Of all the gin joints... ((RP for _wiccabuffy_))
As he raised the glass up to his lips, Angel realized that in a lot of ways, things had started off for him in pretty much this same way: sitting at a bar, hoisting a beer up for a drink. Way way back, the tankard had been made out of metal, the beer was thick and dark, and he was a young human who was enjoying life being led around by, well,
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He caught himself flicking his eyes back and forth from Buffy back down to his drink, and he knew it wasn't because he didn't want to look at her. No, he did want to get distracted the way he always did around her. She was beautiful, and even though Buffy always was, he never stopped noticing. Angel was also happy to see that living in Italy had done her a few favors, as she'd gotten back some more of the softness to her features and her figure that had been missing the last time they'd met.
Chiding himself for trying to hide from her, Angel swiveled his chair and looked right at her. As he expected, he didn't have much to say for a second or two.
"So..."
"So," he answered. "You, uh, want something to drink?" He waved the bartender over.
"You look good," he told Buffy. "I mean it. I remember how tired and drawn you seemed to be the last time. I'm glad you're getting a chance to relax a little." He didn't add the 'and date other people' part, especially since he'd done the same.
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"Yeah. Only one drink, though. You know me." She gave him a wry smile and ran a hand through her hair before smiling brightly at the bartender. "Pina Colada, please." It was a mixed drink and fairly safe in the sense that there wasn't much alcohol. Frankly, with a talk like they were going to have, Buffy wanted to be pretty alert.
"You look good."
She raised both her eyebrows at him as the drink was handed to her. Had Angel just given her a compliment?
"I mean it. I remember how tired and drawn you seemed to be the last time. I'm glad you're getting a chance to relax a little."
"Tired and drawn," she drawled as she twirled the straw in her drink a few times. "Yeah. Must have been the evil priest I was fighting to the death or something. Go fig. Or the mystical scythe, or the uvervamps, or possibly the fact that you popped into town unexpectedly to help me save the world again and instead of sticking around you left me with a necklace that killed Spike except that... wait, that's right. He's not dead." Buffy finally took a deep breath and shook her head. She hadn't wanted to start a fight at all.
"I'm sorry. Sorry, really, I think it was just me overreacting to the 'tired and drawn' part." She sighed. "Actually, I hate the Council. Dawn seems to be fine in Rome without me, Willow and Kennedy aren't dating anymore -- did you know Kennedy is with Faith of all people? -- and it feels like everything's mixed up again. Like we're all scattered somehow trying to fight something that doesn't need to be fought."
She leaned her head against his shoulder. At least this part was nice and familiar.
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Angel chuckled to himself. You would have thought that with the enhanced strength and rapid healing, somehow a Slayer should have a built-in resistance to toxins or the like included in their abilities. But no, Buffy Summers, for being able to overturn a small car one-handed, was still just the petite slip of a girl she looked when it came to drinking.
His lips made a tight line as Buffy reacted to his appraisal of her former appearance. She hadn't taken it the way he'd hoped, and the compliment that preceeded it was pretty much ignored. Hell, he should have known better. But he'd meant the part about her looking better these days. After a moment, Buffy seemed to calm back down.
"I'm sorry. Sorry, really, I think it was just me overreacting to the 'tired and drawn' part."
He nodded. "Not at all. And sorry for that, I just meant what I said-- you're looking well."
Apparently, that was no longer the topic at hand, and Buffy pressed on with her update on the Sunnydale gang and what they were up to now that they'd turned the Hellmouth into just another hole in the ground.
"... and it feels like everything's mixed up again. Like we're all scattered somehow trying to fight something that doesn't need to be fought."
Angel took a sip of his drink. "Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly... and Champions need something real to fight. Learned that the hard way." When she leaned her head against him, Angel couldn't help but smile, just a little. "And you're right, I should catch you up. Ask away."
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"Oh." She grinned and nodded. "Thanks. You, uh, too." Buffy rolled her eyes at herself. Of course he looked well. He looked the same because, hello! Vamp. "I guess I mean, from the little you've told me, you're looking good."
