Here we go, again!
Ugh. Mara and I have had the worst time fussing with the stupid LJ. Probably because, heh heh, the log was a little bit long. Just slightly. But hey, it happens when you have so many Sues to dispose of.
Enjoy:
____________________________
Shay Leigh Turner, Part II
The agents clicked the activator, pausing only for one quick exchange between three of the modern girls, involving a most unusual insult:
"That must mean everyone looks like the way they did in the movie." Said Ashlee
"You're a real Sherlock homes aren't you." Said Maggie
"Using Sherlock Homes instead of Sherlock Holmes." Before Mara could contemplate the image of Sherlock Homes: Real Estate for the Orthographically Impaired, they had arrived.
"Anything egregious that we missed?" Mara peered over Isaiah's shoulder.
Isaiah pushed his hair out of his eyes as he squinted at the page. "Two glaring errors and a host of little ones. First: Jack says, 'Well I haven't been around here much but I herd it's a great place for people who like to hide.'"
As Isaiah spoke, Captain Jack Sparrow began to herd the same group of bovines that the man had leapt over earlier, and Mara put another charge on the list.
"Second: Maggie refers to Elijah Wood as 'Elijah Woods' twice."
A mini-thespian emerged from the fic, covered in tiny trees, and scampered away.
"All right, on with the show."
"I feel a tad unwell..." Lauren said but she then fainted but was caught by a pirate.
"You alright luv?" he asked
************************************************************
Who is this pirate? Find out in the next chapter!
"Who is it?" Mara repeated. "The man said 'Luv', darling; there's only one pirate that talks like that. Or, rather, only one pirate who should."
"Next chapter," Isaiah said in a resigned voice.
"I need Chocolate!" announced the author.
"Thanks for telling us!" Isaiah called back irritably. As the chapter began, he checked his and Mara's disguises. They were still dressed in pirate garb. With a swift nod to Isaiah, Mara sidestepped an entwined couple and hid behind a hogshead barrel.
"Yes, thank yooooooouuuuu." Lauren said looking up into the man eyes; she then fainted again at the sight of Captain Jack Sparrow.
Isaiah banged his head against the barrel repeatedly.
Jack told Phil that he had found his father, and that he swore that Phil and Bill were the same person. Ashlee caught sight of her lust object.
"Oh my god" said Ashlee fainting into Wills arms.
The blatant fangirl collapsed into several pairs of arms belonging to a group of Wills. The story had given birth to them after fertilization by a missing apostrophe. This time, it was Mara's turn to deflect attention from the fic by cranial collision. In her case, it was an empty tankard she had swiped from a table. Meanwhile, the group sat down together as if they were old friends, despite the fact that no one had ever met the four girls-turned-38-year-old-pirates before. Of course, that meant that all four completely gained the trust of the others. Shay Leigh wanted to know how the women could go to school.
"Well, we're fourteen, well were." Said Maggie
"Periods. Periods. Periods," Isaiah repeated to himself.
"Any way lunch was nearly over so we were going to get our books, but when we turned around we were here, in these clothes and at this age." Continued Amanda.
Isaiah sulked as he wrote down, Substituting period for comma. Mara laughed.
"That was NOT what I meant by my chanting," the male agent grumbled.
"And we're back to rehashing the movie for the canon cast. Yeesh, these Sues hit every cliché spot-on."
"Well, we figured out its 18 years since that Barbossa incident but what's happened since, where's Elizabeth, Anna Maria or Gibbs?" said Amanda
"Well they died of a illness, we don't know what it's called." Said Jack
"I would laugh so hard if it was Sars." Ashlee whispered to the other girls.
"Yeah. Real funny, that," sneered Mara.
"I'm Phil, Wills twin." Phil said
"And well I'm James, Jack new first mate." Said James
"I believe we met a sec ago." Said Maggie
"Oh, yes I am irish." Said James
"Not again!" Isaiah looked ready to tear out his eyeballs. "Come on, Mara. Let's kill it, now."
