Good Morning, Mr. Hyde, Today I'm Gonna Rock Your World - Chapter 19
Title: Good Morning, Mr. Hyde, Today I'm Gonna Rock Your World - Chapter 19
Author: Unare Haineko
Pairing: hyde x tetsu
Rating: R-ish overall
Summary: What started off as Hyde having marital problems and Tetsu finally deciding to exploit the opportunity to address his longtime obsession with Hyde has turned into the multi-chaptered epic journey of the exciting and passionate relationship between Tetsu and Hyde.
Good Morning, Mr. Hyde, Today I’m Gonna Rock Your World - Chapter 19
Hyde sat there staring out the broken glass door blankly as night approached. A man came by to replace the door, but Hyde said nothing to him as he pulled out the frame and replaced the glass. When he was done, he saluted Hyde and bowed before excusing himself. Hyde was not aware how much longer he sat there staring at nothing in his world of darkness. He wanted to cry, but there were no more tears left. He wanted to die, but he had no strength to get up and grab a knife to end it all. He wanted to sleep, but he was afraid that he would dream of the only thing he could not have.
Then, as if in a trance, Hyde began to pick up things around the house. First it was just things lying on the floor that would be a hindrance to anyone occupying or passing through the room. If they were broken, Hyde put them in the trash bin. If it was something that he had broken in his rage and needed to be repaired, he put it on the largest flat piece of furniture. His movements were robotic and lacked any grace or life previously associated with the vocalist. When the first rays of day started pouring through the cracks between the window and the curtains, Hyde became remotely aware that it was a new day. He used this as a signal to shower and sleep. When he woke up, it was usually still lighted outside, though Hyde kept the curtains drawn. He would shuffle out of bed, wash his face, brush his teeth, scrounge about for something simple to eat like instant ramen, and then resume cleaning up the empty house. Hyde had become mostly nocturnal, but at least he had a routine.
By the time the house had returned to its original state sans Tetsu, nearly two weeks had passed. Hyde was wiping the mirrors with blue window cleaner and newspapers when he heard his stomach growl. Sighing, he wandered into the kitchen and reached into the cupboard for a package of miso ramen. Finding none, Hyde went through the cupboards and discovered he had eaten everything but the condiments. The clock read ‘11:53 PM’. He had no choice but to go to the convenience store at the very least, so he grabbed his jacket and a hat and stepped out for the first time in what seemed like years.
The evening was cool and the streets were deserted. Hyde locked up the house and was pleasantly surprised to see the streets littered with tiny pink cherry blossom petals.
Is it April already…?
He was the only person walking along the brightly lit street and was grateful for the solitude. Hyde was in no hurry to get to the convenience store, which remained open until the wee hours of the morning. He shuffled off the sidewalk onto the gravelly asphalt that grated against his shoes. Hyde was not paying attention to anything in particular until he passed by a house from which a song could be heard from the open window.
Aa, yume hagure koi hagure (Ah, lost in my dreams, lost in love)
Nomeba nomu hodo samishii kuse ni (The more I drink, the lonelier I feel)
Anta doko ni iru no (Where are you)
Anta aitai yo (I miss you)
Hyde’s ears perked up as the song conveyed his precise feelings. He stood outside the window listening to the slow breathy voice of the male enka singer. The melody was on the more contemporary side and easy to listen to.
Aa, yume hagure koi hagure (Ah, lost in my dreams, lost in love)
Nakeba naku hodo kanashii kuse ni (The more I cry, the sadder I feel)
Anta dakaretai no (I want to be in your arms again)
Anta aitai yo… (I miss you)
“Hosokawa Takashi…no, not him…” Hyde muttered as he flipped through the enormous listing of artists he knew in the industry. “Horita? Horikita? No, no no…Horiuchi Takao! That’s it! That’s him!”
And then once Hyde remembered the artist, he thought about Tetsu and how he missed his better half terribly. He wanted Tetsu back and he wanted him to know that his sudden disappearance had created a void in his life. Without realizing it, Hyde hummed a few bars of a song he did not know he had in him. And then like a mummified corpse rising from slumber, his muse staggered forward with lyrics and rhythm.
I need to write this down!
Hyde forgot about his original mission of buying food as he sprinted to the convenience store. He rushed to the last aisle where he knew there were stationery items. Grabbing a pen and notebook, he furiously scribbled the weird notation he used for the melody next to the lyrics while standing in the middle of the aisle.
