errrr....
today's pretty much been an "off day". i haven't really wanted to do anything but lay in my room and relax. I actually enjoyed the quiet. my mood is just wierd.... like down, but for no reason... maybe it's not that i'm literally "down", i just miss kevin, and i have alot on my mind... kevin won't be home until july 1st or 2nd (he's in boot camp). it sucks to only see him like every 6 weeks. he's done in august, though, thank god. i can't wait to see him when he comes home.
we have a full house this weekend. my step-dad's niece and her 3 kids are here, plus my 3 nephews. its nuts - but amazingly not loud and overbearing. all the kids are being good, and teresa (step-dad's neice) is nice to talk to.
i got into it with sarah yesterday. i was pissed because sarah and i both know that crystal has to be home by 5pm, due to her probation, and if she isn't, she could very well go to jail. apparently, sarah didn't think too much about that, and brought crystal home late. i just get so worried- i don't want to lose my best friend...crystal is the one person that i know i can trust with ANYTHING. i don't know what i'd do without her friendship. she's a great person, and an awesome friend, and i lost her once, when i moved to florida, and i don't plan on losing my best friend again. i love sarah to death, but there are just some things that are more important than being out and about. then, sarah seeing that i was upset with her, proceeded to tell me that she didn't want to be around me anymore or talk to me because i'm "fake". she is entitled to her own opinion about me, and i respect that, but the way she went about saying it was just plain mean. i don't get it - you put yourself on the line to be there for someone, every single time they need something, and to help them however you can, because you care, and you want to help - and they can just twist a knife in your back. just like that. like it's nothing. it's pretty damn near impossible for me to turn my back on a friend - especially when they need me. i've had people turn their back on me; for stupid reasons; and i promised myself i would never be like that. no matter what - i will do my best to be there for my friends. its EXTREMELY hard to find real friends - people that actually care about you, and not what you can give them or do for them. but when you do find them, its like a guardian angel almost. it just really hurt that sarah just lashed out like that at me - when i have done nothing but be there for her and help her. i guess that's what you get for trying to do what's right, even if it's not the fun thing to do, or the cool thing to do. it just sucks - i hate trying to help and getting made out to be the bitch..... maybe i should just keep my mouth shut and sit back and let things handle themselves, instead of doing my best to help the situation.
well, today, i called crystal and sarah answered her phone, so i told her i'd just call back when crystal wasn't busy - and she told me no, that she wanted to talk to me. so i let her say everything she wanted to say, and she apologized, and said she wasn't turning her back on me, and that our friendship has lived through so much....that it would be stupid to end it over something like that. she insists that i have a self esteem problem, and that i "change around certain people". honestly, if i do that, i don't see it, or realize it.... but i don't really think i have a self esteem problem. i don't know.... i just let her say what she wanted to say, and then it was as if the argument had never happened. it's confusing to me...the things she said really hurt - i mean, the way she was talking to me was almost as if she was speaking down to me...telling me i'm a piece of shit. i have never, ever, talked to her like that - and i wouldn't.
i don't know... i guess things just have to work themselves out this time. we'll see what happens....
we have a full house this weekend. my step-dad's niece and her 3 kids are here, plus my 3 nephews. its nuts - but amazingly not loud and overbearing. all the kids are being good, and teresa (step-dad's neice) is nice to talk to.
i got into it with sarah yesterday. i was pissed because sarah and i both know that crystal has to be home by 5pm, due to her probation, and if she isn't, she could very well go to jail. apparently, sarah didn't think too much about that, and brought crystal home late. i just get so worried- i don't want to lose my best friend...crystal is the one person that i know i can trust with ANYTHING. i don't know what i'd do without her friendship. she's a great person, and an awesome friend, and i lost her once, when i moved to florida, and i don't plan on losing my best friend again. i love sarah to death, but there are just some things that are more important than being out and about. then, sarah seeing that i was upset with her, proceeded to tell me that she didn't want to be around me anymore or talk to me because i'm "fake". she is entitled to her own opinion about me, and i respect that, but the way she went about saying it was just plain mean. i don't get it - you put yourself on the line to be there for someone, every single time they need something, and to help them however you can, because you care, and you want to help - and they can just twist a knife in your back. just like that. like it's nothing. it's pretty damn near impossible for me to turn my back on a friend - especially when they need me. i've had people turn their back on me; for stupid reasons; and i promised myself i would never be like that. no matter what - i will do my best to be there for my friends. its EXTREMELY hard to find real friends - people that actually care about you, and not what you can give them or do for them. but when you do find them, its like a guardian angel almost. it just really hurt that sarah just lashed out like that at me - when i have done nothing but be there for her and help her. i guess that's what you get for trying to do what's right, even if it's not the fun thing to do, or the cool thing to do. it just sucks - i hate trying to help and getting made out to be the bitch..... maybe i should just keep my mouth shut and sit back and let things handle themselves, instead of doing my best to help the situation.
well, today, i called crystal and sarah answered her phone, so i told her i'd just call back when crystal wasn't busy - and she told me no, that she wanted to talk to me. so i let her say everything she wanted to say, and she apologized, and said she wasn't turning her back on me, and that our friendship has lived through so much....that it would be stupid to end it over something like that. she insists that i have a self esteem problem, and that i "change around certain people". honestly, if i do that, i don't see it, or realize it.... but i don't really think i have a self esteem problem. i don't know.... i just let her say what she wanted to say, and then it was as if the argument had never happened. it's confusing to me...the things she said really hurt - i mean, the way she was talking to me was almost as if she was speaking down to me...telling me i'm a piece of shit. i have never, ever, talked to her like that - and i wouldn't.
i don't know... i guess things just have to work themselves out this time. we'll see what happens....