Could've. Should've. Would've. [2/2]
Title: Could’ve. Should’ve. Would’ve. (2/2)
Pairing: YunJae, MinHo
Rating: PG-13 (for mentions of drugs&language)
Warning: Unbeta-ed& attempted angst& character death
Disclaimer: They belong to themselves~
Summary: Remorseful and depressed Jaejoong tries to pick up the pieces of his heart once again but this time, without Yunho.
A/N: Alternate sequel to My Paper Heart is Bleeding. Other sequel: I Want to Stand by You.
[1/2]
If I touch it gently, it will break immediately
I don't need things like this fleeting kindness (lie to me)
The door to my heavy heart is still closed
I can't breathe... struggling, in agony
I just... I now give myself up to this weakness
With the sin of egoism
Running the blade across your pale skin, staring at the crimson liquid spill into the sink, you start to wonder: Am I being selfish? Would my deceased parents frown upon your self-inflicted wounds? Maybe. Would Yunho demand me to stop your way of living if he still cared? Maybe. The delicate relationship you have with Yunho is still a work in progress and you treat it like a glass snowflake. You chat with him occasionally and it seems like he’s enjoying life. He has a certain glow around him that you’ve never seen before. And he’s treating you like a friend. When he tells you that he’s thinking about proposing to Changmin, you freeze for a minute, his words process through your brain. You look into his eyes and smile, telling him that it would be a great idea but inside you’re screaming with misery.
When you’re walking home, you pass a drug dealer. You buy some colorful pills that the dealer guaranteed would make him forget about the world for an hour. You reach your home, fumble with the keys, and lied on the floor after shutting the door. Then you drag yourself to the kitchen to get out a bottle of wine before swallowing all 3 pretty pills, sending you straight into a world of swirling, bright colors.
I seek in the dark a fortress, completely shrouded in shadows (here is no light)
I close my eyes and smile (darkness on my eyes)
These feelings that have bent to and fro are hindering me
I... I... I can't see the answer, amidst this despair
You feel numb. Must be the drugs taking effect. You’re once again wandering the streets. It’s somewhere past midnight yet there are crowds of people everywhere. They look at you in disgust, some push you and walk away as if you were a pole or some thing. You try to shake off the desire for a glimpse of him. You don’t want this pain. But it strikes back every time you space out, which is all the time unless you’re under the influence or drunk as hell. Why can’t you just enjoy life now that you know that he’s never going to be yours? You silently ponder about these questions as you walk into a bar.
Raindrops falling from the heaven
I couldn't remember
They take away my misery
It's raining on my heart
My stupid broken heart
Baby please, don't go
No light, no sound...
You’re drunk, high, and on the roof of a building. You can’t remember how you got there. But now you’re standing on the edge of the tall building. Looking down, you see a couple, kissing each other passionately then you see a happy family of 3. Then you make out 2 figures across the street. It’s them. Changmin has the look of a girl on a shopping spree while Yunho is doing something with his hands.
It starts to rain. It started out with a sprinkle then escalated to downpour. After a couple seconds of tranquility, you feel a slight vibration in your soaked pocket. You take out you’re vibrating phone, not caring if it gets wet. It’s from Yunho and you quickly read the new text message:
WHAT R U GOING TO DO?1!1!!1 DON’T DO ANTHING RASH. WHERE R U?
Don’t do anything rash? What? You go to your Sent Messages and you read the message you sent him a minute ago.
It hurts. I can’t live with this pain anymore.
You don’t remember sending him such a message. The alcohol and the multicolored pills probably made you do this… You trace each scar on your arm. One by one.
Then you take another glance down on the street, imagining the impact of falling from where you stood. What would happen if you jumped? Is risking your life being selfish? Ha. You smirk to no one in particular and laugh at this fucked up life that leads nowhere. [The life you have right now consisting of: waking up with a hangover, drinking, taking some pills, drinking some more, taking more pills, and sleeping. Yeah, because your life is filled with sunshine and unicorns. Who would want to miss out on that?] You let out a depressed sigh, the rain drenching every inch of your body. You look up at the sky and see a shooting star. You make a wish that even if it’s just for a second; you want to be in the arms of Yunho like that night when he just held you as you cried an ocean.
Seek in the dark, here is no light. Can't see the light
Seek in the dark, feel a darkness eyes. Darkness on my eyes
You embrace the air, pretending it’s him, tipping over due to gravity. You see the cement of the sidewalk inch closer and closer to your face. You close your eyes, accepting your fate.
“Jae?”
You slowly lift your heavy eyelids. You see Yunho with concern and grief written all over his face, calling your name. Is this heaven? Your face scrunches up like a prune when you hear the blaring sounds of an ambulance. You try to get up and pain shoots through your spine. You try to move your hands. Success. You reach to his perfectly symmetrical face, and run your finger along his perfect lips while his perfect eyes stare into yours. You whisper a hoarse,
“Be happy.”
And then the things around you seem to go into slow motion just like in the movies. Yunho’s tears start to spill, each drop like a diamond, pure and clear, as they stain your shirt. A paramedic pushes him away, and you tear your eyes away from a shocked Yunho, transfixing them on the sky. Your vision becomes blurry; colors begin mixing into a pool of darkness. Your eyelids starts to lower bit by bit. And right before plunging into a world of black, you smile, thinking about the myth of going into “the light” before one dies.
There is no light. It’s like sleeping except you’ll never wake up. All you can do is to stare into the empty shade of nothing.
~~~
If you couldn’t tell, I used Darkness Eyes by the one and only Tohoshinki/TVXQ <3
I was slightly obsessed with this song at one point…
Bleh. YooSu kind of disappeared in this… xD
Hope you enjoyed this alternate sequel (:
Comments? :D