Violin opening…tan-ta-taa-ta-taaan…piano…
For twenty minutes he was in his own world, scribbling, crying, and pouring his heart out in the form of a composition. When he finished the last stroke of the lyrics, he lifted his head up and wiped his face. He walked calmly to the register and placed the pen and crinkled notebook to be rung up. The cashier tried not to stare at Hyde awkwardly, but was not very successful. In order to appear less awkward, Hyde picked up a bento and several bowls of instant ramen and tossed it with the notebook.
0-0-0-0-0
By the time Monday rolled around, Hyde was ready. He arrived at the studio an hour early and was sitting in a small room that overlooked the recording area drinking a hot lemon tea. There was a group of musicians assembled with their instruments-two violins, a cello, a set of drums, an electric guitar, a bass guitar, a flute, a clarinet, a trombone, a trumpet, an oboe, and a keyboard. Hyde watched them individually practice the two pieces he had prepared. At fifteen minutes to eleven, he listened to them play the pieces in their entirety. At five minutes to eleven when the conductor stopped to talk to the musicians, Hyde stood up and padded down the stairs.
“…I think you will be surprised when you see who will be singing today-oh, here he is right now. Everyone, we will be working with Hyde-san today,” the young conductor informed his musicians.
“Good morning, I look forward to working with all of you,” Hyde bowed, his long bangs gently covering his features.
When he looked up, the musicians still seemed to be in a state of shock.
“Uh…I’ve never sang this genre of music before,” stammered Hyde. “Enka…is very new to me, but I have a message I would like to sing to someone. I know you have all played for the top Enka artists and I may not be as experienced as them, but I hope that I can count on your support.”
Hyde bowed once more and this time the musicians nodded awkwardly.
“All right, Hyde-san, shall we get started?” asked the conductor.
“Yes,” Hyde replied, walking over to his station and looking up at the staff at the control booth.
“We’re good,” they signaled.
When Hyde began to sing, he realized that it was very different than when he was with L’Arc~en~Ciel. With the other three members, even the saddest of songs did not seem half as painful to sing as the Enka song he wrote for Tetsu.
I have reached the edge of sadness*
Hurt that you got up and left me
Without a word of explanation
Not even a pitiful excuse
Do you have any idea
What pain you’ve caused me?
We live in such a small world
Yet I lack the courage to chase after you
For fear you will reject me
Not an ounce of consideration
For the person who while not perfect
Promised to love you forever
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
And the void that only you could fill
Tears through my body
As I cry myself to sleep
In Enka, there was no act-no performance. Sure there were the more eccentric ones who were known to put on a show like Kobayashi Sachiko and Mikawa Kenichi with their Takarazuka-esque theatrics or the more modern ones that had dancing troupes and special dance moves for their songs like Tendo Yoshimi or Hikawa Kiyoshi. But most of the traditional ones touched the audience through the sheer power of their voice and words, something that was rather rare for male singers in the pop/rock genre. Even when Hyde sang the ballads, there some ‘show’ involved. He had to sing for all the girls in the audience so they could feel like he was singing to them. But something about the quiet solemnity of the minor key melody made Hyde feel as if singing sexily was not part of the appeal and that the only person he cared to touch with his words was Tetsu. He could care less if he did not sell a single album or if the entertainment industry called him washed out. If Tetsu heard him and acknowledged his feelings, Hyde would willingly sell everything up to his soul.
I have reached the edge of sadness
Hurt that you got up and left me
Without a word of explanation
Not even a hastily scribbled note
Do you have any idea
What it’s like not to know?
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
Why couldn’t you let me
Love you more?
Come back to me
If I depended on you too much
If I didn’t tell you I love you enough
If I didn’t understand you
Forgive my selfishness
I was wrong
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
I wanted to love you so much more
Let’s not hurt each other anymore
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
I miss you so much
That it hurts to breathe
If you hear me, come back
0-0-0-0-0
The tracks had been compiled and edited, the jacket and photo inserts were finished, and Hyde had just received word from his agent that three music shows had secretly agreed to feature his new single next month purely on the basis that it was Hyde singing a new genre of music. Even though it was not the policy of the three music shows to feature Enka artists, due to his previous work, PR thought it would look bad if they did not feature the lead vocalist of L’Arc~en~Ciel.
The single itself would not be ready for another six weeks, but Hyde decided that he would just use that time to heavily promote its release. He took out billboards in every single prefecture and made sure he had significant presence in areas that were known to be high traffic in the major prefectures. However, these billboards were not the most informative as all that was displayed was his silhouette dressed in a kimono, the name of his single, and the date it was going on sale. However, to any normal Japanese person there was clearly something wrong with the picture. For one, there was no artist’s name listed. Second, given the font used on the billboard (a running stylistic calligraphy) and the distinct shadow of the hakama, it was fairly clear that the artist was an Enka singer. However, there were no Enka singers that wore their long hair down. Short hair was standard for men and women with long hair always had an up do of some sort, so to see the silhouette of a male artist with straight shoulder length hair was most puzzling for all that walked by the advertisements. Many people speculated on online communities and blogs about the ‘new-type Enka singer’, but Hyde had been careful not to release any information so there was nothing linking him to the billboards.
