(Untitled)
I'm...alive.
I woke up at Godric's Hollow under a big tree like I was just sleeping there, had a big yawn, stood up, stretched and here I am.
It's really uh...alivey! I ate an apple and it tasted like APPLES! The grass felt like GRASS! The nudity felt like...well. I was starkers under that tree. But after standing up and testing the new and ( Read more... )
I woke up at Godric's Hollow under a big tree like I was just sleeping there, had a big yawn, stood up, stretched and here I am.
It's really uh...alivey! I ate an apple and it tasted like APPLES! The grass felt like GRASS! The nudity felt like...well. I was starkers under that tree. But after standing up and testing the new and ( Read more... )
Yeh're....alive?
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I'm back, sir! Can't say I know how though.
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Black is a platypus.
Malfoy Jr. was a vampire.
The bloody Dark Lord eats waffles and is as terrifyin' as a bloody niffler.
And Potter's back from the dead.
...
SOMEBODY'S BEEN TAMPERIN' WITH MY BLOODY FLASK. I JUS' KNOW IT. THA'S IT. I'M GETTING A NEW ONE. AN' PROTECTIN' IT WITH MORE BLOODY HEXES THAN THE ONES I WAN' TO SEND AFTER MALFOY SR.'S ARSE THE NEX' TIME I SEE 'IM!
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Sirius DID become a platypus but that's because of a misson he was on. Malfoy's a vampire probably because that Lestat boyo is involved and the Dark Lord's....well.
I don't know HOW I came back, but Dumbledor HAS to know something. He left the cloak and money there for me!
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DUMBLEDORE'S DEAD TOO.
I AM ON TO ALL OF YER TRICKS.
Bloody Black. I told 'im to keep his bloody eyes peeled. He's on kitchen duty fer a month, got it Potter? If yeh try an' sneak him out o' his kitchen duty, I'll make sure yeh join the ranks o' the Order o' the Platypus.
IT WASN' BLOODY DUMBLEDORE. IF YER EVEN BLOODY POTTER.
*looks suspicious*
HOW DO I KNOW YER WHO YEH SAY YEH ARE?!
O.X!!
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Maybe ask me something only I would know?
...I was going to go there tomorrow night to save him Right, sir. No sneaking him out.
DUMBLEDORE'S DEAD? WHAT? HOW?!
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Then tell me. What is the las' mission the Order sent yeh on before yeh were killed? Answer wisely now, if yer really who yeh say yeh are.
Should I tell Molly to give yeh cookin' lessons as well, then? Yeh better believe it, Potter. Black's in that kitchen until he learns to NOT BE TURNED INTO A FECKIN' PLATYPUS WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED.
THAT BLOODY GIT SNAPE, THAT'S HOW.
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I was sent to follow Goyle when he took a trip to Knockturn Alley. I had to follow him into a private bath house where he was meeting with prominent Death Eaters. I disguised myself as house staff by stealing a uniform. I ended up having to rub oil into Goyle's back and give him a massage and I couldn't get any information aside from the fact that McNair really like his axe and that Rodolphus Lestrange was completely batty.
Actually, that might help since I'll be going to stay with Sirius and neither of us can cook worth a stone How is he even COOKING as a platypus?
SNAPE? SEVERUS SNAPE? I KNEW IT! He's EVIL, I KNEW IT! HOW? WHEN?
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....
....
YEH RUBBED BLOODY OIL ONTO THAT BLOODY ARSE'S BACK?
*roars with laughter*
Always wondered why yeh came back all red an' bothered.
*grunts*
Righ'. I'll believe yeh. Fer now.
How the bloody hell are yeh back from the dead, Potter?
...yeh've never been Molly's cookin' assistant, have yeh? I DON' BLOODY CARE. HE SHOULD BLOODY THINK ABOU' THAT NEX' TIME HE DECIDES TO BECOME A BLOODY PLATYPUS!
YES, THAT GIT. HE SOLD OUT THE BLOODY ORDER, KILLED DUMBLEDORE, THREW HIM OFF THE TOWER, AND RAN AWAY. I KNEW DUMBLEDORE WAS TOO TRUSTIN' O' HIM. BUT NO ONE LISTENS TO ALASTOR, DO THEY? MAD ISN' HE?
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I have NO idea, sir. I swear, I remember getting blasted by Voldemort and then the next thing I know, I'm waking up under a tree in the Hollow. Naked. And rested. Is there something to this?
...Molly? As in Molly Prewitt? I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN AGES! With all due respect sir, I'm sure he didn't mean for that at all. But I AM rather interested to see how a platypus cooks and to rescue it.
I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT! WHY DID DUMBLEDORE TRUST HIM?! WASN'T HE ON THE DARK LORD'S SIDE? I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT THEN! But...I can't imagine Dumbledore making a mistake like that. He seems to ON it, you know?
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I've never heard o' anythin' like it. And yeh say that Dumbledore left yeh a note? Although.... a tree, yeh say? Voldemor' was blatherin' on abou' some bloody ash tree earlier. *frowns*
Oh. Bloody hell, I keep forgettin' yeh were dead fer so long, Potter. She's Molly Weasley now. An'...well. If yeh decide to take on voluntary cookin' lessons with her.... well, good luck to yeh. OF COURSE HE DIDN' MEAN IT, POTTER. BUT IF HE HAD KEPT HIS DAMN EYES PEELED LIKE I BLOODY TOLD 'IM TO, HE WOULDN' HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO A BLOODY PLATYPUS. He isn' gettin' any sympathy from me. *grunts*
Dumbledore believed in givin' everyone a secon' chance. Even bloody Snape. I always knew it was a bad idea. I think Dumbledore trusted the git up until his death too.
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