B is for bridges, and bridges are for burning.
Rounding my fifth night at home, and I've already begun to ooze crazy from every orifice of my trembling body (most noticeably--the mouth. it feeds on vodka and produces expletives and hateful phrases).
This is the part where I lay out the law to myself....
First Decree: No more getting drunk and exploding at my ex. I'm all up in here with the verbal abuse and that's just not cool. I should pencil in an apology call sometime this week. Christ, I'm an asshole. ASSHOLE.
Second Decree: Taking medication and food regularly is a must. The lack of proper sedation and nutrition is taking its toll on my ability to control pesky outbursts.
Third Decree: Make an attempt to tend the severed communication lines with Lissa and Luz. Sealing myself off from my friends is no way to make myself feel better.
(See: Christ, I'm an asshole. ASSHOLE.)
---
okay, that's good for now. There will be more. Oh, there will.
In other news, I have a date with a grad student this weekend. How this happened I'm still trying to figure out. As I remember it, I was shuffling down the street, muttering to myself with schizophrenia-worthy vigor and he (for whatever reason) found this incredibly desirable. Momma said watch out for guys like yooooou....
I find some kind of solace in meeting new people, spending a few hours with them, then never seeing them again. We're all pretty expendable from that point of view. However, for obvious reasons, genuine intimacy just isn't an option right now.
Now to get everything back in presentable order....
This is the part where I lay out the law to myself....
First Decree: No more getting drunk and exploding at my ex. I'm all up in here with the verbal abuse and that's just not cool. I should pencil in an apology call sometime this week. Christ, I'm an asshole. ASSHOLE.
Second Decree: Taking medication and food regularly is a must. The lack of proper sedation and nutrition is taking its toll on my ability to control pesky outbursts.
Third Decree: Make an attempt to tend the severed communication lines with Lissa and Luz. Sealing myself off from my friends is no way to make myself feel better.
(See: Christ, I'm an asshole. ASSHOLE.)
---
okay, that's good for now. There will be more. Oh, there will.
In other news, I have a date with a grad student this weekend. How this happened I'm still trying to figure out. As I remember it, I was shuffling down the street, muttering to myself with schizophrenia-worthy vigor and he (for whatever reason) found this incredibly desirable. Momma said watch out for guys like yooooou....
I find some kind of solace in meeting new people, spending a few hours with them, then never seeing them again. We're all pretty expendable from that point of view. However, for obvious reasons, genuine intimacy just isn't an option right now.
Now to get everything back in presentable order....