She took a sip of the mixed drink and smiled a little, as she finally calmed down enough to just relax and be here with Angel. Faith hadn't said much to her, and Kennedy was acting like, well, Kennedy. Plus there was the whole Willow sitch, which weirded her out. Granted, she hadn't kept in touch as much as she'd wanted to, but when Willow and Kennedy had broken up, it was almost like Willow had broken up with everyone. Not just her girlfriend.
Enough personal crap, she decided, as she listened to Angel.
"Champions need something real to fight. Learned that the hard way."
"I'm a Slayer, not a Champion," she corrected without moving her head from his shoulder. "And why the hell do you call yourself that, anyway? It's becoming overused, I think."
"... you're right, I should catch you up. Ask away."
She pulled her head away from his shoulder and looked at him. "Really? Just... ask?" She drew in a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. What did you mean by 'the dragon'? Why didn't anyone tell me Spike was alive and for that matter, how was it possible? Why were you at Hemery High School?" She paused and then asked another question that had been bothering her.
"And, uh, who's Nina?" She only knew because maybe she might have hacked into the Council files on Angel while he was at the evil law firm from hell to find out stuff about his personal life. Maybe.
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"I hope so," Angel answered. "I'm not exactly able to afford the kind of wardrobe and upkeep I got used to last year."
A little more vague hinting at what had happened to him and the others, Angel realized, and he shook his head in a quick apology. He'd already been mysterious enough, and Buffy wasn't there for more half-answers.
"I'm a Slayer, not a Champion. And why the hell do you call yourself that, anyway? It's becoming overused, I think."
He laughed and patted her on the arm. "Yeah, maybe you're right. But it's a lot easier to fit on a business card than 'vampire with a soul who fights evil to atone for his muderous past'. Besides, it's still true. The Powers That Be don't just operate locally, you know."
Taking a drink, Angel steeled himself for the question and answer session. He'd decided as he was waiting for Buffy to arrive that he was going to be honest, and give her the truth and nothing but. It wasn't going to be easy, but he owed her that.
"Okay. What did you mean by 'the dragon'? Why didn't anyone tell me Spike was alive and for that matter, how was it possible? Why were you at Hemery High School? And, uh, who's Nina?"
"Last question first," Angel began, then drained his glass. While it was still raised he let out a slightly muffled, "my ex-girlfriend."
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"Last question first... my ex-girlfriend."
Buffy's eyebrows shot up slightly, and she reached a hand out to pull the glass away from his lips. "Sorry, did I hear that right? Ex-girlfriend? As in you were dating someone else..." She licked her lips and took a quick sip from her twirly straw.
"Someone else and now you're not? And... I'm assuming there was no sex involved because otherwise we'd have heard about Angelus again." Kind of hard for him to have a real girlfriend, then, she supposed, but still. Buffy knew a little about her -- something about being a werewolf -- but that was all.
"Uh, you also didn't answer my other questions," she pointed out. And, frankly, she was surprised that he hadn't asked her any questions about anything. The anything in question being, mainly, Spike. And cookie dough.
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"Yeah," was Angel's typically terse reply. He turned his head toward Buffy again, and had to fight for a moment the urge to be amused by the sight of the twenty-something young woman, having the serious talk with her 240-something vampire ex-lover, sipping on a curlicue-shaped straw.
"Someone else and now you're not? And... I'm assuming there was no sex involved because otherwise we'd have heard about Angelus again."
Could vampires blush? Could their faces go pale(r)? Whichever expression of embarrassment applied, Angel was sure he was doing it right then. More than that, he was sure that Buffy saw and didn't miss the implication of it. He cleared his throat and hoped for a chance to change the subject.
"Uh, you also didn't answer my other questions."
"Right, good. Other questions. Okay, in chronological order: The Powers That Be led me to L.A. before you were Chosen to show me my destiny, and I kinda fell in love with you then... The amulet I gave you, that you gave Spike, ended up trapping him inside it until it was sent back to me, and it was his decision not to tell you... and not long ago, we decided to bring down the Senior Partners' people here in this dimension, and they sent a giant demon army after us... plus one dragon."
Was it him, or had people moved further down the bar away from them?
