the way girls do
before going inside, i checked the ashtray just outside the front doors to see if she had arrived yet. she had - a cigarette butt with a thin ring of plum passion no. 94 lipstick had been stubbed out in the gray sand.
i was with her when she bought that lipstick. she ignored the signs in the drugstore that said "please see an associate for assistance before trying on any cosmetic products" and tore through the plastic wrapping. you know, the way girls do.
"oh, i'm going to buy it, so i don't care," she said when i pointed out the sign. she dabbed the lipstick on the back of her hand.
"it's made of fish scales, you know," i announced.
"like i care." she held her hand up next to her mouth. "well? how's it look?"
"i don't know."
"oh, that's right," she said with mock surprise. she was looking at my sloppy ponytail and baggy clothes with what i could only interpret as pity. "i forgot that you're an all natural type."
i ignored her, knowing what she was going to say next.
"we should give you a makeover." she said it.
"i like me the way i am," i replied, half-believing it.
a woman in a red vest approached us. "is there something i can help you two with?"
"oh, no, i think we've got it." she quickly snapped the lid back on the lipstick and turned away from the woman. "thank you, though."
i was thinking about that lipstick as i entered the meeting room.
"the whole purpose of the workshop is for all of you to acclimate yourselves to - you're late," a woman in last year's blues said as i walked in. everyone turned to look at me.
"it's 9:00?" i asked.
"yes." the woman looked at something above and behind my head - the clock, i learned later. "we started at 8:50. please take a seat, and hurry."
my face reddening, i took the empty seat next to my lipsticked companion. "you told me this thing started at 9," i hissed.
"shh." her breath and black dress reeked of cigarette smoke. she was taking notes on a pink pad in her lap. i peeked over to see what she was writing.
the lady who had made it a point to draw attention to my tardiness (the bitch) was talking again. "my name is susan, for those of you who didn't hear it the first time," she said, looking at me.
well, fuck you, susan, i thought to myself.
"since this workshop will involve a lot of group work, i think everyone should stand up and introduce yourself, and tell us why you're here," susan said. "we'll start with you." she pointed, thankfully, to a guy on the other side of the room.
i sat and listened without really listening. at my elbow, she was furiously scribbling notes about each attendee. you know, the way girls do.
david, mark, curtis, luke. "luke is cute," i saw her write. "single?"
on to the ladies. blanche, sarah, kimberly, paula. "blanche looks like a bitch," she wrote. "and kimberly's pants? give me a break (sooo last year!)"
"that's not very nice," i whispered.
she looked up at me with a start, then quickly pulled the pad up to her chest.
it was my turn to introduce myself. i felt like i was 12 again, and it was the first day of seventh grade. i had been friends with her even then.
except in seventh grade, it was nice mrs. klegg, and not this bitch susan, who asked me to introduce myself. and mrs. klegg complimented the pink bow my mom had made me wear in my hair. susan was just looking at me like i had stumbled off planet homeless.
and in seventh grade, we had to tell everyone what our favorite tv show was and our favorite movie and what we did over summer vacation. everyone in my class went to the beach, except me. even she went, and she'd had her hair braided at this wild t-shirt store on the boardwalk by this lady who talked like she was jamaican but her mom said she thought it was a fake accent.
she kept those braids in her hair until christmas, when she starting going out with the boy i'd had a crush on since fourth grade.
"oh, come on!" she'd yelled at me when i locked myself in one of the stalls in the girls' bathroom and started crying. "he never liked you. you know that. so why are you acting like he's yours exclusively or something? i mean, he doesn't even know you exist!"
yeah, i don't know why i'm still friends with her, either.
when she got up to introduce herself at the meeting, i saw all their eyes on her - david, mark, curtis, luke. she was giggly and flirtatious and coy. susan probably thought she was a lesbian.
she kept the pink pad out of my line of vision for the rest of the introduction. to even catch a glimpse of it, i had to completely turn my head to the right. i decided not to risk it. no use drawing anymore attention to myself.
susan split us up into two groups to have "peer discussion." i was with blanche the bitch and bad pants kimberly, along with curtis, who smelled like icy hot, and david, who was wearing a frilly purple shirt.
