red wine and a clove
we fall in and out of sync with ourselves daily. weekly. monthly, yearly. it is a cycle we learn to cherish because coming into this world with all the knowing of "why" would spoil the surprise.... and we all love surprises. if you can somehow deny that, maybe you have yet to find your abandon; the means to which you experience the world before you, not the one you created before you left the house. how unfulfilling a day can be without a way to receive the gifts we are given! (please don't think me naive for my perk and enthusiasm. I am a recovering cynic and skeptic... i know what the other side looks/feels like)
they, surprises, give us hope that we are not the only ones playing, not the only ones invested in our journey, not the only ones who stand to discover the depth of our own dimension. not that it wouldn't be good exercise, but really, doing this alone would not allow us to discover the things within us that other people have the capacity to bring out. imagine what it would be like to love unconditionally, but not have anyone to bestow that gift upon? the entire world a vacant parking lot for driving donuts in?? driven to madness by boredom; the only evidence your skid marks? hardly.
beautiful encapsulated selves. walking around and giving permission to others. permeating the walls to share new things because we all want so badly to play with the other children on the playground. we need so badly to be over taken by awe. we need to see in others what we want to aspire to. adoration in its purest form is a seedling that plants itself within you. that seed will one day grow to be the same tree you looked so fondly on in that other person. you too will live to see that truth in yourself. our imaginations evolved to new heights realizes our potential.
***
our pain is too much sometimes and we have to rediscover our humanness. think about what it is that makes our tender fleshed bodies, minds, and hearts unique. where do we exceed our boundaries as a human body? who are we without borders? where do we exist?
in the dark of unknowing we reflect, severely. we reach for reason like a babe to a pacifier. it will suffice to quiet the need to chew, but it will not fill the hungry belly.
in that vulnerable space where we need what we do not know we want, we are allowed to be children.
universe we learn to call you mother... father... teacher. your governing laws are beyond the youth of our understanding, but we are humbled before you like to the gale of a storm. we can not seek to control, you know more and you work without our conscious acknowledgment. or should I say you trust? maybe you don't have to comprehend tangibly the "reason" for things. maybe you do not have a mind like mine that needs to touch the "why".
what life would it be not knowing if my next meal will be provided for, but trusting that when i need it, it will come? you may think it subservient, I call it wisdom. what sweet surrender! a trust that is foreign to my mouth and hands. how primitive yet so much closer to anything i could call faith.
we can try and make peace with that we do not know. sometimes we can almost remember what it was like the last time we got lost... but not wholly. it was dark. it was scary. the silence in contrast to my screaming mind was deafening. i ached. i forgot how to move. it was hard to breathe. i held onto some stand-in of a reason i made up to cope but it crumbled to ash in my fingers and i wept. i wept.
....
but the tears mixed with the ash. and in my hands i was left with the most extraordinary clay. from it i saw potential. from it i began to build anew.
we abandon control but not hope. we stand strong almost to the point of extinction. we look at the darkness of oblivion, take a breath, and move forward.
they, surprises, give us hope that we are not the only ones playing, not the only ones invested in our journey, not the only ones who stand to discover the depth of our own dimension. not that it wouldn't be good exercise, but really, doing this alone would not allow us to discover the things within us that other people have the capacity to bring out. imagine what it would be like to love unconditionally, but not have anyone to bestow that gift upon? the entire world a vacant parking lot for driving donuts in?? driven to madness by boredom; the only evidence your skid marks? hardly.
beautiful encapsulated selves. walking around and giving permission to others. permeating the walls to share new things because we all want so badly to play with the other children on the playground. we need so badly to be over taken by awe. we need to see in others what we want to aspire to. adoration in its purest form is a seedling that plants itself within you. that seed will one day grow to be the same tree you looked so fondly on in that other person. you too will live to see that truth in yourself. our imaginations evolved to new heights realizes our potential.
***
our pain is too much sometimes and we have to rediscover our humanness. think about what it is that makes our tender fleshed bodies, minds, and hearts unique. where do we exceed our boundaries as a human body? who are we without borders? where do we exist?
in the dark of unknowing we reflect, severely. we reach for reason like a babe to a pacifier. it will suffice to quiet the need to chew, but it will not fill the hungry belly.
in that vulnerable space where we need what we do not know we want, we are allowed to be children.
universe we learn to call you mother... father... teacher. your governing laws are beyond the youth of our understanding, but we are humbled before you like to the gale of a storm. we can not seek to control, you know more and you work without our conscious acknowledgment. or should I say you trust? maybe you don't have to comprehend tangibly the "reason" for things. maybe you do not have a mind like mine that needs to touch the "why".
what life would it be not knowing if my next meal will be provided for, but trusting that when i need it, it will come? you may think it subservient, I call it wisdom. what sweet surrender! a trust that is foreign to my mouth and hands. how primitive yet so much closer to anything i could call faith.
we can try and make peace with that we do not know. sometimes we can almost remember what it was like the last time we got lost... but not wholly. it was dark. it was scary. the silence in contrast to my screaming mind was deafening. i ached. i forgot how to move. it was hard to breathe. i held onto some stand-in of a reason i made up to cope but it crumbled to ash in my fingers and i wept. i wept.
....
but the tears mixed with the ash. and in my hands i was left with the most extraordinary clay. from it i saw potential. from it i began to build anew.
we abandon control but not hope. we stand strong almost to the point of extinction. we look at the darkness of oblivion, take a breath, and move forward.