sandra to pull him from his solitude and meet with some press who asked the same old questions "Do you think your car is suited to this track?" "Do you have high hopes for the team this weekend?" "How are the tyres affecting your team?" Just the thought of having to be happy and cheerful around the media made him feel so... not happy. Scrolling through twitter on his phone Nico sighed, half of the people he followed wouldn't even be up at this time; the majority of his time line was spammed by Force India, reminding him of the session he just finished.
Biting down on his lip Nico rocked his head back, his unruly blond locks splaying against the light material covering the hard couch. Closing his eyes he remembered the joy he felt earlier, the hope that ran through his body as he watched his team mate. Only it was the wrong one.
Last year was an okay year, although he enjoyed working with Esteban, it just wasn't right. No other team mate felt right until he joined Force India in 2011 as their test driver. Last year was bearable, he'd see him walking around the paddock, his tall stature and nonchalant face roaming around. But no matter how bearable it was, it wasn't nice hearing or seeing that he had had a tough race, Nico just wanted to hug him, to tell him the next race would be fine, to support him in his decisions to bash the team. But he couldn't.
There was something about Paul. Something that Nico couldn't put his finger on, something that made him that perfect team mate. He had no idea, all he knew was that he missed it. He missed Paul.
* * *
The sun slowly began setting on the horizon, the pink sky keeping the world alight as the day dawned to an end. Tapping his thumb on the steering wheel Nico followed the road, the quiet dance music vibrating around his black Mercedes. Glancing at the time a small burst of joy ran through his body as he realised he'd be at his destination soon. Stifling a yawn Nico ran his hand through his hair briefly, questioning whether this was a good idea.
Reaching the hotel Nico parked in a spare spot, the majority of the places taken by Mercedes, BMWs and Audis. Turning the engine off Nico sat back in his seat, his chest rising and falling as he battled with himself. With a large sigh Nico grabbed his backpack that sat in the passenger seat and opened the car door, careful not to hit the blue car next to him. Spinning his keys around his finger Nico flicked them into his hoodie pocket and opened the boot of the car. The click of his suitcase hitting the ground echoed around the car park. A small sigh emerged from Nico before he bit down on his bottom lip and made his way into the hotel.
Nodding at drivers he recognised Nico felt his chest tighten, he was here now and he couldn't back out. Burying his spare hand in his pocket Nico wheeled his case behind him as he approached the front desk. The large light oak desk wrapping around the two people that stood behind it bewildered Nico slightly, they'd refurbished since the last time he'd stayed here. Avoiding small talk Nico quickly got his key card and headed towards the elevator.
Clicking the smooth metal button Nico watched the ring around it glow orange, reminding him of the car he used to share with Paul. Just the thought of seeing him drive, watching him in his element, it brought butterflies to Nico's stomach. A small smile grew on his face just as the elevator doors opened. Pulling his case behind him Nico stood in the corner of the empty lift, after pressing the button to his floor.
Falling onto the soft bed Nico felt the air from under the duvet fight its way out from underneath and into the open. Another yawn escaped from his mouth, alerting him that he needed to sleep. Pulling his phone from his jeans pocket he opened a new message, finding the little Scottish flag placed next to Paul's name to add to the recipient of his message.
Hi, I just arrived in the hotel - I don't know if you've had dinner but I'm hungry!
Sending the message Nico laughed to himself at how pathetic he was, it was 9pm, Paul had probably eaten already.
Closing his eyes briefly Nico was abruptly disturbed by the ping of his phone, stretching out he tapped around the cold, soft duvet before finding his phone. With a smile Nico looked at Paul's quick reply:
Glad you made it! I've already had dinner, but breakfast tomorrow? 7AM?
Nico's stomach flipped, the smile on his face continuous as he read the message over and over. Sitting up Nico replied with a simple "Sounds good!" and jumped off the bed. Flicking his shoes across the room Nico still had the smile on his face; discarding his clothing on the end of the bed he then rummaged through his bag, finding his phone charger and plugging it in. Nico crawled into the empty double bed, stretching his long body out and yawned once again. Sleep took over and his heavy eyelids started closing. A smile still apparent on his face.