i saw her take the seat next to luke and flash him that seductive smile she reserved for when she saw a potential one-night stand.
the rest of the day consisted of this stupid shit with "what if" questions proposed by susan. luke and ms. lipstick were being especially affectionate with each other (i saw him put his hand on her bare knee and run it up her thigh, under her skirt, when he thought no one was looking. i swear to god.) i could tell that sarah and paula thought she was a slut. they were whispering to each other and looking at her with disgust written all over their faces. you know, the way girls do.
in the end, my reject group ended up scoring the most points. we each got a gift certificate for a dozen free doughnuts at the gas 'n go. curtis invited me to go with him. "i'll even pay for coffee," he offered. "you like cappuccino?" the icy hot smell overwhelmed me.
"gee, curtis, i'm so tired after this workshop and all, i think i might just go home," i said apologetically.
his face darkened. "you could have just said 'no,' bitch." he snatched up his jacket and stalked away.
she was having more luck with luke. he held the door open for her as they went outside, where she immediately lit a cigarette. i followed them out, with the rest of the girls not too far behind.
she and luke were laughing about something. he slid his arm around her waist and they walked toward the parking lot.
"who the hell is she, anyway?" i heard blanche, who really wasn't a bitch, ask.
"oh, you know how luke is, though," kimberly said. "he'll fuck anything that walks."
"victim number 368. or is it 69?" blanche stuffed a piece of gum in her mouth.
"you mean he keeps count?" kimberly exclaimed.
"that's what he told me," blanche replied. the gum made her spit when she talked.
"oh my god, if he's fucked that many girls ... that's just gross."
"and the 'keeping count' thing, that's just pathetic."
"probably has all sorts of std's - hey, susan."
susan was locking the door. "thanks for coming out, guys," she said. she looked out toward the parking lot. "so, our hero luke has claimed another victim, i see."
"that's what blanche was just saying," kimberly said.
susan looked at me, and i knew she was going to say something bitchy. "going to go cash in on that gift certificate?" she asked in that voice that implied "i think you're a fat, nasty bitch. go engorge yourself with free food so i can feel validated." you know, the way girls do.
"you know what?" i pulled the card from my purse and dropped it on the ground. "you can keep it."
i turned away and went to my car. i won.
i was with her when she bought that lipstick. she ignored the signs in the drugstore that said "please see an associate for assistance before trying on any cosmetic products" and tore through the plastic wrapping. you know, the way girls do.
"oh, i'm going to buy it, so i don't care," she said when i pointed out the sign. she dabbed the lipstick on the back of her hand.
"it's made of fish scales, you know," i announced.
"like i care." she held her hand up next to her mouth. "well? how's it look?"
"i don't know."
"oh, that's right," she said with mock surprise. she was looking at my sloppy ponytail and baggy clothes with what i could only interpret as pity. "i forgot that you're an all natural type."
i ignored her, knowing what she was going to say next.
"we should give you a makeover." she said it.
"i like me the way i am," i replied, half-believing it.
a woman in a red vest approached us. "is there something i can help you two with?"
"oh, no, i think we've got it." she quickly snapped the lid back on the lipstick and turned away from the woman. "thank you, though."
i was thinking about that lipstick as i entered the meeting room.
"the whole purpose of the workshop is for all of you to acclimate yourselves to - you're late," a woman in last year's blues said as i walked in. everyone turned to look at me.
"it's 9:00?" i asked.
"yes." the woman looked at something above and behind my head - the clock, i learned later. "we started at 8:50. please take a seat, and hurry."
my face reddening, i took the empty seat next to my lipsticked companion. "you told me this thing started at 9," i hissed.
"shh." her breath and black dress reeked of cigarette smoke. she was taking notes on a pink pad in her lap. i peeked over to see what she was writing.
the lady who had made it a point to draw attention to my tardiness (the bitch) was talking again. "my name is susan, for those of you who didn't hear it the first time," she said, looking at me.
well, fuck you, susan, i thought to myself.
