Can you believe it? I'm posting something on LJ!!
It's incredible!!! I haven't been on this thing in years, so I find myself wondering how many people are going to actually read this crap.
Emo-tastic expurgation:
I just got finished reading Melanie's blog, and I started remembering what we had together, and thus, what she rendered asunder by her mendacious treachery. Why do I always compulsively read things written by people who have hurt me? I keep reading Melanie and Terra's blogs, even though it never really does me any real good other than alleviating some mild curiosity I might happen to have regarding these women's lives. These women really fucking emotionally wounded me, and maybe I'm still recuperating from it. In any case, they both can go take a long walk off a short pier. Why the hell do I deserve this shit? Why do I deserve to be left alone? Now I'm single, and I fucking hate it. I've been--more or less--in a relationship since 2001--so being (effectively) by myself is quite scary, and frustrating. Reflecting on the two breakups suggests to me that I really can't trust anybody. Both those women had me convinced that they were as devoted to me as I was to them, but both of them proceeded to discard me like trash. Jeez, I'm such a mess. I think I'll feel better once I have a steady income, a more pleasant roommate situation, and a cleaner living environment. Once I have those things accomplished, I'll start focusing on meeting new people...of the female variety. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like women here in the west have it pretty well. Not like 100% well, but they're in a better position when it comes to dating anyway. A woman (presupposing of course the absence of extreme deformities, or morbid obesity) will never, ever, ever be alone if she doesn't want to be. Hell, Terra could have scored with a dozen men by now if she wanted to, and she's no Lindsay Lohan or Scarlett Johansson. But a man? It seems as though a man has to meet certain criteria if he wants any sort of female attention whatsoever. He has to exhibit a satisfactory level of attention to grooming, be sufficiently wealthy, and say the 'right' things. It's almost like attracting the attention of a female is some sort of convoluted formula that has to be executed *just right* or it won't bear any fruit. But a woman, she will always have company if she desires it. So, am I completely wrong in feeling expendable? In the past two relationships I was in, it certainly seemed as though the women were behaving that way. I was discarded in favor of a 'better model,' some sort of a 'boyfriend upgrade.' What the hell ever happened to loyalty and devotion? Don't these things matter to people anymore? I'm just really peeved at the whole situation. I don't know if I'll ever be able to find something stable and secure relationship-wise. Is that so much to ask for? Somebody to live life with, together though good times and bad? Will everybody just abandon ship at the first sign of trouble? The hell if I know.
Emo-tastic expurgation:
I just got finished reading Melanie's blog, and I started remembering what we had together, and thus, what she rendered asunder by her mendacious treachery. Why do I always compulsively read things written by people who have hurt me? I keep reading Melanie and Terra's blogs, even though it never really does me any real good other than alleviating some mild curiosity I might happen to have regarding these women's lives. These women really fucking emotionally wounded me, and maybe I'm still recuperating from it. In any case, they both can go take a long walk off a short pier. Why the hell do I deserve this shit? Why do I deserve to be left alone? Now I'm single, and I fucking hate it. I've been--more or less--in a relationship since 2001--so being (effectively) by myself is quite scary, and frustrating. Reflecting on the two breakups suggests to me that I really can't trust anybody. Both those women had me convinced that they were as devoted to me as I was to them, but both of them proceeded to discard me like trash. Jeez, I'm such a mess. I think I'll feel better once I have a steady income, a more pleasant roommate situation, and a cleaner living environment. Once I have those things accomplished, I'll start focusing on meeting new people...of the female variety. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like women here in the west have it pretty well. Not like 100% well, but they're in a better position when it comes to dating anyway. A woman (presupposing of course the absence of extreme deformities, or morbid obesity) will never, ever, ever be alone if she doesn't want to be. Hell, Terra could have scored with a dozen men by now if she wanted to, and she's no Lindsay Lohan or Scarlett Johansson. But a man? It seems as though a man has to meet certain criteria if he wants any sort of female attention whatsoever. He has to exhibit a satisfactory level of attention to grooming, be sufficiently wealthy, and say the 'right' things. It's almost like attracting the attention of a female is some sort of convoluted formula that has to be executed *just right* or it won't bear any fruit. But a woman, she will always have company if she desires it. So, am I completely wrong in feeling expendable? In the past two relationships I was in, it certainly seemed as though the women were behaving that way. I was discarded in favor of a 'better model,' some sort of a 'boyfriend upgrade.' What the hell ever happened to loyalty and devotion? Don't these things matter to people anymore? I'm just really peeved at the whole situation. I don't know if I'll ever be able to find something stable and secure relationship-wise. Is that so much to ask for? Somebody to live life with, together though good times and bad? Will everybody just abandon ship at the first sign of trouble? The hell if I know.