Just some thoughts on whats been going on
Lots has been going on latley, and frankly I'm not really sure how to look at some of it. I guess I should just start from the beginning and babble a bit and see what happens.
A while ago my brother was dead set on his tattoo. The night before, which was a Monday night, he came in the living room where Alex, my mom, and I were watching the UNC vs. MSU NCAA Championship game. He handed me a list of fonts and asked me to pick one, I was so mad at him that the only thing I could think to respond with was 'they all look kinda gay to me' of course that made him mad, and we started to slightly argue about it, and about how the Declaration of Independence was written in one of those fonts so the men who wrote it and the document must be gay... Awesome conversation I know. I finally got him to shut up with 'well real men don't get tattoos so I guess you're not a real man anymore' Yes I took a blow to my brothers manhood but I really didn't care. If anyone had seen how much of a jerk he was being to my mom about the whole situation, they would have done it too. Because, I'm sorry, I don't care if we did try to hide it from my grandparents, they would have found out at some point. So I didn't see the point in him getting it. His thought process was that well if they got mad at him about it, then they didn't really love him anyways... How awful of a thing to say! How dare he! After everything they have done for us from when daddy died until now, everything they have done, I couldn't believe (and still can't) he had the gaul to say that. He knew that when they found out it was going to upset them so much, and that my mom would have to deal with it (because they would never say anything to him, only to my mom) which would be even more stress on my mom. Then in a few years my uncle would have to deal with Daniel and Phillip about it because of course if Donald does something, that must mean it's ok. Then because it was stressing every one else out of course that is going to get thrown onto me and make me stress, and I'm sorry, I just refused to deal with it. So... yeah I was a little mad about the whole thing. So Tuesday was when he was supposed to be getting the tattoo, and thank goodness the guy couldn't do it. His wife has just had a baby recently and because of that, they're schedules are kind of funny just because they haven't adjusted to it. So Donald asked my mom to go to dinner with him and his girlfriend, Frankie (please don't get me started). Donald and my mom started talking about it because, since the artist couldn't do it on Tuesday, he rescheduled Donald for Wednesday, well when Frankie realized that my mom was so opposed to Donald getting a tattoo, she jumped down his throat with my mom and started talking about how stupid of an idea it was and everything. With all that said and done...after 3 days, and lots of prayer later, Donald decided he didn't want to get the tattoo, and settled for a new pair of khaki shorts, khaki pants, and like 5 polo shirts...all of which my brother NEVER wears. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my brother to dead, I would do anything for him, but his wardrobe consist of band t-shirts that are black, gym shorts, and rainbows (Nikes on cold days). Oh and the Camp Caraway sunglasses which are awesome. So... granted I am very excited that he decided against the tattoo, it would have just been far to much of a hassle. It wasn't the tattoo that I even had a problem, with, it was the attitude that came with it. That attitude of ' I don't care I'm going to do what I want when I want and if it hurts someone in the process oh well I don't care' that attitude of selfishness which is not my brother in any way. I mean... he has his moments but in general hes not an overly selfish guy, so I didn't like that attitude the tattoo brought with it. I also hated to see what doors that closed for him. I mean, yeah the youth pastor he works with at his church has a tattoo on his side but, I don't think the church knew about it when they hired him. I wonder what kind of doors that would shut for him in the ministry world. Tattoos are not overly accepted in the ministry world. Actually I take that back, Jay Baker started his ministry through an underground tattoo parlor and venue in Atlanta. But then again Jay Baker never went to seminary so...there's that. I'm not sure how seminary would receive him, and what doors it would close for him, and I just don't want to see that happen. I know God has an amazing plan for him... I just hope and pray Donald finds it. Cause I fully believe that my brother is called into youth ministry, and I believe that he can do an amazing job, and that he can influence alot of teens... I just ultimately don't want to see him do something stupid to shut those doors on himself. I love my brother, and I want to see him succeed, and I just fear that by him getting a tattoo he won't...or if he does, the struggle to that success will be much harder than God intended.
