(no subject)
This sweet thing was posted in the website I so brilliantly designed and updated regularly for nearly a month... or so. It was http://home.comcast.net/~millertheoly/blog.htm if you never saw it. It's pretty, but not real practical. Anyway, here's this.
Exponential odds are against what I will tell you next. I would bet one hundred times that a cheetah would lose in a race with a house cat before I would consider putting a wager on the chances of such a thing happening. Its just that unlikely. So unlikely in fact, that Geoff gave me a .012% chance of it ever happening again, and, although I don't remember the exact wording, Holly gave me a similar reponse when asked "What are the effing odds. . ." Its just that unlikely. Its not 'random' as many would say, and although the better word, I'm told, is 'haphazard' it is not this either. Its just that unlikely. Would a cliche help express the impossibilites?
-A snowballs chance in hell
- It'll happen when hell freezes over
- Likely, when pigs fly
- The chances are one in a million
So it happened. Although it should still be under review. And now you will be told.
It was last Saturday night, the 6th I guess. It was pretty late, and I don't remember what I'd been doing earlier. I was probably watching football, or playing it. No, I'm pretty sure Geoff and I were playing Grand Theft Auto. Anyway, I was casually walking down the hall to my room, to the computer, and I was holding my phone. I passed the batroom area, the sinks, and just as I neared the closet door I gingerly tossed the phone in the direction of my bed, sounds innocent enough. It was surely not, though. It wasn't as though I pitched the phone in, it was an underhand toss, a granny shot, and the intention was for it to land safely in the middle of the bed, unharmed, and rested. Hm.
It was as though the phone was possesed. The only explanation is that it simultaneously increased it's mass while in the air, causing the momentum to double or triple. Nothing else could cause such a reaction. The phone bounced once, it seemed to be ok, bounced again, no big deal, it gently bounced off the pillow, ok. My bed isn't high off the ground, even if the phone were to spin and jump and fly from the bed, the fall would never have a damaging effect. So when it casually bounced off the pillow in the direction of the floor I was not the least bit concerned. It is a sturdy phone, landing on carpet, from two and a half feet, excitement necessary? I don't think so. Then I heard it. *Clink* ... the sound of something metal-like coming in contact with something glass-like. Oh no.
My room is aproximately 150 sq feet and somehow a ginger toss and three bounces led my small phone to the only glass of water in the entire room. Not a large glass either. In 50 sq of space a small glass with less than a two inch diameter opening sat in the middle of the floor. The small Nokia could hardly fit into such a glass if pecisely placed, let alone be dropped by haphazard bouncing. Refer to figure 1 for a clear reenactment.
Figure 1.
See? It's just that unlikely.
Luckily, Nokia's are resilient, and that beast of a phone was working just a few hours into the next day. Unluckily, it didn't turn on until I had driven back to Salem to pick up my old phone. Luckily, I had a great time in Salem anyway. Unluckily, it was super foggy on the drive home and I had to drive the speed limit. Luckily, the end.
Exponential odds are against what I will tell you next. I would bet one hundred times that a cheetah would lose in a race with a house cat before I would consider putting a wager on the chances of such a thing happening. Its just that unlikely. So unlikely in fact, that Geoff gave me a .012% chance of it ever happening again, and, although I don't remember the exact wording, Holly gave me a similar reponse when asked "What are the effing odds. . ." Its just that unlikely. Its not 'random' as many would say, and although the better word, I'm told, is 'haphazard' it is not this either. Its just that unlikely. Would a cliche help express the impossibilites?
-A snowballs chance in hell
- It'll happen when hell freezes over
- Likely, when pigs fly
- The chances are one in a million
So it happened. Although it should still be under review. And now you will be told.
It was last Saturday night, the 6th I guess. It was pretty late, and I don't remember what I'd been doing earlier. I was probably watching football, or playing it. No, I'm pretty sure Geoff and I were playing Grand Theft Auto. Anyway, I was casually walking down the hall to my room, to the computer, and I was holding my phone. I passed the batroom area, the sinks, and just as I neared the closet door I gingerly tossed the phone in the direction of my bed, sounds innocent enough. It was surely not, though. It wasn't as though I pitched the phone in, it was an underhand toss, a granny shot, and the intention was for it to land safely in the middle of the bed, unharmed, and rested. Hm.
It was as though the phone was possesed. The only explanation is that it simultaneously increased it's mass while in the air, causing the momentum to double or triple. Nothing else could cause such a reaction. The phone bounced once, it seemed to be ok, bounced again, no big deal, it gently bounced off the pillow, ok. My bed isn't high off the ground, even if the phone were to spin and jump and fly from the bed, the fall would never have a damaging effect. So when it casually bounced off the pillow in the direction of the floor I was not the least bit concerned. It is a sturdy phone, landing on carpet, from two and a half feet, excitement necessary? I don't think so. Then I heard it. *Clink* ... the sound of something metal-like coming in contact with something glass-like. Oh no.
My room is aproximately 150 sq feet and somehow a ginger toss and three bounces led my small phone to the only glass of water in the entire room. Not a large glass either. In 50 sq of space a small glass with less than a two inch diameter opening sat in the middle of the floor. The small Nokia could hardly fit into such a glass if pecisely placed, let alone be dropped by haphazard bouncing. Refer to figure 1 for a clear reenactment.
Figure 1.
See? It's just that unlikely.
Luckily, Nokia's are resilient, and that beast of a phone was working just a few hours into the next day. Unluckily, it didn't turn on until I had driven back to Salem to pick up my old phone. Luckily, I had a great time in Salem anyway. Unluckily, it was super foggy on the drive home and I had to drive the speed limit. Luckily, the end.