(Untitled)

[imthefavorite]

Who: Neil (imthefavorite) & Tieria (stromkreis).
When: After this. (Again, it's still in progress)
Where: Tieria's Room
Rating: PG13
Summary: Neil finds his way to Tieria's room after getting drunk with Lyle and Sumeragi. Homogay is realized, lives are changed, and all that junk.
Warnings: Per-usual, probably lots of moe-bot wangst. Other than that??

Comments

[stromkreis]

Tieria had felt perfectly justified in his complete horror on the situation, though he was finding that it was slowly being replaced with a crippling feeling of guilt as he saw Neil's bemused smile fade into one of confusion. Perhaps he did have some sort of reasoning still, perhaps his inhabitations were not entirely absent. Perhaps, and this was something Tieria feared greatly, it was something he had wanted. Tieria looked away as Neil adjusted his glasses, which had been knocked askew, his eyes searching for something that he could possibly find interesting enough to keep his mind off the situation at hand. His attention was forcibly kept by the door across the room as Neil shifted positions.

He thought he was going to lose any sort of resolve he had on the matter as he felt Neil's breath on his neck. He was warm, something Tieria was always surprised about other humans in the rare event he allowed prolonged contact, the feeling was almost overwhelming, smothering. Tieria awkwardly patted Neil on the shoulder, as though comforting a small child (something he'd never really done, but again, understood enough about human contact that he had figured a few things out for himself), his smile very much insincere as he could not place his current emotion on the matter anymore.

"You don't know what you're doing, its quite alright." though, somewhere in his mind, he didn't believe himself. Maybe, it was more a hope, that perhaps all of this was intentional, and that thought alone frightened him. Tieria scoffed halfheartedly, his voice a resentful mutter.

"It wasn't as though you gave me any sort of warning." and suddenly he felt himself shivering as he realized Neil's hand was in his hair again. Why was he so afraid? Neil was by no means a threat to him, which is the only logical reason for any sort of feelings of fear. He screwed his eyes closed, feeling as though he was about to cry, he was a wreck and he didn't understand anything that was happening to him at the moment, trying to hide his face from Neil as he did. He briefly thought, if this was what it was to be human, maybe it was not something he wanted after all.

[imthefavorite]

He shifted again on the bed, this time so he could put both hand around Tieria from the back, still burying his head in the crook of his neck. His mind was losing the battle.

"I know what I'm doing..." And he did, as he squeezed him close. He rationalized that if Tieria really wanted him to stop, he'd put a stop to it. It wasn't like he would ever take advantage of him. Hurting Tieria was the last thing he wanted. It was something he had already done by letting himself die...he had to fix that, somehow. Just maybe, by never letting him go, he could make up for those four years. People often made the mistake of writing off people's actions and words when they are drunk, but Neil had always felt that the lack of inhibitions always made the truth shine through. It was the way they would always act without fear of consequence. For this reason, his own feelings were now clear to him.

He didn't know why Tieria was special. He just knew that he was. Perhaps Neil was drawn to that determination. Maybe he just thought it was cute how Tieria insisted on his not being human, when all of these human qualities were staring him right in the face. Whatever it was, he wasn't in any state to explain it to himself or anyone else, so he just let it go, burying his face even farther in Tieria's neck, and hugging him just tight enough that he knew he wasn't hurting him.

Suddenly he decided to become more daring. Well maybe 'decided' wasn't the right word. It just happened. With Neil's face buried in purple hair, his lips found the warm skin of Tieria's neck, and he trailed light, drunken butterfly kisses down it.

[stromkreis]

He felt himself shudder, biting down on his bottom lip as he willed himself to not cry. He hated that he wanted to, it was nothing but a sign of weakness, he had promised himself, he had shed the last tear on the behalf of Neil Dylandy and here he was, nearly beside himself with some sort of overwhelming emotion that he couldn't place. Neil had been gone for four years, and Tieria, while never having entirely let go, had told himself he could at the very least, cope now. Lyle's presence by no means made it easier for him, but he tried finding some solace in the thought that maybe Neil would have been complacent in his death, that maybe he could find no regrets in his life. He had lived fighting for revenge for the family he lost, hadn't he? He had died doing the same. Having him here now, however was only a reminder of how very wrong he was, all of his assumptions about the man who was now holding him had been nothing more than feeble attempts to soothe Tieria's own regrets.

He hated that Hallelujah had been entirely right about Tieria's motives, he had known that no matter what had happened within Celestial Being, everything he had done under the guise of keeping Neil alive was nothing more than him acting on his own selfishness. It didn't matter to him if Neil could never use his eye again, as long as Tieria had the satisfaction of knowing that Neil was still with him, that was all that mattered to him. And he hated himself that he would put Neil through something like that. He treated him as though he had no will at all, that Neil's past made no difference, that he belonged to Tieria Erde.

Tieria felt his hands grip the material of Neil's shirt, as he pressed his eyes closed, trying to stem the tears he could feel rolling down his cheeks. He understood now why he was so upset, he understood why he couldn't deal with any of this. Because the only regret Tieria had ever had, was not telling Neil. He idolized him, he- he didn't know what word to place with it (he did, and that was what scared him. Because he wasn't allowed to think these things, not about anything, that word, Tieria had told himself, was not something he was ever allowed to experience.). It was no longer confusion that was driving him to tears, it was realization.

