(no subject)
There are so many thins in my life that I've tried to achieve or be good at. I've now come to realize that they're no longer important to me. That they're all just silly hopes and dreams that don't have any real meaning in this life or the next. All that matters is survival of the fittest. That and to chill out and go with the flow. I'm tired of trying to bend things to my will... of trying to bend myself to others... I feel like if I bend any further then I'm going to break... and no one knows how long it would last. I'm just tired. No matter what I do lately it just seems like I'm not good enough anymore. At home, at school, at SCA, with friends, with love, with advice giving, with guiding... it all just seems wrong to me lately, like I used to be able to do all these things and then something changed and now none of it works anymore... like I got a wrench thrown in the engine or something. I feel like I've been spiraling out of control dipping more and more into the chaos that has always been my essence; only now that essence is working against me. meh. I don't need advice... just a shotgun and a few moving targets.