By the time his first appearance on the first music program rolled around, there was a lot of hype surrounding the mysterious new single. Since Hyde’s first appearance was a complete secret, he was not even initially sitting on stage when the program began. He had brought his own stylist and the only person who knew he was there was the one middle-aged attendant they had assigned to him. When it came time for him to standby, he stood behind a curtain the entire time.
“And as our program comes to a close, we have one final act from someone who has not been sitting with us,” said the female announcer.
“Music lovers all over Japan must have seen this mysterious advertisement,” said the male announcer, holding up a smaller cardboard replica of Hyde’s billboard. “We actually have this artist with us tonight standing by. Even all of us in the entertainment industry have been wondering about the identity of this mysterious person, which only my partner Nakagawa-san knows the identity of.”
“That’s right. We have him standing by. He is not a new artist here to change the face of Enka with his long hair, but he’s actually someone you all are very familiar with. You have heard his voice and he has been in the music industry for a long time. He actually performs under another name to protect his privacy, but for this single, which features a cover for Horiuchi Takao’s song ‘Koi Uta Tsudzuri (恋唄綴り)’ and another original song, he is using his real name. He has a message for someone dear to him. The man of mystery is none other than L’Arc~en~Ciel vocalist, Hyde-san, singing ‘Pain that Won’t Disappear (Kienai Itami 消えない痛み)’ under his real name, Takarai Hideto. You heard it first here, Takarai Hideto, ‘Kienai Itami’…”
Hyde was welcomed on stage with a warm applause as the intro to his song began. The kimono he wore was simple, but unlike most of his performance clothes that were bold or darker colors, his kimono was white with lavender, plum, and gold accents. His hair was its natural dark shade, waxed to stay in place, but worn simply at his shoulders. When he sang, his eyes watered, but he did not shed any tears. The whole time, he was in his own world as cameras surrounded him trying to get a good look at him. His sound was his best ever, full of rich dynamics-soft but almost quivering with emotion at the verses, strong at the chorus, and passionately powerful at the bridge, surprising everyone present at the studio and all those watching. And when it was all over, he took a slow deep bow as he received a thunderous applause before exiting off stage.
The broadcast Hyde participated in was live and without editing. When he exited, he changed very quickly and did not stay around to socialize with other musicians. He simply took a taxi and stared out the window wondering if Tetsu had been watching.
0-0-0-0-0
After his performance, Hyde drank a glass of whiskey and turned in for the night. He assumed he would sleep for awhile as it was his day off. He had not expected to hear his phone go off three times the next morning at the crack of dawn with phone calls from the same person who could not take the hint that he was still sleeping-his publicist.
“Hello?” Hyde finally croaked.
“My god, why haven’t you picked up?! I’ve been trying to get a hold of you! Well, no matter-I just wanted to let you know that the fans and well, everyone who saw you last night are buzzing! My phone hasn’t stopped ringing and everyone wants you to perform! They love your new song! Who would have thought that Enka would be selling at this day and age-certainly not me-but as to be expected from a musician such as yourself! Hyde has reinvented himself and reaffirmed his talent once again! I haven’t slept yet, but I’m working around the clock to keep you booked and-“
“Thanks, you keep doing what you do best. Let me know when you confirm everything…” Hyde put down his phone, leaving his publicist to continue his rambling while he fell back asleep.
When he woke up and finally decided to roll out of bed, it was four in the afternoon. Hyde took a shower and walked out into the living room to find Ken and Yuki sitting in his living room playing some sort of racing game against each other.
“Oh, Hyde!” waved Ken as Yuki sped past him on the screen. “Nice performance. Glad to see you out and about again. Looks like you might top the charts with this new Enka song of yours…”
Hyde scowled menacingly on his way to the kitchen which had little effect on the goofily smiling Ken.
“We bought cake,” Yuki offered, walking to the kitchen and pointing to the refrigerator.
“How long have you guys been here?” asked Hyde, opening the refrigerator and taking out the white cardboard box.
“About half an hour,” replied the usually silent musician.
“How did you guys get in?”
“Ken took a spare key the last time he was here…” Yuki whispered. “You’re not mad, are you? Ken…he was worried about you…”
Hyde looked up at Yuki, who expressed his own concern in the form of a furrowed forehead and a frown, before diving into the box of cakes.
