miserable =(

[underoath_x]

i just cant do it anymore.im not who i once was. i hate fakin a smile .i hate acting like everything is fine when nothing in my life is fine at all.everyone sees thats im depressed even when im home(lindenhurst) cause i no ill be going back to this fucking mountain place soon.i wake up every morning thinking ill be going to school in lindenhurst and waking up next to victoria in our pretty room that we shared thinking that the day before that was a bad dream and its all over but it really isnt. i dont think noone in this wrold knows how badly i miss my friends and how badly i miss my boyfriend./im still scared til this day he might leave me again and i really hope that doesnt happen cause im life would be so mierable worse then it already is./im ttrying my best and my hardest . it just hard from being so popular and everyone loving you and come some where to wear everyone hates you. and noone is there to make u smile or laugh.im sick of crying and i want everything to bad to normal i know people say that they know im not the same victoria see's it all the time just by looking in my eyes that she knows im trying my best vic hates seeing me like this. I feel like when i go to school im facing my biggest fear. i feel like im nothing noone even notices if im there or not(in school). im stomach and head hurts all day and night cause of these nerves and stress.i need to deal with it tho.cause i hope and pray that this year flys and ill be back home where i belong living the happyest life that i deserve . i want to get a job badly i need money so i can get my fucking liecence and a fuckin car so i can leave here whenever i feel like it. my mom doesnt even listen to me cause she knows what she did was wrong by moving here cause one im miserable im fucking up in school two here son doesnt even see her or like hardly even call three she doesnt see her other daughter or her granddaughter four she needs to listen to me bitch and moan everyday how much i cant stand this fucking place. i dont know anyone but just to deeal with this fucking place til the summer then deal with it six months after that until im 18.

I love you so much julian
i miss you all friends =(