(no subject)
I was under the delusion that once in school I would make loads of friends and have an exciting and non-stop social life. Not only has this not been the case, but I've become even more of a hermit than usual.
I only make friends with unreliable people with low self esteem. Perhaps because they're kindred spirits, perhaps because if things fuck up I can't be blamed. Perhaps because it's easier to focus on their problems than mine. If I befriend someone healthy without loads of baggage, I assume that as soon as they discover all of mine, they will run screaming. Also, if we get in an argument, they have a lot more ammunition. This is probably a bad plan. Lots of people owe me money and I am constantly getting my heart broken.
A few days ago I msged Kristina on msn to talk. Why? What's wrong with me? Why can't I leave well enough alone? I should be glad to be done with someone like that. Instead of being happy to hear from me, and to be given a chance to redeem herself, she just seemed annoyed that I wouldn't leave her alone. I don't know why I can't get over this. It's been three years. After expressing annoyance she went on to say she had been going to therapy, and was talking about me a lot there. Apparently she's been realizing how much she fucked up, and then she apologized. She's never apologized, not with any amount of sincerity, anyway. I guess that's what I've been waiting for all along, just an apology. I don't know if it's made me feel any better, though.
I only make friends with unreliable people with low self esteem. Perhaps because they're kindred spirits, perhaps because if things fuck up I can't be blamed. Perhaps because it's easier to focus on their problems than mine. If I befriend someone healthy without loads of baggage, I assume that as soon as they discover all of mine, they will run screaming. Also, if we get in an argument, they have a lot more ammunition. This is probably a bad plan. Lots of people owe me money and I am constantly getting my heart broken.
A few days ago I msged Kristina on msn to talk. Why? What's wrong with me? Why can't I leave well enough alone? I should be glad to be done with someone like that. Instead of being happy to hear from me, and to be given a chance to redeem herself, she just seemed annoyed that I wouldn't leave her alone. I don't know why I can't get over this. It's been three years. After expressing annoyance she went on to say she had been going to therapy, and was talking about me a lot there. Apparently she's been realizing how much she fucked up, and then she apologized. She's never apologized, not with any amount of sincerity, anyway. I guess that's what I've been waiting for all along, just an apology. I don't know if it's made me feel any better, though.