“Thanks for the cake,” mumbled Hyde as he devoured a slice of blueberry cheesecake.
“You’re welcome,” Ken replied cheerily, leaning on Hyde’s shoulder.
Yuki retreated at this point, leaving Ken to bombard stoic Hyde with silly questions hoping to cheer the vocalist up. After about ten minutes, Hyde became annoyed and kicked Ken out, thanking Yuki for the cake.
“Well, that went rather well,” drawled Ken as they stood in the Haitsu driveway. “At least he’s composing and with all that publicity he’s probably gonna get, it should keep him occupied for a couple of months.”
“You think so?” Yuki asked, picking at a loose thread on his shirt.
“Things will turn around…hopefully…” Ken shrugged before hopping into the car.
“What will you do if Tetsu doesn’t contact Hyde or at least give him some sort of sign that he’s alive?” asked Yuki, following suit and fastening his seatbelt.
Ken stopped rolling out of the driveway and looked at Yuki.
“That’s what you’re counting on, right?” pressed the drummer. “That’s why you told him to write a song, right? But what if Tetsu doesn’t respond? Won’t Hyde-“
“Don’t worry!” Ken said confidently. “I’ve got a plan…”
“Uh-oh…I don’t like that look on your face…”
0-0-0-0-0
Several weeks later, Ken called on Hyde to see how he was doing. He was able to gather that Hyde had still not heard from Tetsu yet, but Hyde still remained hopeful. Not wanting to take any chances, Ken called Yuki over to his apartment.
“Ken….are you sure about this?” asked Yuki, squinting at the paper in front of him.
“Of course-“
“I dunno, this seems like…um, a really bad, bad idea…like something we shouldn’t be doing…”
“Shut up. Don’t worry about it. Instead of moving your mouth, move your hand,” ordered Ken.
“But-“
“No buts. Write; don’t talk.”
“Fineeee…” sighed Yuki, picking up his pen once again.
Yuki wrote for another minute before stopping to stare at Ken.
“Uhh…”
“What now?” asked Ken in exasperation.
“Never mind. It’s nothing…” muttered Yuki.
“What? If you have something to say, say it or forever hold your peace,” grunted Ken.
“Well, it’s just that…” trailed off Yuki ambiguously.
“What?” asked Ken, rolling his eyes.
“Do you really think everything will be solved by all of this?”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re practicing copying Tetsu’s handwriting so that we can write letters to Hyde, right?” asked Yuki, puffing on a cigarette and holding up a bunch of handwritten memos from their leader.
“Right.”
“But, what are we gonna do if the real Tetsu actually comes home or starts writing letters of his own? Won’t Hyde suspect something? Or what if Tetsu never comes back? Or worse, what if we get caught?! That would be even worse-“
“You’re such a worrywart, you know that?” Ken grumbled as he threw the pen down in frustration as he proved to be unsuccessful in reproducing the way that Tetsu wrote his hiragana ‘ra (ら)’.
“Really? But we’re doing something really bad-“
“All we have to do is keep him alive til the end of our hiatus and Tetsu should be back. We’ll explain everything to Tetsu, he’ll cover for us, and things will be back to normal-“
“Back to normal? There is nothing ‘normal’ about what we’re doing. We could potentially hurt him very badly if we ever get caught-“
“Look, do you want Hyde to kill himself-“
“No, but he very might after finding out that his two best friends tried to impersonate his lover-“
“Well, if you’ve got any other more brilliant ideas than what I’ve come up with, I’d like to hear them,” snapped Ken, chugging a beer.
Yuki offered nothing more.
“That’s what I thought. So if you’ve got nothing, start perfecting Tetsu’s kanji because we can only keep Hyde hopeful for a few more weeks max.”
“Yes, sir,” sighed Yuki before praying to every god in the universe for salvation from Ken’s risky idea.
Tetsu, wherever you are, come back before Ken makes me send this letter to Hyde…
0-0-0-0-0
To be continued…!
There! A small update before the end of the year (at least in my corner of the world) as promised, finally! I’ve been busy at work and fighting the mother of all malaise. I’m not sure if it’s just a really bad allergy that’s been lingering, or a cold that just wants to hang on my lungs and sinuses forever, but it’s been plaguing me for the last few weeks. So, sorry it isn’t much, but for those who started reading and never got the 19th chapter, I give you this mini update…
* The original Japanese song I wrote was unfortunately lost in a corrupted file. I wrote the English down on a scratch paper, but it will take me a while to retranslate and rewrite and since I doubt there is anyone really interested in the Japanese, I will just put the English up for now.
