Julian Acts Strangely
Dear Boy
There has been some recent excitement here. It all started when young uncle Julian began acting rather strangely. You will remember that his bedroom overlooks the millstream. he has taken to cutting up photographs of ladies in states of immodesty, and sticking them up on the walls of his bedroom. This caused a frisson of excitement amongst the bachelor uncles, who, Dr Bodfish assures us, are at a dangerous age where such things are concerned.
A few days later your aunt Matilda paid an anxious visit to Dr Bodfish's surgery. It would seem that the other bachelor uncles had heard strange tapping coming from Julian's bedroom, and Matilda was worried. Was this head-banging, was Julian going mad? Dr Bodfish wrung his hands together in anguish and paced up and down his surgery, and ended up recommending that Julian be made to indulge in more manly activities such as chopping and stacking wood so as to avoid what he referred to as 'the demon within all of us'.
That night, the curiosity of the other Bachelor uncles reached fever pitch. What was Uncle Julian up to in his room?. Eventually they hatched a plan. After supper, Julian disappeared into his room, as had been his wont as of late.
After a couple of hours, when all had gone to bed, Uncle Patrick climbed out of the window of the room above Julian's bedroom and was suspended by his ankles by Uncle David and Uncle Stephen. In this way, he was able to creep down the vine and peep, upside down, into Julian's room. Unfortunately, at this point, he set off the burglar alarm. There was pandemonium. Great Uncle Matthew assumed that someone was out to steal his supply of old brown envelopes in his study and rushed off there brandishing a stick. Great Aunt Matilda thought first of her flock of bantam cockerels and rushed out into the night dressed only in a diaphanous nightie to defend them from the burglar. Uncle David failed to connect the fact of Uncle Patrick's being suspended upside down near the alarm to the alarm being set off, and so he let go of Uncle Patrick's ankle and ran downstairs to pursue the burglar.
Uncle Patrick began to appreciate the essential insecurity of his position. Although Uncle Stephen loyally held on to his other ankle, it was not sufficient. Uncle Patrick swung uncontrollably across the window, uttering an anguished cry, and trailing a mass of vine that he was vainly grasping onto.
In his bedroom, Uncle Julian looked up from his Oujii board with which he was trying to communicate with the spirit world. Aiee, he thought, success at last, as he spied the gaping face, unrecognisable upside down and festooned by vine leaves as it swung across the window. His initial delight at summoning up his first spirit became horror when he realised what an ugly monster he had raised. Uncle Patrick's flailing hand struck the window . For uncle Julian, it was too much and he bolted for the stairs and the outdoors. Unfortunately, Great Aunt Matilda had chosen this moment to return from counting up her cockerels to check that none had been stolen and Julian was confronted with her ghost-like figure as she walked across the lawn. With a cry he turned back. At that moment, Uncle Stephen let go of Patrick's remaining ankle and Uncle Patrick, with a prolonged wail, slid down the ivy and into the headrace beneath. Uncle Julian though that Beelzebub himself had come to snatch him and carry him off, spun on his heels, overbalanced and joined Patrick in the river.
I will not go into the subsequent excitement in too much detail. It was good of the bachelor uncles to leap into the river to rescue Julian and Patrick, but quite unnecessary. The subsequent colds were seen-to by Dr Bodfish who was shocked by the rapid deterioration of the Bachelor Uncles, and who mistakenly assumed that it was the consequences of what he referred to as the 'sin of Onan', rather than the cold of the river.
Dr Bodfish has been too preoccupied with the bachelor uncles here to give you any advice. He has been organising a series of rugby matches, cross-county jogging and wood-stacking exercises to settle the Bachelor uncles down. he has stripped Julian's room of its decorations, leaving merely some old prints of Thomas The Tank Engine.
Your devoted Uncle
Marshal
There has been some recent excitement here. It all started when young uncle Julian began acting rather strangely. You will remember that his bedroom overlooks the millstream. he has taken to cutting up photographs of ladies in states of immodesty, and sticking them up on the walls of his bedroom. This caused a frisson of excitement amongst the bachelor uncles, who, Dr Bodfish assures us, are at a dangerous age where such things are concerned.
A few days later your aunt Matilda paid an anxious visit to Dr Bodfish's surgery. It would seem that the other bachelor uncles had heard strange tapping coming from Julian's bedroom, and Matilda was worried. Was this head-banging, was Julian going mad? Dr Bodfish wrung his hands together in anguish and paced up and down his surgery, and ended up recommending that Julian be made to indulge in more manly activities such as chopping and stacking wood so as to avoid what he referred to as 'the demon within all of us'.
That night, the curiosity of the other Bachelor uncles reached fever pitch. What was Uncle Julian up to in his room?. Eventually they hatched a plan. After supper, Julian disappeared into his room, as had been his wont as of late.
After a couple of hours, when all had gone to bed, Uncle Patrick climbed out of the window of the room above Julian's bedroom and was suspended by his ankles by Uncle David and Uncle Stephen. In this way, he was able to creep down the vine and peep, upside down, into Julian's room. Unfortunately, at this point, he set off the burglar alarm. There was pandemonium. Great Uncle Matthew assumed that someone was out to steal his supply of old brown envelopes in his study and rushed off there brandishing a stick. Great Aunt Matilda thought first of her flock of bantam cockerels and rushed out into the night dressed only in a diaphanous nightie to defend them from the burglar. Uncle David failed to connect the fact of Uncle Patrick's being suspended upside down near the alarm to the alarm being set off, and so he let go of Uncle Patrick's ankle and ran downstairs to pursue the burglar.
Uncle Patrick began to appreciate the essential insecurity of his position. Although Uncle Stephen loyally held on to his other ankle, it was not sufficient. Uncle Patrick swung uncontrollably across the window, uttering an anguished cry, and trailing a mass of vine that he was vainly grasping onto.
In his bedroom, Uncle Julian looked up from his Oujii board with which he was trying to communicate with the spirit world. Aiee, he thought, success at last, as he spied the gaping face, unrecognisable upside down and festooned by vine leaves as it swung across the window. His initial delight at summoning up his first spirit became horror when he realised what an ugly monster he had raised. Uncle Patrick's flailing hand struck the window . For uncle Julian, it was too much and he bolted for the stairs and the outdoors. Unfortunately, Great Aunt Matilda had chosen this moment to return from counting up her cockerels to check that none had been stolen and Julian was confronted with her ghost-like figure as she walked across the lawn. With a cry he turned back. At that moment, Uncle Stephen let go of Patrick's remaining ankle and Uncle Patrick, with a prolonged wail, slid down the ivy and into the headrace beneath. Uncle Julian though that Beelzebub himself had come to snatch him and carry him off, spun on his heels, overbalanced and joined Patrick in the river.
I will not go into the subsequent excitement in too much detail. It was good of the bachelor uncles to leap into the river to rescue Julian and Patrick, but quite unnecessary. The subsequent colds were seen-to by Dr Bodfish who was shocked by the rapid deterioration of the Bachelor Uncles, and who mistakenly assumed that it was the consequences of what he referred to as the 'sin of Onan', rather than the cold of the river.
Dr Bodfish has been too preoccupied with the bachelor uncles here to give you any advice. He has been organising a series of rugby matches, cross-county jogging and wood-stacking exercises to settle the Bachelor uncles down. he has stripped Julian's room of its decorations, leaving merely some old prints of Thomas The Tank Engine.
Your devoted Uncle
Marshal