(no subject)
There is a girl that I know that is not gorgeous but very cute and smart, I've known this for a long time. We'll say it was a very long time ago, it was, I can't even remember but maybe two or three situations of it, over a period of my adolescence. Its the smart chicks that get tits first, maybe. I haven't studied that too much. And its not that important. Or it might be.
Anyway we were fast favorites because she had tits and I was good at soccer, the best really, its- definetely not true that good at soccer has anything to do with how smart I am, but the girls who got tits first probably say the same thing about their tits. Breasts, I mean. Maybe I was good at soccer because I would someday learn that I like big tits, I mean breasts, that might be more likely.
Anyway, I was over at her apartment, and usually when I'm over at her apartment I'm there because one of us wants it, last time it was her so I figured that it was my turn, it was almost that time according to the clock we usually go by, something like 7 months. She usually handles the clock.
Anyway, first of all I have got to stop starting paragraphs that way, and secondly I didn't get any. I was shot down in all the ways that usually work, in order, there's probably about 50 of them, or fifty two, or 54... I don't know cards very well. If I could ever come up with fifty something tactics, a project for the future. I didn't get any. I wasn't all that disappointed, and wouldn't have been all that relieved if I had succeeded, but god damen, when you pull out that deck of cards it means you're in a world of hurt for some ugly reason. Or I might pull a hand once and fold but- oh fuck the metaphor I was not doing fine, and I was there to release some tension.
An enthusiastic ride home did not release said tension.
It's probably still in me somewhere, I think I called it frustration before, but its not frustration.
I didnt get any because shes made an oath to same guy dating last time she called, or not dating for a window she allowed... that's what I'll tell myself. Its true I bet. Or she was- well, girls get better excuses for turning it down than guys do, and the one she gave didn't sit well so I'll make one up.
I was jealous of that oath. I want one. Done with the rest I think, all who assert themselves here will from now on be making oaths that I believe, or try to believe, or something. Its a really big deal. I don't think I'll be able to handle being single under this doctrine will I? No. I am a moron. But at least I'm jealous of somebody, sortof, hes- overseas. I'll tell myself that has a lot to do with it. She's not even that good. Neither am I. I'm just not good enough for these goddamned oaths yet. But there are things, there are things here, cosmic shit, I'll tell evelyn. She'll know how to handle it. I don't mean anything by that, she just seems to have a handle on the good advice I get lately.
I should not be thinking of these things. Its over with now, I am only thinking of packing and pissing and needle and thread and socks and laundry and amtrak and those other morons who ride and slave on it. Bourbon. Bourbon. To hell with all that up there, I say BOURBON.
Which might be why it takes so long to get to points like this, or maybe not, fuckit I am only 21, I can afford (I mean I can really afford it too) to drink bourbon, its a weak thing to do, a shitty thing to do to all that up there...
It occurs to me that maybe my muslim friend who bought me six shots of tequila two by two the other night was trying to get me to say no to them. I failed. Oh, shut up you, you and your do the right smart conservative thing, the guy had a credit card that was my other friends. I dont remember if the tip existed. I don't really give a shit about the bartender but he was a friend of the guys in the bar, and gave me a free round. I was only trying to write on a napkin for chrissakes, these people are not in my league. Well, they're from some of europes conquered and liberated territories. Sometimes I think they were right, fuck England.
Thats just a terrible thing to say and I wouldn't say it around them.
Anyway we were fast favorites because she had tits and I was good at soccer, the best really, its- definetely not true that good at soccer has anything to do with how smart I am, but the girls who got tits first probably say the same thing about their tits. Breasts, I mean. Maybe I was good at soccer because I would someday learn that I like big tits, I mean breasts, that might be more likely.
Anyway, I was over at her apartment, and usually when I'm over at her apartment I'm there because one of us wants it, last time it was her so I figured that it was my turn, it was almost that time according to the clock we usually go by, something like 7 months. She usually handles the clock.
Anyway, first of all I have got to stop starting paragraphs that way, and secondly I didn't get any. I was shot down in all the ways that usually work, in order, there's probably about 50 of them, or fifty two, or 54... I don't know cards very well. If I could ever come up with fifty something tactics, a project for the future. I didn't get any. I wasn't all that disappointed, and wouldn't have been all that relieved if I had succeeded, but god damen, when you pull out that deck of cards it means you're in a world of hurt for some ugly reason. Or I might pull a hand once and fold but- oh fuck the metaphor I was not doing fine, and I was there to release some tension.
An enthusiastic ride home did not release said tension.
It's probably still in me somewhere, I think I called it frustration before, but its not frustration.
I didnt get any because shes made an oath to same guy dating last time she called, or not dating for a window she allowed... that's what I'll tell myself. Its true I bet. Or she was- well, girls get better excuses for turning it down than guys do, and the one she gave didn't sit well so I'll make one up.
I was jealous of that oath. I want one. Done with the rest I think, all who assert themselves here will from now on be making oaths that I believe, or try to believe, or something. Its a really big deal. I don't think I'll be able to handle being single under this doctrine will I? No. I am a moron. But at least I'm jealous of somebody, sortof, hes- overseas. I'll tell myself that has a lot to do with it. She's not even that good. Neither am I. I'm just not good enough for these goddamned oaths yet. But there are things, there are things here, cosmic shit, I'll tell evelyn. She'll know how to handle it. I don't mean anything by that, she just seems to have a handle on the good advice I get lately.
I should not be thinking of these things. Its over with now, I am only thinking of packing and pissing and needle and thread and socks and laundry and amtrak and those other morons who ride and slave on it. Bourbon. Bourbon. To hell with all that up there, I say BOURBON.
Which might be why it takes so long to get to points like this, or maybe not, fuckit I am only 21, I can afford (I mean I can really afford it too) to drink bourbon, its a weak thing to do, a shitty thing to do to all that up there...
It occurs to me that maybe my muslim friend who bought me six shots of tequila two by two the other night was trying to get me to say no to them. I failed. Oh, shut up you, you and your do the right smart conservative thing, the guy had a credit card that was my other friends. I dont remember if the tip existed. I don't really give a shit about the bartender but he was a friend of the guys in the bar, and gave me a free round. I was only trying to write on a napkin for chrissakes, these people are not in my league. Well, they're from some of europes conquered and liberated territories. Sometimes I think they were right, fuck England.
Thats just a terrible thing to say and I wouldn't say it around them.