Coerce You Into This One

[unconditional_w]

Title: Coerce You Into This One
Author: unconditional_w
Pairing: Katie, Naomi/Emily
Summary: "I think," Katie says slowly, licking her lips and playing with her makeup bottles on the dresser, "I think I'd like to have what you have with her."
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: Not my universe, not my characters. I just relate to 'em.



If only songs were sung
to guide the doubtful ones.
 - Unattainable by Little Joy

It starts off slowly. Little things. Emily eats her dinner with a silly grin, hums more often in the shower, and falls asleep faster. Sometimes she touches random objects in their room and smiles to herself. This one time she’s choosing a bow to place in her hair and caresses the blue polka dotted one for no reason, smiling sweetly, before choosing the black plaid. They’re stupid silly things and Katie’s surprised she notices it at all. But it grows, and it starts getting bigger, and more important. Emily stays out later, gets up much earlier to leave, talks back, talks first, doesn’t talk at all.

And then there’s Naomi. Fucking Naomi and the way she’s just so different around Emily, but only Emily. Those two, they just follow one another around, holding hands, ducking into corners, whispering into one another’s ears during classes, giggling and kissing like no one’s looking. It’s all so public and affectionate and fucking vulnerable. And honestly she gives The Campbell credit for doing so. Never thought the girl had it in her. But obviously Emily’s brought out something in her. Something sweet and warm with a little bit of a flustered edge. Katie thinks the perfect word to describe her would be loose. Naomi’s just looser in general, walks around like she’s skating, talks like a river and doesn’t seem to hesitate once with Emily. She’s looser and Katie thinks it’s great Emily’s figured out how to use the crank to slacken the bolts around the blonde’s heart.

That’s why it feels like they’re not even twins anymore.

Emily’s turned, changed. Not in a bad way, but she’s just changed. And Katie doesn’t like change. Doesn’t like not knowing what tomorrow’s going to hold, doesn’t like the idea of not knowing where Emily’ll be tonight, or who’s with her. Doesn’t like the idea that that worry isn’t really her worry anymore, but her girlfriend who’ll no doubt be at her side, never taking her eyes off her, returning her home. That’s who Katie is now. The home, the place and people Emily Fitch leaves to go join Naomi. It only is a matter of time before she leaves them for good. And what will Katie have then.

~

They lie in bed one night, and exchange awkward goodnights before falling quiet.

It’s been forever since they’ve spoken. At the moment she can’t think of things they used to talk about, not before this whole lezzer thing happened. Maybe it was just always Katie talking about her relationships, Emily keeping schtum about her feelings for girls. Or Naomi in particular. Katie thinks maybe now that things were in the open, there was just nothing else to say. Nothing to say.

A tear falls from her left eye and she curses herself in her head. Wills herself to stop. She throws the covers over her head. Remembers how she always does this when she cries.

“Katie?” Emily whispers gruffly, voice soft and full of concern, “Are you alright?”

“Em, do you think someone could love me?” she asks.

“Wh..What?”

She wipes a tear. It’s always easier to talk to someone when you’re not looking at them, she thinks. “The way you and Naomi love each other.”

“How do we love one another?”

That frustrates Katie to no end, she doesn’t know why. She throws the covers off her, spins around. “I don’t know. It’s just different,” she whispers fiercely, “The way you two look at each other. And...I don’t know. It’s just fucking different.”

“Okay, okay,” Emily says quickly, defensively, in a small small voice.

“Forget I said anything,” Katie replies, throws the covers back on, turns around.

“I think there’s someone out there for everyone.”

“Yeah,” Katie scoffs, has heard that one before, “In Bristol as well?”

“Why are you asking?”

Katie’s losing patience. And fast. In fact it’s gone already, and this whole questioning thing is just boring her. “Fuck it, forget that I asked, let’s just go to bed.”

“Katie.”

“I said fuck it, Em. Go to sleep,” Katie replies. It’s rude and unnecessary and she hopes it’s so off-putting that Emily’ll leave it alone.

Emily does.

~

There’s this one time when she and Naomi are waiting for Ems to get out of the shower. Katie stands around the door, Naomi sits at the table, tapping her fingers nervously.

Katie feels as though she should ask something. But doesn’t expect to say what she does say. “What do you even see in her?”

Naomi raises her head, a deer-caught-in-the-headlights look. She blinks a few times. “What?”

“My sister.”

There’s a quiet moment between them and Naomi tilts her head to the side, squints her eyes together “...Is this a trick question?”

Katie doesn’t blame her for feeling that way, really doesn’t, there’ve been so many sporadic interrogations between them in the past, and she’s asked her share of trick questions. “No, it’s not a trick question, just a normal-conversation one.”

Naomi’s mouth opens and closes and she’s finally hesitating. “I...” If Katie didn’t so want to know what the answer was, she’d be celebrating that she had the blonde finally writhing in her seat. “I don’t know,” Naomi finally says.

Anti-climax is a bitch. “Fucking hell,” is all Katie can say.

And Naomi’s got the most sheepish expression on her face.

Katie can name at least ten fucking things that someone could love about Emily. At least. “If you don’t give me a better answer than that, I’m going to beat you on the head with a fucking sledgehammer.”

Naomi’s eyes grow a little bit wider, and she backs into her chair, because Katie’s always been a bit off her rocker, but something about this whole Q&A session has just been a little too surreal. “Jesus.”

“She’s my sister.”

“And I love her!”

The outburst takes them both by surprise, and Katie feels the anger sort of drift off her shoulder. Instead she just backs against the wall, wills Naomi to go on with her eyes.

