(no subject)

[undercoverninja]

So I sit here thinking about everything that has changed in the past year. In merely a year, everything is the exact opposite and at the same time I love it, but at the same time I hate it. I have never been the type of peron that does adapt well to change in any shape or form at all. I always like things to stay the way that they are. Around this exact time last year, I met someone that was nothing short of amazing (yes, that's you tom), formed new friendships while others faded away. And yes, it was nice that I was with Jason and absolutely nothing was wrong between us. Everything was perfect. I can remember Mike and I staying up on the phone until god knows when EVERY NIGHT watching t.v. together and making up spanish subtitles and laughing until it hurt and we were both in tears. I mean sure, right now isn't all bad, i have gained back my brittany and everything is okay in my world, and I don't mean to sound selfish but it is simply not good or nearly as good as it was last year. Which makes me miss just about everything and think about everything. Yes, it makes me miss Mike. It makes me miss Jason. It makes me miss Steve. It makes me miss last summer and all of the wonderful things that I learned and experienced last year. To put it simply, I have been embracing the past for quite sometime and I can't bring myself to reality. I don't really think that I want to, but I have to. All good things come to an end, and maybe it's time now that I accept it, no matter how hard a reject that concept. I just can't help that I can remember when it was good and I am left with all of the memories. I know I won't forget a thing. I'm simply left here constantly dreaming. All that love that I had was too good to last, and I'm too old to dream anymore. This whole life is too good to last, yet I'm too young to care. I'm stuck. And I overanalyze and overanalyze and drive myself crazy time and time again. I'm just tired. My mind is so disorganized and chaotic. I suppose I just need everything to get back on track again. This might not even making sense anymore, I won't re-read it though, because then I won't post it. My ramblings you've just witnessesd are just an example of a small portion of what goes through my head constanty. I guess i'll get over it.

Nothing will ever stay the same.