[imthefavorite]

Neil stopped immediately as he felt a warm tear hit his arm. His head shot up so fast it made his head spin terribly, but he didn't care. He tried shifting again without losing any of the closeness with Tieria. He still wasn't going to give that up.

When he saw Tieria's face his heart broke. He began to panic. Maybe he was wrong to assume that he would stop him if he didn't want it. Maybe he had overstepped a boundary. He willed himself to become sober again, steadying himself as much as possible, mentally and physically.

"What's wrong...?" Neil said with as much stability in his voice as he could muster, while gingerly removing Tieria's glasses and placing them on the bedside table. He regretted this slightly, because it meant he had to let go of him....but he figured this was probably better. Instead he placed a hand on top of one of Tieria's, while he moved with the other to wipe away his tears.

"Please...please don't cry. I'm sorry..."

[stromkreis]

Tieria's vision was already blurred through his tears, but any sort of distinction he could make was gone entirely as his glasses were removed. Neil was just sort of a warm blur next to him, anything beyond that was just a wash of color with no distinguishing features.

He closed his eyes again as he felt Neil's hand wipe away his tears, trying his best not to cry still harder. He didn't want Neil to feel as though he had overstepped his bounds (and maybe he had, but Tieria couldn't say he had ever been entirely opposed to anything that had just happened), he didn't want him to feel responsible for Tieria's own foolishness.

"No," he managed, his eyes still closed, using his own free hand to try to wipe his eyes "No you've done nothing wrong, I'm, I'm acting a fool. I'm sorry you have to see me like this, I'm being entirely unreasonable."

He tried to look away, trying to bury his face in the pillow his head was only partially resting on.

[imthefavorite]

With Tieria's reassurance, Neil became terribly confused. If he hadn't done anything wrong, why was he still crying? What was it...he hadn't answered the first question. Maybe Tieria was lying to try and make him feel better. He wasn't really even sure. He decided it would just be much easier to take his words at face value. He allowed him to partially hide his face, but at the same time he laid beside him again, this time in front of him and pulled him into his chest. With his arms wrapped around him he rubbed his back comfortingly.

"It's okay..I promise it'll be okay." He half kissed the top of his head. He was suddenly very comfortable...and again painfully aware of how sleepy he was.

[stromkreis]

Tieria pointedly did not want to tell Neil what was wrong, because he finally understood what was wrong. That maybe, somewhere in his twisted mind (so he thought) that this was what he had wanted. That he wanted someone to care about him, even if they were intoxicated and likely wouldn't remember any of this in the morning, Tieria wanted someone to see through his frigid exterior and treat him as though he was worth any sort of time. Maybe that was why he had cared so much about Neil in the past, that he treated him that way. Really, he had treated everyone on the crew with the same sort of warmth and caring, but even if Tieria wasn't special, it still meant something to him. Because he knew he was cruel, he knew he was far too harsh with people that didn't deserve it, but it was all calculated. To keep something like this from happening.

And yet, it still was. Tieria had never been so greatful for his own failures in his very short life. Tieria had finally stopped trying to push him away, burying his face in Neil's chest as he continued to quietly cry.

"Don't make promises you won't remember in the morning." he mumbled as he clung to Neil's shirt, still doing his best to hide his face. He meant what he had said, he didn't want to give himself any sense of false hope, Neil was drunk. That was what was going on here, he had simply lost inhibitions and was doing things he wouldn't have ever done had he had his wits about him. That was all there was to it, and while it broke Tieria's heart, he knew that was for the best.

[imthefavorite]

The hand that had been stroking his back again moved up to Tieria's head, and Neil's fingers weaved in and out of his hair. He really was surprisingly glad to have lost his gloves to Hallelujah. Tieria's hair was so soft.

"Better remember this...I'd be so sad..." He only clung to him tighter as his consciousness began to wane. He didn't really want to fall asleep, and part of him really was terrified that he wouldn't remember this in the morning. This was a feeling he certainly never wanted to forget. The stroking of Tieria's head slowly came to a stop but Neil's hand stayed nestled in his hair as he passed out. Even though he was totally out, he didn't stop clinging to him.

[stromkreis]

Tieria sighed, the tears starting to slow, leaving him shaking slightly, feeling cold, despite the smothering warmth of Neil's arms around him, fingers still entwined in his hair. He knew Neil wouldn't remember this in the morning, and perhaps he was thankful, this wasn't something he wanted to invest his time in, or to invest himself in. Perhaps he'd just have to take comfort in just this moment, even if he was frightened and awkward and, and a great number of things.

"You don't know what you're saying..." he mumbled, hardly audible as he could feel Neil relax, and he was quite certain that he had fallen asleep. He knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, it was simply how the human body dealt with such levels of alcohol. And even thought he felt Neil's grip loosen, he felt the need to stay with him, clinging helplessly to the front of his shirt, listening to his heartbeat.

Though, he realized he couldn't allow himself to do this. He'd only hurt himself in the long run, this wasn't something he could allow himself. As much as he would have liked. And so he pulled himself from Neil's grip, standing next to the bed and replacing his glasses. Neil looked so helpless, he felt as though he had some obligation to take care of him, despite the state Neil had put him in. And so, Tieria pulled the blankets over his sleeping form, brushing Neil's hair from his face as he straightened the blanket. Tieria then crossed the room, sitting at his desk chair, pulling his sweater around himself. He closed his eyes, sighing as he did. He couldn't put himself through this. He hoped, when Neil woke in the morning, that this would all be forgotten. For his sake.