Suddenly, a few of Jack's mutinous crew showed up.
Mara looked delighted. "Ooh. Lots of pain ahead for these two, I hope."
Pintel, Ragetti, Bo'sun, Koehler, and Twigg grabbed the self-insertions, telling them that they were sorry to "brake" up the reunion and that they were trying to use women sacrifices to bring Barbossa back.
'"Brake' asides...women sacrifices to bring back the dead?" Mara ground her teeth. "Most lame, inaccurate plot device ever!"
"What, the Aztecs didn't sacrifice women?"
"Not really. It was almost always men. And no one would sacrifice to bring back the dead."
The pirates had magically escaped from jail because the hole in the Port Royal prison hadn't been fixed properly...during the approximately eighteen years between the time of PotC and the time of the fic...and not only that, but the pirates had miraculously retaken the Pearl. They had stolen gold from the cursed chest again-as if they hadn't learned their lesson the first time. Isaiah saw no reason why the villains would bother to tell the girls about the details of the plan. At least the pirates weren't treating them like princesses. Yet.
"Don't speak until asked." Growled Bo'sun who then back slapped her.
"Backhanded her," Isaiah groused, thumbing through the dictionary. "'Backslap: to demonstrate effusive goodwill.'" Bo'sun immediately gave off a sweet and pleasant smile and began to inquire after Amanda's health. The agents turned away from the once-villainous pirate mutineer, now simpering in a very disturbing way.
What was worse, the four girls who had been yanked into PotC, not having particularly long attention spans, quickly got bored. A brilliant idea surfaced.
"Lets sing!" said Ashlee "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."
The song was excerpted nearly in its entirety. Both agents immediately reached for their headphones and began humming to their music of choice, Isaiah to "The Bridge of Khazad-Dûm" and Mara to a relaxation CD titled "Peace and Quiet." The Sues were, happily, interrupted.
"Shut up the lot of you!" yelled Bo'sun raising his hand.
"Go, Bo'sun!" cheered Mara.
"Hey, you can't hit all of." said Maggie but was cut of by Bo' sun's hand. "Ouch that kinda hurt, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha."
"What are you laughing at?" asked Shay Leigh
"He can hit me all day cause he hits like a what?" laughed Maggie
"A girl!" Said Lauren laughing
Mara calmly rolled up her right sleeve.
"I'll show them what a girl hits like, the-"
"No!" Isaiah grabbed her arm. "No, no. Not yet. Soon."
"When? This is taking forever! We've gotten to the major breaks in canon!"
"There's still something left that you should see. Come on, Mara, a little discipline-"
"Don't preach to me of discipline." Mara stopped him with a baleful expression. "I wasn't planning on blowing our cover, just on killing them as soon as the villains leave them alone for a space. It'll be harder if the four modern Sues meet up with Jack, Tiernan, and the Turner crowd. We'll have to tackle them all at once."
"Don't worry." Isaiah motioned for her to get back. "I've read ahead. I have a plan."
Mara sighed as she leaned against the wall. "Don't you always?"
"Yes. And they work."
"I won't dispute that." While the agents had been debating, Maggie had declared that her brother was more of a bully than Bo'sun. Amanda got "positively annoyed" at the reiterations from the movies, which would have caused Mara to mutter about redundant fanfic writers being more at fault than the poor innocent canonicals. Then Amanda told the pirates to shut up. Despite threats of hitting them, the pirates did nothing. As Mara and Isaiah came to a resolution, the scene shifted and the agents were once again back with Phil, Will, Bill, and bad grammar.
"Dammit dad, we must hurry!" yelled Tiernan
"Now boy, that what Will here did before and it nearly killed us." Jack replied
"Ahh." Mara feigned a fangirl sigh. "I so adore Tarzan!Jack. He's so…inarticulate."
Isaiah made a face, which contorted further as the men discussed rescuing the young ladies. The would-be swashbucklers arrived at the docks, at which point they were informed that the Black Pearl had been commandeered. None of the characters looked surprised-in fact, Phil and Jack began discussing Phil's ship, the Princess Mary. Will then had to reiterate that the Pearl had been stolen-reminding Jack that the Black Pearl was his ship.
