THE fucking GAME
could you just hold me, wrap me up, and never let go....only for this lifetime?
its that thing WE here on planet earth love to fondle around with.
this constant object of highs and lows.
that bullshit of wanting something you cant fucking have. YOU CAN! god dammit you can and you could, if you only let it have you.
cant you see its only a defense mechanism?! i have solemnly put up a shield for my peace of body and soul. i don't want to be put or put myself into a situation of that sorts again. this is the point where i don’t care anymore, for YOU, or anyone except myself.
i NEVER thought id ever be able to become like this....where i play like this. i have lost definition with attachment.
i can picture myself sitting on my giant rock which overlooked my childhood forest and behind me a paradise of moss ground which i always imagined living in as a fairy. sitting there in natures lyrics and thinking to myself, as if this is a terminal illness, how i always get hurt yet how i could never imagine doing the same to others, how there has to be another way, a way to heal all those healthy people.
help me. help me heal me this time. i thought i could play it off but i cant. and that’s where My GAME and my shield set in.
the minute i let you into me i unfold you, and i see you break down and hold you for this lifetime the same way i wish i could.
so here i am, at first glance you most probably think of me as a hard to get "thing" and you want me, at second glance we speak and you become intrigued because i speak of things you so long to open up about, third-you place your mark, fourth-a few days have passed and i know you, fifth- ive become comfortable enough through observation and take a chance of opening myself up to what i so long for, sixth-im standing there nearly naked without my shield almost regretting ever having taken it down because now my oversensitive feelings have kicked in and the overwhelming thought of "is he really genuine, or is he just like all the other bullshitters?", seventh- im lying down in my back yard praying up to the moon and the angels surrounding it, in confusion, wanting to be able to open up all of me to you but i feel this vibe...fake or real it makes me back away and rethink.
so here i am, now, lying down searching for an answer, but of course the only way to answer that is by finding out through experience...opening up and taking a 50/50 chance, its only a lifetime.
what you see isnt what you get in this wonderful place of kiddnaps.
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