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She frowned at him. He had gotten quiet, even for Angel-standards. But, there had been no Angelus, and so... she coughed on her drink a little. It wasn't possible. Had he found a way, a loophole? And if he had, why had he wasted it on some werewolf bimbo instead of her? She rubbed her forehead. This was getting them nowhere. But... still. The little selfish part of Buffy was upset that she hadn't been the one. She supposed if you went and analyzed it all, then you'd see the abandonment issues and what not, but... Angel was hers.
God, this was complicated.
"Right, good. Other questions. Okay, in chronological order..."
Her eyes widened even more at his so-called "answers". "Okay, let me get this straight. Spike was the one who didn't want to tell me he was alive because he was stuck inside a necklace, the Senior Partners own a dragon that I'm assuming is dead since, hello, no dragon, and..." She gulped.
"You fell in love with me before I even met you?"
Then why had he slept with someone else with a loophole? Well, not like she was one to talk, but still.
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He scratched absently at the back of his neck, his master plan for trying to avoid the subject as much as possible was rapidly falling down around him, and Angel knew damn well that he should have expected as much. It wasn't as if he'd been made of nothing but questions when he'd found out about Buffy and Spike-- and as weird and twisted as their being together was, it didn't have the potential to turn Buffy into a remorseless murder machine.
"It's... complicated," he said, stumbling over the understatement of it. "The difference between perfect happiness and ordinary, everyday happiness."
Angel wasn't sure if that answered any questions, or even really made sense, but it was what he had to work from. Thankfully, the topic swung again.
"Okay, let me get this straight. Spike was the one who didn't want to tell me he was alive because he was stuck inside a necklace, the Senior Partners own a dragon that I'm assuming is dead since, hello, no dragon, and... You fell in love with me before I even met you?"
"Uh, yes he was because yes, he was. Yes, they did, and yes, it is. And... yes, I did." He shrugged. "It was like getting hit square between the eyes by destiny."
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She nodded a few times.
"The difference between perfect happiness and ordinary, everyday happiness."
"Wait," she stopped him, latching onto the one thing that was really bothering her. "You had sex. With Nina. And... no Angelus? Because it wasn't perfect happiness." So, that meant he could have sex. So that meant he'd probably had sex with Cordelia, for all she knew, and Darla, definitely, all without losing his soul. Then, something else hit Buffy besides jealousy.
"So... how do you define 'perfect', then?"
So much info was getting tossed at her, and she had no idea what to do with it all. Spike? Okay, she'd have to talk to him too. Apparently the dragon was something over and done with and Angel just had wanted to brag. Typical. But, Hemery?
"It was like getting hit square between the eyes by destiny."
"Oh."
She nodded. Why was she always nodding?
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Even if he wasn't a centuries-old vampire, doomed to live with a human soul and even if she wasn't a super-powerful Slayer, it would still be one of the strangest events ever, an ex-girlfriend asking such specific questions about Angel's sex habits with another ex-girlfriend. It made his head spin a lot more than the beer.
"I did, and no, no Angelus. Because perfect... was you. You, that first time," he added, clarifying for no particular reason that he was willing to admit.
In matter of fact, Angel wasn't one hundred percent sure that it wasn't just Buffy, and it had been the crossing of all those circumstances that had created that 'moment of perfect happiness'. But it made sense to him. He left out specifically stating that theory out loud, letting Buffy make that leap on her own.
"Oh."
He understood that "oh" and that nod.
"I was in a very, very bad place then. Literally, figuratively... hygienically. I needed a good reason to go on, and to change things. I needed to be who and where I needed so that I could help you in Sunnydale. Seeing you did that."
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"Oh." She blinked and realized she kept saying that over and over again, as if everything he was saying was completely new information. Which, she supposed, it was, actually, but still.
"You too."
She closed her eyes and finished off her drink at that remark, since it was far more telling than she would have liked it to be. "Not that I'm going to lose a soul over it or anything, but you know. Perfect. Happy, that thing and did you just say perfect was me the first time?" She looked up from her empty glass.
"You mean, only time," she reminded him. Not that Buffy hadn't tried to change that, but damn it, Angel proved to be made of far stronger stuff when it came to sex.
"I was in a very, very bad place then."
So was she, at the time. Her parents had just started the yelling and it was less than a few months later that the paperwork had been filed for a divorce.
"I needed to be who and where I needed so that I could help you in Sunnydale. Seeing you did that."