"INFAMY!" Mara hissed as loudly as was safe. "Captain Jack does not act CASUAL about his SHIP being stolen!"
Both crews made their way through the caves, the four girls harassing the pirates at every opportunity: confusing them, insulting them, and generally haranguing them. Finally, Ragetti told them again to stow it, but was checked by Amanda's snappy reply.
"Seen it before." Said Amanda thinking quickly and smartly (as per usual.)
The Sues, naturally, weren't astonished in the least to see Will, Phil, Bill, and company sneaking towards the evil pirates. They distracted the brigands using diversionary insults that wouldn't have sidetracked a small child, much less a group of seasoned pirates. Naturally, the parents showed themselves, and the villain pirates had just decided to capture three of the girls when the story stopped for an author's note.
"You have to read this, Mara."
"Oh?" Mara raised her eyebrows.
"It's in response to the constructive criticism reviews that she got."
"Ah." Mara cupped an ear and concentrated intently.
Thank you rum040189, for being the one of the many people who don't bother with Grammar and only care about the story line which is the most important part of the story. I thank you for this.
Yes, this story was dedicated to my friends but I'd like to share this story with all people who are not grammar freaks and only care how interesting the story line is.
I am trying to have two chapters a day except on Sundays, which I will not be uploading any chapters unless they are writer notes like this.
Thank you yet again to those kind people who have sent me reviews saying they like this story and the names of the new characters.
And a special thanks to my friends for helping me.
Thank you. Irish Pride (Maggie)
P.S. Please send reviews!(
(Go the Irish!( I hope you all are enjoying my story! (
"Ah, so now we're grammar freaks," Mara nodded. "Makes sense."
"I'd rather be a grammar freak than a careless writer," Isaish said emphatically. "Okay, I think we can skip the part where Ashlee thinks Will likes her and Lauren laments that she doesn't have Jack, the pathetic recapitulation of Elizabeth's rescue from Barbossa, the fact that Amanda and Maggie know how to fight, and, most hideous of all, Barbossa crammed into Elizabeth's purple dress for no reason except the humiliation of a cool and savage villain. Contrivance, is that you again?"
Mid-portal, the agents dropped back into the story to gaze in horror at the belittled Barbossa.
"Sponge Bob Square Pants!" Lauren said in a singsong voice, while Mara cocked her pistol.
The author's note didn't help matters:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Pause.
"...Yeah."
Shaking his head to clear it, Isaiah blocked out the remainder of the bad dialogue until finally the battle was joined. "That's our cue. Get ready." He pointed at the Words and whispered in Mara's ear.
"Bring it on!" yelled Maggie
"Indeed," Mara smirked.
The four modern girls, Shay Leigh, the Stus, and the very few canonicals clashed with the five pirates from Barbossa's old crew, Silly!Barbossa, and five other anonymous pirates. Phil helped Amanda finish off a pirate, and then Amanda ran through another one with her cutlass.
Lady Contrivance began doing cartwheels up and down the stalactites.
"I can't believe he talked to me!" she said to Ashlee.
"I can't believe you took out a pirate by yourself." Replied Ashlee
"It's easy, just swing your sword." Said Mandy as Ashlee did what she was told.
There quickly followed the sound of palms quickly meeting faces. This was repeated several times. The agents recovered and prepared to join in the fighting.
"Three down." Yelled Ashlee
"Make that four." Yelled Lauren as she did the same as Ashlee. (Lol Loz, you can hurt people (.)
"Five!" yelled Tiernan as he helped Shay Leigh on a second pirate
"Six!" Shay Leigh yelled out
"Seven!" Yelled Maggie
"Eight!" yelled Phil
"Nine!" yelled Will
"Ten!" yelled the girls yelled together taking down a huge pirate.
"Eleven."
Mara fired her pistol. It hit Ashlee in the stomach. She could be assured of a slow, painful death.
