(no subject)
someone stop me.
or at least weigh the pros and cons for me.
right now i'm way too emotionally numb to even care if it's a bad idea.
i'm armed with enough of an 'i don't give a fuck' attitude at this point to make the most heart-wrenching / terrifying hour and a half drive of my life. why? because i'm sitting here wearing her t-shirt and i can still remember when it smelled like her. why? because i still fucking care even though none of my friends want me to have anything to do with her. i still fucking care. and what makes it worse - i know, even though she's dating someone, she does too. i need to look her in the eyes and tell her to send me some closure. throw a little resolve my way. not come in and out of my life every few months to remind me that she still has feelings for me.....but that she's in a committed relationship and her girlfriend won't let her come see me. so, therefore, i may as well make that fucking drive to muncie and see her.
so i may not know what her work / school schedule is.
so i may not remember how to get to her house.
so her girlfriend may want to take my head off once she find out who i am.
still in so many ways it seems worth it.
and in just as many ways it doesn't.
...and i try to draw the line, but it ends up running down the middle of me most of the time
or at least weigh the pros and cons for me.
right now i'm way too emotionally numb to even care if it's a bad idea.
i'm armed with enough of an 'i don't give a fuck' attitude at this point to make the most heart-wrenching / terrifying hour and a half drive of my life. why? because i'm sitting here wearing her t-shirt and i can still remember when it smelled like her. why? because i still fucking care even though none of my friends want me to have anything to do with her. i still fucking care. and what makes it worse - i know, even though she's dating someone, she does too. i need to look her in the eyes and tell her to send me some closure. throw a little resolve my way. not come in and out of my life every few months to remind me that she still has feelings for me.....but that she's in a committed relationship and her girlfriend won't let her come see me. so, therefore, i may as well make that fucking drive to muncie and see her.
so i may not know what her work / school schedule is.
so i may not remember how to get to her house.
so her girlfriend may want to take my head off once she find out who i am.
still in so many ways it seems worth it.
and in just as many ways it doesn't.
...and i try to draw the line, but it ends up running down the middle of me most of the time