So... while all this is going on, on Wednesday night while I was at church, Sean (the youth pastor at my mom and mine church) asked me if I wanted to start teaching a Sunday School class for middle school girls in the summer. For some reason, I just automatically responded yes without thinking. I've started helping out in the youth group and its fun, I love those youth. As the night progressed, it started to occur to me...he wants me to teach to middle school girls. Me. Stephanie Bohannon. I can't do that. I still don't think I can do that. I mean... I don't do middle school. I loved middle school, don't get me wrong, but middle school girls? I remember how awkard (spelling?) of a time that was. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are, and who they want to be, and where they're 'place' in their group of friends, and their 'place' in the school is. I remember all to well. If it wasn't for Mr. Williams, my softball coach and FCA teacher, and Mr. Morgan, my band teacher, I don't think I would've survived middle school. I just don't know what to do. I don't know why he asked me. Of all people, I mean there has to be someone else that is more qualified to teach. I mean... I have a great head knowledge of faith and Christ and everything, but as for a heart knowledge, I probably don't have much more than those girls. Sean has me reading a book called "Raise the Bar" about working with youth. I mean... it's pretty intense it really brings to light just how responsible youth pastors, helpers, and sunday school teachers are for kids spiritual well being. I mean... I'm not sure I can handle that, that's alot of pressure. Being responsible for the academic life, sure I can handle that, but their spiritual life? That's on a whole other level. I feel like God has been putting all these things in my lap with Childrens Church, Mission Friends, helping out and hanging out with the youth, and now teaching middle school girls in sunday school... I don't know where He is going with all of this, I don't think I'm cut out for ministry, and I'm really hoping that's not where He's going with all of this. I mean I love the kids I work with, and I love the youth, and I love working with them all. But... I don't want to go to seminary, I just want to work with them. Which... now that I'm thinking about it I'm not sure what the difference is really. I mean short of classes. I want to work with kids and youth, weather thats in a church setting or not I don't care. I would ultimately love to teach elementary school at a private christian school, because you don't have to go to seminary, just a good head knowledge of God and a bachelors in Elementary Ed. That's what I want to do... not seminary and work in a church. If that's where God is headed with this, I'm not sure I'm ok with that. But then again... that's part of having that relationship with Him. He doesnt always give us what we want, at all, but He does give us what's best for us... even if it's the exact opposite of what we want.
This past Tuesday night, Alex and I went to a small group bible study that we've been going to for about a month now. We're going through the book of Jeremiah which, I'm not gonna lie, is my least favorite. I've read through most of the other books all the way through atleast twice. Jeremiah... I don't think I've even read it all the way through once. I've read the whole thing just in very short quick parts, and I never think about what I've read there. Its just...all about perseverance and struggle, and... depressing really. Anyways. In Jeremiah (I don't remember where and I couldn't find it) it talks about how faith and works are go together in a spiritual life. And... I duno, I guess I assumed that in general all baptist thought the same on that. Which he went and proved that wrong. Anyways, the way this guy said some things made me a little irritated. One...the way he described his salvation, and two the way he said that faith and works are so intertwined. Let's talk about the first one. The way he described his salvation was 'a man died for his sins'... that's it. In my opinion he left out the BIGGEST part of salvation! In my opinion salvation is; a sinless man came to earth and walked and preached amongst some of the most wreched people of the time (tax collectors, prostitues, etc...) he was crucified for our transgressions. He took all the sins of the world that had happened, were happening, and are to happen, and took them all on himself to show us that the only way to the Father is through him. Three days later he rose again to show that his love for us conqures all. That death is not the end. That if you have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ that death is not the end, it in actually is just the beginning. To me...that is my salvation Easter. Easter Sunday is what salvation is all about. And he left that part out... Someone who wants to go to seminary, I just don't see how you leave something like that out. Thats what salvation, and Gods love is all about. Tieing into that, he also said that death was the end for humans. Maybe it is for him, I duno. For me, death is nothing, my body is dead, but I'm not. Again, Easter is what it's all about. Jesus rose from the dead so that if I have that relationship with him, I too will spend eternity with him. So...I didn't agree that death was the end. He also made the connection between faith and works. That you can't have faith without works, and you can't have works without faith... Wrong. There are alot of people out there who say 'my faith is personal and private'. There is nothing 'personal' about faith. Never once in the Bible have I seen anything about, keeping your faith to yourself, or making your faith private. Now that's not to say that I think your faith should be all up in someones face, cause