I am homesick! ah!
I wannnnna go home! I'm tired of Rome now. Well, maybe not being in Europe but being stuck on this godforsaken campus having to take really hard classes. Next week is finals week then I fly home (thank God!)
So Friday was.....a fucking rollercoaster.
I convince (guilt trip) Ben into going to a Pub Crawl with me and a lot of my UD friends. For 20 euro we got a t-shirt, a free drinks and pizza at the first bar, and then a shot at the entrance of three more. Well Ben decides to "Get his money's worth" of beer (6 on an empty stomach = not so smart) and then wanted to keep up with Homan and Guam who are a born beer-drinkers. So then we all start off having a great time. Dancing, singing, drinking here and there, etc. The second bar was a lot of fun. I bought Ben a white russian cause he asked for one and then he drank that and we started dancing and doing the typical couple thing. Ben, by this point, was pretty drunk and I (only having a small cup of water down wine and a shot) was fine. The thrid bar is where shit went down. He wanted another drink (so stupidly) I obliged and got him a gin & tonic. He doesn't remember drinking that but he did and then put his head on the table there and sat like that the entire time. By this point, I knew he was sick. When it was time to go, I tried to get him but but couldn't and then when the pub crawl guys tried to he stood up, sat down, and puked everywhere. I was (at this point) really scared and freaking out. So I ran and got Homan and Mallory to help me get him out of the bar and into a cab. They came and we found him already out of the bar sprawled out on the side of the Roman street. He was so sick and drunk. We managed to get him in the cab (which was scary!) and back to campus. I tried to take care of him, take off his smelly clothes, and get him into the shower. I spent like 30 minutes taking care of him while he was yelling awful things to me - very angrily too. I was so scared. I'd never seen that side of him before and I was afraid that we'd break up the next day because of it. I eventually got him off the bathroom floor into the shower and bathed him. I think he may have been crying too...another emotion I've never seen from him. I tried to get him to go to his bed but he wouldn't budge. James, Guam, Bloodgood all came back in and told me to go shower and go to bed. I was on the verge of tears because my feelings were hurt. I mustered up the strength and went back to my room not before closing the shower curtain so the guys didn't see him in that state. I went, showered, cried a little bit, then went to bed around 4. Woke up at 8:30 and talked to my roommate and her boyfriend who has slept over that night. I was an emotional mess the next morning too so that didn't help. She told me I shouldn't have to put up with that shit and that I should've left him right then and there. But I told her that's not how I work. If I care a lot about someone, I don't just leave them for the first mistake they make or the first time they hurt my feelings. Ben didn't get drunk, sick, and yell at me on purpose. I mean, yeah he was mad at me but he was also mad at himself and he's learned his lesson since. I'd like to say I can forgive more easily then girls like her. I also care too much about him to just dump him like that. I wouldn't. He was afraid I was when he came up to me later on saturday. I didn't really want to see him but I did want to know he was better. I was still a bit tired from the morning so seeing him and talking to him was not that easy. The only thing that concerns me now is when he will actually get mad (soberly). I don't think I'll be able to handle a screaming, angry, hurtful Ben. There is always that part of me where I think I'll eventually get hit. I've been struck by my father before out of his short fused temper but it's never been something of a habit. And plus, my dad I know loves me and always ask for my forgiveness whenever he has. He's only done that like 3 times in my life so I know he's not abusive or anything.
But if Ben ever did that to me...I don't know if I'd be able to forgive him. I don't believe he'll ever hit a woman out of anger or anything but you can't make promises when emotions get the best of you...like that of my father's.
I trust him but I'm scared of what's to come (if it ever gets to that point).
On the flip side of things, my mom gives me great advice and tells me many important things about life. Why didn't I discover my mother's wisdom from the beginging?
So Friday was.....a fucking rollercoaster.
I convince (guilt trip) Ben into going to a Pub Crawl with me and a lot of my UD friends. For 20 euro we got a t-shirt, a free drinks and pizza at the first bar, and then a shot at the entrance of three more. Well Ben decides to "Get his money's worth" of beer (6 on an empty stomach = not so smart) and then wanted to keep up with Homan and Guam who are a born beer-drinkers. So then we all start off having a great time. Dancing, singing, drinking here and there, etc. The second bar was a lot of fun. I bought Ben a white russian cause he asked for one and then he drank that and we started dancing and doing the typical couple thing. Ben, by this point, was pretty drunk and I (only having a small cup of water down wine and a shot) was fine. The thrid bar is where shit went down. He wanted another drink (so stupidly) I obliged and got him a gin & tonic. He doesn't remember drinking that but he did and then put his head on the table there and sat like that the entire time. By this point, I knew he was sick. When it was time to go, I tried to get him but but couldn't and then when the pub crawl guys tried to he stood up, sat down, and puked everywhere. I was (at this point) really scared and freaking out. So I ran and got Homan and Mallory to help me get him out of the bar and into a cab. They came and we found him already out of the bar sprawled out on the side of the Roman street. He was so sick and drunk. We managed to get him in the cab (which was scary!) and back to campus. I tried to take care of him, take off his smelly clothes, and get him into the shower. I spent like 30 minutes taking care of him while he was yelling awful things to me - very angrily too. I was so scared. I'd never seen that side of him before and I was afraid that we'd break up the next day because of it. I eventually got him off the bathroom floor into the shower and bathed him. I think he may have been crying too...another emotion I've never seen from him. I tried to get him to go to his bed but he wouldn't budge. James, Guam, Bloodgood all came back in and told me to go shower and go to bed. I was on the verge of tears because my feelings were hurt. I mustered up the strength and went back to my room not before closing the shower curtain so the guys didn't see him in that state. I went, showered, cried a little bit, then went to bed around 4. Woke up at 8:30 and talked to my roommate and her boyfriend who has slept over that night. I was an emotional mess the next morning too so that didn't help. She told me I shouldn't have to put up with that shit and that I should've left him right then and there. But I told her that's not how I work. If I care a lot about someone, I don't just leave them for the first mistake they make or the first time they hurt my feelings. Ben didn't get drunk, sick, and yell at me on purpose. I mean, yeah he was mad at me but he was also mad at himself and he's learned his lesson since. I'd like to say I can forgive more easily then girls like her. I also care too much about him to just dump him like that. I wouldn't. He was afraid I was when he came up to me later on saturday. I didn't really want to see him but I did want to know he was better. I was still a bit tired from the morning so seeing him and talking to him was not that easy. The only thing that concerns me now is when he will actually get mad (soberly). I don't think I'll be able to handle a screaming, angry, hurtful Ben. There is always that part of me where I think I'll eventually get hit. I've been struck by my father before out of his short fused temper but it's never been something of a habit. And plus, my dad I know loves me and always ask for my forgiveness whenever he has. He's only done that like 3 times in my life so I know he's not abusive or anything.
But if Ben ever did that to me...I don't know if I'd be able to forgive him. I don't believe he'll ever hit a woman out of anger or anything but you can't make promises when emotions get the best of you...like that of my father's.
I trust him but I'm scared of what's to come (if it ever gets to that point).
On the flip side of things, my mom gives me great advice and tells me many important things about life. Why didn't I discover my mother's wisdom from the beginging?