Save Me
Girls are dumb.
Randi calls me and tells me that she was looking up people for her friend Alex to date in Abq online for fun. Then she found my profile. And laughed. She's like "I can't believe you." I told her I just like meeting people, which is TRUE. Then I was telling her about Kelli and how I met her at the lgbtqq group and Randi says "you went to that? i have no more respect for you now between this and your profile." My response was, "you had respect for me before?" She's like "haha, that's funny." I'm thinking, no it's really not, asshole. I absolutely HATE how she judges me. I feel her judging me all the time. And it affects my life and the choices I make. Thinking about it makes me so mad, and embarrassed, and sad. And then I cry. If I had a nickel for the number of times I've sworn that I would never cry over that girl again and then cry anyway, I would have a lot of nickels.
I talked to my mom on the phone tonight and she said possibly the funniest but most disturbing thing I've heard her say. I was telling her about Kelli and how we have nothing in common. My mom says "well, you could keep it just physical." OMG My mom is encouraging me to have fuck-buddies! I told her that was over the line and I was just going to try to forget she said that. But it was funny. My mom is so weird. I think she's trying to be one of my friends or something rather than a mom because she really likes talking about my love life. My favorite question of hers is "any new and exciting women in your life?" My mom's cool. Kind of weird, but cool. I'm so glad she's cool with my sexual orientation. She's kind of over the top cool with it. Like she's encouraging me to sleep with as many girls as possible. I just wish I could date as many girls as she would like me to. I can't find any!!!
But I'm swearing off girls anyway. Because they are dumb. Like Randi. And I don't have anything in common with the cool ones, like Kelli. Maybe I'm too picky. I just want a girl that I have things in common with and respects me and doesn't judge me and likes me. Is that too much to ask? Must be, because I can't find one.. sniff. Oh well.