She blushed a little at that and shrugged. "Hope you caught me on a good hair day. God, I was so much like Cordelia back then it was sad." She shook her head. "I can't see why seeing me like that would have helped you at all... but I'm glad it did."
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Angel nodded. "I know," he answered, "but I think you can understand my being more than a little gunshy about the whole thing."
How much time had they wasted because of a fear of something that probably wouldn't have happened anyway? The world would be very, very different if they'd figured out that they didn't need to be apart-- that they could have the things they wanted. He never would have left for L.A., and Cordy and Wes wouldn't be dead.
But then, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him, Gunn and Fred would be, along with all the people whose lives he'd saved in the city. And, even with all his troubles, Connor would never have been born.
"Maybe it was for the best, in the long run?"
He shrugged, damned if he knew the answer to that.
"Hope you caught me on a good hair day. God, I was so much like Cordelia back then it was sad. I can't see why seeing me like that would have helped you at all... but I'm glad it did."
Angel smiled. "You were very cute. Lighter hair. Lollipop. Entourage." Without thinking, he reached out and brushed a finger against her cheek. "It made me believe I could do the right thing for once, even if it was just for you. And one day, maybe you'll see what I do when I look at you."
He frowned. "I'm sorry, that was a lot more 'romantic movie moment' than intended."
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"Right. For the best," she agreed too quickly and ordered another drink. Then, after Angel was gone, she'd go back to her stinky little motel and sleep. Then, she'd work through all the things in her head like the Council and possibly leaving it, finding Spike and getting some sort of closure, and Angel. Because no matter what, there'd never be closure when it came to him.
"You were very cute. Lighter hair. Lollipop. Entourage."
"Oh God," she whined, finishing her new drink and letting her head hit the bar as she blushed.
"It made me believe I could do the right thing for once, even if it was just for you. And one day, maybe you'll see what I do when I look at you."
Buffy peeked her head up from where she'd had it on the bar and peered at Angel with one eye open. She really wasn't sure what to say to that. What do you say to that? "Angel," she began, but he kept right on talking. Figured. The guy couldn't talk when she needed it, but wouldn't shut up when she wanted to get in a word.
"I'm sorry, that was a lot more 'romantic movie moment' than intended."
"No, no," she insisted, pulling her head up a little too quickly, and holding onto his hand. "No, Angel, it's just that..."
"I think I'm going to be sick." Stupid alcohol.
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He shrugged, trying not to sound like he was being dismissive. "Not that I enjoyed breaking up... but I think we're better people now, that's all."
And as far as Angel was concerned, that was the truth. Everything they'd both gone through had a lot to do with the people they were at that moment, and with where they were finding themselves in all parts of their lives.
"Oh God."
Letting out a chuckle, Angel nudged Buffy's arm gently. "Aww, come on," he encouraged her, "it was pretty damn adorable. In what I'm sure was a very intimidating way to a young man."
After his inadvertent sappy pronouncement, Angel wanted to silently panic. What if Buffy thought he'd crossed the line for this friendly get-together, this catching up opportunity? What if she decided it was time to stop hanging around a guy who could very easily and suddenly sound marginally stalkerish?
"No, no. No, Angel, it's just that... I think I'm going to be sick."
Angel's eyes widened, and he put an arm around Buffy's shoulders to help her walk outside onto a small terrace, where she could get some fresh air. They stood outside, the L.A. nightime skyline below them.
"You any better?"
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She pressed a shaky hand to her forehead and walked outside with Angel, trying to make sure that she wouldn't throw up on her cute Italian boots or worse, on her ex-boyfriend who was now holding her up.
"You any better?"
"Maybe," she answered slowly, breathing in the night air and finally sitting down on the ground, looking up at Angel. "Sorry," she apologized, not really sure why she was apologizing anyway. "I should get back to my cheap little motel, I guess, and..."
And then what? Quit the Council? Go back to Rome?
"I don't know what to do, Angel," she admitted. "You fought a dragon and you're still here. Why? Why didn't you walk away when you could have and tried for a normal life?"
Her stomach felt queasy, but Buffy was slowly getting better. She crossed her legs Indian-style, and looked back into her lap at her hands, twiddling together. "How can you say we're better people now?"
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