School starts on the Thursday after Labor Day now
I am finding it physically impossible to imagine Jaclyn walking around Riverhead Middle School today. It's so strange. I never felt this way with Kellie because Kellie always felt like more of a contemporary, maybe even more like competition. I don't really recall much of Kellie being a baby because I was really a baby too. But I remember when Jaclyn was born, and I remember her as a new born baby, and now she's in seventh grade taking advanced math and Latin..???
For me, middle school, and especially seventh grade, is when I think my "real life" started. That's the point in my memory where I notice a significant change when I try to recall things. Images, people, events are vivid and real. I remember actively making decisions, liking boys, being mad at my parents, laughing all night at sleepovers with friends (most of the time in Calverton Hills or my camper, let's be honest). And now, I have to accept that Jaclyn has a mind of her own. I know that makes me sound like an ass for not accepting or realizing it earlier, but it's just never seemed like a reality that she'd actually grow up and become an adult. It's never seemed like I'd grow up either, come to think of it. It's very bizarre to imagine her finding her locker and running through the halls and trying to distinguish between the North Wing and the West Wing. It makes me feel very old.
I probably should have realized I was old when I was going to Europe by my freaking self or when I signed the lease or moved in to my own apartment, but it took my little sister going to middle school to make me realize that I am an "adult" and so are the people I've grown up with. I can't even use the word "adult" without putting it in quotations, as if it's a buffer that protects me from the reality of the implications of labeling myself grown. We drink and have sex and work and study and will eventually get jobs and get married and have children, and so will Jaclyn. When in the hell did I, or was I supposed to, grow up?
For me, middle school, and especially seventh grade, is when I think my "real life" started. That's the point in my memory where I notice a significant change when I try to recall things. Images, people, events are vivid and real. I remember actively making decisions, liking boys, being mad at my parents, laughing all night at sleepovers with friends (most of the time in Calverton Hills or my camper, let's be honest). And now, I have to accept that Jaclyn has a mind of her own. I know that makes me sound like an ass for not accepting or realizing it earlier, but it's just never seemed like a reality that she'd actually grow up and become an adult. It's never seemed like I'd grow up either, come to think of it. It's very bizarre to imagine her finding her locker and running through the halls and trying to distinguish between the North Wing and the West Wing. It makes me feel very old.
I probably should have realized I was old when I was going to Europe by my freaking self or when I signed the lease or moved in to my own apartment, but it took my little sister going to middle school to make me realize that I am an "adult" and so are the people I've grown up with. I can't even use the word "adult" without putting it in quotations, as if it's a buffer that protects me from the reality of the implications of labeling myself grown. We drink and have sex and work and study and will eventually get jobs and get married and have children, and so will Jaclyn. When in the hell did I, or was I supposed to, grow up?