I mean that will do no good. Your works are a reflection of your faith. When we die, and judgement day occurs (which I personally think will be in IMAX 3-D and the prophets like Elijah, Isiah, David, Jeremiah, etc... will be helping, I'm callin it now) we will be held accountable for our works. When Jesus ask's us about our works, and we tell him that we kept our faith private and personal, we will be held accountable for it, just as we are for everything else. I think that will lessen the treasures we receive, because thats part of what your works are, a process of storing up treasures in Heaven. It says in Matthew 6:19-20: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moths and rust destroy, and where theives break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy, and theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Yay for memorizing verses in elementary school. Anyways, thats part of what works are. So yes I believe you can have a faith without works. Granted your faith is not effective and you will be punished for it, but you can have it. You can also have works without faith I think. Some of the most 'saintly' people I know have no realtionship with Christ. They know who he is, but the relationship is not there. Some 'Christians' I know do no works. I'll admit that I'm not the most out there, living for Christ, Christian out there, but I don't keep it private and personal. Alot of people unfortunatly think that it is your works you are saved. When judgement day comes and we're standing before Jesus and we say 'Jesus I knew you, I went to church, look at all the mission trips I went on and all the stuff I did for you' His only response for us will be 'Go away you evil do-er I never knew you'. Again in Matthew 7:22-23. "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out deamons?' Then I will tell them plainly 'I never knew you, away from me you evil do-ers!'" Plain as day, it shows that works will not save you. Faith and works are two seperate entities. In Ephesians it says 7:8-9 it says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not of yourselves, it is a gift from God - NOT by works, so that no man can boast" However it does also say in Ezekiel 36:19 it says "...I judged them according to their conducts and their actions" The first half of the verse talks about the whole Babylon thing and when everyone just got dispersed around the countries. I'm not really sure, so I didn't want to add it. But the same concept applies to us today. We are saved by faith and grace alone, nothing we can do will save us. On the flip side of that when judgement day comes we will be judged by our works not by our faith. Therefore our works should be a reflection of our faith, but its not a determinante of our faith. Just as our faith is not a determinate of our works. I don't know if it says this in the Bible but it is my opinion that we will be judged as harshly as we judged those here on earth. So I guess moral of the story is don't be so quick to judge...
Does any of that make any sense? I hope it does and I'm not really confusing anyone who reads this, I would feel so awful. Instead of 'feel' I put 'fill' I'm not sure why haha. But anyways, those are just my opinions and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who disagree with me which is fine I mean people are going to believe what they want. And I didnt write any of this to have people flip out and go bananas on here, I was just simply stating how frustrated it made me because nobody seemed to disagree with me. I would have loved to say something, but I knew that I wouldnt be able to say any of it calmly so I decided to not make a fool of myself and save it.
Now it is time to go read for my EDU class that happens at 2... and catch up on the theory that I am missing
Much love,
Stephanie
A while ago my brother was dead set on his tattoo. The night before, which was a Monday night, he came in the living room where Alex, my mom, and I were watching the UNC vs. MSU NCAA Championship game. He handed me a list of fonts and asked me to pick one, I was so mad at him that the only thing I could think to respond with was 'they all look kinda gay to me' of course that made him mad, and we started to slightly argue about it, and about how the Declaration of Independence was written in one of those fonts so the men who wrote it and the document must be gay... Awesome conversation I know. I finally got him to shut up with 'well real men don't get tattoos so I guess you're not a real man anymore' Yes I took a blow to my brothers manhood but I really didn't care. If anyone had seen how much of a jerk he was being to my mom about the whole situation, they would have done it too. Because, I'm sorry, I don't care if we did try to hide it from my grandparents, they would have found out at some point. So I didn't see the point in him getting it. His thought process was that well if they got mad at him about it, then they didn't really love him anyways... How awful of a thing to say! How dare he! After everything they have done for us from when daddy died until now, everything they have done, I couldn't believe (and still can't) he had the gaul to say that. He knew that when they found out it was going to upset them so much, and that my mom would have to deal with it (because they would never say anything to him, only to my mom) which would be even more stress on my mom. Then in a few years my uncle would have to deal with Daniel and Phillip about it because of course if Donald does something, that must mean it's ok. Then because it was stressing every one else out of course that is going to get thrown onto me and make me stress, and I'm sorry, I just refused to deal with it. So... yeah I was a little mad about the whole thing. So Tuesday was when he was supposed to be getting the tattoo, and thank goodness the guy couldn't do it. His wife has just had a baby recently and because of that, they're schedules are kind of funny just because they haven't adjusted to it. So Donald asked my mom to go to dinner with him and his girlfriend, Frankie (please don't get me started). Donald and my mom started talking about it because, since the artist couldn't do it on Tuesday, he rescheduled Donald for Wednesday, well when Frankie realized that my mom was so opposed to Donald getting a tattoo, she jumped down his throat with my mom and started talking about how stupid of an idea it was and everything. With all that said and done...after 3 days, and lots of prayer later, Donald decided he didn't want to get the tattoo, and settled for a new pair of khaki shorts, khaki pants, and like 5 polo shirts...all of which my brother NEVER wears. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my brother to dead, I would do anything for him, but his wardrobe consist of band t-shirts that are black, gym shorts, and rainbows (Nikes on cold days). Oh and the Camp Caraway sunglasses which are awesome. So... granted I am very excited that he decided against the tattoo, it would have just been far to much of a hassle. It wasn't the tattoo that I even had a problem, with, it was the attitude that came with it. That attitude of ' I don't care I'm going to do what I want when I want and if it hurts someone in the process oh well I don't care' that attitude of selfishness which is not my brother in any way. I mean... he has his moments but in general hes not an overly selfish guy, so I didn't like that attitude the tattoo brought with it. I also hated to see what doors that closed for him. I mean, yeah the youth pastor he works with at his church has a tattoo on his side but, I don't think the church knew about it when they hired him. I wonder what kind of doors that would shut for him in the ministry world. Tattoos are not overly accepted in the ministry world. Actually I take that back, Jay Baker started his ministry through an underground tattoo parlor and venue in Atlanta. But then again Jay Baker never went to seminary so...there's that. I'm not sure how seminary would receive him, and what doors it would close for him, and I just don't want to see that happen. I know God has an amazing plan for him... I just hope and pray Donald finds it. Cause I fully believe that my brother is called into youth ministry, and I believe that he can do an amazing job, and that he can influence alot of teens... I just ultimately don't want to see him do something stupid to shut those doors on himself. I love my brother, and I want to see him succeed, and I just fear that by him getting a tattoo he won't...or if he does, the struggle to that success will be much harder than God intended.
So... while all this is going on, on Wednesday night while I was at church, Sean (the youth pastor at my mom and mine church) asked me if I wanted to start teaching a Sunday School class for middle school girls in the summer. For some reason, I just automatically responded yes without thinking. I've started helping out in the youth group and its fun, I love those youth. As the night progressed, it started to occur to me...he wants me to teach to middle school girls. Me. Stephanie Bohannon. I can't do that. I still don't think I can do that. I mean... I don't do middle school. I loved middle school, don't get me wrong, but middle school girls? I remember how awkard (spelling?) of a time that was. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are, and who they want to be, and where they're 'place' in their group of friends, and their 'place' in the school is. I remember all to well. If it wasn't for Mr. Williams, my softball coach and FCA teacher, and Mr. Morgan, my band teacher, I don't think I would've survived middle school. I just don't know what to do. I don't know why he asked me. Of all people, I mean there has to be someone else that is more qualified to teach. I mean... I have a great head knowledge of faith and Christ and everything, but as for a heart knowledge, I probably don't have much more than those girls. Sean has me reading a book called "Raise the Bar" about working with youth. I mean... it's pretty intense it really brings to light just how responsible youth pastors, helpers, and sunday school teachers are for kids spiritual well being. I mean... I'm not sure I can handle that, that's alot of pressure. Being responsible for the academic life, sure I can handle that, but their spiritual life? That's on a whole other level. I feel like God has been putting all these things in my lap with Childrens Church, Mission Friends, helping out and hanging out with the youth, and now teaching middle school girls in sunday school... I don't know where He is going with all of this, I don't think I'm cut out for ministry, and I'm really hoping that's not where He's going with all of this. I mean I love the kids I work with, and I love the youth, and I love working with them all. But... I don't want to go to seminary, I just want to work with them. Which... now that I'm thinking about it I'm not sure what the difference is really. I mean short of classes. I want to work with kids and youth, weather thats in a church setting or not I don't care. I would ultimately love to teach elementary school at a private christian school, because you don't have to go to seminary, just a good head knowledge of God and a bachelors in Elementary Ed. That's what I want to do... not seminary and work in a church. If that's where God is headed with this, I'm not sure I'm ok with that. But then again... that's part of having that relationship with Him. He doesnt always give us what we want, at all, but He does give us what's best for us... even if it's the exact opposite of what we want.