* * *
The familiar ring from his phone woke Nico, stirring he stretched his long body out before reaching over to the fully charged phone and turning the annoying ring off. Pulling the charger out of the phone Nico rolled over, holding his phone above his head. With a grumble Nico looked at the time, the numbers reading 6:30 made him push his head further into the pillow before throwing his phone in the spare space on his bed.
Rolling out of bed Nico padded towards the bathroom, rubbing his hand over his tired face. Flinging his underwear off he stepped under the warm jets of water; the warm water cascaded down his body, allowing his body to wake up. Closing his eyes Nico let the water stream over his face; his mind ran free. A smile grew on Nico's face as he remembered that he'd be seeing Paul in less than half an hour, a giddy feeling grew in his stomach whilst he washed the shampoo out of his hair.
Nico tapped his foot against the carpeted floor of the elevator, his excitement nearly exploding from his veins whilst he smiled like a fool to a team mechanic dressed in Audi gear. Taking a deep breath Nico attempting to stay calm and make less of a fool out of himself. The number of people in the lift grew as the majority of team members and journalists made their way to breakfast or the track, either way Nico was now standing in the corner of the lift, squished next to a petite attractive woman. Looking at his watch he noted that he was just over 5 minute early, placing his hand back down on the side his hand brushed the woman next to him, "Sorry," Nico muttered looking at the woman who smiled back a smile that could only be described as flirtatious. The elevator rung announcing it was on the ground floor, the passengers filtered out and Nico let out a sigh of relief before stumbling out of the elevator and crossing the lobby towards the restaurant.
Scanning the open restaurant Nico searched for the Scot he wished to see. The morning sun shone through the large arched windows, shining against the white table clothes and pristine cutlery that sat on tables. Squinting Nico searched again, trying to find the brunet waiting at a table. "Nico!" called a familiar accent, the volume perfect so it wouldn't disturb the other guests too much. Snapping his head towards the call Nico saw the Scot sitting at a table, his hand half raised in the air in order to catch Nico's attention. Smiling Nico felt his stomach twist as he raised a hand and waved at Paul; his heart beating fast whilst he made his way towards his former team mate.
"Guten morgen," Nico smiled pulling a chair out and sitting opposite Paul on the small round table.
"Good morning," Paul laughed at the German before sipping at his cup of coffee sat in front of him. Paul watched as Nico observed his surroundings, his hands running over the handles of the cutlery that lay in front of him and his fingers caressing the napkin that sit delicately on the china plate.
"How long have you been down here," Paul was interrupted by the German accent across from him.
"About 5 minutes, got here before the rush," Paul replied. "Shall we get some food?" Paul asked resting his hands on the arms of the chair, ready to push himself up. Nico nodded and stood up, walking towards the breakfast buffet that lay on the other side of the room.
Paul watched as Nico placed the various meats on his plate as the made their way down the table. One thing Paul always remembered about Nico, he wasn't fussy over food. Reaching the end of the table Paul grabbed a fresh bread roll, the warm bread sitting in the palm of his hand before he placed it on the edge of his plate. Making his way back over towards his seat Paul nodded to the multiple team members and journalists who said hello. He watched the tall German walk in front of him, his white shirt fitted against his body, stretching over his muscles with every stride he took.
Sitting down Paul looked at Nico, his plate full of food. Biting the inside of his lip Paul grabbed his coffee mug and took a sip. "So I guess the weight limit isn't affecting you?" Paul asked.
"Nope," Nico grinned before placing a piece of food in his mouth. A waiter arrived and poured some coffee into Nico's empty mug; with a thanks and a smile Nico continued eating the food sat in front of him. Placing his knife and fork down on the side of the plate Paul cleared his throat, taking a small sip of the orange juice that sat in the tall glass next to his plate. "How's everyone at Force India?" Paul questioned, his voice sombre. Nico stopped chewing as he stared at the Scot in front of him.
"They're good..." Nico said after swallowing his half chewed mouthful, taking a large gulp of the fresh orange juice Nico took a deep breath and continued, "Some of them miss you, and we compare your stuff from last year more than we use Adrian's," he laughed. Opening his mouth to say more Nico promptly closed it once again, stopping his foolish words from ruining his day. "I.. er, so, ready for today?" Nico spoke changing the topic of conversation.
"I guess." Paul replied taking a long gulp from his glass.
Nico threw his napkin on the empty plate, letting out a yawn and resting back in his seat. Smiling over at the Scot he ran his hands through his hair before checking the time, "When are you going to the track?" he asked examining the time.
