Sigh Then Breathe

[uncalledfor]

We met in Bryant Park.
I reached out my hand.
He took hold of it.
Asked me to do him
a favor and hug him.
So good to feel him.
So good to smell him.
Then, in mid sentence,
he leaned across the
table and kissed me.
In public. We hate pda.
But rules disappeared.
Then he invited me back.
We got there and it was
so familiar yet foreign.
"Awww, you're back"
he said to me, smiling.
Then we got intimate
and I had a hard time.
I just had a sinking
feeling it'd be gone
by the next morning.
Gone. All over again.
He told me he'd been
with other people, but
it wasn't the same and
he felt ashamed. Cried.
I told him "they have your
body, but I have your heart."
He cried more and we were
able to finish to completion.
It felt so right. So wrong.
I found myself scared.
All over again. Then
today it came. He's not
ready. He doesn't know
what to think. He doesn't
know what to feel. He
doesn't even know himself
right now. I've changed him.
He needs to figure out what
that means. What he wants.
To be happy. I want him still.
But I want him to be happy
first. It'd be ideal if the two
mix, but not an expectation.
This definitely shook me up.
But I've come so far and I can't
let this mess all of that up. It's
been really hard and gotten a
little easier. It's been good lately.
But not great. It just feels like the
one thing missing is him and I
don't know if that'll ever change.
Not any time soon at least. So it's
a sigh and then it's a breath. Life
goes on and I trust it will go in a
good direction. With or without G.