ironic
I have been in a really bad way.
And I mean recently. Even presently. I am like this because I have no job.
Because my creative juices seemed to dry up. And ultimately, because Nicki really doesn't spend much time with me anymore. The most I can hope for is brief glimpse of her online, and I do mean glimpse. There is no talking involved, textually based or otherwise. There is just me and the vague idea that somewhere, a girl who I gave my heart to may be thinking about me.
We all remember what happened the last time I let my guard down and gave that away like that?
Hell, who could really forget? It's made me a sad bastard for years. So, because I am still more stubborn than anything, I did something. I sent her a lengthy message to her mail, because it was far too much to actually say out loud. In it I opened up about everything. How it kills me that she seems to have little to no time for me. That I can't talk to my best friend about any of my problems because she is my best friend. I poured out every little bit of shit that has been killing me because it feels like she's getting more distant.
Then, after I laid my head on my desk for a while, this happened.
When I feel my worst, I finally excrete some new art.
I'm going to go lay down in bed and cry.