"Should be going in a minute," Paul replied looking at his own watch that sat on his wrist.
"Gut," Nico smiled pushing himself up, "You driving?" he chuckled leaving Paul still sat at the table.
Paul quickly pushed himself off, grabbed his back pack and followed the German out of the dining area. "Look speedy, you're not the one racing this weekend," Paul laughed tapping Nico's back as he caught up; with a small laugh Nico shook his head.
Sitting in the passenger seat Nico watched Paul, his eyes focused on the road in front of him. The way his hands glided over the steering wheel, as if it were the easiest thing to do. To Nico driving was easy, but the way Paul did it, it was different. Rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans Nico altered where his eyes were looking, staring out the window and watching his home country pass by.
Reaching the track Paul and Nico got out of the car, the silence between the two comfortable. Before even reaching the Mercedes motor home, Nico was pulled away by someone from PR. Paul watched as Nico was taken away, before he reached the motor home and greeted the team that were there. Observing the room Paul spotted Gary and his wife and sat down opposite them.
"Morning," Gary chirped, his lips upturned in a smile before he drunk from the espresso cup that sat on the coffee table between them.
"Good morning, you alright?" Paul asked. Gary and his wife nodded.
"Where's Nico?" Gary asked, searching around the room for the German.
"He got pulled away by someone from PR," Paul replied laughing regretfully.
"Guten Morgen," Came the familiar accent before Paul felt his weight shift beside him on the small couch. Paul looked over at Nico who had just thrown himself onto the seat next to him, a grin on his face. Biting down on the inside of his lip Paul watched as the German conversed with the Brit, his mind not paying any attention as to what they were saying, but to how Nico moved, his hands, his lips, the way his eyes lit up when he spoke about certain things; the way his lips contorted went he spoke about things that went wrong or could've been better. Paul missed that, he missed that a lot in team meetings in 2013.
Nico spoke to Gary in front of him, a driver he rarely had conversations with but knew well enough. However, during the conversation Nico couldn't help but notice the way Paul was looking at him. To any random person it would look like he's just really engaged in the topic of conversation, but Nico knew Paul. It was something different, it was a look that was often shared between the pair in 2012, but when Nico left, it stopped.
* * *
Paul sat in his car, his hands flexing around the wheel; he could feel the rumble of engines around him as a few cars sped down the pit lane. His engineer said a few words before Paul left the garage, on his way to set the fastest time he could. Paul knew this track like the back of his hand, he still even held the track record from 2010, but for some reason he just couldn't feel it. The car wasn't as fast, he couldn't seem to get that extra edge he always found in his cars from early on in his career. Focusing on the racing line and catching that apex was his main goal, abuse the track limits and hope for a few tenths here and there.
Sitting in the garage once again Paul grabbed the water bottle from his trainer and took small sips, waiting for his car to be sorted before he could go out to set another time. He knew he was in the drop zone, but he wanted to try one more time. To beat the rest of his team mates and show that he could still master DTM like his successful years beforehand.
Paul remembered the tough qualifying sessions against Nico, they'd push each other to the limits; neither wanted to be beaten by the other. Moreover, he remembered the tough times. The times Nico would do amazing and Paul didn't get into the top 10 or vice versa, and their private moments after before team debrief. It felt like he could feel Nico's arms around him and his breath on his skin. Shaking himself out of the haze, he drove his car out of the garage in hope to set a decent time.
Entering the final corner Paul put his foot down, bringing all the speed he could to get a decent lap. As he made his way down the start/finish straight he watched at the grandstands flashed by, the mix of colours from flags and banners running through is peripheral vision before he prepared himself for the first corner.
Watching the chequered flag wave Paul pushed hard on the throttle, trying to push what he could out of his struggling Mercedes. Paul let out a deep sigh, his dash board showing that he hadn't improved, punching his wheel slightly Paul continued to cruise round the circuit. Reaching the pit lane Paul slowed down before pulling his car into the garage.
He stepped out of his car, his eyes full of disappointment as a few of his mechanics gave him some sympathetic slaps on the back. Paul left the garage and made his way down to the pit lane to park fermé, looking into the garages as he passed Paul remembered his success from 2010. If he were still in a successful car he'd be preparing for Q2, waiting to set even faster times and eventually getting pole. But that was not to be. Paul was soon interrupted by Verena Wriedt who wanted to interview the former World Champion.
