you are making this difficult
Its a love//hate thing I guess. you make me so scared I start to get mad, I get so mad and that makes us fight...we fight so much I begin to hate.... then the hating and the yelling makes me scared and bam. All over again it goes.
No matter what I hate her. And the other. If what you and your boy said was true, then she is a liar too. And that makes me happy. But for some reason this still hurts. And I'm still scared and even though I want to trust you, my heart is telling me to trust you... I just... it hurts. I wish you would understand. I wish you could understand. I would think that if this happened to you before that maybe you would see my point of view, but maybe you just didn't care that much, dont care.
Or how come everyone said that you said we were never together? And how come I can never come around? Duh, I already know the answers. Its just those goddamn what ifs. I gave you the 200 you needed. And the money for that haircut you wanted. I hope you don't forget how much I seriously love you, I jsut want to make you happy. Please don't let this be a last stab for vengence for me acting all mad. Please? I'm scared cuz those what ifs are filling my head and I simply love you more then might be healthy. I'm not Tina, and I don't think I'm anything like those others you've dated but you've been around. I don't know. I never felt special but I'm sure as hell not the same.
How about you saying to the other girls that you were in love with them and that you had never felt it before?
Let me say one thing in self-defense, I'm doubtful in both directions. But I know how to play games, and i know how to win. Just because my head may get fucked up in the process doesn't mean I'm unaware of self-inflicted damage. Don't assume I didn't know, or that I didn't have an inkling. I have nothing to give other then myself and my heart and while I guess thats no big thing to some, its gigantuous in my eyes, more then most people can give.
So do you love me? When you asked my mom if you could marry me, were you serious or was it the drugs? I think it was the real deal but I also have those goddamn what ifs in my head.
I'm afraid to talk with you because we just keep fighting. You changed you're password. Again. You suck. But I've started changing all of mine. Alls fair in love and war I guess. I only want to have equal rights between you and I. So please stop breaking my heart and maybe I won't break yours.
And I'm praying every night that this truely is drama. Because if its not, I can't even describe how fucked up I'd be. I love you and I said I'd probaly ....
kill myself because you just called and I'm picking you up. Goddamn bi-polarness. Why do you make me smile when I hear you're voice and all of this drama just fades away... god I love you. I'm sorry.