(no subject)
Bleh, like, once every year suddenly all people that have ever read a single word out of your journal asks you why you don't post anymore. Well, I DO! You just don't read it often enough to catch me flying by in your friends page. Lol. As a matter of fact, I don't think anybody really pays attention to this journal, but luckily there is Gabriel, which comments me on what a dumbass I've been again this time, which makes me acknowledge there is SOMEONE actually reading this crap, and for him, and him alone, I will continue. lol. :P
Well, here goes.
Confused.
OMG! The depth of that confession. Yes, yes, that was hard to admit, and yes, I am okay, really. Don't worry. Lol. I just had a clear moment of OMFG to realize that I don't have the faintest idea of what the ph00ck I'm doing with my life. In a couple pf days time I will begin a brand new era of friends, or not of course, but at least a whole new class of people to bear with the next 10 months. Or maybe the other way around, I can be a pain in the ass, too, in class that is. I really do not know what to expect of the things so obvious to come. I cannot comprehend the fact that I will be going back to school again on what seems to be such short notice, after fighting so long for what others had long called a lost cause. It is frightening me. A lot. I need something to hold on to, something to fight for, to focus my emotions on, and I need it fast. Blergh. I need food first.
Good. That is one problem solved. ^ ^ I just think... That there are a lot of feelings in my head that are screaming to get out of that narrow space thats called my brain, but have absolutely nowhere to go. I hate that.
Owh well... I don't know... The things I have that I can wait for are just so depressing... Why can't I understand myself so I can show that to others? I want to know whats me. Whats keeping me this way. Whats making my head turn around and around. Whats making me feel like I have nothing to wait for. Blergh.
"Can I ask you something?", she asked me when we walked down the hallway. "Sure..", I replied, but I'd rather have said no, because I knew I'd be scared shitless of anything she'd ask me. "Do you like chocolate ice cream?" I sure didn't see that one coming. "Errr.. Yeah, why?" I started to feel my head turn a nice shade of red. "Oh... I just figured if we both like chocolate ice cream, we could go and get some together, right?" God, I wish I saw that one coming, as I muffled something in the lines of a very shy confirmation. "Great!", she suddenly yelled, "Let's go then!" I stared at her with my eyes further open than anytime I could remember. "What about class?" "Forget about it. Why go to something we both don't like when we can do something we know we both want to do?" I paused, stared her in the eyes and kissed her.
Well, here goes.
Confused.
OMG! The depth of that confession. Yes, yes, that was hard to admit, and yes, I am okay, really. Don't worry. Lol. I just had a clear moment of OMFG to realize that I don't have the faintest idea of what the ph00ck I'm doing with my life. In a couple pf days time I will begin a brand new era of friends, or not of course, but at least a whole new class of people to bear with the next 10 months. Or maybe the other way around, I can be a pain in the ass, too, in class that is. I really do not know what to expect of the things so obvious to come. I cannot comprehend the fact that I will be going back to school again on what seems to be such short notice, after fighting so long for what others had long called a lost cause. It is frightening me. A lot. I need something to hold on to, something to fight for, to focus my emotions on, and I need it fast. Blergh. I need food first.
Good. That is one problem solved. ^ ^ I just think... That there are a lot of feelings in my head that are screaming to get out of that narrow space thats called my brain, but have absolutely nowhere to go. I hate that.
Owh well... I don't know... The things I have that I can wait for are just so depressing... Why can't I understand myself so I can show that to others? I want to know whats me. Whats keeping me this way. Whats making my head turn around and around. Whats making me feel like I have nothing to wait for. Blergh.
"Can I ask you something?", she asked me when we walked down the hallway. "Sure..", I replied, but I'd rather have said no, because I knew I'd be scared shitless of anything she'd ask me. "Do you like chocolate ice cream?" I sure didn't see that one coming. "Errr.. Yeah, why?" I started to feel my head turn a nice shade of red. "Oh... I just figured if we both like chocolate ice cream, we could go and get some together, right?" God, I wish I saw that one coming, as I muffled something in the lines of a very shy confirmation. "Great!", she suddenly yelled, "Let's go then!" I stared at her with my eyes further open than anytime I could remember. "What about class?" "Forget about it. Why go to something we both don't like when we can do something we know we both want to do?" I paused, stared her in the eyes and kissed her.