* * *
Sitting in his own personal drivers room Paul ran his hands over his short hair and down his face; a large sigh escaping the Scot as his thoughts from the day seemed to flood into his mind. A tap at the door disrupted Paul, a grunt in reply allowed whoever was behind the door to come in. Paul looked over and in all honesty, he didn't want to see the person standing at the door.
The click of the door echoed behind Nico as he stepped into the small-ish room and stared at the Scot that sat opposite him. Nico lifted his hand up and ran it through his scruffy blond hair; biting down on his lip he waited for Paul to speak.
"I... um, sorry?" Nico broke the silence.
"What for?" Paul mumbled a reply; he started at the wall, his eyes not moving from the white wall and avoiding Nico.
"Your performance, I mean, it wasn't good,"
"Save it Nico," Paul shifted in his seat, "I knew I'd be shit, it's obvious, I've got all these young guns around me, how do you expect me to spend 3 years of my life hoping to become champion in F1 and then automatically perform well in DTM, it doesn't work like that," his rant continued, the German stood on the other side of the room slightly taken aback at the Scots random surge of anger.
"Sorry," Nico whispered crossing the room and sitting himself down next to Paul.
The pair sat there in silence for a long while. Nico rested his hand between himself and Paul, sliding it down the sofa and touching Paul's leg. He saw Paul react slightly, his head cocking to the side as he watched Nico slid his hand over his small knee.
"Paul mate!" came the English accent bursting in, Nico ripped his hand from Paul's knee and quickly rummaged for his phone, "Oh sorry," Gary's voice was calmer as he noticed the pair sitting there, the silence obvious to the Brit.
"Did you want something?" Paul asked as he stood up, searching for his discarded Mercedes jumper.
"I... yeah," Gary shook his head trying to figure out what he was here for. "Autosport want us for some British driver thing they're writing," he watched as Paul shoved on the Mercedes jumper.
"Yeah, I'll come now," Paul smiled at the fellow German, "You know where you're going Nico, I'll see you later," he waved.
"Auf Wiedersehen," Nico smiled with a wave before he watched the two Brits disappear around the corner.
Letting out a deep breath Nico leant back into the sofa, dropped his head back and sighed. He missed Paul too much and it was slowly taking control of him, maybe coming to the race wasn't a good idea.
* * *
Making his way back into his room Paul noticed that Nico was missing, the tall German not hard to miss around the Mercedes hospitality; especially with the throng of press surrounding the two German Nico's, but one was missing. Paul let out a deep sigh before entering his room and throwing himself onto the sofa. Staring up at the ceiling Paul didn't know what to do any more, his performance has never been affected by someone this bad before, it wasn't like him. Lifting his watch he looked at the time, waiting until it was reasonable for him to go back to the hotel.
Soon enough Paul decided to join his mechanics and engineers in the garage, going through some details, hoping that his performance tomorrow would be better - it was a long shot, but points would be good not just for the team but for him, he desperately needed that reassurance that he still had what he takes to be successful in DTM. He'd seen many F1 drivers go to DTM and underperform, he didn't want to be added to the list.
* * *
Shoving his clothes in his suitcase Nico rummaged around for all his belongings and packed them away. It was a bad mistake to see him, very bad. Out of sheer politeness Nico grabbed the duvet and flipped it in the air letting it slowly float down and make the bed look less scruffy, making the room look somewhat presentable despite that fact the bedding will be discarded and washed later. With a quick look around Nico made sure he hadn't forgotten anything before leaving.
Nico stood at the front desk, taping his key card against the surface as he waited to be seen to.
"Leaving so soon Mr. Hulkenberg?" came a nice feminine voice, looking up Nico was greeted by pure perfection, her eyes glistening against the bright room, her hair deep brown, long and wavy... and her breasts, it was like she was born to turn a gay man straight - not like she knew he was gay. Shaking his head Nico smiled and handed the key card to the woman and merely nodded. Quickly paying whatever fee he was meant to pay Nico grabbed his things and turned to leave.
"Nico?" came the all too familiar voice. Nico froze, he didn't want to bump into him. Looking at his watch he would have thought he'd still be at the track.
"Paul," Nico smiled as he turned and faced the Scot.