This past Tuesday night, Alex and I went to a small group bible study that we've been going to for about a month now. We're going through the book of Jeremiah which, I'm not gonna lie, is my least favorite. I've read through most of the other books all the way through atleast twice. Jeremiah... I don't think I've even read it all the way through once. I've read the whole thing just in very short quick parts, and I never think about what I've read there. Its just...all about perseverance and struggle, and... depressing really. Anyways. In Jeremiah (I don't remember where and I couldn't find it) it talks about how faith and works are go together in a spiritual life. And... I duno, I guess I assumed that in general all baptist thought the same on that. Which he went and proved that wrong. Anyways, the way this guy said some things made me a little irritated. One...the way he described his salvation, and two the way he said that faith and works are so intertwined. Let's talk about the first one. The way he described his salvation was 'a man died for his sins'... that's it. In my opinion he left out the BIGGEST part of salvation! In my opinion salvation is; a sinless man came to earth and walked and preached amongst some of the most wreched people of the time (tax collectors, prostitues, etc...) he was crucified for our transgressions. He took all the sins of the world that had happened, were happening, and are to happen, and took them all on himself to show us that the only way to the Father is through him. Three days later he rose again to show that his love for us conqures all. That death is not the end. That if you have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ that death is not the end, it in actually is just the beginning. To me...that is my salvation Easter. Easter Sunday is what salvation is all about. And he left that part out... Someone who wants to go to seminary, I just don't see how you leave something like that out. Thats what salvation, and Gods love is all about. Tieing into that, he also said that death was the end for humans. Maybe it is for him, I duno. For me, death is nothing, my body is dead, but I'm not. Again, Easter is what it's all about. Jesus rose from the dead so that if I have that relationship with him, I too will spend eternity with him. So...I didn't agree that death was the end. He also made the connection between faith and works. That you can't have faith without works, and you can't have works without faith... Wrong. There are alot of people out there who say 'my faith is personal and private'. There is nothing 'personal' about faith. Never once in the Bible have I seen anything about, keeping your faith to yourself, or making your faith private. Now that's not to say that I think your faith should be all up in someones face, cause I mean that will do no good. Your works are a reflection of your faith. When we die, and judgement day occurs (which I personally think will be in IMAX 3-D and the prophets like Elijah, Isiah, David, Jeremiah, etc... will be helping, I'm callin it now) we will be held accountable for our works. When Jesus ask's us about our works, and we tell him that we kept our faith private and personal, we will be held accountable for it, just as we are for everything else. I think that will lessen the treasures we receive, because thats part of what your works are, a process of storing up treasures in Heaven. It says in Matthew 6:19-20: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moths and rust destroy, and where theives break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy, and theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Yay for memorizing verses in elementary school. Anyways, thats part of what works are. So yes I believe you can have a faith without works. Granted your faith is not effective and you will be punished for it, but you can have it. You can also have works without faith I think. Some of the most 'saintly' people I know have no realtionship with Christ. They know who he is, but the relationship is not there. Some 'Christians' I know do no works. I'll admit that I'm not the most out there, living for Christ, Christian out there, but I don't keep it private and personal. Alot of people unfortunatly think that it is your works you are saved. When judgement day comes and we're standing before Jesus and we say 'Jesus I knew you, I went to church, look at all the mission trips I went on and all the stuff I did for you' His only response for us will be 'Go away you evil do-er I never knew you'. Again in Matthew 7:22-23. "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out deamons?' Then I will tell them plainly 'I never knew you, away from me you evil do-ers!'" Plain as day, it shows that works will not save you. Faith and works are two seperate entities. In Ephesians it says 7:8-9 it says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not of yourselves, it is a gift from God - NOT by works, so that no man can boast" However it does also say in Ezekiel 36:19 it says "...I judged them according to their conducts and their actions" The first half of the verse talks about the whole Babylon thing and when everyone just got dispersed around the countries. I'm not really sure, so I didn't want to add it. But the same concept applies to us today. We are saved by faith and grace alone, nothing we can do will save us. On the flip side of that when judgement day comes we will be judged by our works not by our faith. Therefore our works should be a reflection of our faith, but its not a determinante of our faith. Just as our faith is not a determinate of our works. I don't know if it says this in the Bible but it is my opinion that we will be judged as harshly as we judged those here on earth. So I guess moral of the story is don't be so quick to judge...
Does any of that make any sense? I hope it does and I'm not really confusing anyone who reads this, I would feel so awful. Instead of 'feel' I put 'fill' I'm not sure why haha. But anyways, those are just my opinions and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who disagree with me which is fine I mean people are going to believe what they want. And I didnt write any of this to have people flip out and go bananas on here, I was just simply stating how frustrated it made me because nobody seemed to disagree with me. I would have loved to say something, but I knew that I wouldnt be able to say any of it calmly so I decided to not make a fool of myself and save it.
Now it is time to go read for my EDU class that happens at 2... and catch up on the theory that I am missing
Much love,
Stephanie