in need of an update....
so this summer has been so awesome! I've come to realize a whole lot about myself! I have a new spunk and I want to take life and actually do something about it! This semester, I'm actually getting more levelheaded, up until last week I really wanted to take 19 hours to catch up and what not, but ends up I'm not allowed to receive financial aid, I have to pay for 3 classes, out of pocket...and believe it or not! that's what I intend to do! well, 4, but close enough! and I have concrete plans that I want to make happen! I'm still at odds with the roomie thing, I think living there would be perfectly fine worldly-wise, but honestly, my aunt had a point, no matter how much it costs, if God wants you out, there's a good reason. But financially it would be SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better! with 5 people living there! omgoodness! the stress would come off....but then again, will I really study and actually fullfill my dreams if I stay there? **sigh** who knows, that's another thing that's come out of this summer! dreams! Goals! specific, not broad! I started a novel, I plan on finishing it by the end of the year, I am going to write mom's biography, I have a feeling it may take more than a year though. I still need to find a good monologue, but this year I'm going into that audition ready for anything! I'm going to finish college as a theatre major and probably either a dual-major or a minor in anthropology. and after it, hehe, it may seem like I'm wasting my education, but I'm going to get my CDL license and see the U.S. then go to class and get a pilot's license and start a skydiving acadamy or something, do that for a little bit, then sell it off to someone and start my career in acting, be it in another country working with missions or in Hollywood so I can support other people, who knows but that's the way I feel like it should happen! And I'm so excited too! Like davey said "If half the stuff you dream about happens, you'll have a lot of good stories!"
My dad rocks so much! He just....motivates me, surface level....he has nothing "in the future" to look foreward to, his first family is all grown up and he has his grandkids, and almost great-grand kids, yeah, there's me and davey, but it's not like he'll go without those titles and things, yet that man just keeps going, every single day, and sacrifices so much for so many people! I just love him to pieces! lol, even if he does get my adrenaline going......He was trying to figure out how to save an e-mail as a draft and how to send a copy to sent messages so that he could read it again. well, that took about an hour and a half and we ended up just all-out yelling at each other....I was bouncing and just had so much adrenaline pumping through me and no outlet to get it out with that I just flipped! I felt like punching a wall, or dad....but instead....lol, and this may prove how much of a pacifists I am towards other people.....I bit my arm....the bite marks lasted over night, they're gone now, thank god, but I thought I could have just ripped a chunk out, it was the weirdest feeling I think I have ever had!
I've also discovered a lot about kids and the kind of husband I want....and even though I know some readers of this blog may not agree....but I want them to be based around God. I've been living with a family that is just so angry, and it's such a stressful environment, the mom says she wants to be a nice person, and truthfully, she is an AMAZINGLY nice person, she just has a lot of anger issues towards her husband and kids....and I know why, the abscence of God in her daily walk. Also more discipline, but you know, that's something the bible has down, is discipline....I donno...it just got me thinking, lol, and almost to the point of just hoping that I can adopt a kid later on as a single parent :)
ok, well, this is way to much blabber.....so I'm gonna go ahead and post this...and write again laterz!
My dad rocks so much! He just....motivates me, surface level....he has nothing "in the future" to look foreward to, his first family is all grown up and he has his grandkids, and almost great-grand kids, yeah, there's me and davey, but it's not like he'll go without those titles and things, yet that man just keeps going, every single day, and sacrifices so much for so many people! I just love him to pieces! lol, even if he does get my adrenaline going......He was trying to figure out how to save an e-mail as a draft and how to send a copy to sent messages so that he could read it again. well, that took about an hour and a half and we ended up just all-out yelling at each other....I was bouncing and just had so much adrenaline pumping through me and no outlet to get it out with that I just flipped! I felt like punching a wall, or dad....but instead....lol, and this may prove how much of a pacifists I am towards other people.....I bit my arm....the bite marks lasted over night, they're gone now, thank god, but I thought I could have just ripped a chunk out, it was the weirdest feeling I think I have ever had!
I've also discovered a lot about kids and the kind of husband I want....and even though I know some readers of this blog may not agree....but I want them to be based around God. I've been living with a family that is just so angry, and it's such a stressful environment, the mom says she wants to be a nice person, and truthfully, she is an AMAZINGLY nice person, she just has a lot of anger issues towards her husband and kids....and I know why, the abscence of God in her daily walk. Also more discipline, but you know, that's something the bible has down, is discipline....I donno...it just got me thinking, lol, and almost to the point of just hoping that I can adopt a kid later on as a single parent :)
ok, well, this is way to much blabber.....so I'm gonna go ahead and post this...and write again laterz!