"You're leaving? I thought you were staying until tomorrow night?" Paul asked gesturing towards Nico's bags, a look of sadness slowly growing on his face.
"I... Yes," Nico replied looking at his bags and up to Paul, "I have some things that need to be done," Nico lied. He didn't want to be here. He knew he'd do something stupid.
"Oh, well..." Paul looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'll see you another time then?"
"Yeah, sure," Nico smiled grasping the strap of his back pack, his eyes searching Paul's face, Paul's lips looked so inviting; all Nico wanted to do was grab him and kiss him, but he couldn't. "Good luck tomorrow, Paul," this time Nico didn't smile, he merely just turned and left the hotel.
"Bye," Paul whispered before turning and heading up to his hotel room.
* * *
Wrapping his fingers around the steering wheel Paul waited for his mechanic to finish strapping him in. A tug of the belt and a tap on Paul's helmet let him know that it was time to race. He watched as the people started dispersing off the grid, the smiles on their faces as they rushed to take their seats in hospitality to watch the first race of the DTM season. Anticipation ran through Paul's body, usually he was pumped for a race, he was ready to take on everything, however now he was not. Closing his eyes for a second Paul took a deep breath, a surge of pain running through him. He knew he missed him, but he was probably the other side of Germany or in a different country right now. Nico was the last thing he wanted on his mind, he knew he couldn't see him every weekend, unlike 2012 when they practically lived out of each other's pockets 20 races of the year. Shaking his head he looked for a signal to start the warm up lap, trying to rid everything from his mind, only wanting to focus on the race.
The chequered flag waved, indicating that the gruelling race was over. Crossing the line Paul bowed his head slightly disappointment running through his body before he continued to concentrate on his surroundings and made his way round the track for the final time this week - it was somewhat a relief knowing that he wouldn't have to race for another two weeks. He hoped that this performance was just a one off thing, that it will soon turn around.
Paul spoke to numerous amounts of German magazines and newspapers, he was wanted by everyone, "Former Champ messes up Comeback" he could see the headlines, journalists waiting to dig their teeth into him and ask about his past DTM career, his F1 career and his comeback. He couldn't wait to go back to the hotel.
* * *
Paul lay against the cream duvet, his head resting against the soft feather pillows that were stacked up behind his head; he stared at his phone, knowing that with a few touches he'd be waiting to hear his voice. Biting down on his lip he caught the dry skin with his teeth, the slight pain shooting through his body as he teeth ripped the dry skin off his lips. "Fuck it." Paul said to himself, his hand reached for his phone and found Nico's number.
Paul chewed on the inside of his lip, the nerves racking through his body as he listened to the rings and waited for Nico to pick up. He debated with himself, wondering whether to hang up or wait to hear the German's voice. Just has he was about to pull the phone away and hang up Paul was greeted with the soft voice speaking.
"Paul?" Nico's voice was full of concern as the Scot struggled to speak.
"Um... Hi," Paul replied,
"Did I forget something or?" Nico asked, the confusion prominent in his voice.
"I.. no..." Paul hesitated, "I was wondering where you were?"
"I'm in Frankfurt Paul, I spoke to you yesterday, you knew I was going?" Nico replied, it was clear that his confusion was high by the way the pitch of his voice waved as he spoke.
"I yeah, I knew that..." Paul bit down on his lip, "OK, what I meant Nico, is that..." his lungs filled with air and he could hear his heart beating in his ears, his mouth grew dry before letting a gust of air leave his body, "I want to see you." He rushed out, clenching his eyes, hoping that Nico wanted the same.
"But... I thought you -"
"Shut it Nico, can I see you or not?" Paul asked, Nico's chuckle running through the phone and sending a constant smile on Paul's face.
"Yes you can, I'll text you where I am, Ja?"
"Sure," Paul smiled, relief running through his body before saying goodbye and packing all his things.
Looking at his watch he knew that there would still be some personnel roaming about, probably a few team mates and journalists looming in the lobby too. Clicking the button for the lift he waited, hoping that he wouldn't bump into anyone and if he did then they wouldn't ask why he was leaving so early.
Surprisingly the lobby was pretty much empty, a few people milling about, but luckily people who would have no interest in Paul. He made his way over to the lobby desk to sign out, a questioning look from the employee as they wondered why he was leaving so early, well late, but didn't bother asking. With a small smile Paul grabbed his suit case and left the hotel, his head low making sure he avoided anyone who wanted to question him and his journey.