"Twelve!" Isaiah's grapnel yanked Amanda by her hair and he knocked her head soundly against a stalagmite.
"Hey, this is kind of fun."
In the melee, Isaiah wasted no time in grabbing Shay Leigh and Maggie, while Mara apprehended Tiernan and Phil, dragging them off after hitting them on the head with her gun. Stupid!Jack didn't even notice. The agents sequestered them in an antechamber off the central cave.
On his return trip, Isaiah scampered up the pile of treasure, until he was flooded with the light coming in from the cave.
Most of the villain pirates had been killed off. The canonicals and Sues stared at them.
"You. Bo'sun!" Isaiah rapped out. "Get over here!"
Backslapping!Bo'sun grinned idiotically and followed Isaiah to the small cave without a second thought. Dumbfounded-or perhaps simply dumb-the other characters stared after them, not comprehending.
Mara came out to join Isaiah soon after.
"Aren't you going to call out to Stupid!Jack?" Isaiah asked.
Mara, tight-lipped, said, "I think we'll try leaving him out of this particular PPCing. Did you get Mandy and Ashlee? They're still alive; they need to be char-" she stopped as she caught sight of Lauren. "Excuse me."
Lauren got her sword ready, sure that she, a fourteen-year-old girl with no fighting experience and in a 38-year-old body that she hadn't become accustomed to, could take anyone on. Mara feinted to the right, caught Lauren's sword arm in her left hand and lashed out with her gun muzzle. The cutlass clattered to the ground. The agent moved in. She was not a perfect warrior by any means, but she had gone regularly to PPC weapons training for six years, and most of her field work had been in the Lord of the Rings fandom.
Whack!
Isaiah jumped.
Lauren was laid out flat on her back, eyes wide and terrified at the figure looming over her.
"Wh-why are you-"
Enraged, the canonicals hurried to her rescue.
Isaiah cast his grapnel hook out towards Shay Leigh. It thwacked her in the neck and she lost consciousness for a moment as she struggled to catch her breath in her stifling period clothes, which had never seemed to bother her before. Canon was stretched so thinly that it snapped back in place immediately with the Sues' concentration lost even for so short a space.
The mad rush to save the Sues stopped.
As the disoriented canonicals tried to figure out what was going on, Mara and Isaiah dragged Lauren away. James, the only Stu still in possession of his senses, readied his weapon and prepared to charge. His advance was checked by a finely-made blade at his throat.
"Don't move." Will kept his sword steady. "Sword down and hands in the air. Now."
James, confused, did as Will bid. "But I'm Jack's first mate!" he said. "Help, Will, they're taking that innocent girl away!"
"Didn't look so innocent to me," Jack said, eyes sharply focused on his would-be first mate. "What've you done to Gibbs, eh?"
"N-nothing. He died of a mysterious illness-"
Will was staring at Bootstrap Bill. "I think I know who you are, but how did you come here?"
Bill regarded him, equally nonplussed. "Cursed by Aztec gods if I know."
"Ahem."
Mara cleared her throat and slipped on her glasses. Isaiah did likewise.
FLASH!
The canonicals gazed at them with a temporarily glazed expression. The few pirates left had vanished, back to the grave after their hangings, no doubt. The one exception was Koehler, who simply keeled over, as he had died during the climactic battle at the end of the movie.
The agents escorted Lauren and James to the small cavern after securely binding them with rope stored in their packs. There, Bo'sun was recovering. He had been hit harder than most by the un-canonical spell. Mara and Isaiah opened a portal to the Pearl and shoved all of the Sues through, as well as tugging a glassy-eyed Bo'sun and Jack along, while Bootstrap and Will were transported back to their respective environments. Once they had secured everyone in the brig, they recovered Gibbs and Anamaria from their respective plotholes by using Isaiah's grapnel hook, which forestalled any inadvertent hostage-taking or blades in the gut. Gibbs and Anamaria were neuralized as well, and Bo'sun was well on his way to his strong, evil old self by the time the exhausted agents had pulled out their charge lists.