"since this workshop will involve a lot of group work, i think everyone should stand up and introduce yourself, and tell us why you're here," susan said. "we'll start with you." she pointed, thankfully, to a guy on the other side of the room.
i sat and listened without really listening. at my elbow, she was furiously scribbling notes about each attendee. you know, the way girls do.
david, mark, curtis, luke. "luke is cute," i saw her write. "single?"
on to the ladies. blanche, sarah, kimberly, paula. "blanche looks like a bitch," she wrote. "and kimberly's pants? give me a break (sooo last year!)"
"that's not very nice," i whispered.
she looked up at me with a start, then quickly pulled the pad up to her chest.
it was my turn to introduce myself. i felt like i was 12 again, and it was the first day of seventh grade. i had been friends with her even then.
except in seventh grade, it was nice mrs. klegg, and not this bitch susan, who asked me to introduce myself. and mrs. klegg complimented the pink bow my mom had made me wear in my hair. susan was just looking at me like i had stumbled off planet homeless.
and in seventh grade, we had to tell everyone what our favorite tv show was and our favorite movie and what we did over summer vacation. everyone in my class went to the beach, except me. even she went, and she'd had her hair braided at this wild t-shirt store on the boardwalk by this lady who talked like she was jamaican but her mom said she thought it was a fake accent.
she kept those braids in her hair until christmas, when she starting going out with the boy i'd had a crush on since fourth grade.
"oh, come on!" she'd yelled at me when i locked myself in one of the stalls in the girls' bathroom and started crying. "he never liked you. you know that. so why are you acting like he's yours exclusively or something? i mean, he doesn't even know you exist!"
yeah, i don't know why i'm still friends with her, either.
when she got up to introduce herself at the meeting, i saw all their eyes on her - david, mark, curtis, luke. she was giggly and flirtatious and coy. susan probably thought she was a lesbian.
she kept the pink pad out of my line of vision for the rest of the introduction. to even catch a glimpse of it, i had to completely turn my head to the right. i decided not to risk it. no use drawing anymore attention to myself.
susan split us up into two groups to have "peer discussion." i was with blanche the bitch and bad pants kimberly, along with curtis, who smelled like icy hot, and david, who was wearing a frilly purple shirt.
i saw her take the seat next to luke and flash him that seductive smile she reserved for when she saw a potential one-night stand.
the rest of the day consisted of this stupid shit with "what if" questions proposed by susan. luke and ms. lipstick were being especially affectionate with each other (i saw him put his hand on her bare knee and run it up her thigh, under her skirt, when he thought no one was looking. i swear to god.) i could tell that sarah and paula thought she was a slut. they were whispering to each other and looking at her with disgust written all over their faces. you know, the way girls do.
in the end, my reject group ended up scoring the most points. we each got a gift certificate for a dozen free doughnuts at the gas 'n go. curtis invited me to go with him. "i'll even pay for coffee," he offered. "you like cappuccino?" the icy hot smell overwhelmed me.
"gee, curtis, i'm so tired after this workshop and all, i think i might just go home," i said apologetically.
his face darkened. "you could have just said 'no,' bitch." he snatched up his jacket and stalked away.
she was having more luck with luke. he held the door open for her as they went outside, where she immediately lit a cigarette. i followed them out, with the rest of the girls not too far behind.
she and luke were laughing about something. he slid his arm around her waist and they walked toward the parking lot.
"who the hell is she, anyway?" i heard blanche, who really wasn't a bitch, ask.
"oh, you know how luke is, though," kimberly said. "he'll fuck anything that walks."
"victim number 368. or is it 69?" blanche stuffed a piece of gum in her mouth.
"you mean he keeps count?" kimberly exclaimed.
"that's what he told me," blanche replied. the gum made her spit when she talked.
"oh my god, if he's fucked that many girls ... that's just gross."
"and the 'keeping count' thing, that's just pathetic."
"probably has all sorts of std's - hey, susan."
susan was locking the door. "thanks for coming out, guys," she said. she looked out toward the parking lot. "so, our hero luke has claimed another victim, i see."
"that's what blanche was just saying," kimberly said.
susan looked at me, and i knew she was going to say something bitchy. "going to go cash in on that gift certificate?" she asked in that voice that implied "i think you're a fat, nasty bitch. go engorge yourself with free food so i can feel validated." you know, the way girls do.
"you know what?" i pulled the card from my purse and dropped it on the ground. "you can keep it."
i turned away and went to my car. i won.