Paul placed his bags in the boot of his car, the silent car park allowing him to be only in his thoughts, his sole presence comforting him considering everyone's eyes have been on him this weekend, and will be until he gets back on the podium. Shutting the boot of his car Paul swung his car keys round in his hand before sitting in the driver's seat, comfort beneath him as he rested into the seat.
His hands gripped the steering wheel as he drove down the autobahn; it was as if he were chasing the sun as it started to set at the end of the road, the sky was a deep purple as it pushed the sun away waiting to turn jet black and let the stars shine above. Paul tapped his thumb against the steering wheel, his phone alerting him of a message. It was Nico telling him to meet him at the bar when he arrived. Paul shrugged, maybe a drink - or two - would do him some good.
Parking in the nearest free space next to the hotel Paul sat in silence for a while, his body slumped in the seat and the engine still bubbling as he decided what to do. Shutting off the engine he left his back pack in the passenger seat and made his way towards the hotel. A woozy feeling ran through his body, his stomach knotting up with each step closer towards the hotel. With one final deep breath he hopped up the steps and entered the hotel.
Nico sat at the bar, his eyes watching as he slid his empty whisky glass from on hand to the other, the puddle of water creating lines down the deep wooden bar top. His breathing was heavy before he asked the bartender for a refill and the proceeded to gulp the contents of the strong alcohol down, a slight burn down his throat as he slowly felt his inhibitions leave his body. Nico was never the one to get drunk, nor was he one to drink whisky, but with the strong Scottish presence soon to arrive he felt like he needed it, to help him in a way he wasn't to sure.
"Whisky?" Nico's body froze, he was unprepared, he didn't know what to say. He left Hockenheim to get away from Paul, to sort his feelings out, and now they all came rushing back. The giddy feeling grew in his body once again, a slight smile growing on his face before he replied.
"I've got to replace you somehow, and why not with something else Scottish?" Nico's lips were curled into a thin smile as he looked up at the Scot who towered him slightly. His heart pounded against his chest as he took in the slight stubble resting on Paul's jaws, his brown eyes staring at Nico as the flicked around his face. Without a word to Nico, Paul took the chair next to him and nodded at the bartender gesturing at Nico's empty glass and asking for another.
The pair sat in silence as the stared at the golden brown liquid sitting at the bottom of the glass.
"So..." Nico drew out, twisting the glass round in his hand, watching a new puddle of water grow on the bar, "You came here for?" his head twisted and he looked at the Scot, his head bowed before he brought the glass up and took a sip. Nico's eyes wandered over Paul's hand as it grasped the glass, his long fingers wrapping around the glass and tipping it, allowing the liquid to sooth his body slightly.
"I just needed a friend," Paul let out a breath and bit down on his bottom lip,
"What about Gary or Gerry?" Nico asked taking a sip of his own drink, Paul merely let out an airy laugh before lifting his head and looking over at Nico, stopping for a moment to admire Nico's blue eyes.
"A friend," Paul whispered, his voice soft and secure to Nico's ears. Nico merely nodded.
The pair spoke about anything but racing, it was hard considering their whole lives revolved around racing, but they did it. Nico observed the drinks cabinet, his eyes flicking over each and every bottle of alcohol, the odd names, different colours and no doubt, different usages. A slight tickle on his hand disrupted his observations, looking down he noticed Paul had edged his hand further over, his little finger running over Nico's as it sat flat on the side. Paul suddenly stopped and pulled his arm into his lap, bowing his head as he noticed Nico look over at Paul. Shaking his head Nico laughed, picking up his drink he downed the rest of the burning liquid and smacked the glass down on the table, the sound vibrating down the bar top and breaking the serene environment around the pair.
"Do you wanna go up to my room?" Nico asked in a whisper; Paul's head snapped up and looked at Nico, his eyes wide full of surprise and worry, nodding slightly Paul followed Nico's actions and poured the rest of the contents of his glass down his throat, scrunching his face up slightly at the burning sensation that ran through his body. Nico muttered some German words to the bartender before slipping off the bar stool and making his way out of the bar, Paul followed suit.