Author: Unare Haineko
Pairing: hyde x tetsu
Rating: R-ish overall
Summary: What started off as Hyde having marital problems and Tetsu finally deciding to exploit the opportunity to address his longtime obsession with Hyde has turned into the multi-chaptered epic journey of the exciting and passionate relationship between Tetsu and Hyde.
Good Morning, Mr. Hyde, Today I’m Gonna Rock Your World - Chapter 19
Hyde sat there staring out the broken glass door blankly as night approached. A man came by to replace the door, but Hyde said nothing to him as he pulled out the frame and replaced the glass. When he was done, he saluted Hyde and bowed before excusing himself. Hyde was not aware how much longer he sat there staring at nothing in his world of darkness. He wanted to cry, but there were no more tears left. He wanted to die, but he had no strength to get up and grab a knife to end it all. He wanted to sleep, but he was afraid that he would dream of the only thing he could not have.
Then, as if in a trance, Hyde began to pick up things around the house. First it was just things lying on the floor that would be a hindrance to anyone occupying or passing through the room. If they were broken, Hyde put them in the trash bin. If it was something that he had broken in his rage and needed to be repaired, he put it on the largest flat piece of furniture. His movements were robotic and lacked any grace or life previously associated with the vocalist. When the first rays of day started pouring through the cracks between the window and the curtains, Hyde became remotely aware that it was a new day. He used this as a signal to shower and sleep. When he woke up, it was usually still lighted outside, though Hyde kept the curtains drawn. He would shuffle out of bed, wash his face, brush his teeth, scrounge about for something simple to eat like instant ramen, and then resume cleaning up the empty house. Hyde had become mostly nocturnal, but at least he had a routine.
By the time the house had returned to its original state sans Tetsu, nearly two weeks had passed. Hyde was wiping the mirrors with blue window cleaner and newspapers when he heard his stomach growl. Sighing, he wandered into the kitchen and reached into the cupboard for a package of miso ramen. Finding none, Hyde went through the cupboards and discovered he had eaten everything but the condiments. The clock read ‘11:53 PM’. He had no choice but to go to the convenience store at the very least, so he grabbed his jacket and a hat and stepped out for the first time in what seemed like years.
The evening was cool and the streets were deserted. Hyde locked up the house and was pleasantly surprised to see the streets littered with tiny pink cherry blossom petals.
Is it April already…?
He was the only person walking along the brightly lit street and was grateful for the solitude. Hyde was in no hurry to get to the convenience store, which remained open until the wee hours of the morning. He shuffled off the sidewalk onto the gravelly asphalt that grated against his shoes. Hyde was not paying attention to anything in particular until he passed by a house from which a song could be heard from the open window.
Aa, yume hagure koi hagure (Ah, lost in my dreams, lost in love)
Nomeba nomu hodo samishii kuse ni (The more I drink, the lonelier I feel)
Anta doko ni iru no (Where are you)
Anta aitai yo (I miss you)
Hyde’s ears perked up as the song conveyed his precise feelings. He stood outside the window listening to the slow breathy voice of the male enka singer. The melody was on the more contemporary side and easy to listen to.
Aa, yume hagure koi hagure (Ah, lost in my dreams, lost in love)
Nakeba naku hodo kanashii kuse ni (The more I cry, the sadder I feel)
Anta dakaretai no (I want to be in your arms again)
Anta aitai yo… (I miss you)
“Hosokawa Takashi…no, not him…” Hyde muttered as he flipped through the enormous listing of artists he knew in the industry. “Horita? Horikita? No, no no…Horiuchi Takao! That’s it! That’s him!”
And then once Hyde remembered the artist, he thought about Tetsu and how he missed his better half terribly. He wanted Tetsu back and he wanted him to know that his sudden disappearance had created a void in his life. Without realizing it, Hyde hummed a few bars of a song he did not know he had in him. And then like a mummified corpse rising from slumber, his muse staggered forward with lyrics and rhythm.
I need to write this down!
Hyde forgot about his original mission of buying food as he sprinted to the convenience store. He rushed to the last aisle where he knew there were stationery items. Grabbing a pen and notebook, he furiously scribbled the weird notation he used for the melody next to the lyrics while standing in the middle of the aisle.
Violin opening…tan-ta-taa-ta-taaan…piano…
For twenty minutes he was in his own world, scribbling, crying, and pouring his heart out in the form of a composition. When he finished the last stroke of the lyrics, he lifted his head up and wiped his face. He walked calmly to the register and placed the pen and crinkled notebook to be rung up. The cashier tried not to stare at Hyde awkwardly, but was not very successful. In order to appear less awkward, Hyde picked up a bento and several bowls of instant ramen and tossed it with the notebook.