“I can’t pin it down, there’s too much,” Naomi says, licking her lips, “I love her too much. She makes me feel too much. It’s fucking terrifying but blimey, there it is.”

And there’s a fucking long silence that streams between them after that. And Katie doesn’t really know what to make of that answer, because it’s honest and exposed and romantic and pathetic at the same time. Didn’t know Emily could do that to someone. Didn’t know...didn’t know anyone could do that to another person. “Oh,” is all she can say, and Naomi raises an eyebrow to it. “That’s a good answer,” she says meekly, before running upstairs to hurry Ems up.

~

She overhears their conversation one night. It isn’t like she’s eavesdropping. It’s quiet, because it’s around one in the morning, and fuck it all, Blondie’s got a loud voice anyway, it’d be impossible to not listen, it sounds as though she’s in the room with them. Emily sits on her bed, her cell to her ear, just staring out the window. Katie’s at their dresser, taking off her earrings, looking worriedly at her sister through the reflection of the mirror.

Naomi’s mumbling something fast and Emily’s giggling. “You’re terrible!” Emily says, slapping her lap just once, this wide grin on her face revealing Naomi is everything but.

Katie always wondered what that was honestly like, to disapprove yet honestly earnestly approve of someone at the same time. She had said the phrase to so many of her boyfriends, but somewhere deep down she had meant it, that they were terrible. She halts her actions on her right ear and looks at her sister again. There was something about the way Emily said it that Katie knew Naomi, deep down, wasn’t terrible. In fact, wasn’t terrible at all, just sarcastic and funny as fuck. And Emily knew it.

The conversation has dwindled, and Katie realizes the two aren’t even saying anything, just staying quiet on the phone together. Emily bows her head with this cute little smile on her face, her right hand playing with the long necklace she’s wearing.

Where the fuck did you get that necklace?
None of your business.

It’s gotten so quiet in the room even Katie has stopped moving, feels like she’s intruding on this quiet time between them. Finally she hears some movement on the phone. “I love you, you know?” she overhears Naomi say. And it’s stated so clearly, so casually yet emphatically, Katie’s overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed. She drops shoulders she didn’t even know were raised and lets out a tiny breath. She glances up to look at her sister.

Emily’s cute little smile has lessened, is now just a little curve in her lips. She closes her hand around her necklace and brings it close to her chest, closes her eyes. “I love you, too.”

And Katie wants to cry.

And it’s fucking ridiculous, because what the hell, these two are so fucking pathetic and dependent and disgusting, really. She wants to take the cell phone, hang up, shake her sister from now until next Tuesday and tell her to get a grip. But she can’t. Can only grip the edges of the dresser, can still hear the soft exchanges between the girls in her head.

Emily’s opened her eyes, is warmer than she ever thought she could be on this cold night. There is only one thought that’s entered her mind: Must stay on phone with Naomi until we fall asleep. But Katie’s figure against the dresser catches her attention. She remembers that odd sleepy interaction they shared a few nights back, and judging from the other strange conversation she shared with Naomi..

Katie interrogated me again today, while we were waiting for you to change.
Oh fucking hell.
No, it was different this time. Sadder. Is she alright?

Knowing her sister isn’t always the best as saying how she feels, and tends to displace the strongest emotions, Emily heaves a sigh. She turns her attention back to the phone. “Listen,” she says, revelling in the inhale of breath she hears on the other line, “I’ve got to go, I’ll see you tomorrow?” She hears some clattering on the other end, some opening and closing of doors and muffled laughter.

“Jesus,” Naomi mutters under her breath, “Fucking circus in here it is.”

Emily grins, can’t help but laugh. Can’t help anything around Naomi.

“Yeah,” Naomi says more directly to Emily, “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early. ‘Night gorgeous.”

“Goodnight,” Emily replies, biting her lip, can’t help but feel like a lucky little girl that she has someone who thinks she’s gorgeous. She closes her phone, tells herself to get it together, because honestly it’s just one word. Turns her attention to Katie.

Katie’s just been staring at her this entire time. It doesn’t shock Emily, nor does it frighten her. Growing up, Katie’s always been the overprotective sister, has always had one eye out for her. And Emily realizes this is her first significant other, and it’s gotten quite serious, and quite quickly. “You alright?” she asks.

“I think,” Katie says slowly, licking her lips and playing with her makeup bottles on the dresser. “I think I’d like to have what you have.”

Emily raises an eyebrow. “What I have?”

Katie nods, avoiding Emily’s gaze. Is aware of how open she’s being, and how honest and vulnerable and Jesus she can’t look at her. “Like. The trust and commitment. And like. The love. And butterflies.” It’s terrible that she can’t think of any other way to describe what Emily and Naomi have. She realizes it’s because she’s never really ever felt it, has never had such a healthy relationship, or ever really had someone to love her. Love her. And this saddens her to the point where she does start to cry.

And seeing the tears, Emily leaps off her bed, takes two grand strides across the room and pulls her older sister into a hug. “It’s alright,” she coos, stroking wavy red hair, and Katie starts sobbing. “You’re going to find someone,” she whispers in her ear, “You’re going to find a bloke and he’s going to be incredible and he’ll rock your world. Without the use of an actual rock.”

And Katie laughs, that laugh that usually attacks one in the middle of a sobfest that breaks all the tension. And she’s grateful Emily’s sort of taken on a bit of Naomi’s humour. She lifts her head from her twin’s shoulder, lets Emily wipe some tears away from her cheeks.

“Emily schtum hafum dissent telly ovum beet mum,” Emily says with a loving smile.

And she holds her in bed until Katie falls asleep.

And Katie feels like they’re sisters again.