i know i was raised in a generation of apathy
i wish i weren't alone right now. it's been a long night of not sleeping and introspection and writing and all of the things i've been avoiding as of late. it's been a long few months of teetering between over emotional and complete apathy about my life, which are crazy extremes to go back and forth from. it leaves me exhausted and longing. longing for what i'm not sure, but just that hollow feeling that i can usually fill with promises made to myself that i know i'll never keep.
through this apathy i somehow found tears. not sobbing frantic crying. nothing hysterical. just tears. out of nowhere. it was a fucking awesome moment. it's been far too long since i've been moved to tears by something.
maybe it was debbie finding me on myspace this morning.
maybe it was reconnecting with a childhood friend after 10 years.
maybe it was my coming to terms with this eating disorder shit.
maybe it was a little of everything that happened today. it's been a long day, and an even longer night.
so i tried to hide behind my headphones and just go back to apathy. but that's when her voice started up on the random play-list i had set up. and then there were tears. out of nowhere. "and i can't rescue myself now, but i'll pray with faith like a child." i'm not even religious, but that fucking line broke me.
the sun is rising and i'm second guessing everything i've known.
i've broken every promise
i promised myself i'd keep,
and here upon this rising dawn
i'm composing a dead man's empty silhouette
with the charcoal covered mindset
of a drunken artist ,
shaken from my soul's vibration.
my hands turned bold faced liars
reaching out for the next excuse,
while secretly searching the silence
for some semblance of truth.
through this apathy i somehow found tears. not sobbing frantic crying. nothing hysterical. just tears. out of nowhere. it was a fucking awesome moment. it's been far too long since i've been moved to tears by something.
maybe it was debbie finding me on myspace this morning.
maybe it was reconnecting with a childhood friend after 10 years.
maybe it was my coming to terms with this eating disorder shit.
maybe it was a little of everything that happened today. it's been a long day, and an even longer night.
so i tried to hide behind my headphones and just go back to apathy. but that's when her voice started up on the random play-list i had set up. and then there were tears. out of nowhere. "and i can't rescue myself now, but i'll pray with faith like a child." i'm not even religious, but that fucking line broke me.
the sun is rising and i'm second guessing everything i've known.
i've broken every promise
i promised myself i'd keep,
and here upon this rising dawn
i'm composing a dead man's empty silhouette
with the charcoal covered mindset
of a drunken artist ,
shaken from my soul's vibration.
my hands turned bold faced liars
reaching out for the next excuse,
while secretly searching the silence
for some semblance of truth.