"Shay Leigh Turner, James, Tiernan Sparrow, Phil Turner, Maggie, Amanda, Ashlee, and Lauren," Mara read. "You are charged, first and foremost, with having the most Sues of any fic we've seen in this fandom as well as being the first Mary Sues to merit two long, yet separate charge lists. Please make an effort to stay awake if you do not wish more pain to find you. Lauren, I'm afraid you'll have to go right now, so I'm charging you with being obnoxious, deciding to sing 'A Pirate's Life for Me' in its entirety, for wondering why you couldn't be with Jack Sparrow, for inserting yourself as a 38-year-old pirate, for Sponge Bob Square Pants, and especially for mutilating Bo'sun's character..."
In-Character Bo'sun's head swiveled slowly in Lauren's direction. He stared at her with his customary fierce expression. Lauren whimpered.
"Saying that he hits like a girl to boot," Isaiah put in. "In fact," he glared at them, "you ladies are responsible for killing off or dumbing down every single canonical male and replacing them with your own vapid Ken dolls, just so that you can look competent by comparison. Your sexism disgusts me."
That was enough to trigger Bo'sun's memory of the badfic. He started towards Lauren, grabbed hold of her blouse with a meaty fist, and dragged her towards the cell door. Isaiah gleefully unlocked the door and let Bo'sun and his prey through, then followed him on deck.
"You laughed at me," Bosun snarled.
Lauren tried to remain defiant. "I'm not afraid of you, you big-"
WHAM!
There was the sound of cracking ribs along with the air being abruptly expelled from Lauren's lungs.
"Urgh-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh..."
Sploosh!
"Never seen anyone punched over the side of a ship before," Isaiah said, peering interestedly over the Pearl's railing.
Before Bo'sun could wreak further havoc, Isaiah clicked the button on his neuraliser. Bo'sun abruptly vanished. Lauren was floundering several yards away from the Pearl, not having the strength to stay above the surface for long. Isaiah brought Jack up as well and led him to the helm.
The agents returned to the brig and Isaiah continued the recitation of the charges.
"Shay Leigh Turner, you are charged with having a shoddy non-disclaimer, being Will Turner's daughter, having a dumb name, making Jack come over on the Tuesday week, making Elizabeth a submissive housewife, having a table be her deathbed, working with your father at the armoury, making the canonicals as thick as you, displaying extreme stupidity and pashing Tiernan. Tiernan, you are charged with being a hermaphrodite Stu and Jack Sparrow's son, acting like a gentleman when you're supposed to be a pirate, having an Irish name, and pashing Shay Leigh. James, you are charged with stealing Gibbs' role, having a brother named Enid, and having no personality whatsoever. Phil, you are charged with being an idiotic clone of Will and also lacking personality. Ashlee, Maggie, and Amanda, you are charged with causing the canonicals to like you, putting Bootstrap Bill in a meaningless pub scene, making yourselves thirty-eight years old, spouting off the story of PotC like chatterboxes, making experienced pirates die like flies, and especially defiling Barbossa's character. All of you are responsible for the deaths of Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Gibbs, yanking the readers from one setting to the next without a mention of time or space shift, and for excessive and excruciating contrivance. We have another charge list for all of your grammatical errors. However, we thought-"
"Look out!" Mara pushed Isaiah to the side just as what looked like a small musket ball slammed into the floor.
"Grammer's doing her work," Isaiah realized. "All of the missing periods are falling back in."
"Excellent." Mara brought out Maggie. "Enjoy the punctuation downpour, sugarplum."
Mara used Maggie as a shield. The Sue shrieked as she was pelted with missing periods.
"Maggie, you are-"
Plop.
"Ow!"
"Charged with being a pathetic and ridiculous self-insertion. For calling yourself Irish Pride and chatting up Phil-"
Plop.
"OW!"
"For leaving out commas and calling Bootstrap Bill 'Old man'-"
Plop! Plop! Plop!
