(no subject)
I just figured out how to download pictures off my camera, which I purchased almost a month ago. In this veinj, I thought it would be appropriate to paste up something I wrote that same week, in a motel in Oregon, after watching three hours of news and hurricane footage followed by Aqua Team Hunger Force. The results are horrifying. Even three weeks later. I'm embarressed to post it. But I had to.
-------------------------------------
Carl: Hey! President Bush, this is Cahrl. Cahrl? From Jehrsey? Yeah, so, I'm calling becuz I was lookin' at where my taxes are goin', and man, I almost jumped out of my frickin' shoes! I mean, 200 billion dahllahs is a lot of money to shohre up secuhrity in Iraq from a bunch of cameljockeys, am I right? Like, eh, couldn't we 'ave,
say, and I'm just sorta picking at straws heah, but we've got some really big ass airplanes, and, hey, you remember that guy? He blew up all kindsa stuff back in the day, like, um, he would write people lettehs, and then they'd kinda, you know...
Frylock: Do you mean the Unabomber, Carl?
Carl: Yeah! That's the guy! Ain't he in jail now, or sumpthin'? Anyway, why couldn't we have sent that dude over with, like, a Fedex box and one a them suitcase nukes? If the dude died it'd be no big thing, ya know what I mean? And if Sadaam or even one of 'is buddies were like, "Oh boy! I got a frickin' package!", and then, BLAM!! Hehehe, no more frickin' mass-murderin' dictator you know what I mean? Hehe hey, yeah! Right,
so, couldn't we 'ave done somethin' like that, insteada, say, robbin' me of another 700 dollahs of my personal income? I mean, its not like I'm rollin' in money heah, am I right? I mean, look at me, I'VE BEEN WEARING THE SAME STRETCH PANTS SHIRT AND SANDALS FOR THE PAST TWO FRIGGIN YEARS!!! Goddammit, man! Yer bustin' my frickin' balls!
Frylock: Carl, think about the children that might be watching this program.
Carl: Aw, the children! I need new friggin' pants! I'm so damn poor, I'm living next door to a bunch of fastfood freaks, the meatball gets pregnant, I still can't get frickin' laid. I'm romancing a cardboard cut-out of a beer chick, I figure a drunk cardboard chick 'as gotta be loose, am I right? Eh? Hehehe LOOK AT WHAT I'm REDUCED TO!!! AND IT's ALL YOUR FRIGGIN' FAULT!!!
Frylock: Hey now Carl, don't you think that you might be being a bit harsh? After all, he is the President. I'm sure he has your safety in mind when he makes these sorts of decisions.
Carl: Oh, yeah, that's comfortin'. I bet that's exactly what those people in Nahlins were thinkin' while they stood on their roofs for three days, drinkin' each othahs piss, yeah. Like, "please mistah president, please help me get off my friggin' roof,
and by the way, thanks fah lookin' out fah me you friggin' dooshbag!" The troops in friggin' Sunniville are like, goddammit, this sucks balls, but at least I'm not home right now, cuz then I'd really be neck deep in some shit! Who was that other terrorist guy? He blew up a really big friggin' buildin'? Killed hundreds and hundreds of
people? Murdered babies? In Oklahoma?
Frylock: Oh, you must be talking about Timothy McVeigh.
Carl: Yeah! We should send him over to Iraq, or friggin' Afghanistan. I'd like to see them Arabs mess with that guy. Like, "I killed hundreds of men, women, and babies, and did not friggin' die". He'd be like Rambo in the frickin' jungle, arab bastahds wouldn't know what hit 'em! Like, "He kills Americans by the hundreds, and lives. Our Messiah has come, and yet, he kills us, without mercy, and with great pleasure. I have lost all faith in Allah", you know what I'm sayin'? It would be friggin' amazing! Hehehe, the
rebels would friggin' surrender within days if that guy were out theah!
Frylock: Timothy McVeigh is dead. He was sentenced to death for his crimes in Oklahoma City.
Carl: Oh, well, you know, that's a damn shame, know what I mean? Such a senseless death, when so much good could've been done by one man. But anyways, Mister President, thanks for taking time off from your vacation to listen to your subjects, and solve our friggin' problems, alright? Or, you know, next time, you could just stay on vacation, and not take our money, and not send us off to fight friggin' wars, in places I never even
heard of, because I don't feel any frickin' safer now than I did 200 friggin' billion dollars ago. Then again, right now I couldn't care less either way, and won't care, until I can get this frickin' cardboard hooker to uncross her frickin' legs. Thankyou.