0-0-0-0-0
By the time Monday rolled around, Hyde was ready. He arrived at the studio an hour early and was sitting in a small room that overlooked the recording area drinking a hot lemon tea. There was a group of musicians assembled with their instruments-two violins, a cello, a set of drums, an electric guitar, a bass guitar, a flute, a clarinet, a trombone, a trumpet, an oboe, and a keyboard. Hyde watched them individually practice the two pieces he had prepared. At fifteen minutes to eleven, he listened to them play the pieces in their entirety. At five minutes to eleven when the conductor stopped to talk to the musicians, Hyde stood up and padded down the stairs.
“…I think you will be surprised when you see who will be singing today-oh, here he is right now. Everyone, we will be working with Hyde-san today,” the young conductor informed his musicians.
“Good morning, I look forward to working with all of you,” Hyde bowed, his long bangs gently covering his features.
When he looked up, the musicians still seemed to be in a state of shock.
“Uh…I’ve never sang this genre of music before,” stammered Hyde. “Enka…is very new to me, but I have a message I would like to sing to someone. I know you have all played for the top Enka artists and I may not be as experienced as them, but I hope that I can count on your support.”
Hyde bowed once more and this time the musicians nodded awkwardly.
“All right, Hyde-san, shall we get started?” asked the conductor.
“Yes,” Hyde replied, walking over to his station and looking up at the staff at the control booth.
“We’re good,” they signaled.
When Hyde began to sing, he realized that it was very different than when he was with L’Arc~en~Ciel. With the other three members, even the saddest of songs did not seem half as painful to sing as the Enka song he wrote for Tetsu.
I have reached the edge of sadness*
Hurt that you got up and left me
Without a word of explanation
Not even a pitiful excuse
Do you have any idea
What pain you’ve caused me?
We live in such a small world
Yet I lack the courage to chase after you
For fear you will reject me
Not an ounce of consideration
For the person who while not perfect
Promised to love you forever
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
And the void that only you could fill
Tears through my body
As I cry myself to sleep
In Enka, there was no act-no performance. Sure there were the more eccentric ones who were known to put on a show like Kobayashi Sachiko and Mikawa Kenichi with their Takarazuka-esque theatrics or the more modern ones that had dancing troupes and special dance moves for their songs like Tendo Yoshimi or Hikawa Kiyoshi. But most of the traditional ones touched the audience through the sheer power of their voice and words, something that was rather rare for male singers in the pop/rock genre. Even when Hyde sang the ballads, there some ‘show’ involved. He had to sing for all the girls in the audience so they could feel like he was singing to them. But something about the quiet solemnity of the minor key melody made Hyde feel as if singing sexily was not part of the appeal and that the only person he cared to touch with his words was Tetsu. He could care less if he did not sell a single album or if the entertainment industry called him washed out. If Tetsu heard him and acknowledged his feelings, Hyde would willingly sell everything up to his soul.
I have reached the edge of sadness
Hurt that you got up and left me
Without a word of explanation
Not even a hastily scribbled note
Do you have any idea
What it’s like not to know?
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
Why couldn’t you let me
Love you more?
Come back to me
If I depended on you too much
If I didn’t tell you I love you enough
If I didn’t understand you
Forgive my selfishness
I was wrong
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
I wanted to love you so much more
Let’s not hurt each other anymore
Why doesn’t the dull pain disappear?
The hole in my heart that I felt
Before I met you has opened up once again
I miss you so much
That it hurts to breathe
If you hear me, come back
0-0-0-0-0
The tracks had been compiled and edited, the jacket and photo inserts were finished, and Hyde had just received word from his agent that three music shows had secretly agreed to feature his new single next month purely on the basis that it was Hyde singing a new genre of music. Even though it was not the policy of the three music shows to feature Enka artists, due to his previous work, PR thought it would look bad if they did not feature the lead vocalist of L’Arc~en~Ciel.
The single itself would not be ready for another six weeks, but Hyde decided that he would just use that time to heavily promote its release. He took out billboards in every single prefecture and made sure he had significant presence in areas that were known to be high traffic in the major prefectures. However, these billboards were not the most informative as all that was displayed was his silhouette dressed in a kimono, the name of his single, and the date it was going on sale. However, to any normal Japanese person there was clearly something wrong with the picture. For one, there was no artist’s name listed. Second, given the font used on the billboard (a running stylistic calligraphy) and the distinct shadow of the hakama, it was fairly clear that the artist was an Enka singer. However, there were no Enka singers that wore their long hair down. Short hair was standard for men and women with long hair always had an up do of some sort, so to see the silhouette of a male artist with straight shoulder length hair was most puzzling for all that walked by the advertisements. Many people speculated on online communities and blogs about the ‘new-type Enka singer’, but Hyde had been careful not to release any information so there was nothing linking him to the billboards.