Waiting for the dot to turn green Nico tapped his foot, his impatience growing as he wanted to get into his room. The deep breaths of Paul coming from behind him brushed against the back of his neck, the proximity of the pair too close to even explain in public. Flinging the door open Nico threw the key card to the floor and shut the door behind Paul.
Their breathing was heavy as the pair stared at each other, their eyes full of lust as the slowly edges towards each other. Nico took the first step, slowly lifting his hand and caressing Paul's stubble that rested on his jaw, his eye lids dropping as he stared at Paul's lips before running his tongue over his own, taming himself from what he wanted to do. Feeling Paul's finger tips run around his waist Nico shuffled closer.
Pressing his lips to Paul's he felt Paul stumble back slightly before gripping onto Nico's shirt and pulling the German into his chest, the pair both stumbling backwards into the wall. Their breathing staggered as they both fought against each other. Paul brought his hands up and ran them threw Nico's scruffy blond hair, gripping at the ends and pushing Nico closer - if it were even possible. A small bite on Paul's bottom lip from Nico caused Paul to let out a deep breath and moan. Nico grinned beneath the kiss, a slight chuckle escaping him as he undone the two buttons on Paul's polo shirt that he'd left done up. "I've been wanting this all weekend." Nico whispered as he pulled Paul's shirt over his head before crashing his lips on Paul's once again.
* * *
The sun shone through the cream curtains, the open window sending a soft breeze around the room as the pair slept peacefully. As the dim light illuminated the room Paul stirred in his sleep, the thin cover wrapped around his waist; opening his eyes he groaned softly, his head throbbing as he let out a long puff of hair. Rolling round on his back he noticed another body in his peripheral vision, rubbing his eyes Paul turned his head to see the blond asleep next to him. Letting another long puff of air Paul pushed himself up slowly, mentally thanking himself that he'd put underwear back on last night, and avoided any discomfort from the awful hangover his was currently suffering.
"Guten Morgen," the German whispered, Paul felt Nico shuffle around on the bed, his arm flinging out and caressing Paul's back. Paul's body stiffened under Nico's touch, his eyes clenching shut stopping himself from doing something stupid. He didn't want to hurt Nico, but maybe he had to.
"Paul?" Nico whispered, shuffling over the ruffled bed sheets and running his hand softly over Paul's covered shoulder as he sat himself up, instantly Paul's shoulder shoved Nico's hand off him and pushing his own body off the bed and collected his clothes. "I'm sorry," Nico whispered, "It's been a year, I understand,"
"No, Nico, you don't." His voice was full of grit, "You don't understand." He spat,
"What do you mean?" Nico said grabbing his shirt from the end of the bed and shoving it on, his eyes upon Paul's back, watching his body close in on itself.
"This." He said turning around and gesturing to everything around him, "It can't happen any more." a sigh escaping his mouth. Paul looked up at Nico with his eyes full of rage compared to Nico's light eyes filled with compassion.
Nico pushed himself off the bed and stepped towards the Scot, their matching height making it easy for him to read his face. Paul's jaw was tight and his skin grew red, his breathing heavy as he avoided Nico's stare.
"What?" Nico whispered, his voice broken and his body slumped,
"I can't do this any more Nico, it's not like 2012, it will never be and I need to move on," he said as he started changing into his clothes,
"But..." Nico slumped onto the bed, his eyes staring up at Paul in disbelief.
Nico watched as Paul collected the rest of his belongings that were scattered around the room. "Wait!" he shouted, Paul's body jumping slightly in shock at the anger coming from the German, "This was all your idea! I left Saturday because I wanted to get away, to stop what I felt for you and you come back... and you use me because your car's shit?" Paul didn't answer, his body was stiff as he searched around silently for his car keys. "Answer me!" the surge of anger running through Nico's body as he shouted at the Scot.
"Yes." Paul whispered as he stood up and faced the German, "Yes, I used you, I'm sorry," Paul's voice was nonchalant, his eyes lifeless as he stared at the German, "But Nico, you can't have everything, it leaves at one point or another, even when you're not expecting it..." Paul dropped his head, "You left me Nico, you left Force India, and now look at us," Paul spoke, his voice sincere as he pushed his hands into his pockets.
"I'll see you again, wont I?" Nico merely asked, he was too weak to put up a fight, even for the one he loved. Paul merely nodded, turned his back and left the hotel room.