"OWIE!"
"For being annoyingly fixated with everyone being Irish, for not being a HOER-"
PLOP!
"AAARGH!"
"-and for saying Sherlock Homes instead of Sherlock Holmes, you are to be pelted with punctuation until dead."
"Think that one got her," said Isaiah. "Next up...everyone else except for Shay Leigh! No need to move them," he added to Mara.
Mara nodded. Together, they transported themselves to the town and acquired several buckets of pitch and a large sack of feathers. Mara suggested boiling the pitch, but Isaiah pointed out that the Sues would likely die of humiliation, anyway-their egos were so very fragile.
The punctuation downpour had stopped by the time they got back. The rest of the Sues had been protected by being in their cell. Isaiah grabbed the filthy, but canonical, deck mop and dunked it in the pitch. Mara grabbed another mop and did the same. Together, the agents poked the mops through the bars and slathered the Sues with tar. What made it more fun was the struggle that the Sues put up, for in endeavoring to get away, they covered each other in muck much more effectively than the agents could have by themselves. Next, the agents released them one by one from the cage and covered them in feathers. By now, most of them couldn't speak, but that didn't stop them from making whiny sounds.
"Mph...'oo can't do vis to meee!" moaned Phil piteously.
"Of course we can't," Mara said consolingly. She and Isaiah left the Sues off at Port Royal, where they were liberally mocked by the townspeople as soon as the Sues started ranting about being pirates. The feathers stood out brilliantly against the coming night. The agents pulled Elizabeth out of her plothole, Isaiah apologizing profusely for the mishap. They departed just as Amanda got the brilliant idea of yanking Isaiah's torch from him to fend off her adversaries. Unfortunately, she waved it too close to the tar-covered Ashlee, who instantly caught fire.
The ensuing yells echoed for miles.
____________________________________________________
"Are you...pirates?" Shay Leigh ventured as the agents unlocked her cell. Seeing Isaiah, she smiled and tried to cling to him.
Isaiah shoved her away from him and picked up his charge list. "Actually, you're the one who's taken this story hostage and reduced it to a pile of spotlight-hogging claptrap. So, we're sending you to meet someone special."
At that moment, the CADs gave off an unhealthy squeal. The floor shifted and buckled, and Isaiah was nearly impaled on a stray exclamation point.
"Is Grammer getting carried away?" Isaiah wondered tensely.
"No. I've seen this before," replied Mara, grabbing Shay Leigh. "Portal. Quickly! The story's being deleted!"
Isaiah pressed the button as the world shook and the colors ran together. He clicked the button, but the activator had taken a hit, too. Shay Leigh disappeared through the portal, but the agents remained. Mara hung onto a cell bar for balance as the ship rocked, shuddered, and vanished. The agents were abruptly standing in whiteness.
"What the..." Isaiah looked around. "Is this what happens when a story gets deleted?"
"Not usually. Usually, it just collapses with the agents inside it. We're lucky we weren't killed. I wonder why we weren't." Mara looked shaken.
Suddenly, a voice boomed from the blankness.
"Because of all the Fucking bad reviews my story shall be taken of fan fiction, one person can't take this much Shit from people!"
The two agents glanced at each other in somewhat fiendish delight.
"Author's rant!" they exclaimed.
Mara and Isaiah cringed and covered their ears as the ear-numbing diatribe rained down on them.
"If you didn't fucking like it why the Fuck did you read it for you fucking dickheads!"
They laughed and gave the rant thunderous applause.
"Excellent entertainment," Isaiah said approvingly.
"If we don't read it, how will we know if we like it?" Mara pointed out in between chuckles.
"Okay, now we can portal," Isaiah said. "Shay Leigh's probably awaiting us in HQ."
She was, indeed. Actually, the waiting was more involuntary than voluntary. Once Shay Leigh had found herself in Headquarters, she had abruptly broken into a run...or so they judged by the muddy footprints that tracked across the usually clean HQ. Unfortunately for Shay Leigh, the portal had been directed at Isaiah's quarters on the first floor, right near the cafeteria. She had stumbled through the doors, wailing about her lost true love, Tiernan. A short, brown-haired, bespectacled agent had administered a series of ruthless kicks to her abdomen and laid her low. She was waiting for the DTE agents when she came in.