By the time his first appearance on the first music program rolled around, there was a lot of hype surrounding the mysterious new single. Since Hyde’s first appearance was a complete secret, he was not even initially sitting on stage when the program began. He had brought his own stylist and the only person who knew he was there was the one middle-aged attendant they had assigned to him. When it came time for him to standby, he stood behind a curtain the entire time.
“And as our program comes to a close, we have one final act from someone who has not been sitting with us,” said the female announcer.
“Music lovers all over Japan must have seen this mysterious advertisement,” said the male announcer, holding up a smaller cardboard replica of Hyde’s billboard. “We actually have this artist with us tonight standing by. Even all of us in the entertainment industry have been wondering about the identity of this mysterious person, which only my partner Nakagawa-san knows the identity of.”
“That’s right. We have him standing by. He is not a new artist here to change the face of Enka with his long hair, but he’s actually someone you all are very familiar with. You have heard his voice and he has been in the music industry for a long time. He actually performs under another name to protect his privacy, but for this single, which features a cover for Horiuchi Takao’s song ‘Koi Uta Tsudzuri (恋唄綴り)’ and another original song, he is using his real name. He has a message for someone dear to him. The man of mystery is none other than L’Arc~en~Ciel vocalist, Hyde-san, singing ‘Pain that Won’t Disappear (Kienai Itami 消えない痛み)’ under his real name, Takarai Hideto. You heard it first here, Takarai Hideto, ‘Kienai Itami’…”
Hyde was welcomed on stage with a warm applause as the intro to his song began. The kimono he wore was simple, but unlike most of his performance clothes that were bold or darker colors, his kimono was white with lavender, plum, and gold accents. His hair was its natural dark shade, waxed to stay in place, but worn simply at his shoulders. When he sang, his eyes watered, but he did not shed any tears. The whole time, he was in his own world as cameras surrounded him trying to get a good look at him. His sound was his best ever, full of rich dynamics-soft but almost quivering with emotion at the verses, strong at the chorus, and passionately powerful at the bridge, surprising everyone present at the studio and all those watching. And when it was all over, he took a slow deep bow as he received a thunderous applause before exiting off stage.
The broadcast Hyde participated in was live and without editing. When he exited, he changed very quickly and did not stay around to socialize with other musicians. He simply took a taxi and stared out the window wondering if Tetsu had been watching.
0-0-0-0-0
After his performance, Hyde drank a glass of whiskey and turned in for the night. He assumed he would sleep for awhile as it was his day off. He had not expected to hear his phone go off three times the next morning at the crack of dawn with phone calls from the same person who could not take the hint that he was still sleeping-his publicist.
“Hello?” Hyde finally croaked.
“My god, why haven’t you picked up?! I’ve been trying to get a hold of you! Well, no matter-I just wanted to let you know that the fans and well, everyone who saw you last night are buzzing! My phone hasn’t stopped ringing and everyone wants you to perform! They love your new song! Who would have thought that Enka would be selling at this day and age-certainly not me-but as to be expected from a musician such as yourself! Hyde has reinvented himself and reaffirmed his talent once again! I haven’t slept yet, but I’m working around the clock to keep you booked and-“
“Thanks, you keep doing what you do best. Let me know when you confirm everything…” Hyde put down his phone, leaving his publicist to continue his rambling while he fell back asleep.
When he woke up and finally decided to roll out of bed, it was four in the afternoon. Hyde took a shower and walked out into the living room to find Ken and Yuki sitting in his living room playing some sort of racing game against each other.
“Oh, Hyde!” waved Ken as Yuki sped past him on the screen. “Nice performance. Glad to see you out and about again. Looks like you might top the charts with this new Enka song of yours…”
Hyde scowled menacingly on his way to the kitchen which had little effect on the goofily smiling Ken.
“We bought cake,” Yuki offered, walking to the kitchen and pointing to the refrigerator.
“How long have you guys been here?” asked Hyde, opening the refrigerator and taking out the white cardboard box.
“About half an hour,” replied the usually silent musician.
“How did you guys get in?”
“Ken took a spare key the last time he was here…” Yuki whispered. “You’re not mad, are you? Ken…he was worried about you…”
Hyde looked up at Yuki, who expressed his own concern in the form of a furrowed forehead and a frown, before diving into the box of cakes.
