I got mugged
There was a gang of kids hanging around outside the grocery store when I went there today. I could tell going in that they were up to something. They were definitely casing people, looking for vulnerabilities. I put on my best "Don't screw with me, punk, or you'll get your ass handed to you" air as I went into the store and figured that would be enough.
Unfortunately I got distracted while in the store, too busy with trying to remember what I needed to buy and the "this one's not as good but it's on sale" thing, so I wasn't thinking when I came out and still had my change in my hand.
The gang saw the money and right away surrounded me. I'll give them this much: they were quick. Two in front of me and two behind me before I could so much as jump or call for help. One of them was obviously the leader and got right down to business.
"Do you wanna buy some cookies?" she said.
"No," I said. "I don't want any cookies."
Then they all said "PLEEEAASE!" Their eyes were as big as garbage can lids.
"I really don't have that much money."
It was right there in my hand, though. "They're only three-fifty a box."
Oh, God. "All right. I'll buy a box of cookies."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!"
My plan was to wait until they ran to their little card table and then make a break for it, but they had put the Thin Mints right out in front. Thin Mints. I could hear the Devil whispering in my ear. "Thiiinnnn Miiinnnts."
"Go away," I said. "They'll make me fat."
"They're only forty calories each. You can eat one a day and your body will never know it."
He had a point.
I gave the leader the five-dollar bill I had gotten in change from my grocery shopping. She looked in her little change box and suddenly gasped. "We don't have any quarters!" She looked ready to cry.
"I don't need change. You can keep the rest."
"No, that wouldn't be right," she said, and then she brightened. "You could buy two boxes and we'll give you three dollars!"
"No, that's all right, I really don't need..."
"PLEEEAAAASSE!!!"
"All right, all right, give me two boxes of Thin Mints!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" they said.
"Heh-heh, excellent..." the Devil said.
I just finished eating an entire box.
Shit.
Unfortunately I got distracted while in the store, too busy with trying to remember what I needed to buy and the "this one's not as good but it's on sale" thing, so I wasn't thinking when I came out and still had my change in my hand.
The gang saw the money and right away surrounded me. I'll give them this much: they were quick. Two in front of me and two behind me before I could so much as jump or call for help. One of them was obviously the leader and got right down to business.
"Do you wanna buy some cookies?" she said.
"No," I said. "I don't want any cookies."
Then they all said "PLEEEAASE!" Their eyes were as big as garbage can lids.
"I really don't have that much money."
It was right there in my hand, though. "They're only three-fifty a box."
Oh, God. "All right. I'll buy a box of cookies."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!"
My plan was to wait until they ran to their little card table and then make a break for it, but they had put the Thin Mints right out in front. Thin Mints. I could hear the Devil whispering in my ear. "Thiiinnnn Miiinnnts."
"Go away," I said. "They'll make me fat."
"They're only forty calories each. You can eat one a day and your body will never know it."
He had a point.
I gave the leader the five-dollar bill I had gotten in change from my grocery shopping. She looked in her little change box and suddenly gasped. "We don't have any quarters!" She looked ready to cry.
"I don't need change. You can keep the rest."
"No, that wouldn't be right," she said, and then she brightened. "You could buy two boxes and we'll give you three dollars!"
"No, that's all right, I really don't need..."
"PLEEEAAAASSE!!!"
"All right, all right, give me two boxes of Thin Mints!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" they said.
"Heh-heh, excellent..." the Devil said.
I just finished eating an entire box.
Shit.