"Agent Jira?" Agent Mara inquired.
The PotC PPCer nodded curtly. She gestured towards Shay Leigh. "This your kill? I would have finished her off myself, but-"
"Actually," said Isaiah, "we were thinking of giving her to Agent Leigh for a gift."
Jira sized him up. "Really. You new?"
He gulped and nodded.
She grinned broadly and stuck out her hand. "Agent Jira Foley, Department of Mary Sues."
"Agent Isaiah, Department of Technical Errors." Isaiah shook her hand, feeling a bit off balance. PPC mental stability was never a sure thing, and short tempers were the norm rather than the exception. "We were going to deliver her to Leigh because of her name."
"Hm." Jira eyed the Sue shrewdly. "A relative of Will's, I assume?"
Mara jabbed Shay Leigh with her pistol. "You. Introduce yourself."
"Sh-Shay Leigh Turner," the Sue answered hesitantly.
Jira blinked.
"Oh, Leigh's going to be thrilled with this," she snickered.
The DTE agents smiled proudly. Mara then excused herself, saying that she had an errand to run. While Jira practiced glaring daggers at Shay Leigh, Isaiah rummaged through his backpack.
"Ah, here it is," he said. "Shay Leigh, I am pleased to inform you that you are an airhead, ass, blockhead, bobby, boob, chump, clod, dimwit, dodo, dope, dolt, dumbbell, dummy, dunce, fool, goon, idiot, ignoramus, lamebrain, lunkhead, meathead, nitwit, oaf, sap, simpleton, yo-yo...yo-yo? Huh. Didn't know that was a synonym."
"Got the gag!"
Isaiah frowned and turned around. Mara was waving what looked like a large handkerchief around ecstatically. Then she raised her other hand, which contained a spherical cake of soap.
"This is for the author's rant," she explained, forcing the Sue's mouth open and popping the ball of soap in. She then gagged Shay Leigh, who was doing a considerable amount of gagging herself a few seconds later, as well as quite literally foaming at the mouth. Waving good-bye to Jira, the agents made their way to Leigh's quarters, knocked, and shoved Shay Leigh in through the door as soon as it opened.
"The hells...?" Agent Leigh stared at the Sue.
Mara handed her the charge list. "Shay Leigh, meet...Shmuckleigh."
The agent skimmed the charge list. Her head snapped up. "Shay Leigh?" she demanded of the Sue. "And you killed off Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Gibbs?"
Leigh gave a quick nod to the agents. "I'll get my knives. Thank you."
"No problem."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOeughaughOOOOOaughblechOOOO!" Shay Leigh wailed from behind the door. Leigh must have undone the gag. The agents could tell that the hapless Sue was attempting last-minute melodrama, but was failing miserably on account of the residual soapsuds.
Tired and footsore, the DTE agents staggered to their respective living spaces. Mara went straight to sleep, but Isaiah stayed up awhile to read through his agent report, marveling at how truly wonderful periods could be.
The End
Continue to Mission 4
___________________________________________________
Ugh...that's all I have to say, really, concerning the fic.
Araeph's new scientific theory: A missing apostrophe in a possessive form doesn't appear on the page because it fertilizes bad Suefic, thereby breeding clones of the character or thing in question. For example:
Will's - apostrophe = Wills
The eggs that the apostrophe fertilizes are Really Bad Eggs. In the PotCsues livejournal, Suefics are give ratings according to how bad they are. The ratings go from 1 to 5 really bad eggs.
So, really bad eggs + missing apostrophe = unholy union and mad breeding.
Constructive criticism welcome, as always. We'll post a report on our Trinidad trip once we get our photos back. Also, Araeph went to a PPC meet up and got smitten! In the meantime, don't let the Suethors get you down.