-Carl
-------------------------------------
Carl: Hey! President Bush, this is Cahrl. Cahrl? From Jehrsey? Yeah, so, I'm calling becuz I was lookin' at where my taxes are goin', and man, I almost jumped out of my frickin' shoes! I mean, 200 billion dahllahs is a lot of money to shohre up secuhrity in Iraq from a bunch of cameljockeys, am I right? Like, eh, couldn't we 'ave,
say, and I'm just sorta picking at straws heah, but we've got some really big ass airplanes, and, hey, you remember that guy? He blew up all kindsa stuff back in the day, like, um, he would write people lettehs, and then they'd kinda, you know...
Frylock: Do you mean the Unabomber, Carl?
Carl: Yeah! That's the guy! Ain't he in jail now, or sumpthin'? Anyway, why couldn't we have sent that dude over with, like, a Fedex box and one a them suitcase nukes? If the dude died it'd be no big thing, ya know what I mean? And if Sadaam or even one of 'is buddies were like, "Oh boy! I got a frickin' package!", and then, BLAM!! Hehehe, no more frickin' mass-murderin' dictator you know what I mean? Hehe hey, yeah! Right,
so, couldn't we 'ave done somethin' like that, insteada, say, robbin' me of another 700 dollahs of my personal income? I mean, its not like I'm rollin' in money heah, am I right? I mean, look at me, I'VE BEEN WEARING THE SAME STRETCH PANTS SHIRT AND SANDALS FOR THE PAST TWO FRIGGIN YEARS!!! Goddammit, man! Yer bustin' my frickin' balls!
Frylock: Carl, think about the children that might be watching this program.
Carl: Aw, the children! I need new friggin' pants! I'm so damn poor, I'm living next door to a bunch of fastfood freaks, the meatball gets pregnant, I still can't get frickin' laid. I'm romancing a cardboard cut-out of a beer chick, I figure a drunk cardboard chick 'as gotta be loose, am I right? Eh? Hehehe LOOK AT WHAT I'm REDUCED TO!!! AND IT's ALL YOUR FRIGGIN' FAULT!!!
Frylock: Hey now Carl, don't you think that you might be being a bit harsh? After all, he is the President. I'm sure he has your safety in mind when he makes these sorts of decisions.
Carl: Oh, yeah, that's comfortin'. I bet that's exactly what those people in Nahlins were thinkin' while they stood on their roofs for three days, drinkin' each othahs piss, yeah. Like, "please mistah president, please help me get off my friggin' roof,
and by the way, thanks fah lookin' out fah me you friggin' dooshbag!" The troops in friggin' Sunniville are like, goddammit, this sucks balls, but at least I'm not home right now, cuz then I'd really be neck deep in some shit! Who was that other terrorist guy? He blew up a really big friggin' buildin'? Killed hundreds and hundreds of
people? Murdered babies? In Oklahoma?
Frylock: Oh, you must be talking about Timothy McVeigh.
Carl: Yeah! We should send him over to Iraq, or friggin' Afghanistan. I'd like to see them Arabs mess with that guy. Like, "I killed hundreds of men, women, and babies, and did not friggin' die". He'd be like Rambo in the frickin' jungle, arab bastahds wouldn't know what hit 'em! Like, "He kills Americans by the hundreds, and lives. Our Messiah has come, and yet, he kills us, without mercy, and with great pleasure. I have lost all faith in Allah", you know what I'm sayin'? It would be friggin' amazing! Hehehe, the
rebels would friggin' surrender within days if that guy were out theah!
Frylock: Timothy McVeigh is dead. He was sentenced to death for his crimes in Oklahoma City.
Carl: Oh, well, you know, that's a damn shame, know what I mean? Such a senseless death, when so much good could've been done by one man. But anyways, Mister President, thanks for taking time off from your vacation to listen to your subjects, and solve our friggin' problems, alright? Or, you know, next time, you could just stay on vacation, and not take our money, and not send us off to fight friggin' wars, in places I never even
heard of, because I don't feel any frickin' safer now than I did 200 friggin' billion dollars ago. Then again, right now I couldn't care less either way, and won't care, until I can get this frickin' cardboard hooker to uncross her frickin' legs. Thankyou.
-Carl