A leap of faith
I've been listening to God lately. At least that's what I'm convinced it is, this inner self reflection that isn't critical, no longer hedging. I usually shy away from things that scare me, but God's been asking me to do things that frighten me, that are atypical of who i am.
So i embrace him with all my heart, and it's been liberating. My logical self tells me I will be judged, but God's telling me that it's ok. Accept your judgement, but this will be good for you.
I heard Carl say, "i've been thinking about what I'm actually good at, and the only thing that i can really say is that I can take risks without fear" Taking risks...not what i do, i play it safe. And God wanted me to hear that, he wanted me to let go of myself and bend to his will and follow my instincts. So i asked Kari out. Suffice it to say, she said "yes." God rewarded my audacity with acceptance, but at the same time, he prepared me to accept any answer. The worse thing that could happen was that she said "no."
I had similar doubts 7 days earlier. I spoke to my sister, and she told me to walk. Then i prayed intently to God to show me a sign, to give me direction. And he gave me the Friends episode where Joey tells Rachel that he's falling in love with her. Two signs to stay away.
Back to the "date" it went well, very well. I didn't tell my sister about this excusion, since she IS my sister's boyfriend's sister (follow that?). But even with our attempts of secrecy were unveiled by an unexpected interruption. My sister was there, and we were spotted.
It's hard to predict where it'll go from here, but she's pretty upset, she won't even speak to me. God used my sister to save me, and now she can't even face me, or let me justify my position. I pray to God to lift this emotional burden from my sister.
I may potentially lose her in this as well. But at the same time, maybe God was using me to bring them closer together. Thao's been trying to win her over for a long time, maybe our date was to serve that purpose and nothing more. Maybe in one fell swoop, God showed me that i crawl out of my shell of predictable timidity and bring my sister closer to her bf's family.
God's a funny dude, the ultimate jedi, and my savior. Use me how you will God, I accept everything you choose to grace me with. But for now, i'll continue praying for clarity.
So i embrace him with all my heart, and it's been liberating. My logical self tells me I will be judged, but God's telling me that it's ok. Accept your judgement, but this will be good for you.
I heard Carl say, "i've been thinking about what I'm actually good at, and the only thing that i can really say is that I can take risks without fear" Taking risks...not what i do, i play it safe. And God wanted me to hear that, he wanted me to let go of myself and bend to his will and follow my instincts. So i asked Kari out. Suffice it to say, she said "yes." God rewarded my audacity with acceptance, but at the same time, he prepared me to accept any answer. The worse thing that could happen was that she said "no."
I had similar doubts 7 days earlier. I spoke to my sister, and she told me to walk. Then i prayed intently to God to show me a sign, to give me direction. And he gave me the Friends episode where Joey tells Rachel that he's falling in love with her. Two signs to stay away.
Back to the "date" it went well, very well. I didn't tell my sister about this excusion, since she IS my sister's boyfriend's sister (follow that?). But even with our attempts of secrecy were unveiled by an unexpected interruption. My sister was there, and we were spotted.
It's hard to predict where it'll go from here, but she's pretty upset, she won't even speak to me. God used my sister to save me, and now she can't even face me, or let me justify my position. I pray to God to lift this emotional burden from my sister.
I may potentially lose her in this as well. But at the same time, maybe God was using me to bring them closer together. Thao's been trying to win her over for a long time, maybe our date was to serve that purpose and nothing more. Maybe in one fell swoop, God showed me that i crawl out of my shell of predictable timidity and bring my sister closer to her bf's family.
God's a funny dude, the ultimate jedi, and my savior. Use me how you will God, I accept everything you choose to grace me with. But for now, i'll continue praying for clarity.