“Thanks for the cake,” mumbled Hyde as he devoured a slice of blueberry cheesecake.
“You’re welcome,” Ken replied cheerily, leaning on Hyde’s shoulder.
Yuki retreated at this point, leaving Ken to bombard stoic Hyde with silly questions hoping to cheer the vocalist up. After about ten minutes, Hyde became annoyed and kicked Ken out, thanking Yuki for the cake.
“Well, that went rather well,” drawled Ken as they stood in the Haitsu driveway. “At least he’s composing and with all that publicity he’s probably gonna get, it should keep him occupied for a couple of months.”
“You think so?” Yuki asked, picking at a loose thread on his shirt.
“Things will turn around…hopefully…” Ken shrugged before hopping into the car.
“What will you do if Tetsu doesn’t contact Hyde or at least give him some sort of sign that he’s alive?” asked Yuki, following suit and fastening his seatbelt.
Ken stopped rolling out of the driveway and looked at Yuki.
“That’s what you’re counting on, right?” pressed the drummer. “That’s why you told him to write a song, right? But what if Tetsu doesn’t respond? Won’t Hyde-“
“Don’t worry!” Ken said confidently. “I’ve got a plan…”
“Uh-oh…I don’t like that look on your face…”
0-0-0-0-0
Several weeks later, Ken called on Hyde to see how he was doing. He was able to gather that Hyde had still not heard from Tetsu yet, but Hyde still remained hopeful. Not wanting to take any chances, Ken called Yuki over to his apartment.
“Ken….are you sure about this?” asked Yuki, squinting at the paper in front of him.
“Of course-“
“I dunno, this seems like…um, a really bad, bad idea…like something we shouldn’t be doing…”
“Shut up. Don’t worry about it. Instead of moving your mouth, move your hand,” ordered Ken.
“But-“
“No buts. Write; don’t talk.”
“Fineeee…” sighed Yuki, picking up his pen once again.
Yuki wrote for another minute before stopping to stare at Ken.
“Uhh…”
“What now?” asked Ken in exasperation.
“Never mind. It’s nothing…” muttered Yuki.
“What? If you have something to say, say it or forever hold your peace,” grunted Ken.
“Well, it’s just that…” trailed off Yuki ambiguously.
“What?” asked Ken, rolling his eyes.
“Do you really think everything will be solved by all of this?”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re practicing copying Tetsu’s handwriting so that we can write letters to Hyde, right?” asked Yuki, puffing on a cigarette and holding up a bunch of handwritten memos from their leader.
“Right.”
“But, what are we gonna do if the real Tetsu actually comes home or starts writing letters of his own? Won’t Hyde suspect something? Or what if Tetsu never comes back? Or worse, what if we get caught?! That would be even worse-“
“You’re such a worrywart, you know that?” Ken grumbled as he threw the pen down in frustration as he proved to be unsuccessful in reproducing the way that Tetsu wrote his hiragana ‘ra (ら)’.
“Really? But we’re doing something really bad-“
“All we have to do is keep him alive til the end of our hiatus and Tetsu should be back. We’ll explain everything to Tetsu, he’ll cover for us, and things will be back to normal-“
“Back to normal? There is nothing ‘normal’ about what we’re doing. We could potentially hurt him very badly if we ever get caught-“
“Look, do you want Hyde to kill himself-“
“No, but he very might after finding out that his two best friends tried to impersonate his lover-“
“Well, if you’ve got any other more brilliant ideas than what I’ve come up with, I’d like to hear them,” snapped Ken, chugging a beer.
Yuki offered nothing more.
“That’s what I thought. So if you’ve got nothing, start perfecting Tetsu’s kanji because we can only keep Hyde hopeful for a few more weeks max.”
“Yes, sir,” sighed Yuki before praying to every god in the universe for salvation from Ken’s risky idea.
Tetsu, wherever you are, come back before Ken makes me send this letter to Hyde…
0-0-0-0-0
To be continued…!
There! A small update before the end of the year (at least in my corner of the world) as promised, finally! I’ve been busy at work and fighting the mother of all malaise. I’m not sure if it’s just a really bad allergy that’s been lingering, or a cold that just wants to hang on my lungs and sinuses forever, but it’s been plaguing me for the last few weeks. So, sorry it isn’t much, but for those who started reading and never got the 19th chapter, I give you this mini update…
* The original Japanese song I wrote was unfortunately lost in a corrupted file. I wrote the English down on a scratch paper, but it will take me a while to retranslate and rewrite and since I doubt there is anyone really interested in the Japanese, I will just put the English up for now.